Should I call the police?

[Nickster]

Two doors down from me, there is a family which consists of a man, a very pregnant woman and their toddler boy.

The woman screams and yells at her little boy from sunup to sundown. It's almost as though she never speaks to him in a normal manner, as I only ever hear her yelling. And such colourful phrases like "get your a** upstairs NOW", and "Because I f***** said so, that's why", I'm sure I could go on and on, but I think you all get the message from those two statements. I don't know if there's physical abuse occurring, but I do hear him crying a lot during the day.

And believe me, I can hear everything, even though we are two doors down.

As you can appreciate, this is very upsetting to listen to everyday, and I don't want my daughter to be exposed to this sort of background noise in her tender years, or ever, if the truth be spoken.

I have complained twice now to their landlord - the second time was today, but nothing changed after the first time.

Do I call the police? Would they do anything anyway? What do you suggest?
I feel so sorry for this little boy - he never asked to be brought into the world, let alone to have his chief "caregiver" yell at him all day - it must be very frightening for him, and I worry for his future wellbeing.

[poshBecks]

Oh Nick, what to do???
Nothing makes me madder than to hear parents talking to children that way. :banghead:
I dont know? Maybe you could call a family planning clinic & ask them what you should do? Unless there is physical abuse I dont know if the police would be the right option iykwim. :o

[rynosmum]

Hi Nicole,

That poor little darlin'. In that situation, I'd be calling the police now, and Family Services and then even Hetty Johnson over at Bravehearts (who is always in the media trying to get more support for children in this situation).

The landlords won't have any power and probably don't want to do anything in case they move out and they can't re-rent the place.

It's devastating to think of what this poor child has to go through. Our children should be treated with cuddles, kisses, fun an laughter. No child should have to endure this type of treatment.

I'd like to give you a huge hug for making the effort to help this little defenseless little boy and his unborn sister or brother. So many people would turn a blind eye:crying: :hugs:

[Veritas]

I would advise that if you are concerned that you call DOCS (Dept of Community Services) that is if you are in NSW, otherwise I am not sure of the organisations for other states....

The DOCS helpline is 132 111.... it may be a case whereby they have had previous reports in relation to this family and therefore it would be considered a high/higher priority case....

That's about all the advise I have...... better to let someone know than ignore it!

[the_queen]

The police probably can't/won't take any action, unless there's a "disturbing the peace" issue. But definately DEFINATELY call DOCS/FAYS/FACS whatever it's called in your state. They might possibly not do anything much either - but at least if you make a report, it's added to that family's file and the more reports in there, the more likely something will be done.
One of Vallerie's little friends has a mother like that, and the only reason I've never reported her is because there's plenty of other people who do report her. If no-one else had, then I would have. She has a "Happy Team" social worker visit her weekly, to discuss the challenges of parenting etc etc. Not in a threatening way, more of "someone to talk to, someone to get advice from" and it does seem to have helped.

[Maghan]

Call your local Juvenile Aid Bureau (Police) and also DOCS... NOW. Even if they aren't physically hurting this child, they're eroding it's self esteem, which can be more damaging than physical hurt long term. I would suspect though with that sort of talk comes much more... that you don't see.

[Odessa]

One of Vallerie's little friends has a mother like that, and the only reason I've never reported her is because there's plenty of other people who do report her. If no-one else had, then I would have. She has a "Happy Team" social worker visit her weekly, to discuss the challenges of parenting etc etc. Not in a threatening way, more of "someone to talk to, someone to get advice from" and it does seem to have helped.

This is such a great idea, especially for those parents who may not have experience with children and "don't know any better" than the way their parents treated them: poorly. Happy Team :)

[Briannabear]

I agree with the other girls, Id probably do something about it.
That poor little child.:crying: Doesnt it break your heart to hear children spoken to that way.

[Nickster]

Thank you for your replies, ladies, it heartens me to know you are all out there!

I complained in writing to their landlord this morning, and then decided to take the plunge this afternoon and call the police. I was referred to Family Services, where an intake officer took all the details of what has been happening. She was a bit evasive when I asked if they would now take any action - from what she said, I gathered that others have to complain before they will do something.

