Need opinions with my wedding dilema....

[subaruforestermum]

As the title reads I'm in a bit of a dilema...

I wasnt going to have bridesmaids, but DF wants a best man...so I thought ok....well I will have bridesmaids then...

So there are 3 friends....

1. I have known her since she was 13 maybe younger, her family helped me out, and I lived with them for a while, and she is detached from the rest of her family now and we consider each other as family still. She's like a little sister to me..Now 21 years old...

2. I went to school with her. After school we use to go out to the pub together ALL the time. She had her baby in March of the same year I had DS in July. Both boys are friends and although we dont see each other often, we still have a great friendship, and are alot alike. As are our kids.

3. She lives out here. Went to school together, and use to go out getting on together when we were still in school, and for a while after school. She got in contact with me for her Engagement party, after a couple of years of loosing contact. And said she wished she had contacted me sooner so I could be standing beside her at her wedding..... (She is the one who let me down, and I have vented about on here about). She calls me aunty to her son....and I love her son like he is family....

So I asked numbers 1 & 2 to be my bridesmaids....BUT....I now feel guilty about not asking number 3. We are close, and I love her to bits, but I just didnt want to have her as a bridesmaid after her choice of bridesmaids...(she chose her hubby's friends GF's, even though she doesnt like them much)...

But I feel guilty now....

Both others have said yes.... and I am thrilled...but I dont know how to break it to her... I would say I am closer to her than the others, but this is because we are living near each other, and are more in touch...

And I feel guilty about not asking my sister.... She isnt the type to WANT to be in a wedding party, hates getting dressed up, but still....

Should I have asked number 3???

Any advice or opinions on how to bring it up....

I already told her I wasnt having any bridesmaids and she was disappointed....then I went and asked these other 2 girls...

I know its our day...but she is a good friend for the most part....and I dont know how to tell her without hurting her....

[twinmum73]

Hmmm tough one, does one extra make a difference?? That's what I did.
I originally just asked my 2 sisters, but did not ask my good friend, then a week later changed my mind and asked her.
Another good friend of mine did the reading for us.
Perhaps if you think that you cannot have another attendant, she could do a special reading for you.
At the end of the day, it is your wedding and you do not have to justify any choices you make, but if you are going to feel bad, either ask her to be in it too or you are going to have to explain that you ended up choosing people that had a very long history with. She probably is going to be hurt anyway, so just let her down gently and see if there is something else special that she could do to help you out. I don't envy you on this one, good luck.

[OJandMe]

Could you ask her to be part of something else on the day?

I had a friend who I didn't ask to be bridesmaid, but I asked them to help me make the invitations, and choose makeup yadda yadda... and asked them to make sure everyone sat where they were meant to at the reception... kind of like a maitre d..

[missie_mack]

I would give the other 2 roles such as doing a reading or being a usher etc

[subaruforestermum]

hmmm thanks ladies...

We are only keeping it small, with about 25 people, so not much need for another bridesmaid..

And dont know what 'a reading' is!!! Can someone elaborate on that one?

[Refresh]

Thats a good idea, ask her to be an usher or do a reading.....some people have a passage from the Bible read at their wedding or else just a nice lovey dovey poem:valentine: or something that is special to you.

If youu think she will be really hurt though, maybe she could just be a bridesmaid? You can never have too many:laughing: ....and maybe your sister could do the reading? I dont know.....I ended up asking a 4th friend to be a bridesmaid because I felt bad lol.

ON the other hand, I am sure she'll get over it and would love to be included in other ways....aghhh, I'm no help:rolleyes:

[subaruforestermum]

lol Ffrenchstar.....any opinions are good opinions....

I am at a loss of what to do, I have the rest of the year to think about it...but still.....

I guess planning a wedding is harder than I thought it would be.....lol.... I think I threw SIMPLE out the window when we decided to actually have a wedding party...

[Refresh]

Lol....elope?

[subaruforestermum]

Lol....elope?

I am thinking that would be harder to do than plan this....lol....cant win either way.:rolleyes:

Doesnt help that I am a perfectionist when it comes to planning parties...

DF says we will need to hire a head gourmet chef by the time DS is 10, as I keep making his parties 'better' food wise than previous year, so keep upping the anti, and I wont be able to keep it up for long...lol...

I guess my wedding will be the same...Although we are doing it on a budget...

[subaruforestermum]

HELP ME....

She asked what I was doing today on MSN...and I told her I was looking at a photographers website we were thinking of using...and she said 'oh yeah, cool getting the ball rolling'...

And I'm like "Yeah I've got of the plans worked out"..

She then asked what colour dress I was wearing, and I just didnt know what to say....and took a while to respond....

And then she questioned why I took so long to respond..... I told her what the boys were wearing....

But I couldnt tell her that she is not one of my bridesmaids.....

I feel soo damn guilty... How am I suppose to tell her??

I cant do it.....

Maybe I should just leave a book with the plans open when they come around this weekend...so she can see.... I just cant bring myself to confront the situation....

