I just need reassurance.

[UmmInayah]

Hi,

I am so frustrated right now. I had my DD in a great routine where she would sleep 11.5 hours over night (waking maybe 5-6 times) and sleeping 1.5 hours in the morning and 45 mins in the afternoon. It worked for me. She woke up early, which was a bit of a hassle and because she wakes up so frequently at night, I wasn't getting much sleep.

So, stupid me, I took my parents advice and put her to bed LATER. Okay, so for a few nights it worked great, she slept at 8ish and woke up around 8ish in the morning.

Okay, now is where the problems have started. She wakes up at 11pm and will not go back to sleep - no amount of patting, rocking, feeding will console her. She just cries and cries. She wakes up almost every hour (like she did a long time ago), and she will only have a 45 min day nap, and no afternoon nap.

She is whingy, clingy, tired and will not sleep. When I am patting her, I can see her closing her eyes, but then she wakes crying! It's almost like she is fighting it, trying to prevent herself from sleeping. I don't know what is up.

To top it off, my parents are going on about how she hardly eats anything and how she isn't getting enough milk and that's why she wakes constantly. I get really ticked off when people go on and on about my supply. *I* know that my supply is fine, but when people question it, or tell me "you should put her on formula and vitamins, she isn't getting enough" it really ticks me off. If you ask me, she is getting too much milk and that's why she doesn't want solids.

I don't know what I am trying to achieve.. I am living with my parents at the moment and I am just stressed to the max. My mum goes on about how I let DD cry to sleep. WTF??? She whinges when I pat her for a max of 5 mins, and she's CRYING to sleep??? I hate that they are questioning me. Telling me she sleeps too early, and she doesn't need more naps and that she isn't eating enough, and that my supply is low..

Ugh. I wish I never moved here. I thought the help would be great, but all they are doing is putting me down.

:hissy:

[onemummmy]

oh I feel for you! can you try to get her back into her old routine? Even tho they are your parents its not their place to tell you how to feed or put your child to sleep. If you can talk to them, try explaining that while you appreciate they are just trying to help, you are her mother & you do what you feel is right for you & your daughter, they need to respect your ways of parenting. :hugs: hope it gets better.

[BeautifulBoys]

Hi,

I am so frustrated right now. I had my DD in a great routine where she would sleep 11.5 hours over night (waking maybe 5-6 times) and sleeping 1.5 hours in the morning and 45 mins in the afternoon. It worked for me. She woke up early, which was a bit of a hassle and because she wakes up so frequently at night, I wasn't getting much sleep.

So, stupid me, I took my parents advice and put her to bed LATER. Okay, so for a few nights it worked great, she slept at 8ish and woke up around 8ish in the morning.

Okay, now is where the problems have started. She wakes up at 11pm and will not go back to sleep - no amount of patting, rocking, feeding will console her. She just cries and cries. She wakes up almost every hour (like she did a long time ago), and she will only have a 45 min day nap, and no afternoon nap.

She is whingy, clingy, tired and will not sleep. When I am patting her, I can see her closing her eyes, but then she wakes crying! It's almost like she is fighting it, trying to prevent herself from sleeping. I don't know what is up.

To top it off, my parents are going on about how she hardly eats anything and how she isn't getting enough milk and that's why she wakes constantly. I get really ticked off when people go on and on about my supply. *I* know that my supply is fine, but when people question it, or tell me "you should put her on formula and vitamins, she isn't getting enough" it really ticks me off. If you ask me, she is getting too much milk and that's why she doesn't want solids.

I don't know what I am trying to achieve.. I am living with my parents at the moment and I am just stressed to the max. My mum goes on about how I let DD cry to sleep. WTF??? She whinges when I pat her for a max of 5 mins, and she's CRYING to sleep??? I hate that they are questioning me. Telling me she sleeps too early, and she doesn't need more naps and that she isn't eating enough, and that my supply is low..

Ugh. I wish I never moved here. I thought the help would be great, but all they are doing is putting me down.

:hissy:

Oh you poor thing,Look you do what feels right for you,Im sure your parents mean well.
How old is she first?
Besides Breastmilk does she have anything else.
Teething? that can start from 3months.
Temperature..too cold or warm
I know a great book called " SAVE OUR SLEEP" BY LIZZLE HALL
I will look up a routine for you if you like?

[meredithlinda]

Sorry you're having a hard time. Always remember you are her mum and you know best. When I stay with my parents (a few weeks a year when we visit) they can bug me too, but try to realise they are coming from a different time with different ideas ie when my parents were young giving formula was considered the best option.
Could you say something like "thats what i thought too until my doc/chn etc suggested xxx", or "I wondered if she was getting enough too but she has lots of wet nappies so i guess it's ok" so it's not like they think you're just ignoring them and feel the need to badger you. Also more than likely they are just trying to help - but not realising what a pain they are being.
If you don't already, could you try cosleeping? I have used this as an excuse at times - to go to bed when DD does, to have some quiet time to myself with a book, tv, laptop, on the phone etc.
Hope this helps - hang in there
:hugs:

[~Temet Nosce~]

I will probably get my head bitten off for this, but I have watched your posts for awhile and seen the struggle you are having so maybe ANYTHING is worth a try. It cant hurt. So.. would you consider maybe trying a formula feed before bed to help fill her tummy more? So that she may not wake as much.. although she may just be waking up out of habit now. I hope it all works out for you.

[UmmInayah]

I will probably get my head bitten off for this, but I have watched your posts for awhile and seen the struggle you are having so maybe ANYTHING is worth a try. It cant hurt. So.. would you consider maybe trying a formula feed before bed to help fill her tummy more? So that she may not wake as much.. although she may just be waking up out of habit now. I hope it all works out for you.

Hey Amethyst..

