People touching babies

[3boys1girl]

Hi Guys
I just want to get some peoples views on this topic.
I went to the Chancellor park shopping centre the other day and had about 5 elderly people not just talking to my 11mth old daughter but touching her face and stroking her hands (that she always puts in her mouth!)
I dont mind people talking to her, but when they touch her it really makes me cross!:mad:
Some of these people smell heavily of smoke, and how do I know where they had their hands before?:confused:
Am I just to overprotective? or are these people just rude?

[tyler's mum]

i dont think your to overprotective i also dont like when people old or young touching bub and if they do i say please dont touch her i dont care what they think i dont want tyler to think its ok for a stranger to touch her because its NOT:shame:

[sopolicha]

Nope, it is not you. I think they are rude and I always wish I had the guts to say something to people in shopping centres who touch my kids.

[3boys1girl]

I wish I had guts to!
I just walk around the courner and get out the wipes and wipe her hands!

[sshellzp]

Once this man touched my best friends kids. She went off at him. Screamed her head off. He smelled like beer and was drunk, I proberably would have done the same thing.

[Oscar's mum]

I know it is probably very frustrating and all the elderley touching your child etc but I have to think that perhaps they just are being friendly and don't get to see children very much. I have often thought of taking my DS to a nursing home to visit all the elderley cause they really do just love to see children!

So I guess what I am trying to say is they probably don't mean to do any harm or make you mad iykwim!

[Jem]

I know it is probably very frustrating and all the elderley touching your child etc but I have to think that perhaps they just are being friendly and don't get to see children very much. I have often thought of taking my DS to a nursing home to visit all the elderley cause they really do just love to see children!

So I guess what I am trying to say is they probably don't mean to do any harm or make you mad iykwim!

have to agree with you there :)

[moonblossom]

There is a real spiritual connection between the young and the old. The coming and the going so to speak, one beginning their journey in this life, and the other nearly completeing this life's journey.

Touching is a coming together of spirits, young and old.

Just my belief,

I think its wonderful.

[Kells]

That's lovely, Moonblossum - I totally agree.

Maybe these elderly people are lonely, or dont see their grandkids cos they're far away, or just think your bubs is too cute not to show affection to!!!

I'm sure they dont mean to upset you by it. :)

[Briannabear]

To be honest it wouldnt bother me if a little old lady came up and cooed over my baby! After all she's probably a grandma herself! Thats an exception to the rule as far as Im concerned.
But you shouldnt have to endure anything you are uncomfortable with.

[Issey]

I very much dislike strangers touching my son and it is not just elderly :mad: I try to turn away if I am holding him at the time which was the case yesterday. I was in an op shop and a volunteer who has disabilities kept following me around trying to touch my son and it really ....me off!! I answered all her questions and was polite but just tried to keep out her reach although it didn't really work. I know she probably didn't know any better but I still don't like it.

I am going to start saying 'please don't touch him'. Grrrrr

If it is people I know and they ask etc I have no problem like when he gets handed around my work colleagues when I pop in from time to time.

[misskittyfantastico]

I actually take my bub to the nursing home in town and some of the oldies actually cry when they see her and touch her face....oldies and bubbas seem to just have a conection and a lot of older and perhaps mentally disabled people can't seem to help but reach out a touch....JMO:)

[Baby Girl]

I personally have no issues with people touching my bubs face or hands. I do use my discrection and if I don't like the look of the person I will ask them not to touch. As for old people, I think they connect with babies and truly love them just because they are babies.

If it makes you uncomfortable then you need to ask them politely but firmly not to touch, it is your child and they need to respect that. Explain to them quickly why you don't want them to touch them whether it be germs or strangers or whatever but arm yourself with a way to deal with it before you go out. Have the sentence ready in your head.

[the_queen]

Just thought I'd put my 2cents in.

When Vallerie was a baby, the most we got was "oh a baby... oh my god, what's wrong with her nose/mouth????" and they would slightly recoil, almost in horror. :crying:


I would have loved to have people coming up and admiring my beautiful gorgeous happy little girl.

[WeThree]

I actually take my bub to the nursing home in town and some of the oldies actually cry when they see her and touch her face....oldies and bubbas seem to just have a conection and a lot of older and perhaps mentally disabled people can't seem to help but reach out a touch....JMO:)

oh milliesmum, that is such a wonderful thing to do!
like schmell, i use discretion, but im usually more than happy to have people, particulary the elderly come and stroke and talk to the children, it brings them so much pleasure, i have actually had old ladies thank me profusely just for stopping and letting them coo over my babies, i think that is actually really sad that they see it as such a big thing that someone let them do this. :(
when im at the supremarket and stuff i often will talk to babies in the line and occassionally reach out and stroke their little hands and stuff, if their mother turned around and growled 'dont touch him/her' id be mortified! how rude:mad: i think people forget its the simple things that can spread a bit of happiness, this sort of attitude towards not letting anyone share in a bit of the pleasure that you are so blessed with, makes me really mad actually.

