View Full Version : How Do we do it
Just needing a vent,
My Hubby is in the RAAF and has so for about 5 years.. Until only recently i've had hubby around all of the time.. Ok ever since we got this posting it just seems his never home..2 months here 1 month there 2 weeks here etc & i'm here struggling with 17 month old & with another one on the way.. He's currently OS atm for a month.. I can't realy complain as my family are close by, but they never seem to help or come to visit while hubby is away.. It drives me insane that once again i have to travel to come and see them... I'm not asking them to change their whole lives, but just a visit or a little help on their days off would be so much appreciated.. It just seems to be falling on deaf ears..Sometimes i wished i stayed on the other side of Australia as i dealt with it so much easier...
How does everyone cope while hubby is away..
In need of some advice
I'm just So tired..
I cope the best way I know how to. And I have good days and bad days, its only natural I think.
And it would be only natural to feel tired, worn out and fed up... especially since you didnt get married, to be a 'single mum'.
I have an online journal that I write in. Its private. Every day that DP is away I write him a letter in this journal and when he comes back he reads it all. His biggest thing was he was missing out on sharing life with me, being excited for me in day to day things and being proud of me in my achievements. So this helps us to do this. If its a longer time he's away I add photos. You can even add pictures, drawings, paintings etc from your child too.
Enjoy your child and do extra special things together, build forts inside, sing songs, do painting, playdough, fun things.
Do you go to a playgroup too? This can really help.
And make sure you spoil yourself too. I sometimes have pamper days/nights. Where I'll do things that make me feel good inside. Like get a hair cut and colour, paint my nails, have a soak in the bath, eat chocolate in front of a fav DVD.
Sorry to hear your family aren't supportive. Mine aren't either. Never seem to understand or even try to understand what Im going through, which has really disappointed me. They never listen, they dont understand and they actually make it harder for me. They judge me on my sad days too.
So I know how you feel to some extent. Please PM me anytime, to vent or chat or anything. I would absolutely love to hear from you and have contacts with those that are in the same position as me.
Where are you based btw?
I sometimes prefer when DH is away. He's army reserves so generally doesn't go away for too long, mostly 2-3 weeks at a time. I find I can get into a routine with the kids and keep it without DH messing it all up lol. The kids know that when daddy's away mum rules the roost, though it does take a couple of days for them to settle.
I try not to have too many days in row that we have to go out, it's nice to have the kids at home & no pressure to be somewhere a certain time. I try to get dinner on the table by 6.30pm and kids in bed by 8pm so I can have some 'me' time and get to bed a reasonable hour. I get my sister to come out if I need a break or have to do something without the kids, she's more than happy to do it but I try to keep it to about once per month so I don't 'over-use' her.
how are u? I can so relate to u as I am sure all defence spouses do. It would be so disappointing for u, that your family don't make the effort to visit u, when they are close. Since my DH has been in the Defence Force (first Army, now Navy) we haven't lived near family, and they don't seem to bend over backward to come and see us anyway. I see my family once or twice a year. U basically learn not to rely on anyone. It is pretty tough, but it is amazing how we cope. My advice is be happy when u see your family, but don't go out of your way for them, if they don't for you. There is no need to make yourself upset. Just concentrate on your little family that u and DH have.:hugs:
I see my mum once a year if i'm lucky and my inlaws every 1-2yrs. Both are on the east coast and that's if they come to us as it's too exy for us all to go to them. Kids go with DH on occasions with part of the cost being paid for by the inlaws.
I don't think parents or inlaws realise how blessed they are to have their grandkids within easy reach of them. You might need to remind them of that. Send them a photo of your kids and with a note saying ' in case you've forgotten what you're grandkids look like and to remind you that we are not across the other side of the country (unlike some families and their relations)'. Might pay to be a smart bum in this situation and give them a wake up call. Can't hurt unless you're relying on them to look after your little one while you're in the hospital with #2. My inlaws would give anything to be closer to us. I too would be happy with that.
My DH is away atm .. and I live day to day but do like to have plans and get out of the house. It's very taxing with little ones which I remember clearly. They were the stressful days of my life. I have an 11yo & 9yo plus 18mth old. If I were pregnant again I would certainly be feeling the pinch even more. It was hard enough when I was preggers with #3.
I too don't rely on anyone but if in a dire situation of emergency, I do have a couple of friends i can count on to help me and that's of comfort as we've only been here 5mths now.
I think you guys are amazing! I just cant believe how you guys can turn such a hard thing like parenting and pregnancy and not to mention TTC into life! My wonderful friend kristi h (:wave: when you read this) is doing an amazing job with Miss E who is 2.5 and Master C who is 4 weeks!!!! Her Dh is away and was for most of her preg, morning sickness with #2 whilst #1 was a terrible 2.
She is soooo natural. Her mum is o/s and her dad is in another state!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
:hugs: To all of you and :yelclap:good job!
Let's hope we are all fortunate to have a nice friend like you when things go pear shaped and visa versa.
ps: best wishes for the IVF :)
oh why thank you!
BTW: i think i am the most fortunate one by a looooooonnnnnnnggggggggg shot to have Kristi. She is an amazing woman, mother, wife and friend. :yes:
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