Dh Picked A Fight At A 1yo's B'day Party!

[MumOf4Monsters]

I'm so embarrased and angry right now!

Dh & I & the four kids went to a friends ds's 1st birthday party this afternoon.

There was a 2.5yo boy there that kept snatching toys off my 18mo ds.

Dh kept telling him not to snatch but he kept doing it. Then the boy snatched a toy off my ds again and he fell and started to cry.

Dh got up, picked up ds and said to the boy "Come on mate, stop snatching" (It was said in a firm angry voice)

So the mother of the boy gets up and says "Back the f#%K up man! He's only 2!"
Dh says "well you need to teach him some manners"
The mum says "he's only fu#$ing 2"
Dh says "my baby is 18mo and he knows his manners" (ds snatches and picks on kids that are smaller than him all the time! This is what kids do)
She then said " Keep your fu#$ing baby away from my kid"
So, it went back and forth and they were both swearing at each other. Seriously, i thought the mum was going to get physical, she was right up in dh's face.

So we finally calmed the situation and i went in and apoligised to the mum for what had happened. I told her that dh gets upset when he thinks our kids are being picked on and he just does'nt know how to talk to kids. She then got really cranky with me and said "he has 4 kids, he should know how to handle them" I apoligised to her again and left it at that.

I found out from my friend that the mum asked her if my dh beats me!!! This is what has made me really upset! Dh has never and would never ever hurt me. I feel so judged.

Then when i was leaving, one of the other mums came up to me and said "you know you can do so much better, you really can. You don't need him." I told her that dh has never hurt me and this is not how he is all the time. He was just trying to stand up for ds.
I just hate the fact that people are thinking these things. I feel really horrible about the whole thing!

Dh walked home and i drove. Well, he's still walking and i'm now home. It's about 10km's so he should be home soon.

I guess i just need some advice. His behaviour was not right, he did'nt need to talk to the boy like that. He seems to have a real streak of anger when it comes to other people. It seems like he likes to pick fights (not physical, just verbal) with other people.
What do i do?

I think he may need some help.

Who do i call?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated.

[onemummmy]

Im sorry but it does not sound like he started it at all, there is no need for swearing and abuse from the woman to start with. Why didnt she step in earlier & sort out her son? I dont think he(hubby) is 'in the wrong' so I cant help sorry. Yeah maybe he shouldnt have used a firm angry voice, but how many more times was he supposed to ask the child to stop snatching before the woman actually did something? If that were my child I would have been onto it straight away & apologising to ur son & husband not swearing and hurling abuse.

those other women sound horrible making those comments to you, I would be upset too! :hugs:

[~Temet Nosce~]

Hate to say it but I think this woman is the one that needs the talking to.
I probably would have acted the same as your dh.

[Sazeby]

I don't think your DH did anything wrong, he didn't swear at the 2 year old or touch him so why did everyone make a big deal?:rolleyes: just my opinion. It sounded like the woman made more of an issue out of it.. swearing and carrying on.

[84zsazsa]

Im sorry but it does not sound like he started it at all, there is no need for swearing and abuse from the woman to start with. Why didnt she step in earlier & sort out her son? I dont think he(hubby) is 'in the wrong' so I cant help sorry. Yeah maybe he shouldnt have used a firm angry voice, but how many more times was he supposed to ask the child to stop snatching before the woman actually did something? If that were my child I would have been onto it straight away & apologising to ur son & husband not swearing and hurling abuse.

those other women sound horrible making those comments to you, I would be upset too! :hugs:


:thumbsup: Very well said, i would have to agree completely.

Danni

[V8]

Yep i agree with the others, saves me typing! lol

But yeah, that woman hurled swearing and abuse at a child's birthday party and made him look like a bad person, geez, that's pretty sad on her behalf.

[veve]

Firstly .. sharing is not something that kids GET .. :laughing: .. and .. when your DH said to the child repeatedly that he needed to share .. surely the kids mother should have seen this as a hint to get off her butt and DO SOMETHING ... ??? kids cant always sort things out themselves .. and often they need to be SHOWN how to do things

I often break up 'sharing' when I see kids playing together .. and Jack knows that I time sharing - and it doesn't take other kids long to pick up on it either (but you have to stay there and supervise.. the sharing :laughing:) .. I just stand there and 'pretend' to time the turn that each child has .. (usually two minutes each) usually .. the kids get bored with waiting their turn and end up playing with something else anyway ... so the issue disappears ..