[Jem]

oh milliesmum, that is such a wonderful thing to do!
like schmell, i use discretion, but im usually more than happy to have people, particulary the elderly come and stroke and talk to the children, it brings them so much pleasure, i have actually had old ladies thank me profusely just for stopping and letting them coo over my babies, i think that is actually really sad that they see it as such a big thing that someone let them do this. :(
when im at the supremarket and stuff i often will talk to babies in the line and occassionally reach out and stroke their little hands and stuff, if their mother turned around and growled 'dont touch him/her' id be mortified! how rude:mad: i think people forget its the simple things that can spread a bit of happiness, this sort of attitude towards not letting anyone share in a bit of the pleasure that you are so blessed with, makes me really mad actually.


quite true..... can i ask "why" ppl dont like there bubs being touched?? what is the worst that could happen ????

[MariaO]

I love it when an elder gent or lady wiggles Aoife's toes or gently strokes her cheek and she does too. I don't think it is rude - people obviously have different boundaries and that is fair enough. I love your way of looking at it Moonblossom.

I love the idea of bringing your bub visiting an an elder care centre. I am sure I saw on telly recently a setup where there was a childrens day care centre in the grounds of an old folks home - the kids used to visit in the afternoons - it was just lovely, the smiles on all the faces, young and old.

[Oscar's mum]

quite true..... can i ask "why" ppl dont like there bubs being touched?? what is the worst that could happen ????


I think their concern is the germs issue!

[MonkeyMum05]

I don't mind if someone touches my son... unless I'm in a bad mood...:mad:
...actually even then, I think it cheers me up.
Its a beautiful thing to witness... the joy that a tiny little human being can bring to someone's day.:p

[WeThree]

I don't mind if someone touches my son... unless I'm in a bad mood...:mad:
...actually even then, I think it cheers me up.
Its a beautiful thing to witness... the joy that a tiny little human being can bring to someone's day.:p

I agree monkeymum, it always brightens my day as well to see others get a bit of joy from my bubbas :D

[Stacy]

Hi everyone,

I just thought that I would mention something that I have noticed. Some of the people I see walking around the shops have netting over the pram. This acts as a barrier to the outside world, but still lets the bub see out. If you are someone who really doesn't like people touching your little one maybe that is a less confronting solution.

I can see both points of view. I think that people should at least ask before they touch. I'd love for people to coo over my baby, but just not sure if i'd like them reaching into the pram and touching.

[brooke]

I know it is probably very frustrating and all the elderley touching your child etc but I have to think that perhaps they just are being friendly and don't get to see children very much. I have often thought of taking my DS to a nursing home to visit all the elderley cause they really do just love to see children!

So I guess what I am trying to say is they probably don't mean to do any harm or make you mad iykwim!

I agree oscars mum...
I dont really mind when other people touch my princess! Its nice to see she makes people happy and people think she is adorable!
Im a shocker for wanting to hold and play with peoples babies! :o

[lukaelmo]

A little old lady poked the dude in the chest so hard the other day I almost died! What was she doing? You will have to get a do not touch sign to stop people though :rolleyes: .

[cookie]

Hi Guys
I just want to get some peoples views on this topic.
I went to the Chancellor park shopping centre the other day and had about 5 elderly people not just talking to my 11mth old daughter but touching her face and stroking her hands (that she always puts in her mouth!)
I dont mind people talking to her, but when they touch her it really makes me cross!:
Some of these people smell heavily of smoke, and how do I know where they had their hands before?:
Am I just to overprotective? or are these people just rude?
I am so with you on this I thought I was just paranoid and overprotective to, but they seem to go straight for there hands :mad: touching them and I have even had people let him put his fingers in there mouth YUK I get so stirred up because the next thing bubby will do is put there fingers in there mouth you are spot on!!!!

I am really soft probebly to soft at times I want to tell people to not do it but I freeze up and it is to late :banghead:

One day someone will do something and I will snap and god help them..

[chillifly]

Each to their own




when im at the supremarket and stuff i often will talk to babies in the line and occassionally reach out and stroke their little hands and stuff, if their mother turned around and growled 'dont touch him/her' id be mortified! how rude:mad: i think people forget its the simple things that can spread a bit of happiness, this sort of attitude towards not letting anyone share in a bit of the pleasure that you are so blessed with, makes me really mad actually.