She is a great friend....but... I just didnt want her in the wedding party... I guess it was a selfish reason, and a bit of a 'well I wasnt in yours' type feeling, and I dont think she would suit the colours and dress.... But I decided on colours based on my bridesmaids...

Why does it have to be so damn hard????

Either way she will be hurt.... I know she will...

:hair: - too much stress....

[Baldie's Mum]

oh man, i just wanna hug you. Horrible situation.....trust me i know. My cousin still isnt talking to me cause she was going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding until all the stress got too much for me and i told everyone to get f'ed basically and i had 10 people at my wedding!

My cousin has caused so much trouble for me over the last 2 years all because of a dress! :rolleyes:

stay strong sweetie and do what you want to do, not feel you need to! :yes: It is a day full of love, between you and your man, not between friends and dresses!

[megaminz]

So I asked numbers 1 & 2 to be my bridesmaids....BUT....I now feel guilty about not asking number 3. We are close, and I love her to bits, but I just didnt want to have her as a bridesmaid after her choice of bridesmaids...(she chose her hubby's friends GF's, even though she doesnt like them much)...

But I feel guilty now....

Both others have said yes.... and I am thrilled...but I dont know how to break it to her... I would say I am closer to her than the others, but this is because we are living near each other, and are more in touch...

well i guess what i would want to know for myself is if the ONLY reason you haven't asked her is cause she didnt ask you when she got married, the I would ask her. Weddings aren't a time to hold grudges or bad feelings and if you are close to her it will make your day more special to have her there with you.

You don't know the reasons why she had her bridesmaids, she may not have wanted to and done it to appease her dh. Who knows. Could jsut have been a brain snap.

But if you really dont want to ask her just for other reasons too then don't. And just be honest with her. Don't do it over phone or email take her for a coffee or something and say look DH only wanted me to have too and I thought I could have three and I had already asked two when he said only two so now I can't ask you. Very sorry.... Just make something like that up which will seem like you would have picked her if you could.

But i still say if its only cause she didnt pick you, just ask her anyway.

[subaruforestermum]

oh man, i just wanna hug you. Horrible situation.....trust me i know. My cousin still isnt talking to me cause she was going to be a bridesmaid at my wedding until all the stress got too much for me and i told everyone to get f'ed basically and i had 10 people at my wedding!

My cousin has caused so much trouble for me over the last 2 years all because of a dress! :rolleyes:

stay strong sweetie and do what you want to do, not feel you need to! :yes: It is a day full of love, between you and your man, not between friends and dresses!

Thanks.... I just really dont know how to come out and tell her....


well i guess what i would want to know for myself is if the ONLY reason you haven't asked her is cause she didnt ask you when she got married, the I would ask her. Weddings aren't a time to hold grudges or bad feelings and if you are close to her it will make your day more special to have her there with you.

You don't know the reasons why she had her bridesmaids, she may not have wanted to and done it to appease her dh. Who knows. Could jsut have been a brain snap.

But if you really dont want to ask her just for other reasons too then don't. And just be honest with her. Don't do it over phone or email take her for a coffee or something and say look DH only wanted me to have too and I thought I could have three and I had already asked two when he said only two so now I can't ask you. Very sorry.... Just make something like that up which will seem like you would have picked her if you could.

But i still say if its only cause she didnt pick you, just ask her anyway.

It not entirely the reason....She is a very opinionated, and she sometimes has a way of putting you down, but trying to be funny, sort of thing....she is loud and quite often rude when drunk...I love her, but not her attitude sometimes....

And I know this might sound a little b*tchy, but she is a reddy brown hair, my 2 bridesmaids and I are blonde....She wouldnt suit the dresses I want...In my opinion....

And I am a bit put out about her not asking me to be there with her...If we are as good a friends as she says we are, than why wasnt I good enough for her special day.....you know what I mean....she had people she didnt even like and know very well up there with her, on the biggest day of her life...I feel why should I give her the honour of being there for mine... I know that sounds petty, but its MY day...

As I said I love her to bits, but there are a few things that I dont want to deal with...and why I chose the other 2...I've been friends with the other 2 for longer...but dont see them as often....

And I think because they have never been married. I feel more comfortable and less judged..... If anyone else understands what I mean.....

[patsmum]

And I feel guilty about not asking my sister.... She isnt the type to WANT to be in a wedding party, hates getting dressed up, but still....


one of my sister was the same, i had one sister as matron of honour and the one that didnt like dresses read a piece during the ceremony, everyone was happy

also i had to have 3 bridesmaids as my parter had to have 3 men, my last choice was quite random the boss that i had at the time

it doesnt cost that much more to have an extra bridesmaid, im guessing she would be invited anyway, so she wont cost another head at the table, one of my bridesmaids bought all the dresses as my wedding present, maybe ask your bridesmaids to by there own dresses and say that it would be your present, the buy them each a little something for the day like the jewellery/shoes

in the end its your day aswell and she will get over it

good luck