Can't Settle without Dummy - Worried

[Riles]

Hi Everyone, I am a bit worried. I have 10 week old boy and I can't get him to sleep without dummy. sometimes he will but majority of time he needs it to nod off to sleep. Today I tried without and he cried for hour and half. I tried all the settling techniques like gently patting his bottom and stoking his face and didn't look at him etc etc. After hour and half I gave him dummy and he was alsleep within 60 seconds. I am just concerned that as he gets older I will be getting up to him in middle of nite to pop it back in. In the last week he has slept through three times which was awesome - felt like xmas... The dummy drops out once he is alsleep and he doesn't wake at the moment wanting it. Sometimes during the day he wants after first cycle of sleep (40 mins) and I have to put back in but at nite he is ok... Nurse told me that it will become a problem as he get older. Any suggestions???? Baby just love to suck on this thing!!!!!

[misskittyfantastico]

Unless you particualarly don't want your bubba to have a dummy I wouldn't worry too much. My DD has a dummy at sleep time and it has become a bedtime signal for her, so I look at it as a positive.....As for the CHN saying it will become a problem later on.......I've discovered that sometimes you have to take their advice with a grain of salt;)
Good Luck with it all

[Jem]

My DD was the only one of my kids who was a dummy bubby.
She had it up until she was 2 :)

[Riles]

Thanks guys. I think i worry to much and put too much pressure on myself to be perfect mother. He is happy with it and it hasn't caused too many problems yet. I am just worried I am creating myself future problems. Nurse said just try and get rid of it by 12 mths of age..

[Riles]

Thanks heaps for that. I feel heaps better already. Everyone has so many different theories as you say. I get different techniques from everyone. I think i will just go with what I want/feel and get the vibes off my beautiful boy...

[bumpsmum]

My eldest had a dummy till 18 mths. He then decided not to have it. My youngest refused dummy but sucked his thumb.

My 'bible' with both boys was "toddler taming' by Dr Christopher Green. In it he says that children use dummies to comfort themselves therefore why would you want to take that comfort away?

I would also point out that you are more likely to cause yourself problems later on by patting to sleep. I spent 2 years doing this every night with number 1 son and it took many a miserable night for all concerned when I finally realised this was ridiculous as it would take nearly an hour some nights to settle him and I was the only person he would allow to do it.

Just do what you think is right. Someone will always have an opinion so listen and use what you want. Good luck

[Foxy]

Hi Riles,

Point of view of a "pro" dummy user -

I am not really sure why people are so against dummies? I know that they can sometimes lead to nipple confusion, but if there are no feeding issues, then IMO using a dummy should be ok.

We don't deny our bubs other things that provide comfort such as soft toys or security blankets etc - but so many of those CHNs carry on as if dummys were evil or something.

I swore I would never use a dummy - but that was before I had a baby! My DS did wake up a bit for it in the early days, but from around 6 mths he could pick it up and put it back in himself during the night. We now have 10+ dummies in the cot so he can always find one! DS is an excellent sleeper, goes to sleep on his own, and rarely, if ever wakes during the night.

I think if you feel strongly about not using one, then it would be easier to break the habit now, but if you are ok about it, why not give bubs this extra comfort if needed.

Sorry for the long post, I just get really cranky with CHNs who try and boss us mums around!

Good Luck! :)

[Riles]

Thanks Shelbyville. Yeh I am slowly getting over all the advice from health care professionals. I feels heaps better now. He is really comforted by it and sleeps really well. So if its not broken! Its so hard to block out all the advice and books etc etc and they are all soooo different

[Sara's Boys]

Hey my son is 8 monthes only likes his dummy when hes going to bed, always has. He never wakes up crying for it, and now if he wants it he grabs it and puts it in himself. The most important thing at this very early age is that you get rest when bubs asleep, so if the dummy works, then use it. Also 3 of my nieces were all dummy lovers, but lost interest at about 7 monthes, I think food became the new facination, and dummy took a back seat. Did you know that in sids research babies who use dummys are at a lesser risk of sids? I just learnt that last week.

[mumslilspunks]

Well my ds is a dummy bub too. He has it to go to bed at night or for his naps but as milliesmum said its a signal for sleep and if they sleep well its working!

I was told my mothers in mothers group that i shouldnt be giving ds a dummy and to start off with he was awake a couple of times during the night. But as they get older u can teach them to put it back in themselves!
Those mums who told me i shouldnt be using a dummy are now up 2/3 times a night with there bubs! (there all around 10/11mnths old) while im enjoying a good nights sleep:smiliedance: :smiliedance:

But its completely up to you. :thumbsup:

[Riles]

Yeh I was told in mothers group that the Dummy would become a "SLEEP ASSOCIATION" and I should not use to get him to sleep. If I did use it then I should remove before he falls alsleep but that doesn't work he just wakes fully up and cries. I think i will stick with it and if I do create a problem then I will deal with it then.. He is happy boy and sleeping so well I am not going to mess with it. THANKS EVERYONE:smiliedance:

[mumslilspunks]

Well if he's sleeping its doing its job! Thats when you should be resting too!

[Sarie]

My boys have both had dummies, we think they are a blessing!!
Nat gave his to Santa last year and hasn't looked back and PJ has his at bed time. Nat was 2.5 when he gave his up and I think we'll get PJ to give his up this Christmas.
But while it's doing it's job at such a young age I really wouldn't be too concerned :)

[Skyelee]

Hi Riles,
Nice to know I was not the only one worrying about this. DD is 7 weeks and LOVES her dummy! I had so many people telling me not to use one, then other people saying it was OK - I felt like my head would explode :banghead:

I figure you do whatever works and go from there LOL - as others have said, as long as your child is healthy and thriving, the rest is just going with the flow a lot of the time. Congrats on your new arrival, I hope you are having as much fun geeting to know your little one as I am!