Other than the swearing (TOTALLY inappropriate at a kids party) .. I dont see that what your hubby did was all that wrong??? especially if your kid was consisntently missing out .. or was much smaller than the other child ??? fair is fair.. and children can NOT learn without example ..

give him a hug when he gets home .. and chat it out .. being a daddy is hard (or so my DH keeps telling me :laughing:) - they often dont feel that they get it right ..

I do wonder if the lady learnt anything from the party though .. since she got the apology and probably feels pretty rightious about it .. sigh .. I loathe it when kids aren't supervised closely by their own parents ..

xx
Jen

[CharlisMummy]

:iagree: I think the mum should have handled it much better. Your DH was just trying to defend his son.

My DD was getting bullied at the playground this morning by two little girls a bit older than her (you can't come up here, only we can etc) and a baby younger than her was trying to push her down the stairs! Their father came over and he was horrified at their behaviour and couldn't apologise enough to us, lol. Poor guy, kids will be kids :D

Maybe your DH could have used a friendlier tone, but the woman was out of line I think.

And how dare those other people judge your relationship like that :(

[veve]

Their father came over and he was horrified at their behaviour and couldn't apologise enough to us, lol. Poor guy, kids will be kids :D


sorry to make this a little off topic .. but THAT .. makes a HUGE difference .. DS1 was pushed down a hole in a playgym thing .. and was really upset and teary about it .. I honestly didn't care that he was pushed (as you said .. kids will be kids) .. but the fact that the father just stood there .. watched and said nothing .. boiled my blood .. @$@%@^# say something to your kid .. how else will they learn that its not on to push???

*breathes deep breath* I LOOOOATHE it when kids aren't supervised!! (can you tell?? :laughing:)

[OJandMe]

Im sorry but it does not sound like he started it at all, there is no need for swearing and abuse from the woman to start with. Why didnt she step in earlier & sort out her son? I dont think he(hubby) is 'in the wrong' so I cant help sorry. Yeah maybe he shouldnt have used a firm angry voice, but how many more times was he supposed to ask the child to stop snatching before the woman actually did something? If that were my child I would have been onto it straight away & apologising to ur son & husband not swearing and hurling abuse.

those other women sound horrible making those comments to you, I would be upset too! :hugs:


Hate to say it but I think this woman is the one that needs the talking to.
I probably would have acted the same as your dh.


I don't think your DH did anything wrong, he didn't swear at the 2 year old or touch him so why did everyone make a big deal?:rolleyes: just my opinion. It sounded like the woman made more of an issue out of it.. swearing and carrying on.


Yep i agree with the others, saves me typing! lol

But yeah, that woman hurled swearing and abuse at a child's birthday party and made him look like a bad person, geez, that's pretty sad on her behalf.

Yep :iagree:. And I completely disagree with her... he wasn't 2.. he was 2.5... when my twins were 2.5 they NEVER snatched of littler kids. They would have sure heard it from me if they had!! In my opinion, she was in the wrong. She should have said something to her son.
And SHE was the one that started swearing!! How low. At a KIDS birthday party!!

I've told other kids off for not sharing, and even if I offended the mother's, they've never sworn at me... just tried to deal with their child.

:hugs: Who cares what people think... I think that her DH can do better than her. I wouldn't want to live with someone who gets THAT offended and over the top about something... :no:

And :iagree: with everything Veve said too!!!

[punkbaby]

i dont think you did, if a kid messes with my kid i would do the same and i would say it loud enough for the parent to hear it too!
If the parent of the child who is being teased isnt going to say anything who is? Why didnt the mother do something or say something to her child, thats what i would be asking.

[JessicaLeigh]

Im sorry but it does not sound like he started it at all, there is no need for swearing and abuse from the woman to start with. Why didnt she step in earlier & sort out her son? I dont think he(hubby) is 'in the wrong' so I cant help sorry. Yeah maybe he shouldnt have used a firm angry voice, but how many more times was he supposed to ask the child to stop snatching before the woman actually did something? If that were my child I would have been onto it straight away & apologising to ur son & husband not swearing and hurling abuse.

those other women sound horrible making those comments to you, I would be upset too! :hugs:


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[gizmoduckus]

:iagree: with everyone else. I don't think it was your DH who acted inappropriately.

[Cupcake]

Firstly .. sharing is not something that kids GET .. :laughing: .. and .. when your DH said to the child repeatedly that he needed to share .. surely the kids mother should have seen this as a hint to get off her butt and DO SOMETHING ... ??? kids cant always sort things out themselves .. and often they need to be SHOWN how to do things

I often break up 'sharing' when I see kids playing together .. and Jack knows that I time sharing - and it doesn't take other kids long to pick up on it either (but you have to stay there and supervise.. the sharing :laughing:) .. I just stand there and 'pretend' to time the turn that each child has .. (usually two minutes each) usually .. the kids get bored with waiting their turn and end up playing with something else anyway ... so the issue disappears ..

