Do you have severe Primary tokophobia/Tokophobia?

[sasa1980]

I feel I have been judged so many times. I would appreciate non- judgmental posts. Primary tokophobia is when you have not given birth and when it started during your teenage years. It can be caused by sexual abuse or trauma (seing something).

I don't really know which have caused mine but it is so severe that i have almost killed myself earlier in life. It is completely out of character as I love life, come from a tight, happy, loving, well educated famlly, i am well educated myself with international background and diplomas and i am a succesful professional. There is basically no reasons in my life to feel like i should end it.

But since i was 15 years old, i have suffered nightmares and night terrors to the point of insomnia. Intrusive and reccuring thoughts about graphic, traumatic birth. Seeing myself dying and loosing control and humiliated. All this every day and every night of the year for more than a decade. I have anxiety and panic attacks every time i hear or see a pregnat woman or anything related to birth. It is obsession and is constantly there, all the time. I have to focus really hard to push the toughts or images out of my mind.

It has affected me in so many ways. I often brake up perfectly good relationships either because i can't bear the thought of possibly facing being pregant or because i find it unfair for the person who is with me who might one day want children. I am so tired of thinking about it all the time and my mind behing tortured that way that I feel like there is no point going on sometimes. What did I do to deserve this?
It makes me feel like a failure because I DO desesperatly want a familly. I know that if i was forced to go through natural birth, I would commit suicide afterwards.

C-section have been offered to me, but the scenarios that my mind creates (my surgeon will have a heart attack that day, the baby will be premature etc...), even if it is the smallest possibility in the world, are driving me mad and not able to face it.

I have had counselling and hypnotherapy but nothing works.

I think the hardest part is to face the humiliation of sharing this. Especially with boyfriends. They can't really understand or appreciate the degree of the situation and come back with things like "too posh to push". I feel so embarrassed talking about it and the taboo surronding it makes it very hard for me to explain it. It is a shame because it is a recognised mental disorder on the basis as any other ( bipolar, social phobia etc...)

Have you suffered from tokophobia (severe) and finally manged to get pregnant? Are u happy with the c-section?

Thanks a lot

[happymama]

Hi there :wave:

First of all :hugs: you poor poor darlin :( my heart breaks for the long years that you have already struggled with this terrible illness. I honestly have no decent advice as I have no experience with this but I couldn't possibly have read your post and not replied. I have a sister who has had recurrent psychotic episodes often associated with pregnancy/childbirth (she now has 3 children) and I have felt the terrible saddness of seeing someone suffer terribly with something they were unable to control. It does seem like you have had lots of treatment so I don't really know what to suggest in that respect but I would like to say that I have had two c-sections due to a uterine deformity and there is really nothing to it these days, its all over and done with before you know it and if you request it you could have it done under a general anaesthetic. I'm wondering whether maybe facing your fears and having a c-section birth with a very supportive and understanding partner may be the most empowering thing you could do? As I said I have no idea I'm not an expert but that was my first thought.
As I said before my heart goes out to you hun :hugs: maybe you could start an emotional health journal on here there is a special section on here for it and maybe getting it all out would help too? Please take care.

[sasa1980]

Happymama, Thank you so much for your kind words! It helps just to feel understood. I agree, if i do manage to get pregnant and go through witht the c-section, it might be the most amazing thing in the world! the problem is, i would definitly be able to do that. If i knew that 100% i would be able to have the c-section, i think i would go through and be happy with it. The thig is there is always a small chance that it might not happen ( surgeon has an acident on that day, baby is premature and it become an emergency, natural disaster, road block or whatever). That is this samll possibility that prevents me from being fine with it and also having to talk about it with my boyfriend. I don't know how to bring up the subject and how he will react to it and if he will still love me afte that.

