PookieLady
12-05-2008, 09:21 PM
Warning, this is not the happy birth story most have, but as part of my healing process i really wanted to share
The Birth of my beautiful daughter was nothing like I expected. I had read these beautiful birth stories through my whole pregnancy thinking it would just be that easy. But it was far from easy…
It was our 1st year anniversary and the love of my life drove me to the beach and asked me to marry him with the sounds of the waves crashing behind us. We were young and so in love. It was only a few short weeks later that we found out we were expecting our first child. I new that I had always wanted a large family, at least 8 kids and I was over the moon to find someone who could love a 20 year old who had big plans for a huge family and wanted it pretty soon.
My pregnancy wasn’t what I called fun, but I still loved every moment of it. The horrific morning sickness started at 8 weeks and wasn’t going any where anytime soon. Vomiting 10-15 times a day soon took its toll on my body and I was off to the ER. A simple drip was all I need to get my fluids up and I felt on top of the world.
It wasn’t long into the pregnancy that we found out Gordon was going over seas for 4 months thanks fully he would be home in time for the birth. So with him going away in a month I quit my job and decided to go live with my mother in Mt Isa for support.
I was excited to go back to my old Doctor and couldnt wait to see her. But unfortunately I found out I had high blood pressure. As common as it is in pregnancy this was the start of what was to lead to a not so picture perfect birth. I was put on meds but this made my BP drop really low and made me feel like fainting. So I monitored my BP everyday at home and found that I didn’t really have high blood pressure it would only go high when I went to see the Doctor. She explained that I could suffer from ‘white coat syndrome’ where u “freak out” when u go to the doc even for something simple n routine however you feel completely normal. (I am still researching this so its not the best explanation.) So apart from the slightly high unexplained BP everything was perfect. All test where clear, bub was growing well and I had only put on 13kgs, I felt great!
Once the 40 week mark rolled around I was starting to get anxious and uncomfortable. I was being told throughout my whole pregnancy that it would be a huge baby and she was engaged very early on. Of course I listened and trusted my doctors, believing that they new what was best for me and my baby. So when I went in for my 40 week check up I was told she was head high and because of my high BP they wanted to induce me to get things going. I thought yay ill have my baby in my arms soon “yes go ahead” I said not thinking where this could lead, all I could see was having my baby in my arm. Once the gel was in, i started to pace the hall ways begging for something to happen. ‘bring on the pain’ I kept telling myself, but nothing happened. 6 hours later that applied the seconded lot of gel and I was admitted and got settled in. The nurse would say most women only need 2 lots you’ll be in labour in no time. When the next morning came around after 3 lots of gel and not 1 contraction I started to doubt my body thinking maybe I wasn’t built to have babies. My Ob came into my room and announced that I need a c-section. “what? Why?” I ask, I new deep down there was nothing wrong with me or my baby. “ you have high blood pressure and your baby is so high I don’t think it will ever come down” he said. There was no way I was electing to have a c-section and proceeded to ask him for medical reasons why I needed a c-sec. Of course he couldn’t give me any and by this stage my mum n Gordon where in the room. I had 2 doctors and a midwife at the end of my bed trying to convince me that I needed a c-sec my heart just broke, I could no longer speak and my mum n Gordon where doing all the talking. My doc started to get really aggressive and proceeded to tell me that if I didn’t my baby would die and it would be all my fault. I new I couldn’t let him see me cry or he would win. My mother was so mad at this man for making me feel this way and gave him an ear full. He left my room and went into the hall way with the other doc and started to talk about me. The stupid man was in ear shot so we called hear everything he was saying, like “her mother is making this all political” im sure the whole hospital heard. He came back in with his big folder and started to write up some sort of letter basically saying if I don’t have the c-section that he believes I need and something happens to the baby its completely my fault. He then shoves it in my face and tells me to sign it. I feel so threatened and degraded, I scribble on he piece of paper and he walks out the door, but not before my mother can say ‘that will never hold up in court anyway’. Lol (thanks mum)
Once they are gone, the midwife tells me that I will need to be monitored everyday. I say ‘yep fine’ grab my stuff and get out of there as fast as my big pregnant body would let me. Before I had even got out of the hospital doors the tears had already started and as mum and Gordon caught up with me I just broke down. He had made me feel like a useless piece of junk that had no feeling and didn’t deserve to bring her baby into the world the way she wanted to. I felt like this for many months.
A week later, the bun was still in the oven with not a single sign of labour starting anytime soon. I had a new doctor and had started to feel a little better about things. I had gone in everyday to be hooked up to their machines only to tell me every time, everything is fine. At 41 weeks my new doc announced that he to thought I should have a c-section. I didn’t know how much longer I could take this pressure from people you trust so much.
I gave in, and sign the form.
I was prepped and wheeled off balling my eyes out. “you’ll get to meet your baby soon” a nurse would say “you should be excited”. I had no excitement at all, to meet my baby. I didn’t want to meet her like this, this was not my plan. The surgery was pretty straight forward and I didn’t feel anything. I was given a quick look at my daughter and she was gone. I didn’t get to hold her or give her, her first bath. I laid in recovery for what felt like hours alone, not knowing who had my baby or where she was. It was the worst time of my life.
The next day I finally started to try n bond with my baby, it was so hard and I had to give her everything I could because I refused to believe I was suffering from PND. I persisted to breastfeed her no matter how hard it was and I pushed through the pain that I was left with from my c-section.
Thankfully I healed well both physically and even though it took a long time emotionally as well. I had the most amazing baby who was so perfect in everyway. Today she is 16 months old, it took me a long time to write this story and come to terms with it. I do wish her birth was very different but it has led me to find some amazing woman and realize that next time can be different. (bring on the homebirth baby whoot whoot)
My dream of 8 kids is still alive, and I cant wait to fall pregnant again and the preparations are underway for a better birth for #2.
Sarah
The Birth of my beautiful daughter was nothing like I expected. I had read these beautiful birth stories through my whole pregnancy thinking it would just be that easy. But it was far from easy…
It was our 1st year anniversary and the love of my life drove me to the beach and asked me to marry him with the sounds of the waves crashing behind us. We were young and so in love. It was only a few short weeks later that we found out we were expecting our first child. I new that I had always wanted a large family, at least 8 kids and I was over the moon to find someone who could love a 20 year old who had big plans for a huge family and wanted it pretty soon.
My pregnancy wasn’t what I called fun, but I still loved every moment of it. The horrific morning sickness started at 8 weeks and wasn’t going any where anytime soon. Vomiting 10-15 times a day soon took its toll on my body and I was off to the ER. A simple drip was all I need to get my fluids up and I felt on top of the world.
It wasn’t long into the pregnancy that we found out Gordon was going over seas for 4 months thanks fully he would be home in time for the birth. So with him going away in a month I quit my job and decided to go live with my mother in Mt Isa for support.
I was excited to go back to my old Doctor and couldnt wait to see her. But unfortunately I found out I had high blood pressure. As common as it is in pregnancy this was the start of what was to lead to a not so picture perfect birth. I was put on meds but this made my BP drop really low and made me feel like fainting. So I monitored my BP everyday at home and found that I didn’t really have high blood pressure it would only go high when I went to see the Doctor. She explained that I could suffer from ‘white coat syndrome’ where u “freak out” when u go to the doc even for something simple n routine however you feel completely normal. (I am still researching this so its not the best explanation.) So apart from the slightly high unexplained BP everything was perfect. All test where clear, bub was growing well and I had only put on 13kgs, I felt great!
Once the 40 week mark rolled around I was starting to get anxious and uncomfortable. I was being told throughout my whole pregnancy that it would be a huge baby and she was engaged very early on. Of course I listened and trusted my doctors, believing that they new what was best for me and my baby. So when I went in for my 40 week check up I was told she was head high and because of my high BP they wanted to induce me to get things going. I thought yay ill have my baby in my arms soon “yes go ahead” I said not thinking where this could lead, all I could see was having my baby in my arm. Once the gel was in, i started to pace the hall ways begging for something to happen. ‘bring on the pain’ I kept telling myself, but nothing happened. 6 hours later that applied the seconded lot of gel and I was admitted and got settled in. The nurse would say most women only need 2 lots you’ll be in labour in no time. When the next morning came around after 3 lots of gel and not 1 contraction I started to doubt my body thinking maybe I wasn’t built to have babies. My Ob came into my room and announced that I need a c-section. “what? Why?” I ask, I new deep down there was nothing wrong with me or my baby. “ you have high blood pressure and your baby is so high I don’t think it will ever come down” he said. There was no way I was electing to have a c-section and proceeded to ask him for medical reasons why I needed a c-sec. Of course he couldn’t give me any and by this stage my mum n Gordon where in the room. I had 2 doctors and a midwife at the end of my bed trying to convince me that I needed a c-sec my heart just broke, I could no longer speak and my mum n Gordon where doing all the talking. My doc started to get really aggressive and proceeded to tell me that if I didn’t my baby would die and it would be all my fault. I new I couldn’t let him see me cry or he would win. My mother was so mad at this man for making me feel this way and gave him an ear full. He left my room and went into the hall way with the other doc and started to talk about me. The stupid man was in ear shot so we called hear everything he was saying, like “her mother is making this all political” im sure the whole hospital heard. He came back in with his big folder and started to write up some sort of letter basically saying if I don’t have the c-section that he believes I need and something happens to the baby its completely my fault. He then shoves it in my face and tells me to sign it. I feel so threatened and degraded, I scribble on he piece of paper and he walks out the door, but not before my mother can say ‘that will never hold up in court anyway’. Lol (thanks mum)
Once they are gone, the midwife tells me that I will need to be monitored everyday. I say ‘yep fine’ grab my stuff and get out of there as fast as my big pregnant body would let me. Before I had even got out of the hospital doors the tears had already started and as mum and Gordon caught up with me I just broke down. He had made me feel like a useless piece of junk that had no feeling and didn’t deserve to bring her baby into the world the way she wanted to. I felt like this for many months.
A week later, the bun was still in the oven with not a single sign of labour starting anytime soon. I had a new doctor and had started to feel a little better about things. I had gone in everyday to be hooked up to their machines only to tell me every time, everything is fine. At 41 weeks my new doc announced that he to thought I should have a c-section. I didn’t know how much longer I could take this pressure from people you trust so much.
I gave in, and sign the form.
I was prepped and wheeled off balling my eyes out. “you’ll get to meet your baby soon” a nurse would say “you should be excited”. I had no excitement at all, to meet my baby. I didn’t want to meet her like this, this was not my plan. The surgery was pretty straight forward and I didn’t feel anything. I was given a quick look at my daughter and she was gone. I didn’t get to hold her or give her, her first bath. I laid in recovery for what felt like hours alone, not knowing who had my baby or where she was. It was the worst time of my life.
The next day I finally started to try n bond with my baby, it was so hard and I had to give her everything I could because I refused to believe I was suffering from PND. I persisted to breastfeed her no matter how hard it was and I pushed through the pain that I was left with from my c-section.
Thankfully I healed well both physically and even though it took a long time emotionally as well. I had the most amazing baby who was so perfect in everyway. Today she is 16 months old, it took me a long time to write this story and come to terms with it. I do wish her birth was very different but it has led me to find some amazing woman and realize that next time can be different. (bring on the homebirth baby whoot whoot)
My dream of 8 kids is still alive, and I cant wait to fall pregnant again and the preparations are underway for a better birth for #2.
Sarah