I am so glad someone posted about this as it is an issue that has been on my mind since having DD and one I feel quite strongly about.

I think that if you are happy for strangers to touch your baby, even to the extent where you even take bubs to a nursing home than good for you :thumbsup: . As that baby's parent you have the right to make that decision and have it respected.

If you do not like strangers touching your baby, than as that baby's parent you have the right to make that decision and have it respected as well.

I consider it my responsibility and right to care and protect my daughter as I see fit. I'm sorry coopsntilly but your comment really upset me and kept me up for quite some time overnight and I had to wait until now so that I could respond properly, because I just do not understand why strangers think that they have the right to make demands of my baby and if I indicate I wish otherwise that makes me rude.

It's not just the fact that they could pass on germs and life-threatening diseases, but they are invading my daughter's personal space without my permission; and I am the protector of that space. She is a little person, not a toy or object, and as far as I am concerned, she is not here to make other people (particularly strangers) happy or give them pleasure.

Of course, babies do give people pleasure and bring a smile to people's faces. It is lovely to see a little baby out and about and people do find them fascinating because they are so new, so soft, so lovely and so small for such a short time. But why do you have to touch? I do not understand why people have to touch. It doesn't do anything for bub; it is purely a selfish motive to make yourself feel good; how it does this and for what reason I don't know. To be honest, I find it kind of sick and perverse. It is almost like a violation of her person. What do people get out of it?

I have had many conversations with dozens of strangers about babies: their babies and mine. I have been made late, held up, been bored and pleased to talk to strangers about Lucy and about their babies as well. I have been chased by a woman yelling 'excuse me' trying to get my attention and get me to turn around so she could look at DD (not realising she was talking to me at first), and didn't mind. I accept that it is part of having a baby; people like to talk to you about them and their own experiences. I even do my best to try and get her to smile if I can.

I have had the neighbour two doors up, take her from me for a 'hold' with my permission, and then disappear out of my sight with her for 5 minutes so she could show her to someone I didn't know, without my permission. I have had my mother and MIL, take her off me when I have said "no she's fine, I've got her". Yesterday my friend's partner (a man I have met once for 5 minutes and stank of cigarettes), clapped his hands and said "Right, hand her over", and took her from DH, as if it is his right to get to have a hold and doesn't have to ask if he can. I have had my aunt-in-law hold her until she went to sleep and then refuse to give her back because "she's just so soft and cuddly and I don't want to put her down." I have had a friend (well I thought she was) visit me in hospital when DD was born only to say "I wouldn't have come if I had of known I couldn't have held Lucy" (thanks for the support), because she was in the special care nursery - even I wasn't allowed to touch her, let alone hold her. :crying:

I do not accept that anybody has any right to touch my baby and I have any obligation to let them unless I tell them otherwise.

If you want to touch a baby why can't you ask the caregiver? "Do you mind if I..?" Most will probably say no because they either don't mind or feel bad/guilty for saying no (and why should they be made to feel this way I ask you?)

Why is it so hard for people to respect that baby's have personal spaces too (they get sick of being touched and held) and that I have the right to say no? :confused:

I look forward to seeing other people's responses.

(Sorry for the long post, but as I said, I really feel strongly about this issue. Each to their own - so have some consideration for that please)

[Oscar's mum]

I do not understand why people have to touch. It doesn't do anything for bub; it is purely a selfish motive to make yourself feel good; how it does this and for what reason I don't know. To be honest, I find it kind of sick and perverse. It is almost like a violation of her person. What do people get out of it?


Sick and peverse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek: I don't think so!:rolleyes:

[bekkyboo]

I agree on both sides, but i really like the points on the connection between young and old.

I also agree that no one should touch your child without permission. I think i may look into taking little man to a nurscing home or such, I love that connection that they have. But i do understand and aggree that no one should touch your child without permission.

[chillifly]

Sick and peverse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek: I don't think so!:rolleyes:

Yeah Oscar's mum, DH :rolleyes: and says over the top at that too. They're not the right words, but I can't say how it makes me feel when I watch people hold DD and they get this look that glazes over their face. You know when you see people eat something and the sheer look of satisfaction that glazes over their face? Like that. It's hard to explain how it makes me feel. Yucky? Uncomfortable? Maybe it is just my warped mind and the idea that people get pleasure out of touching a baby that they don't know just kinda grosses me out. I just don't understand how it can bring that level of pleasure/satisfaction??

That said, I hear that by the time you have number 2, 3, 4 (etc.), you don't really care much at all either way. A first time mum hang up perhaps?!?!?

[moonblossom]

Chilli your points are all very valid, even tho i disagree and don't understand a lot of them.