I thought I was doing the right thing by complaining, but I have no sense of self-righteousness or relief, I just feel flat and so incredibly sad for this little boy, like one adult in his whole world standing up for him is not enough. So very sad.:crying:

I just hope the Happy Team can teach his parents some skills....and that he doesn't fall through the net...

[leenaomi]

Hi Nicole,

A friend of my family's works for Family Services in Queensland and I have asked her this same question in a similar situation. She told me that if a child is being yelled at the way you describe and is obviously upset, that constitutes verbal abuse and you should ABSOLUTELY call the police. In fact, she said yelling like that at anyone, let alone a child, is abuse and should be reported. You can do it anonymously if you feel more comfortable.

How awful for you to have to listen to that poor child cry! It would break my heart. I know it's a tough call, but I think you should do the right thing. Hope that helps!

Naomi

[leenaomi]

We must have crossed paths in cyber space! I was posting as you were posting. You definitely did the right thing and you have every right to feel self-righteous. Even if nothing happens immediately, your call may be the one makes the difference. Congratulations on taking action!

Naomi

[caitsmum]

Nickster

That little boy is lucky to have you on his side. One adult is definately better than none, at least now it is not the whole world ignoring him.

www.naturalchild.org have some very interesting articles on Child Advocacy. Some of them are well worth the read.

[bronny-jane]

how often is she doing it... i know i lose my cool with my kids sometimes..especially when im pg and i have just cleaned up the toilet water from the bathroom floor for the 10th time that day.... i dont hurt my children..but sometimes i do yell.. i hope my neighbours dont think im an abusive parent......occassionally swear words flow out of my mouth as well.

i try to keep sane but sometimes they drive me completey nuts:D . when im not pg i can handle it fine.....but sometimes i just want to relax..:o

if she is constantly on at her child and belittling him then i would do something...but if she is just getting stressed every now and then, i would probably keep out of it.

OMG... i hope you guys dont think im a bad mum:(

[Tea Lady]

Not a bad mumB-J, just an honest one;)

Nickster, I'd keep ringing family services if I were you. I think sometimes they do need more than one complaint - to show a pattern of abuse- but you could always be the person to put more complaints in :) I think you did the right thing by ringing them.

Do you know the family at all? I'm just wondering if you could offer to mind the little boy and give him and his mum a break or something. Pretty unlikely I know, but i"m trying to think of other options that might help in case FS don't do anything.

[Nickster]

bronny-jane, she does it everyday, all day. That's why I'm doing something about it. It's just simply not on. It's so upsetting to listen to, and I'm not even her defenceless little boy, who bears the brunt of it. I know we all lose our cool occasionally, and need time out, but this is a constant occurrence.

Tea Lady, I would like to think that in a perfect world, I could go and mind her little boy, but the sheer nastiness of this woman puts me off wanting to reach out and help, and I have thought about doing that, believe me, but in the end, I have my own issues to deal with.

I guess I'm just not as big a person as I would like to be.:o

[Tea Lady]

Yeah, I thought it would be a bit unrealistic to mind him (I wasn't really one for neighbourly chats with the psycho woman I used to live next door to either :eek: ). I don't think it has much to do with what type of person you are - you obviously care or you wouldn't have thought to do anything - it's more about what kind of mixed up awful person she is. Don't be hard on yourself will you? :)

[Maghan]

Tea Lady, I would like to think that in a perfect world, I could go and mind her little boy, but the sheer nastiness of this woman puts me off wanting to reach out and help, and I have thought about doing that, believe me, but in the end, I have my own issues to deal with.

I guess I'm just not as big a person as I would like to be.:o

Nickster, do not sell yourself short. It takes a big person to actually take some action. You don't have to personally intervene to make a difference.

[sugar n spice]

Maybe she suffers post natal depression. I sometimes get on edge and yell and its because i get totally stressed out it usually at the end of the day. i hope my neighbours dont think bad of me:( . i hope im and that you all don't think im a bad mum as i love my kids from the bottom of my heart, their my life and soul.:smiliedance:

[bronny-jane]

i dont think your a bad mum rachel, im the same, we cant be perfect all the time:thumbsup:

[sugar n spice]

thanks bron:)