Mediation..legal or not?

[Allanah]

ok, so i had my first mediation appointment yesterday which is one i attend alone. The woman was fantastic, and i got alot out of it. However, at the end she explained to me that the parenting plan that we come up with can only be passed through the courts and made 'legal' if both parents agree to go down this avenue. I was shocked, the whole reason i decided to put us through mediation was to make it legal, and now im told that if he dosent want to, it only stays as a signed agreement between the 2 of us and has no legal stance....
I talked to him last night, and he said the only agreement he will sign is if it is 50/50 care...and there is no way i will agree to that.
I have a huge fear that if something sets him off he will take off with her, as he has gone to do in the past, and there will be nothing 'legal' in place to get her back. I have called the police before when he has done the same and they said there is nothing they can do unless there is a court order.
Has anyone else had this situation?

[HunterzMummy]

Just say to him until he signs a fair agreement and can only visit DD at your house with you present. If not then it unfortunately will go through the courts as both parents have to be agreeable to the outcome. Good luck hun i hope you get it soughted :hugs::hugs:

[onemummmy]

If you both cant agree it will be taken to court. When you are there they will try once more to get you to agree & sign before they go before the judge. If you can agree on the day all you do is go in see the judge who approves it all and leave. If you cant agree then Im not sure but you may have to battle it out. They usually let you have two attempts at mediation then court, but it may vary case by case.
He wont get 50/50, but it might be close, my sister has 57/43 with her ex, meaning, he has them every weekend. But they are older & he was always around before they split, if ur daughter hardly ever sees her dad they may start with less and work up as she gets used to being with him.

[Amberlea]

Im not sure if that is completely correct.
I had mine on Monday and was lucky in the fact that my ex agreed to my proposed parenting consent order.
He too wanted 50/50 care, but soon realised that he was not going to get it.

He must now sign the forms and we will lodge them with the courts to have them made enforceable by law.
It doesnt matter if he wants to lodge them with the court or not - thats just what is going to happen.
Once he signs them - he signs them.

Id speak to your lawyer about that.

If your ex does not agree to your proposal, then your lawyer will then apply to have the case heard in front of a judge..
You and your ex will both be able to put forward your case as to why/why not you agree/disagree.
At the end of it - if your proposal is fair.. the judge will most likely appoint it.
If you are asking something unreasonable, he may adjust it to suit both parties.
If you offer a proposal that is more than what your ex gets at the moment - there is a very good chance that it will go in your favour.

My ex has 4 nights a fortnight atm, he tried to go for 50/50, and then for 6 nights...I offered him 5 - with clauses for all special occasions, birthdays, holidays etc.. and he realised that he was better off accepting what I was offering, because my lawyer fought my case as to why my daughter is not ready to have 50/50 care or a stint of 5 nights in a row without me.

So if you dont have a lawyer atm, ring some local practices and ask them if they will do legal aid for you - dont go through legal aid. (sorry but i find their lawyers to be mediocre).

[Allanah]

Thankyou so much girls, very informative. I strongly believe that once we are in the room doing the agreement he will soon realise that 50/50 care is not practical at all. he already sees her 4 times a week, which i think is awesome! 3hrs 3 times a week than all day sunday, however she doesnt sleep over, just not practical as he works 6 days a week with very early starts, so even if he went for 50/50 care, what does he do while he is at works, and has to leave home at 5am? Reality is something his brain seems to lack.
Had the 'group session' today, was good, wouldnt have gone if i had the choice, but its all part of it. CANT WAIT TILL IM AT YOUR STAGE AMBERLEA!!
I do have a solicitor, so will have to double check with her about the process of it being passed through the court. Maybe we missunderstood each other at mediation...

[Allanah]

Just say to him until he signs a fair agreement and can only visit DD at your house with you present. If not then it unfortunately will go through the courts as both parents have to be agreeable to the outcome. Good luck hun i hope you get it soughted :hugs::hugs:

Unfortunatly i cant do that, because there is nothing 'legal' in place that allows me to keep her from him and physically, when he turns up here and demands her i cant physically stop him, and as i said, the police said with no court orders in place there is nothing they can do either.
And Onemummy, Luckily he does have lots of contact with her, and she loves seeing him. i love their relationship, that is why i havent gone for full custody.

Thanks again girls :hugs:

[Amberlea]

CANT WAIT TILL IM AT YOUR STAGE AMBERLEA!!


I thought my stage was good too lol... Friday last week was the first day of our plan being in place.
I got a call at 3.25pm saying that my DD's father wasnt picking her up from school... So fail for number one day of the plan.

Yesterday and today - i have had to take her to school because he can't/won't lmao.

So much for our parenting agreement. And I also just received a letter from my lawyer saying he hasnt signed the forms yet. :laughing:

It all sounded so good during the mediation - I even got a letter from the chairperson saying that our case was fully resolved lmao.

In any case - good luck hun