I know this is really narrow minded of me, but there is no way I am giving my bub formula especially knowing that I have enough milk. But you're right.. maybe I do need to try something different, but not something that is sure to affect my supply.

[~Temet Nosce~]

what about just giving her drinks of water during the night? At her age she doesnt need the night feeds, and it sounds like she has her day and night mixed up in regards to feeding. If she has had water during the night, instead of bm, then maybe she will eat more solids during the day, and hence be fuller and hopefully sleep longer?

[onemummmy]

how old is your daughter?

[UmmInayah]

what about just giving her drinks of water during the night? At her age she doesnt need the night feeds, and it sounds like she has her day and night mixed up in regards to feeding. If she has had water during the night, instead of bm, then maybe she will eat more solids during the day, and hence be fuller and hopefully sleep longer?

I have thoguht about that.. maybe I should give it a go. Not sure if she has day and night mixed up because most of the feeds at night are just for comfort? But maybe she will wake less if she knows she is only going to get water!

onemummy, she's almost 12 months old!

[onemummmy]

do you give solids before breastmilk? Im no expert but I think I read somewhere by this age you should offer solids first, then breastmilk/formula. Have you seen a GP or someone about the fact she barely eats? I know breastmilk is good for her but at this age she will be starting to need food as well to keep up with her nutritional needs.(iron etc) Also if you havent already, try her on finger foods she may end up eating more because she can feed herself.

[KatiesMum]

My DD went through a phase like this from 10 - 13ish months.

She slept solidly through the night from about 3 months till 10 months, then started waking up 5 or 6 (or 10) times a night, wanting her dummy, cuddles, bottle, water, play .....etc

She was bottle fed from early on, and has always been a good eater so I know it wasnt to do with food.

It was basically just a) teeth and b) learning new things about the world in general.

She did go back to sleeping (and also had phases where she didnt eat much).

What I am saying is - it will pass. If you think she is getting enough food then she probably is, and as hard as it is, it is probably just phase.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[UmmInayah]

do you give solids before breastmilk? Im no expert but I think I read somewhere by this age you should offer solids first, then breastmilk/formula. Have you seen a GP or someone about the fact she barely eats? I know breastmilk is good for her but at this age she will be starting to need food as well to keep up with her nutritional needs.(iron etc) Also if you havent already, try her on finger foods she may end up eating more because she can feed herself.

We've only ever really done finger foods. No way I could try to feed her myself, she won't have it. I offer solids before BM.. She just loves her milk.

My sister's a doc and she tells me not to stress cos she is healthy and happy etc. It's just sleep and eating that's an issue. Not that she doesn't like food, because she will happily eat maybe 5-6 teaspoons of oats (I try to sneak it in her mouth while she is feeding herself), and she takes a few spoons herself.. so she likes food, just doesn't eat much of it.

[RmumR]

I have thoguht about that.. maybe I should give it a go. Not sure if she has day and night mixed up because most of the feeds at night are just for comfort? But maybe she will wake less if she knows she is only going to get water!

onemummy, she's almost 12 months old!

Marna, i would agree with amethyst and try giving her a bit of water when she wakes at night instead of a bf. It worked for me, although my DD is ff she was still waking for a bottle in the night so to cut it out i started offering her sips of water from her avent magic cup instead and it didn't take her long to realise there wasn't much point in waking up.

She wakes occasionally now in the night but usually only needs a little cuddle or pat to go back to sleep.

:hugs: hugs for you, its hard living with your parents, i am doing the same right now. Its not easy when they offer their opinions in a way that comes across as criticising even if thats not the intent. I think the only way you can put a stop to it is to speak to them about it and tell them that whilst you do value their help and opinions DD's bedtime and feeding routine is your domain and you would prefer it if they left you to it. Its hard but you will feel better once you have said something.

Hope it all gets better for you.

[ZooKeeper]

G'Day Marna,
I went through a similar night waking thing with Bear where I was just up and down with her on the boob most of the night and it drove me bonkers, i got very cranky could not cope. hard as it was I decided to not let her have the boob through the night, and had a few truly horrible nights where I did a lot of patting, rocking, leaving the room now and then for short periods, but not the CC method, much more frequent until she settled for a bit, and i talked to her throughout, sang a bit. the first night our worst stint of it was two solid hours of mutual misery. the second longest bit was about an hour. third night, twenty minutes. now there's only cuddle-pat-tell her its sleep time settling needed for most of her night wakes (which are less frequent) and still a gnarly bit from 4am onwards of having to resettle her every twenty minutes or so until six am (and often i will give her a feed during this period) then she's up anytime between six and seven thirty sometimes still tired but will have a good solid nap sometime in the morning and often no nap in the arvo. this is enough of an improvement to have perked me up, just not doing hourly or two hourly boob seshs all night is easier on me. and she's eating better daytimes.

I also think that this age they are at they go through a real pile of changes turning from babies into little people, and there is so much mental and emotional turmoil with that a lot of the routines go out the window, but the boob is the known and constant and familiar thing and can be quite important for their sense of safety and such mebbe?

on the eating front, i'm finding it easy to get more food into Bear by cooking things like pancakes but with wholegrain meals, vegetables or raw grated fruit, puffed millet and such in them and give her those broken into bite sized pieces as snacks, often with avo. also good for brekkie or lunch. and chunks of vegies out of my bowl rather than hers, which I hand to her to finger feed herself, sneak a bit extra in that way.

if you want a few recipes I can post a few at may mummas, i've been having a lot of fun trying to make food interesting with no wheat and no cow milk etc. Bear eats egg now, does Inayah? makes cooking without wheat or cow milk much easier with egg as a binder. (oh god i'm now rambling I think)
:hugs:
hope things improve soon, and hope your parents start giving you more room to do things your way.