Cheers, Skye

Skye (29)
DH - Warren (30)
DD - Shannyn (7 weeks)

[sopolicha]

He is only little and enjoys sucking. Why would you want to take something he enjoys away from him?

Bloody CHN's.

[Riles]

Thanks skylee. Yeh it is so hard when everyone is giving their opinions and unfortunately most opinions about dummies are bad which I reckon stems from when we see 4-5 year olds running around shopping centres sucking on them and having to pull them out to talk.. I feel heaps better now.. I was starting to worry about it, especially when they told me it would become SLEEP ASSOCIATION and I would be getting up all nite to put it back in. Fingers crossed I don't. its drops out now and he doesn't wake so hopefully we shoudl be fine. I am not going to change a good thing.. I love my sleep now!!!

[Skyelee]

Maybe a bit personal, but are you breastfeeding? I am, and one of the reasons I started her with a dummy was because I didn't want her to use ME as a dummy!!
She is beginnig to understand (i hope :) ) that breast is for food - I use the dummy to help settle her. She is sleeping 6 to 7 hours straight at night, once she is asleep I don't have to put dummy back in, she is out like a light!!
Good luck - we'll get the hang of this by the time theyr'e 25 :laughing:

Cheers, Skye

[juju]

Hi there - my ds is 1 and last year I posted a thread `what do you think about the dummy'...well I agonised over it again and again but it was SUCH a godsend!!!! I thought it would become a sleep association and when he was 8 months he became VERY attached to it. Then at nine months he took it out and threw it at me, when I tried to put it in he would push my hand away. Every time I gave it to him he would throw it. It was truly bizarre and we had a bad couple of days with him but he just didn't want it anymore and we haven't looked back. I now kick myself for feeling guilty about it and worrying so much about using it! So just go ahead and do whatever works!

[Baby Girl]

My DD2 has had a dummy since about day 6..she was a very sucky baby. She has only ever had it at sleep times but as she gets older she plays with it until she goes to sleep rather than suck on it. I have been lucky that at night if she wakes she will hunt around and find it in her cot and put it in and go back to sleep, if she can't find it, she has a bit of a grizzle (more out of frustration that she can't find it -I think) and goes back off to sleep within about a minute or two.

If it works for you and your bub and isn't causing any problems at the moment, don't worry about it, go with the flow and pfft to the CHN!!

[Notchalk]

The best piece of advice I've been given as a new mum is to do whatever works at the time, whatever gets you through.

I was NEVER going to use a dummy, but for the first 4 weeks we were using our fingers to get him to suck to sleep, as I had too much milk for him to breastfeed to sleep.

At 4 weeks I caved, cried out of guilt for a week everytime we gave it to him:crying:

It worked well, until he was able to move around a bit more, and was not always on his back... at 4 months(ish) when he turned his head to the side to go to sleep, the dummy would fall out, and I would have to replace it - all night. I think we were an extreme case, because he was waking every 45 min AT LEAST until he was about 5.5 months.:eek:

A bit after that I tried to get rid of it, but I couldn't get him to sleep without it, and then I remembered the pearl of wisdom above, and decided that if he needed it to sleep, then what was the problem? It wasn't in his mouth for awake times, it wasn't interfering with breastfeeding, and I'd tried the teddy... he couldn't care less whether it was in the cot or not!

So now here we are at 10.5 months... he uses the dummy for sleep still, and I still need to replace it in the night at times, as he doesn't open his eyes when he wakes unless he wants a feed. But he sleeps with us, so it's not a drama to give it to him.

So what do you do?? What YOU want... well, what your bub wants :) I don't think you can spoil a baby with love and comfort. It's not like it's a chocolate bar!

Jo

[Riles]

I am bottle feeding but he just wants to suck even when hes not hungry.. I am going to stick with the dummy and see how it goes. I can get him to sleep so much easier with it...

[Wivi]

I am really glad someone posted this thread! My boy is 6 mo and has a dummy for sleep as well. I agonised over this early on as so many people say it is a bad habit etc. Our boy has always been a good sleeper although we are now going through the phase where he sleeps on his tummy and accidentally pushes it out sometimes. We have to put it back in at night sometimes. He can almost put it in himself but it is usually backwards and then he gets really cross! We figure that once he can put it in himself he will be fine.

They don't have them forever and I much prefer it to patting!!!

[MamaSage]

My daughter had a dummy until 5onths, when I got annoyed with waking up through the night to put it back in her mouth! I was told that there is a window of oppurtunity at around 5 or 6 months to take the dummy away without too much fuss. After that the baby is more aware of it and you may have more problems. We had zero issues taking it away from Bridie and she started to sleep better at night as she was not losing her dummy.
So Riles, if you do wan to take it away, maybe wait until 5 or 6 months. And until then, if it helps, DO IT!!

[cjb/jbvd]

hi

i have the opposite problem in that my little one would never use a dumy so i had nothing to settle him with. from the research i have done, as long as the dummy is orthodontically friendly, then it can't hurt him to use one. if he doesn't use it for anything else other than going to sleep at bed time, he's doing very well. bottom line is he's only 10 weeks old and if you've found something to help him sleep, then the advantages of good rest and routine far outweigh the dependancy issues. don't be so hard on yourself or him, just be thankful you both have something that works for you.

:D