Other than the swearing (TOTALLY inappropriate at a kids party) .. I dont see that what your hubby did was all that wrong??? especially if your kid was consisntently missing out .. or was much smaller than the other child ??? fair is fair.. and children can NOT learn without example ..

give him a hug when he gets home .. and chat it out .. being a daddy is hard (or so my DH keeps telling me :laughing:) - they often dont feel that they get it right ..

I do wonder if the lady learnt anything from the party though .. since she got the apology and probably feels pretty rightious about it .. sigh .. I loathe it when kids aren't supervised closely by their own parents ..

xx
Jen

:iagree: with all of this.
People that do what that woman did :hair: they drive me insane...to lazy to act on a situation but more then willing to mouth off when someone else does:thumbsdown:

[Ana Gram]

I think we are all siding with your DH. I would have been so cheesed off about some of the comments these other mother's made. How dare they say "you can do better" :no:

[Hollywood]

I have a 15 month old and I'm a bit sick of bigger kids picking on him when they should know better, so I can understand where your DH was coming from.

Sounds like the Mum fired him up by saying "Well he's only F'ing 2". Yes he's 2.5 and he should know a little better IMO.

My 15 month old is better behaved than that, in fact he GIVES other kids toys to play with as opposed to snatching. I dunno, perhaps some kids are just wired differently and will snatch no matter what good example they're being taught. Maybe my DS is 'unusual' in that way by being nice??

The swearing match at a kids party was perhaps a 'no-no', but your DH was just defending his child which is totally normal and understandable.

[abiishu]

She then said " Keep your fu#$ing baby away from my kid"


WT :confused:

I agree with everyone else, sounds like she is the one with the problem!

[lotti]

I am thinking he must of been REALLY angry about it if they thought he was beating you. A bit of an over reation all around.

:o

[MumOf4Monsters]

I understand what you are saying ladies....I know that she was definately in the wrong and yes she did escalate the situation but it was the tone in his voice and the way that he charged past the boy to pick ds up. It's hard to explain, i guess you had to be there.

When i was apoligising to the woman she said to me "if he had of laid a hand on my child he would have been in big trouble".

I think she really felt that her child was being victimised and to be honest with you all, i kinda agree with her.

As i said, you had to be there.

I've had issues with dh's anger towards people before, so maybe i'm being over sensitive?

I just really feel that he needs some sort of help...I think we both do. I feel like i'm drifting away from him because of these things.

We were at the movies a couple of weeks ago and we bought our tickets. They allocate seats now, so we chose the seats up the very back in the centre.

We go into the cinema and there is a man and a boy (around 7-8ish) sitting in our seats. Dh went off saying they're sitting in our ****ing seats.

I said to him, thats fine, we'll just sit next to them, it's ok.

He went on and on swearing and carrying on....It was very embarrassing. There would have been less than 10 people in the cinema, so no need to go off like that as there was plenty of other seats.

Little things like this seem to happen on a day to day basis and i'm just so sick of it!

[lotti]

:hugs: How awful, you never know when a day out will be spoilt.

I think you need to try to talk to him calmy about this, maybe marriage counselling together?

[our little treasures]

Firstly .. sharing is not something that kids GET .. :laughing: .. and .. when your DH said to the child repeatedly that he needed to share .. surely the kids mother should have seen this as a hint to get off her butt and DO SOMETHING ... ??? kids cant always sort things out themselves .. and often they need to be SHOWN how to do things

I often break up 'sharing' when I see kids playing together .. and Jack knows that I time sharing - and it doesn't take other kids long to pick up on it either (but you have to stay there and supervise.. the sharing :laughing:) .. I just stand there and 'pretend' to time the turn that each child has .. (usually two minutes each) usually .. the kids get bored with waiting their turn and end up playing with something else anyway ... so the issue disappears ..

Other than the swearing (TOTALLY inappropriate at a kids party) .. I dont see that what your hubby did was all that wrong??? especially if your kid was consisntently missing out .. or was much smaller than the other child ??? fair is fair.. and children can NOT learn without example ..

give him a hug when he gets home .. and chat it out .. being a daddy is hard (or so my DH keeps telling me :laughing:) - they often dont feel that they get it right ..

I do wonder if the lady learnt anything from the party though .. since she got the apology and probably feels pretty rightious about it .. sigh .. I loathe it when kids aren't supervised closely by their own parents ..

xx
Jen

:iagree: I feel for your hubby as embarrassed as you may have felt you should have stood up for him.

If your worried about his anger get him some help but I think he sounds pretty normal

[MumOf4Monsters]

:hugs: How awful, you never know when a day out will be spoilt.

I think you need to try to talk to him calmy about this, maybe marriage counselling together?


I suggested counselling to him tonight. I'm at the point where i think that maybe we'd be happier i we were apart. I feel really bad for thinking that way, i love him but i can't handle all of these things.

How do i go about organising mariage counselling? Is there some sort of free service?

[lovebeingamum!]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

I also know what you mean about 'you have to be there'.

My DH has a fiery streak to him... so I put this to you. Maybe instead of looking at what happened as negative - how about the positive. He cared about what was happening to your son and that he wasnt being treated fairly. Some dads dont.
I understand that it may have been a bit hypocritical, but they arent with the kids all the time, so dont see all the things they do :laughing:

I still think the lady was way OTT as well, and yes apologising was good, but also some support for your DH too??

A hard situation to be in, I wish you luck :hugs:

[MumOf4Monsters]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

I also know what you mean about 'you have to be there'.

My DH has a fiery streak to him... so I put this to you. Maybe instead of looking at what happened as negative - how about the positive. He cared about what was happening to your son and that he wasnt being treated fairly. Some dads dont.
I understand that it may have been a bit hypocritical, but they arent with the kids all the time, so dont see all the things they do :laughing:

I still think the lady was way OTT as well, and yes apologising was good, but also some support for your DH too??

A hard situation to be in, I wish you luck :hugs:
Yeah i get what you mean. He was standing up for ds which is a good thing, but i would hate for someone to speak to one of my kids like that.

Personally i would have sat them both down and made them play together. I guess men are different.

I feel really bad now. Maybe i'm the mean nasty woman for not standing up for him. :confused: I just feel really bad that it even happened, and i feel sorry for the poor birthday boy. After the incident, everyone started packing up and went home.

[SalTheGal]

I suggested counselling to him tonight. I'm at the point where i think that maybe we'd be happier i we were apart. I feel really bad for thinking that way, i love him but i can't handle all of these things.

How do i go about organising mariage counselling? Is there some sort of free service?

I think you know the situation, and you know your DH, so you are in the best position to judge who was in the wrong/right etc etc....

But just had to mention on the counselling side of things- from time to time my DH and I head off to counselling, we are quite different personalities, and it sometimes gets in the way of our relationship, in fact we headed off this morning to our first session in a few years because lately things have been really rough.

It is one of the best things you can possibly do for your relationship, and I do not understand why more people won't give it a go.

Re the cost- if you get a referral from your GP you can get medicare funded visits (6 or 12 can't remember which) with a psycholigist. Otherwise you would need to pay privately.

If you choose to go to a relationship counsellor check in with your local "relationships australia" office- they base there charges on your income, so if you are on the low end of the scale you will not pay too much, and they can generally fit you in fairly quickly.

A lot of guys don't like to go to counselling, but my DH swears by it as much as I do, it took him a bit to get him there, but now we both agree that it has saved our relationship quite a few times.

Goodluck, and if you want any more info etc feel free to PM me! :hugs:

[MumOf4Monsters]

:iagree: I feel for your hubby as embarrassed as you may have felt you should have stood up for him.

If your worried about his anger get him some help but I think he sounds pretty normal


I would have stood up for him had i thought that he was right, but in my head it is NEVER ok to yell or even raise your voice at someone elses child.
Yes, he was standing up for our ds, but he was wrong to yell at the boy.
It's hard to really give a good picture of how it went down, but think about it - The mum in question thought that he was going to hit her child (I know that he would never ever do that, but the way that he charged past the boy gave her that impression)

The other lady must have also thought that he was abusive just from seeing the way he reacted to the situation. For this woman to come to me and tell me that i should leave my husband she must have thought that it was pretty serious.
I'm still really really upset with him and the whole situation. It's not the first time that something like this has happened and to be honest with you, i really think that he likes conflict. Which is something that i just do not tolerate.

They were both in the wrong and the mum in question is known to be a little hot headed. Don't get me wrong i'm not blaming him for the whole fiasco but he did start it by speaking to the child the way he did.

[Ana Gram]

Personally i would have sat them both down and made them play together. I guess men are different.


I wouldn't have. I would have moved my child away and told her not to go near this child again. To be honest, I would have a similar reaction to your husband but I don't think I need counselling. I just don't put up with anyone's c**p.

[mumofcuties]

Im sorry but it does not sound like he started it at all, there is no need for swearing and abuse from the woman to start with. Why didnt she step in earlier & sort out her son? I dont think he(hubby) is 'in the wrong' so I cant help sorry. Yeah maybe he shouldnt have used a firm angry voice, but how many more times was he supposed to ask the child to stop snatching before the woman actually did something? If that were my child I would have been onto it straight away & apologising to ur son & husband not swearing and hurling abuse.

those other women sound horrible making those comments to you, I would be upset too! :hugs:


i agree she was worse then him

[trouble]

:iagree: with most of what everyone else was saying, but here are some things I want to know.

Why and where was this other mum when her son was repeatedly snatching from your son????? I would always stop my kids from doing that, and at that age I always have an eye on my kids.

I also dont agree at raising your voice at other peoples kids, that is the parents job, but, if I was your husband, and this mum was not doing anything, I would have either said to the mum to come and get her son, or stop him from snatching.

And failing that, I would have said something to this child, maybe it really got under your DHs skin, it really bugs me when people dont look after their kids, and I bet if her kid had have hurt himself and your DH help him it would have been a different story.

This mum to me sounds like she went a bit silly, especially at a kids party.

And to go on like she did about your DH going to be in trouble if he had have touched her kid, is someone going stupid if you ask me.

I know you might feel embarrassed, but I would have reacted the same as your DH, so stick up for him, he is family, and he may not eal with it well, but, thats a different story.

[MumOf4Monsters]

:iagree: with most of what everyone else was saying, but here are some things I want to know.

Why and where was this other mum when her son was repeatedly snatching from your son????? I would always stop my kids from doing that, and at that age I always have an eye on my kids.

I also dont agree at raising your voice at other peoples kids, that is the parents job, but, if I was your husband, and this mum was not doing anything, I would have either said to the mum to come and get her son, or stop him from snatching.

And failing that, I would have said something to this child, maybe it really got under your DHs skin, it really bugs me when people dont look after their kids, and I bet if her kid had have hurt himself and your DH help him it would have been a different story.

This mum to me sounds like she went a bit silly, especially at a kids party.

And to go on like she did about your DH going to be in trouble if he had have touched her kid, is someone going stupid if you ask me.

I know you might feel embarrassed, but I would have reacted the same as your DH, so stick up for him, he is family, and he may not eal with it well, but, thats a different story.

The other mum sat on her bum the whole time and watched her child, she did'nt step in at all and correct him. I'm with you, i always have my eyes on my kids and if they do something wrong i always pull them up on it and try to make it right.

No, he should'nt have raised his voice and he has now admitted that to me that it was wrong.
Yes he was very angry because it had happened over and over again and he just could'nt take it anymore.
I think he yelled to get the mothers attention more than anything else, but i think he could have handled it differently. I don't like conflict at all and i'm the sort of person that would talk to the mum or the child not yell like he did.

Yes she really did "lose it" and that made him even more angry because she called him a bad father.

I did stick up for him and i told the woman that he is a good person and that he would never physicaly hurt anyone. It's just the fact that he started it by yelling at the boy that annoys me.
If it had have been a "normal" persons kid, it probably would'nt have gotten out of hand.

I've cooled off a lot now and after talking to dh i do see it a little more from his point of view. He was annoyed that ds was being picked on. The sad thing is though, all of these women now think that he is an abusive person and i see these people at parties twice a year, so there will always be dramas now. It was just a stupid thing that got way out of hand.

[*Chels*]

Maybe they were both in the wrong.
The Mum shouldnt have started swearing at your DH,maybe he shouldnt have raised his voice.
Sounds like it was all blown out of proportion,which does happen when 2 people get their backs up protecting their kids.;)

I get what ya mean about angry DH's.I get soooo peeved at my DH at times-he just abuses everyone all the time:rolleyes:Not to their face,but stuff like people not indicating when they drive,he starts yelling.I dont know why he bothers-they cant hear him!:rolleyes:
He would do the same thing your DH did at the movies!
Usually when I give him a good telling off,he realises what a d!ck he is!LOL

SALTHE GAL's post was really good!I think you should give it a go if you are really concerned about his anger.

:hugs: That really sux those women think your DH is a wifebeater,a bit uncalled for IMO.It is hurtful when people can say such nasty things about your husband!:hugs:

[2sweetgirls]

I think you know the situation, and you know your DH, so you are in the best position to judge who was in the wrong/right etc etc....

But just had to mention on the counselling side of things- from time to time my DH and I head off to counselling, we are quite different personalities, and it sometimes gets in the way of our relationship, in fact we headed off this morning to our first session in a few years because lately things have been really rough.

It is one of the best things you can possibly do for your relationship, and I do not understand why more people won't give it a go.

Re the cost- if you get a referral from your GP you can get medicare funded visits (6 or 12 can't remember which) with a psycholigist. Otherwise you would need to pay privately.

If you choose to go to a relationship counsellor check in with your local "relationships australia" office- they base there charges on your income, so if you are on the low end of the scale you will not pay too much, and they can generally fit you in fairly quickly.

A lot of guys don't like to go to counselling, but my DH swears by it as much as I do, it took him a bit to get him there, but now we both agree that it has saved our relationship quite a few times.

Goodluck, and if you want any more info etc feel free to PM me! :hugs:

I heared that the referral from your GP can get the free service also. Worth looking into.

[trouble]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:for you, Im glad you feel better about it, and go on you for sticking up for your DH, about him being a good dad,

I really understand how you feel, my DH has actually had a punch up at a 21st because he thought someone was putting me down, they were, but I was so sissapointed about how he delt with it, and I had a lot of people saying you can do better, and I hope he doesnt hit you,

But he never would, he is just ery protective of what is his. So thats why I unerstand your hubby.

[Lilyloo]

:hugs:
maybe marriage counselling together?

:confused: Over this?

I don't know your relationship, but he sounds like a father who just cares a lot about his children...

I can see how you are annoyed at how he reacted, but at the end of the day, I think he was in the right, personally.

[kayla Lilyz mum]

Those women at the party sound nasty, i can understand that u feel embarrassed, i probably would to. But it just sounds like he was defending his child and the other mother should of told her child off. I hate it when parents just sit there when there kid does something wrong and say nothing. really makes me very mad!:thumbsdown:

[Kazamataz]

I'm so embarrased and angry right now!

Dh & I & the four kids went to a friends ds's 1st birthday party this afternoon.

There was a 2.5yo boy there that kept snatching toys off my 18mo ds.

Dh kept telling him not to snatch but he kept doing it. Then the boy snatched a toy off my ds again and he fell and started to cry.

Dh got up, picked up ds and said to the boy "Come on mate, stop snatching" (It was said in a firm angry voice)

So the mother of the boy gets up and says "Back the f#%K up man! He's only 2!"
Dh says "well you need to teach him some manners"
The mum says "he's only fu#$ing 2"
Dh says "my baby is 18mo and he knows his manners" (ds snatches and picks on kids that are smaller than him all the time! This is what kids do)
She then said " Keep your fu#$ing baby away from my kid"
So, it went back and forth and they were both swearing at each other. Seriously, i thought the mum was going to get physical, she was right up in dh's face.

So we finally calmed the situation and i went in and apoligised to the mum for what had happened. I told her that dh gets upset when he thinks our kids are being picked on and he just does'nt know how to talk to kids. She then got really cranky with me and said "he has 4 kids, he should know how to handle them" I apoligised to her again and left it at that.

I found out from my friend that the mum asked her if my dh beats me!!! This is what has made me really upset! Dh has never and would never ever hurt me. I feel so judged.

Then when i was leaving, one of the other mums came up to me and said "you know you can do so much better, you really can. You don't need him." I told her that dh has never hurt me and this is not how he is all the time. He was just trying to stand up for ds.
I just hate the fact that people are thinking these things. I feel really horrible about the whole thing!

Dh walked home and i drove. Well, he's still walking and i'm now home. It's about 10km's so he should be home soon.

I guess i just need some advice. His behaviour was not right, he did'nt need to talk to the boy like that. He seems to have a real streak of anger when it comes to other people. It seems like he likes to pick fights (not physical, just verbal) with other people.
What do i do?

I think he may need some help.

Who do i call?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated.

What the heck?
Sounds like the women was being just as crazy!
Maybe she needs counseling not your DH.

If someone spoke a bit harshly to my son my first response wouldn't be the F-word.

Sounds like she made the situation worse.

Don't worry about what other people say, If you know what your DH is really like then the rest can go jump.

[CatM]

She does sound a bit crazy. I would'nt worry my husband would have done the same, they hate to see their kids upset. I dont think they are as used to childrens behaviour as mums are (even after 4 kids ;))

As for the other women making assumptions! They are just been busy bodies. My hubby has a terrible temper when he gets mad! But as long as its only verbal and not directed at you!

You should have asked crazy lady if she beat her husband :laughing: !!

[MumOf4Monsters]

She does sound a bit crazy. I would'nt worry my husband would have done the same, they hate to see their kids upset. I dont think they are as used to childrens behaviour as mums are (even after 4 kids ;))

As for the other women making assumptions! They are just been busy bodies. My hubby has a terrible temper when he gets mad! But as long as its only verbal and not directed at you!

You should have asked crazy lady if she beat her husband :laughing: !!

:laughing::yelclap:lol......I'll be sure to ask her next time i see her...lol

[forbetoel]

I totally cannot handle adults fighting about kids fighting...how does that make sense???

Both your DH and the woman were in the wrong. Maybe your DH didn't swear, but the right thing to do would have been to remove his baby form the situation if it was starting to upset him.

Honestly most kids have trouble sharing, it should not have even got tho the stage of two parents even talking about this. A 2 year old snatching...hardly unheard of.

:hugs: to you...shame on the adults who behaved worse than the 2.5 year old.

[lotti]

:confused: Over this?

I don't know your relationship, but he sounds like a father who just cares a lot about his children...

I can see how you are annoyed at how he reacted, but at the end of the day, I think he was in the right, personally.

My partner really cares about his children and manages to have control of his anger when it comes to other people and their children too...I just thought that was a normal thing that adults do. :)

[tootsy]

i tell other kids to share with my child and it p!sses me off when i can clearly see a parent not dealing with thier child, to atleast get them to try share.
my son didnt learn to share on his own, i taught him at a young age.

and my son is a only child.

[Just*Mia]

Sounds like your DH was frustrated by an ineffective parent and he was indirectly talking to the parents when speaking to this child hoping they would react and help resolve the issue.....what if the situation had been reversed, I bet the mother would have been screaming blue murder straight off the bat.

Hate parents that only respond to a situation if its their child who is being bullied.:hair:

[bambi79]

Its funny cause my husband would have made "our" kid go play somewhere else. (even though ours isnt the problem)

We have a friend with a kid whos kinda A.D.D, and he has episodes where he wants what my kids have (at the time of playing) and he'll cry, jump up and down etc....
Me and hubby are always the ones to give into other naughty kids and make our own miss out because we know they will be fine with it.

Definately comes down to parenting though. I mean, mine can be "typical" kids and have their naughty streak but they dont normally have to "have" what someone else has.

Have I gone off track :confused:

By the way. Is this lady a friend?? Cause where does she get off her "high horse" to say "leave him, you can do better"!! If someone said that to me over a little tantrum, my god would I let them get what they deserve for saying such a thing!

"The grass is always greener on the other side"

[MumOf4Monsters]

Its funny cause my husband would have made "our" kid go play somewhere else. (even though ours isnt the problem)

We have a friend with a kid whos kinda A.D.D, and he has episodes where he wants what my kids have (at the time of playing) and he'll cry, jump up and down etc....
Me and hubby are always the ones to give into other naughty kids and make our own miss out because we know they will be fine with it.

Definately comes down to parenting though. I mean, mine can be "typical" kids and have their naughty streak but they dont normally have to "have" what someone else has.

Have I gone off track :confused:

By the way. Is this lady a friend?? Cause where does she get off her "high horse" to say "leave him, you can do better"!! If someone said that to me over a little tantrum, my god would I let them get what they deserve for saying such a thing!

"The grass is always greener on the other side"


Hi bambi79:wave:

No, you have'nt gone off track, and i totally get what you mean. I'm alot like you in the fact that i also give in to othe "naughty" kids too. I know that my kids will be fine also if i give them a different toy or take them away from the situation. I'll do anything to keep the peace and avoid a confrontation.

All kids can be naughty, mine as well. Ds has just started into the "I want that cos you've got it faze":rolleyes: But i don't tolerate it and i will teach him that that is just not acceptable. This is where the "crazy mum" went wrong, she lets her kids do whatever they want.

It's funny actually, my friend that held the b'day party for her 1yo had a playdate last week with the "crazy mum". They were sitting talking and this womans dd (almost 4) came up to her and was demanding her mums attention and hitting her.
Apparently it went on and on and the mum just ignored it:eek: My friend was getting really annoyed and said to the girl not to hit her mum as it was not nice. The mum was fine with that, but it shocks me that she would sit there and let her kid hit her. It's no wonder her other kid thought he had the right to pick on my kid.

Parents like this drive me up the wall!!!

No, that woman that said that i should leave dh is not a friend. I've known her for a few years but we only chat at my friends functions. Yeah i was shocked by that statement! It was quite upsetting to think that people think that of my dh. Anyone that knows me knows that i would never ever put up with that.