You really don't have to explain to anyone why you don't like anyone touching your child. My beliefs are different from yours, but that doesn't mean anyone should listen to me.

You do what you feel is best, thats all a mother can do :kiss:

[mixi_mama]

i dont think your to overprotective i also dont like when people old or young touching bub and if they do i say please dont touch her i dont care what they think i dont want tyler to think its ok for a stranger to touch her because its NOT:shame:

i totally agree with you!

[chillifly]

Thanks moonblossom - and I can't explain some of my feelings either!!!

DH and I have just spent the last half-hour discussing all this in great depth (as I said, I have really strong feelings - hang-ups? - about this) and have come to the conclusion that it may be because when she was first born I couldn't touch/hold her for the first few days of her life and for the past 10 weeks whenever I'm around other ppl they continually take her off me.

I will be interested to see if I still feel this way in a month when she is older????

And ppl should listen to you too. As I said, I think it comes down to each to their own. You have to do what is right for you and your baby. I think my explanations are a just a little :rolleyes: 'strong'.

[moonblossom]

LOL may be strong Chilli, but they are YOUR feelings, and they have to be respected, if not understood.

You not being able to touch your child for a while would have a great deal of influence on your decisions and dislike of others touching her now.

I know when i'm out and I see a baby, newborn or otherwise, I don't need to touch, our eyes meet and there is a KNOWING smile, can't explain it, its just wonderful.

I think the net over the pram is a very good idea and I doubt many people would try and remove it to have a look.

I know how difficult it is to express your views without sounding WIERD, I encounter this nearly ever day LOL. But now I just say WELL THIS IS ME, AND THIS IS MY VIEWS AND THIS IS HOW I FEEL...and let others form their own opinions.

[Baby Girl]

I just don't understand how it can bring that level of pleasure/satisfaction??Because babies are completely innocent, they don't judge people, they are perfect, they are the little miracles that keep the world growing.

People love babies and I would be surprised if you didn't get that same "sick & perverse" look on your face from time to time when you hold your bub. I can't understand how you can't see how babies bring so much SIMPLE pleasure/satisfaction to people. They are perfect, non-judgemental, innocent beings, whats not to love!!

I also understand that you have your opinion and I accept that but I just don't understand the above part of your post. I am not having a go at your space boundaries or why you feel you need to protect them so ardently.

[Mum&bubs]

I have to agree that I dont like elderly people or strangers touching my baby. It is fine if they come up & talk to her but when they start touching her it makes me frustrated! Once this really old lady came up & was talking to my partner & I then started coughing & sneezing (this was inside the doctors surgery) then grabbed my daughters hands & face. Luckily my partner grabbed her away & said he was taking her for a walk. I wasnt rude to her or anything as she didnt have a clue what she was doing she just thought she was being friendly. I dont think anyone has the right to touch other peoples children without asking! :shame:

[MariaO]

obviously everyone is entitled to their opinions and can rear and care for their babies as they see fit. I find it a little sad though - I think that when a stranger does touch (not maul...) my baby it reminds me of more innocent times (or perceived innocence perhaps) and makes me think that I live in a large community where we are all connected at a basic level. It seems to knock down walls between people - I really like this but have to respect that other people do not.

anyway, i can see that if you do not feel like this it could be an unwelcome intrusion.

[chillifly]

LOL Moonblossom, strong, over the top, EXTREME (DH "just plain crazy")

Schmell - I understand why babies bring pleasure, I just don't understand the need for strangers to touch/hold them in order to get that is all. And just to clarify the look isn't sick/perverse, I just think the need of strangers to hold them to get that pleasure is. Like Moonblossom says, you can get it from looking at them. The 'satisfied look' on family and friends (even acquantinces) is understandable, just don't understand it from strangers.

Neaby, my DH's grandmother did the same thing - though she didn't make a big fuss. I was mortified!!! Still, I can't stop her from holding DD; she is her great-grandchild.

MarioO - reflection of our society??? Hmmm, maybe. I think I'm a bit more extreme about it than most though.

I would just like to point out that I have never ever stopped a person from talking to, looking at, touching AND holding my baby, even though I've hated it. Even when they've asked and I've not wanted them to, I've still allowed them too. And while I like the idea of the netting, I don't want to stop ppl from looking and talking to her, I think that's A-okay. Maybe I just need to come up with a line for not picking her up if I don't want it.

Anyway, all this talk of my unexplainable feelings is embarrasing :o , so I'll stop hijacking the thread now ;)

[melfunction]

Touch my child at your own risk.

[Oscar's mum]

Touch my child at your own risk.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[Rahmi'sMum]

My bub is 3 mths - no one is allowed to touch his face or hands unless I have seen them go to the sink and wash them first. Including grandparents (who, luckily, think it's great that I am a germ nazi).

I mean - who knows if they sneezed into their hand 10 minutes ago, ewwwwww! :barf:

I tell people not to if they try, and considering that it's often strangers - I couldn't care less if they think I'm weird. My sister is the same so understands where I'm coming from. Hubby is used to it now, but probably found it hardest as he grew up mostly in Malaysian villages where they are not so worried about germs etc. (Hence his iron stomach.) He has started being as bad as me with it now though - even picking up my habit of using a paper towel to turn off tap & open up the public toilet door upon exit... LOL! :D

[WeThree]

Schmell - I understand why babies bring pleasure, I just don't understand the need for strangers to touch/hold them in order to get that is all. And just to clarify the look isn't sick/perverse, I just think the need of strangers to hold them to get that pleasure is. Like Moonblossom says, you can get it from looking at them. The 'satisfied look' on family and friends (even acquantinces) is understandable, just don't understand it from strangers

I totally respect your feelings of not wanting people to touch your child, it often depends on the situation whether or not i am comfortable with it as well, but i lurve babies, and i often really want to touch/hold them,(even ones i dont know) it doesnt mean that i do, i would never just go up to a stranger and ask to hold their baby, but i find the suggestion that this is sick/perverse really offensive.

[Issey]

I am in agreeance with Chillify .

When your own relatives don't think how do you know about others. My sister was visiting from interstate and was quite sick but grabbed my son from me despite saying 'I don't think you should hold him if you are sick' she said 'oh it isn't catchy', well he got sick and so did I and it was an awful 2 weeks attending to a sick bub and also me feeling sick. She apologised afterwards....a bit too late..:banghead:

This is extreme but a baby died :crying: as a result of sucking on a relatives finger, they hadn't washed their hands properly and worked with arsenic when they did the autopsy that was the cause of death. Extreme I know but people could have all sorts on their hands.

[MonkeyMum05]

Wow! Just came back to read thru this thread... a lot has happened!

I think part of the reason that I am ok with people 'touching' is because I don't feel that I 'own' my son. I'm just the protector/nurturer etc.
I'm also not too worried about germs, (as the more sterile an environment bub is kept in, the more easy it will be for him to catch 'icky germs' should he come in contact with them)... y'know same story as with anti-biotics... your body builds up a resistance.
Also, I think that bub does get something out of the 'person touching baby' situation ... he learns about people, picks up social skills etc... and if he makes someones day a bit brighter, than I believe that is good for his soul.
I don't live my life wondering 'Whats in it for me' when I do something nice for someone else... so even if bub 'got nothing out if it', I still wouldn't mind.

Thought I should mention that I am careful when need be... If I sense anything 'off' about a person who is trying to interact with my son than I move away from them;)

[melfunction]

Well, well, well.....I have just been to the shopping centre with K. I don't mind people smiling at K from afar, (just don't touch him), but when they come up and squeeze his little cheeks so hard he cries :eek: , expect me to grab your cheeks just as hard and see how you like it :mad: Pity the lady at the supermarket didn't read this thread before she came shopping.

[JasmineLouise]

I know it's extreme, but could you imaging being famous. Every Tom **** and Harry (so to speak), would swamp you for photographs, wanting to touch and hold the baby etc.. For instance the recent photo of Bec Cartwright shopping for clothes and being swamped by 'well wishers'.. could you imagine the frustration... you would want them to leave you and bubs alone. :banghead:

... but i wouldn't mind her pay pack :)

[the_queen]

I know it's extreme, but could you imaging being famous. Every Tom **** and Harry (so to speak), would swamp you for photographs, wanting to touch and hold the baby etc.. For instance the recent photo of Bec Cartwright shopping for clothes and being swamped by 'well wishers'.. could you imagine the frustration... you would want them to leave you and bubs alone. :banghead:

... but i wouldn't mind her pay pack :)


Very true (also true about the pay packet LOL).

Makes me feel really sorry for celeb's like Heath Ledger, he gets the tiniest bit ****ed off about the attention and suddenly he's a "bad boy" who has a "bad attitude" and needs to "grow up". :mad: I'd be spitting on the vultures too.

[meme]

well.

i too think babies & people get a lot out of touch. physically we need touch to survive. and touch does create physical benefits in our body, which could be a reason people like touching babies, it is good for them.

that said i am not a huge touchy feely person, would always feel better asking for permission before touching someones baby. i also believe that babies space needs to be respected. so often they are forced to hug or kiss rello's goodbye and don't want to . i neva make my kids.

the place i feel like i don't want my baby touched has always been taking her into pick up my big girl from school. those school kids don't have the best hygiene, and all of them want to touch her hold her hands touch her face but i HATE it. but they are just kids so i let them but try saying touch her foot or pat her tummy. it's just the thought of her getting a cold and being sick. but she does get them from big sista's anyway.....

[cookie]

;)
Chillifly I feel the exact same way as you on most aspects ,I think you expressed yourself well and gave some good points to why YOU belive what you do.I dont completly disaprove of anyone touching my baby but I feel there are certain times when it is just not appropriate.For instance one of my close friends who should know better is a dental nurse she hangs around hovering over peoples gobs all day, now she may wear gloves but saliva is liquid and it can splash when you are drilling away in there, so who knows what is spashed onto clothing, now she comes home from work calls in for a visit and straight away grabs his hands mind you she has just put out a cigarette then tries to grab him off me now he has just been bathed ready to be given tea so it is inevetable that the little hands will go into his mouth THIS sort of thing stirs me up :mad:
I am not judging anyones opinions AT ALL please belive me.I work in Pathology so my life revolves aroung germs"BUGS" I dont belive in having my child in a sterile germ free enviornment but one thing I know for sure is the amount of nastys that the human hand harbours, I can tell you I dont want them going into my sons mouth just because they want to play with my sons hands or suck his fingers as SEVERAL people have done to my son (much to my discust) because his is curious and reaches out to there face , a true fact that a dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans (no joke) would you let a dog lick your babys hand when you know that hand will go straight into there mouth :eek:
As I said I am not having a dig at anyones beleifs I am mearly stateing how I feel and what I know can be transfered via simple hand to hand contact ...I just love and want to protect my little boy the best I can....When he is a little older and his immune system is more mature I may be a little less fanatical about this topic but as for now this is just how it is.;)

[misskittyfantastico]

Just curious...how would everyone here feel if they were asked not to touch a friends child....I mean I used to smoke and quite often cuddled friends kids....I also worked in a Dr's surgery and cuddled kids, before I had a bub I didn't always hold newborns correctly....I would be mortified if I was told not to touch a child. We have no idea what others think of us do we?

BTW touching a child's foot, hand cheek etc is one thing....I have never had a stranger ask to hold my bubba....and to be honest if I could spread a bit of joy by putting my bub in the arms of someone else (within reason) then I would. Actually, Amelia being the bub she is will, more often than not put her arms out to anyone that walks past!!

It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child, and maybe those "annoying" elderly are part of that village. Just something to think about

[MonkeyMum05]

it takes a village to raise a child

My thoughts exactly!:thumbsup:

[sopolicha]

I agree with Chillify. I don't mind people talking to my kids, not a problem in fact I get annoyed when they talk to people and they get ignored.

But, what gives anyone the right to touch anyone else without their permission? Technically it is an assault.

What really annoys me is people who pull open the sling that I am wearing to peer in at my baby. That is just plain rude and invasion of my personal space. This when I would really like to slap their hand away.

[WeThree]

well i guess this is one topic some os us will just have to agree to disagree on. :) i personally just cant see how a dear old lonely gent/woman tenderly stroking my bubs foot or hand is a problem, or a loving down syndrome boy gushing over her and giving her an impulsive hug. i too have boundaries, and i definetly want my bubs and my personal space respected, and i would never let anyone do anything that i or my bubs is uncomfortable with, but ive just found this thread a bit sad. :(

[sopolicha]

There is nothing to be sad about. I just don't want strange people who are unknown to me and my children touching them.

I do not want my kids getting the idea that it is okay for strangers to touch them.

[Issey]

[QUOTE=cookie];)
I am not judging anyones opinions AT ALL please belive me.I work in Pathology so my life revolves aroung germs"BUGS" I dont belive in having my child in a sterile germ free enviornment but one thing I know for sure is the amount of nastys that the human hand harbours, I can tell you I dont want them going into my sons mouth just because they want to play with my sons hands or suck his fingers as SEVERAL people have done to my son (much to my discust) because his is curious and reaches out to there face , a true fact that a dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans (no joke) would you let a dog lick your babys hand when you know that hand will go straight into there mouth :eek:
QUOTE]


That is so discusting :mad: I had a friend put her finger in DS's mouth and I was furious and told her not to do it. :devil6:

[the_queen]

I'm on the fence about this one. I said earlier I would have loved for have interested strangers wanting to coo over Vallerie - but reading milliesmums post made me need to clarify. I have decided to take a very strong stand against smokers holding this new baby. And that includes my husband. I'm sure some of you are thinking "oh you *****, it's his baby too" etc etc - but all he needs to do is to QUIT SMOKING which he promised me he would do when I was pregnant with Vallerie :banghead: :banghead: I know I know it's hard to give up smoking :ecomcity: but seriously, other people's addictions and their struggles to deal with it, are just not my problem. My child's well-being IS my problem.