But thank you so much :-)

[sasa1980]

thuis is from another thread of mine
Darling no judgements here:hugs:I had never heard fo that before.
Why would people judge you? They have no RIGHT!:no:
I think you have every right to elective for a C-Section NO OB/DOC would refuse that, or make you have a Vaginal birth, you do know that.
Are you on medication? If not maybe it's something worth looking into, I would continue counselling & talking through your fears.Your poor thing you must feel so isolated.
But just no there is help out there for you.
Sorry i'm not much help.
Goodluck:hugs:
__________________

JACOB~3 DEC 2005:angel: DUE IN 2/3WEEKS!!!
AMANDA 28 :kiss:JUSTIN 30

Last edited by Birthingbeauty; Today at 08:19 PM.





sasa1980 (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/member.php?u=30448) Junior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 5


Birthing beauty, thank you so much :-)

No i am not on meds as there are no medications for this ( it is not a personality disorder or a depression) but more on the range of the phobia linked to a specific event.

It is not well known although 1 in 10 women suffer from a degree of it. Severe tokophobia only happens in 1 in a 100 women but this is still very high. Those women if left untreated and go through birth can developp PTSD and even move on to commit suicide and/or infanticide.

This has only be recognised as a disease in 2000 and is not talked about because of taboo. I find it very sad as the number of women suffering immense pain from it are not recognised. Some even go to the lenght as forcing a miscarrage on themselve to avoid the birth. Even if the baby was wanted in the first place and some will end up childless even though they really desire a family. It is shame that it is such taboo in socitey.

Thanks ;-)

[sueb31]

Having only had a quick look and read around the subject, I just wanted to suggest that perhaps your symptoms are more than a simple phobia and that maybe they are becoming more of an obsessive/compulsive type disorder. The nature of the obsessional thoughts and intrusiveness of them sound more than a simple phobia to me.

I do realise that you ahve had counselling and hypnotherapy but I wonder whether it might be worth you looking into treatments for OCD, such as cognitive behaviour therapy, which is generally just as successful as medication for the condition.

Sorry don't know if that helps, its just a thought.

It reminds me a little bit in its nature of body dysmorphic disorder, which is also characterised by obsessions and irrational beliefs.

I am really just making these comments in case you are looking for an alternative approach to doing something about it. I hope you don't find my comments offensive. I don't suffer from the condition so its only thoughts from an observer really.

Sue

[mixy]

I just wanted to say that you are very brave talking about this, it is obviously something that is really affecting you, and so would be affecting other people to. I do not know if anyone to my understanding, but as you said it would be hrd to talk about. Good on you for getting this out there, i will now be able to be aware of this in society.

:hugs:to you, i hope you can get through this, sooner rather than later.

Sorry i could not be more help.

[grkgrl]

I dont know anyone with your phobia, but it sounds like your irrational thoughts need to be probably treated with some medication.
I have previously been diagnosed with chronic fatigue after suffering glandular fever when I was 24yrs old ,Im now 37,and there times when I was under alot of stress or worry or ill and my brain and body would not cope and I would think paranoid or irrational thoughts.I didnt know what was wrong with me, so my doctor put me onto effexor xr and I feel like myself again. Now I know yours is not a depression its a phobia ,but the way you state that you think that the surgeon will have a heart attack, well that could happen but then again if you think about it lots of things can happen like walking out your front door and being run over by a bus........In life you just have to take what it throws at you.There are so many things that CAN happen, but if you think about it its a million to 1 that it will.I know its hard for you to think positive, but by thinking POSITIVE you will be having the vibe that pregnancy and birth is a natural progress which has been happening for decades, and every ones experience is different,and you need to try and write it down somewhere to remind you that I must think positive and that my birth is going to be a special moment because after all the pain I will hold my precious baby, which is a miracle from God.
I am currently pregnant and am on Effexor xr, because after having my second baby I suffered terribly from post natal depression.It got so bad, that I remember holding my baby and hearing voices that this is not my baby, that my baby got mixed up with another at the hospital.I think about it now and think Oh my god I cant believe that I thought like that ,but since I take effexor xr my brain is able to cope with stress and I feel so much more stronger and am coping so much better this time around.I dont know if you have tried this ,but maybe if you google your phobia, maybe you can find a specialist who can get rid of these irrational thoughts. I wish you all the luck, I hope that one day you really get to be the most happiest woman in the world, with your own desired family......Since I am greek orthodox I go to the priest to bless me if I am not feeling the best, and I find that really helps by having faith.:angel: