I need advice!

[AjConodie]

Hi

I am in a rather unique and stressful situtaion. My partner told me 3 days ago that she is pregnant and rather advanced with our second child (we have a 3 year old son). We do not live together for financial reasons and also due to the fact we weren't getting along while we were living together.

She said that her doctor thought she was about 28 weeks. She told me that everything was functioning normally (ie still had her period) and that the only sign that she may have been pregnant was that she was putting on weight.

We had the ultrasound this morning
and when my partner was asked how many appointments she had had with her doctor she said 3. She told me she had only gone to the doctor last week. She also said that her period had stopped about 2 months ago or so she couldn't really remember (which I am doubtful of).

The ultrasound revealed she is 34 weeks. I am shocked, embarrassed that I have to tell my family, work and friends that we are having a baby very soon.

What makes it worse is that I feel that OUR relationship is pretty much over and that I was very close to officially seperating.

I feel I need to be responsible and be around for the birth and want to do my duties as a parent, but I will always have the feeling that I was lied to, or deceived.

Can anyone offer me any advice as to what I should do? Should I walk away? Should I stay for the children's sake? I am desperate for advice. Please help me!

[sandy_1902]

hi...

to offer support you dont have to be in a relationship and thats something i wish i known while i was PG.. you can still offer her all the support in the world and not be together..

if you feel the relationship will put a downer on everything you would do as a family.. then IMO i would suggest a break.. its not the best thing to find out your partner is with jsut for a baby.. maybe a break would be what is best for yous right now.

so in strength i say DONT stay just for the baby.. i you feel you and her could work it all out in time stay.. nut if you feel you need a break to work it all out then take it... just because you separate doesn't mean you cant get back together or help her with the new baby.. or be there when it is born

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I cannot offer any advice, you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her how she has made you feel. There is afew people on here who didn't know they were pregnant until very late into it, so it does happen. IYKWIM.

I would not worry about what others are going to think:no:

Good luck :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

(though it does sound like she is not being completely honest with you)

[AjConodie]

Thank you for your advice. My next question is, should I be there for the birth considering my feelings?

[sunnyflower]

I is actually medically possible to be pregnant and have a period for nine months,there are records of this.

It sounds as though the relationship was rocky to begin with.You mention that you live apart for financial reasons.Well if i was in love with my partner.NOTHING would keep me from living with him.You also mentioned that you weren't getting along.

It now sounds like you don't have much respect for your partner as you feel as though she knew about this pregnancy all along.I can't answer that but i think you guys need to sit down and have a serious chat.You need to tell her how you feel.

As fro the birth, i think that obviously she needs to have some support there but it doesn't sound as though you want to be that person as you are angry with her.I don't see there being any value in you being there at the birth if you continue to feel the way you do.

I think it's good that you are still around,some men might have bailed completely.You sound like a nice guy but you just need to talk with and discuss how you are feeling.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

Thank you for your advice. My next question is, should I be there for the birth considering my feelings?

I think you should see what she wants you do.....

If she does want you there, I would go as this is your baby too.....

If she doesn't want you there, then maybe you can work out what she does want your help with.

Sorry not much help here.

[sandy_1902]

its your baby talk it over with her and tell her no matter what you would love to be at the birth

if you want to of course go

[WorkingClassMum]

Regardless of your feelings for your partner ATM - please remember there's two children invloved here

The birth of your child is it's first welcome into this world. How will you feel in years to come knowing you weren't there eenthough you were wanted?

I accept that you must be annoyed and frustrated with your ex's lack of communication - but maybe she was afraid to tell you? And maybe - she's telling most of the truth.

Your ex may have been in denial as well. I have a very close friend that kept on denying to everyone that she was prgnnt until her mother made her go to the Dr and bubs was born a few weeks later.

I wouldn't be embarressed to tell people that a bubs is on it's way - if they're good friends/family they'll understand.

This is a very tricky situation and I hope that you can be there for the birth - you don't get a second chance to see your child being born. Each child is unique and precious.

Good luck