Actually, now thinking about it, those women should have been more concerned for "crazy womans" husband's safety than mine!:p...LOL...She was pretty scary!

[bambi79]

Im glad you got my point :D

Definately sounds as if this "crazy woman" just tries to ignore the naughty behaviour rather than dealing with it. Oh well, her problem.

Glad you are seeing it in a funny kinda way now ;)

I really hope you and yours can sort what ever it is that needs sorting out, and be happy.


:flowerz:

[robinson]

:hugs:What a situation for you to be in..

GBH for you...

Maybe your husband did over react / lose his temper at the kid and he shouldnt have but IMO he was being a parent of his own child... I would have probably done the same thing... althought that being said I didnt see it or the severity / tone of his voice..

BUT

the other mum
She needs to have a look at herself! She should not have spoken the way she did infront of children!!
THat language is horrific! Then to go on and mention that she thinks he beats you.... she needs help!

I hope you work out a way to limit your DH's anger outbursts... cause it sounds like your are a very caring concerned mummy and wife..

[Mum2Bella]

I understand what you are saying ladies....I know that she was definately in the wrong and yes she did escalate the situation but it was the tone in his voice and the way that he charged past the boy to pick ds up. It's hard to explain, i guess you had to be there.

When i was apoligising to the woman she said to me "if he had of laid a hand on my child he would have been in big trouble".

I think she really felt that her child was being victimised and to be honest with you all, i kinda agree with her.

As i said, you had to be there.


ihave read all the reply up to where you said this,from your 1st post i thoght your hubby was in the wrong for raising his voice in that way to a child(it could of been dealt with in another way),i would be bloody angry if someone did that to my child & i would of thought that the tone in his voice that he could of hurt my child.



I really feel for you

[mum2bubba]

Complety agree with everyone else, your hubby was just trying to defend his son and the mother is the one who needs a talking to.
I can't stand people not disciplining their own children especially when they are hurting/bullying my kids. I say something to the child then and there if the parent just stands there and pretends nothing is wrong. Just gets me really mad. :mad:

As for the other women saying "you can do better?" what the f@ck is that all about? Do they even know your hubby.

[mum2bubba]

I wouldn't have. I would have moved my child away and told her not to go near this child again. To be honest, I would have a similar reaction to your husband but I don't think I need counselling. I just don't put up with anyone's c**p.

I am the same.

[melbdad]

Sounds like your DH was frustrated by an ineffective parent and he was indirectly talking to the parents when speaking to this child hoping they would react and help resolve the issue.....what if the situation had been reversed, I bet the mother would have been screaming blue murder straight off the bat.

Hate parents that only respond to a situation if its their child who is being bullied.:hair:

I have exactly the same opinion as Mia! Seems to be that way from what u said. I think yr DH have the right intention in the sense that he stand up for the family, in particularly yr DS. Shows that he does feel for you and yr DS. Though his harsh action was certainly deplorable but whether was it justifiable, that is another question. The ideal solution would be yr DH approaching the other kid mom to ask her to cool down her kid. And the ideal response would be the mom hold her kid back and everybody live happily after, aint that nice? Sigh......

[Ronni78]

I totally cannot handle adults fighting about kids fighting...how does that make sense???

Both your DH and the woman were in the wrong. Maybe your DH didn't swear, but the right thing to do would have been to remove his baby form the situation if it was starting to upset him.

Honestly most kids have trouble sharing, it should not have even got tho the stage of two parents even talking about this. A 2 year old snatching...hardly unheard of.

:hugs: to you...shame on the adults who behaved worse than the 2.5 year old.


:iagree:

But then guys are different. They generally don't have our perception in these types of situations. We would have asked the 2.5yo to share and get them to play together. If that didn't work, we would have removed our child, or tried to send the 2.5yo to his mother.

Of course, I have the luxury of hindsight so it's not much good to you now :p

I agree, your DH should not have growled at the toddler whether as a means of getting his point across to the slack mum, or to give in to frustration. Though his frustration is understandable.

And that mum, well yeah, she's psycho and should have been watching her kid and sorting him out. I can only imagine how frightened the children at the party were by her display. Her *****y comments about your relationship were completely unfair! Don't let psycho people dictate how you feel. It's good you stuck up for hubby. No matter how he behaved, you always have to stand by family.

But then, for you to say you might want couselling, there must be some underlying issues and this situation was just the icing on the cake. In that case, explore how you feel, bottling it up won't help one iota. Maybe talk to your hubby more about it.

Good luck :fingerscrossed: