The first steps to 'blending' ... advice?

[frayzlilso]

My DP and I are in a committed relationship, but I'm struggling to know how to include him in our (my DD and my) little family unit.

It's not that I want to force things to happen, but I'm finding that by waiting for my DP to make the moves there's not really much happening either.

So ... to any Step-Dads out there, or anyone with any advice really, how can I make this easier? And at what point can I look to my DP for some 'co-parenting' action ... or, better still, how can I encourage him to feel comfortable to take on a co-parenting role?

Can I just ... stop being so cautious?

When is it okay to ask my DP to run a bath or help get my DD dressed ... those kinds of things.

:o

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

Can I just ... stop being so cautious?

When is it okay to ask my DP to run a bath or help get my DD dressed ... those kinds of things.

:o

Why are you being cautious?

IMO those parenting things start straight away - if I had doubts about my partner running a bath for my daughter, then he's not the right person for me

Are you "holding back" because he is? Have the discussion with him... ask him to do more with your daughter... ask him to run the bath tonight, take the lead from his answer...

Good luck...

[kas3]

Maybe he just doesn't know what he can and can't do? What's appropriate etc. I'm not a step-parent, but it sounds like a really tough job. It must be hard working out what the boundaries are. It sounds like you'd like him to take on more of a parental role so I reckon you should tackle things head on and talk to him about it. Perhaps he doesn't want to cross the line, or take over IYKWIM. I don't know what your relationship is like with your daughter's father - maybe this is playing a part too? I mean, if biodad is involved in your daughter's life, maybe your DP doesn't want to be seen to be usurping biodad's place in your daughter's life. Hope this makes sense :)

[dreamtobeamummy]

Why are you being cautious?

IMO those parenting things start straight away - if I had doubts about my partner running a bath for my daughter, then he's not the right person for me

Are you "holding back" because he is? Have the discussion with him... ask him to do more with your daughter... ask him to run the bath tonight, take the lead from his answer...

Good luck...

I agree with what you have said, about parenting things start straight away. They did with me and my DF and his little boy (at the time i was 17) and we do co-parent to this day.

Also i agree with having the discussion, maybe he is holding back because he is unsure of what he can and can't do, maybe he is a bit scared of what to expect etc.

Good Luck :hugs:

[Jamaica]

With your DD only being 19months it shouldnt be too difficult on her part but its probably more you getting used to letting someone else do things and also him getting used to doing those things. With me it was a slow progression and it started with DH doing only little things like putting her shoes on and it just progressed naturally from there. I wouldnt expect too much feedback or reaction from DD being she is so young I think as he slowly does more and more for and with her their relatioship with naturally grow and once this happens co-parenting develops from this, well it did for me - Good luck :)

[frayzlilso]

Jamaica - :hugs:
Thank you. It's good to read that your DH started out by doing little things too.
My DP is really lovely, and he puts on my DD's shoes and brushes his teeth while she does hers to encourage her ... so yes, there are lots of little things that I really hadn't paused and appreciated so much until I read your post.

:) Thanks kas - I actually took your advice and sat down with my DP and talked through my thoughts and feelings ... and it was really good.

Eliza - thank you for your words of encouragement too!

Mrs DD - I can see where your concerns would be, and believe me, I trust my DP implicitly :)

[canberramomma]

I was cautious about my hubby running a bath for my DD when he first came to live with us. Even though he already had a daughter, I was very sure to listen and look for animosity - and there was heaps, but not at bath time, thank goodness! I think every parent (male or female) needs to be aware of the risks and emotions involved in blending families. To me it just shows that your child's welfare is the foremost in your mind, even when love is the over-riding emotion.

[Issey]

i don't live with my b/f but he has embraced parenting with my son well, he does have 2 boys of his own so i guess this gives him a head start!

i just let my DS be who he is, he is outgoing and wants to be involved with things such as washing the car, or getting b/f to have a turn at brushing his teeth.

i just encourage interaction as much as possible.