unruly stepkids!

[InSaneOne]

hi i was wondering if anyne out there could give me some advice.

i have my stepkids staying with us over easter and they are starting to drive me crazy. i have told them numerous times that they are not to wake the baby up when she is sleeping and they do. i tell then not to yell and scream at each other when she is sleeping. i want to know why they are complete angels until they find out they are going back to their mothers house then they act out all the time.

i have had enough.

if bub doesn't sleep well during the day she doesn't sleep well at night. and then i get cranky. i am trying to function on only 4 hours sleep a night and then manage the 4 kids during the day while james is at work. (he starts about 7am and isn't home until 5pm). i have to tell them over and over to do the dishes and tro make their beds and to clean up their toys - you think at 11, 13 & 14 they would be able to do simple tasks like that without being told every 5 minutes.


Please help me. if anyone has any suggestions i would greatly appreciate it.

[Maghan]

Hmmm, difficult, of course they know the right and wrong thing to do. But I suspect they also love your attention. Yes and they do need to be told forever how to clean up etc - look at your or your friend's DH/DP's, they need constant motivation - don't they? Don't sweat the little things, will it really matter if you just have to wait until they're gone to have your clean house back?

If you really want the house clean you could turn cleaning up into a game, or give them rewards at the end. A bit of healthy competition can turn bad though (personal experience).

Other things if you need quiet in the house is to lock them outside to play in the yard. I don't mean deprived of food, shelter or water, but something so they play and don't niggle each other. Have you tried putting bub in the pram and taking them for a big walk so their stuffed.

What about craft? Surely they'd like to make some good stuff for easter?

If all else fails, try vacation care...:p

[InSaneOne]

thanks maghan

i just don't seem to understand why they always muck up the day they go to their mums house. i have tried activities and we have talked to them and the house hardly gets clean but i am definately not going to be the one left with dishes and the ants everywhere. they will do it but have to be told. i have tried bribery :eek: but still no better response. i just don't get it how they are perfect kids and listen to you and do what they have to without being told but since they spoke to their mum last night on the phone and are going home for a couple days tonight they have been little monsters all day.

can someone tell me what they think could be the reason our angels turn into monsters.

[Maghan]

Belinda, the reason why they turn from angels is because going back to their mum's house upsets their whole sense of being. They're probably not sure where they belong, they want to be with her, but also with you. It's a heart tug of war for them and this is the only way they know how to show it. I think it is also their way of ensuring that you're happy for them to leave and then there's not so much baggage for them...

We raise my sister's kids and when they used to see her they would put it on for us something shocking. Even now just a phone call from her will do it.

Maybe you could explain to them that they have two homes and no matter what they do you will love them regardless. I find that sometimes works...

[InSaneOne]

thank you for your help. i will try that.

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Billie&Beth,

Maghan has given you some great advice here. I also have had a big part in raising step-children & its not easy I know. I also foster children & it doesn't get easier you just really have to find their currency(what's important to them) Try & understand where they are coming from its not easy I know. I still struggle with DSS & he's almost 17 :eek: .

Always happy to lend an ear if you like pm me anytime.

P.S. I know about the 'don't wake the baby thing too!