Of course I'm not going to completely disallow my husband from holding his son. But he will not hold him after having a smoke until he's had a shower and brushed his teeth. I feel ashamed that I have allowed Vallerie to be exposed to it to such a point that she doesn't even notice it anymore. As I see it, my attitude in this issue will hopefully have 2 outcomes: my son will not be exposed to carcinogenic chemicals and disgusting smells; and maybe my husband will cut back on his smoking, and hopefully quit for good.
And as for other people, non-family members - absolutely NO WAY. You want to smoke? Fine. Just don't expect to touch my baby.



*puts ezy-opener away after opening possible can of worms:) *

[chillifly]

We should do a poll on this and see if it comes up as 50-50 as it seems to. I also wonder, if it isn't the mum's with older bubs who don't mind so much?

coopsntilly I'm sorry if I've offended you, as it wasn't my intention to offend anyone; just give my personal views and feelings of the topic so that others might understand where people who don't like they're bubs held/touched are coming from (though I did admit that the wording wasn't quite right - a bit over the top and extreme, but just can't quite put it in to words). Also, I think you might have misunderstood what I said. You said that though you would want to touch/hold a strangers bub, you never would; and that's the difference.

Imagine this if you would: you're on your first outing to the supermarket with your brand new bub who is about 2.5 weeks old now. You get lots of looks and comments about how small bubby is. You smile and chat, and yes, some people touch bubby's feet and hands, but as you continue your way through the supermarket, a woman (say around 30ish) notices bub and races over to you with hands out, then touching bub's back and sides "oh I'd love a hold" as if to grab her - with THAT look on their face that I said creeps me out earlier. THAT's what I find sick/perverse. These people are a small minority, but they're out there. Wanting is not doing and it is the doing that is what I was referring to. Sorry if that was not clearer.

sopolicha :thumbsup: exactly! The world is just not a safe enough place for this to happen anymore.

milliesmum - I've never touched a baby or held one unless I was given permission first. In fact, I've never even asked anyone, just waited until they've indicated they're happy for me to have a hold.

I've never had an elderly person try to touch or hold DD. It's only the people around 30 - 50 that seem to want to do it. I've found that the elderly tend to like to look from afar and if you then offer them a hold, they're quite chuffed.

I went on a picnic yesterday and had a woman come up and talk to DD and play with her hand a bit. She was just on her way back from throwing some stuff in the bin :eek:

[WeThree]

Hey Queenie, I agree with you there, my sister smokes and after she holds my kids they stink like smoke!!! not on. luckily not many other family and friends smoke, so its not to much of a problem, but no way do i want my little bubba smelling like a cigarette, not to mention what other stuff it could do to them.

[ButterflyKisses]

even picking up my habit of using a paper towel to turn off tap & open up the public toilet door upon exit... LOL! :D:laughing: I'm glad I'm not the only one that does this.

When DS was a new baby I had the same attitude about strangers touching him but then I realised that it was because of my DS that strangers on the street were talking to me whereas before they would have walked straight passed me without as much as a "hello".

At work I felt like a whole person because I knew my job well and I served as a beneficial asset to my employer but on the outside I always never felt like part of society because it was just me and DH. Once DS came along it was as if I and my DH had suddenly become members of society and people came out of the wood work to talk to you because of my DS. Why does this happen??? To me I think it is because as someone else said they are such innocent little souls. They are unblemished, untarnished, accepting of everyone no matter what that person looks like or who they are. In this day and age when everything else in this world is going crazy it's nice to see that somethings have not changed and that is the beautiful smile of a baby and their unjudgmental character.

I always made sure when I went out and I still do that I take with me a wet soapy face washer (as even though wipes are great I think a wet soapy face washer is better) and I wash his hands before he eats or when he was a baby after someone touched him I'd give his hands a good wiping over before he had a chance to put them in his mouth but as he had a dummy that mostly stopped him from sucking on his hands.

There is no right/wrong answer to this question. I think it's a very personal thing for a parent to let/not to let people touch bubs and every parents right should be respected.

[ButterflyKisses]

I've never had an elderly person try to touch or hold DD. It's only the people around 30 - 50 that seem to want to do it. I've found that the elderly tend to like to look from afar and if you then offer them a hold, they're quite chuffed.
Hey Chillifly does this mean in 6 years I'll be classified as "elderly" - :laughing: :laughing:

[WeThree]

.

There is no right/wrong answer to this question. I think it's a very personal thing for a parent to let/not to let people touch bubs and every parents right should be respected.

very true, great post :thumbsup:

[chillifly]

Hey Chillifly does this mean in 6 years I'll be classified as "elderly" - :laughing: :laughing:

:D hehehe

nah, I consider over 60 to be elderly. You'll just be middle-aged ;)

[ButterflyKisses]

:D hehehe

nah, I consider over 60 to be elderly. You'll just be middle-aged ;)
oh gee thanks you're too kind - I still don't feel any better :laughing:

maybe I had better go and seek out the "fountain of youth" - gee now there's an idea and I could make myself a fortune at the same time - :laughing:

[chillifly]

oh gee thanks you're too kind - I still don't feel any better :laughing:

maybe I had better go and seek out the "fountain of youth" - gee now there's an idea and I could make myself a fortune at the same time - :laughing:

Yep, well and truly boxed myself into a tight corner there. Think I might run away now ;)

BTW, do I get an inspiration % if you find the fountain? :fingerscrossed:

[Rainbowbrite]

I have decided to take a very strong stand against smokers holding this new baby. And that includes my husband. I'm sure some of you are thinking "oh you *****, it's his baby too" etc etc - but all he needs to do is to QUIT SMOKING which he promised me he would do when I was pregnant with Vallerie

Of course I'm not going to completely disallow my husband from holding his son. But he will not hold him after having a smoke until he's had a shower and brushed his teeth.

I agree with you 110% :smiliedance: My DH has also been telling me he'd quit since i fell pg with MJ :ecomcity:

BUT he refuses to smoke in the house & goes to the far corner of the yard AND he refuses to hold MJ after he's smoked till he's changed his shirt, washed his hands & face, brushed his teeth & put on deoderant. Yes MJ gets impatient but her health comes first.

[ann n mick]

look im the same with my son
i cant stand people touching him with out my approvel first
im overprotective of him when an old lady went to take him from me

(i was trying on a pair of pants and he was crying she has the hide to pull the curtain across to take him out i snaped at her she recons she was going 2 settle him down for me she had no right to do that he was only 3weeks old he is 14 months now and i havent changed no touches him with out my permission
ann

[justtwogirls22]

hey cherie
i shop at chancellor park too & have never managed to be there without someone wanting to touch eliana - guess the old people have nothing better to do! i dont mind them talking to her but am like you & against people touching her :shame:

[ButterflyKisses]

Yep, well and truly boxed myself into a tight corner there. Think I might run away now ;)

BTW, do I get an inspiration % if you find the fountain? :fingerscrossed: Mmmmmmm well I'll have to ponder on that question.

(pondering, pondering) :D

Nah I'm too greedy I think I'll keep all my fortune to myself - hmmm well I might throw you a few crumbs in gratitude :laughing:

[3boys1girl]

WOW
I never thought that this could generate so much hype!!
Go away for easter and come back and BOOM!
Im glad to see that alot of people agree with me, and I can see the reasoning why some people dont.
I guess i am a bit overprotective, this comes from being a nurse.
I remember at uni when we where learning about microbiology I wanted to walk around with gloves on for the rest of my life because I knew how many germs there are!:barf:
Its not that Im discriminating against "old" people, its just that older people are the only ones that approch her. I would love to let them have a hold as long as they wash their hands, but who has time for that when your out shopping, I dont know about u guys but I just want to get in and out!
I am the same with germs in the plaza, I wont touch the travelator and I wont let my kids touch it! How many people just picked their nose or sneezed onto their hand then touched it???
My kids get enough sickness from school from other kids! I dont need more in my house.
Its a scarey world we live in, with this bird flu comming and they also taught us about a "super bug" at uni as well that is comming that no antibiotics will be able to cure.
I belive in letting my kids playing in the dirt and getting germs from natural places as they have to have some immunity, but I belive that babies are to small for extra bugs to be placed on their immune system as they are still growing. I work with the elderly everyday so I know that they are just lonley and want to goo and gaa over babies and they can do that with my kids JUST PLEASE DONT TOUCH HER!!:banghead:

[3boys1girl]

PS
I added a poll to get an idea!
Thanks
:thumbsup:

[zenifa]

I think that any person should ask the parent first before they approach a child, let alone touch them. Also, the person should also ask the child and regardless of age listen to their body language (even young babies will let you know how they feel) and respect the parents' and child's decision.

I understand how beautiful babies are and how people love to touch/hold them but there needs to be respect for personal space and its down to the parents' decision.

I constantly receive lots of attention over my DD whenever we go out, but luckily most people are sweet and respectful, not touching/breathing etc over my baby. I guess the mamabear in me would come out if they tried to do something I wasn't comfortable with.