how can i make him understand (long)

[k&Hmum]

...

[sandy_1902]

i would be ****ed off.. i would offer to pay for a dress i liked..

its yoru special day to... you need to feel special to he needs to realise this

[Mathermy]

DF and i are getting married in 2 weeks. our wedding ceremony is completely paid for by a man who df did work for (employer's brother is celebrant and his wife is wedding planner) so we could have it however we want, they will provide flowers, jewellery, makeup, music and even the dress and food if i choose to take it up.
Anyway df and i decided upon a small wedding minimal fuss but from there df has just taken over and anything i suggest he just says i dont want that.

What about me, what about what i want. this is my day and he wont let me have any say in it. im at the point where im ready to call it off.

before you all start thinking im being silly i'll tell you how its going to be- he chose my dress (its blue and it cost him $20) i dont mind that its cheap but i would have liked to pick it, also im only allowed to invite one person, my mum and he is just bringing his mum and our 3 daughters will be there also. if we didnt need witnesses he wouldnt allow anyone.

im really close to my family and they are going to be so hurt that they cant be there and i want them there but df says no not what i want.

We had a meeting with the planner today and she was asking about a photographer and makeup and flowers and all that and she said you have to m,ake an effort for it because its your book of history that your kids will want to look at some day but df said no photographer, no nothing just very very simple.

he wont compromise on anything, how do i make him understand what this means to me?

i know the main thing is that we become husband and wife but if its all paid for anyway why not let me have an extra special day


I don't think you are being silly at all-this situation sounds very,very odd to me :yes: Has your DF always been so dominant or is it just about the wedding?

[V8]

Yeah, i'd be quite concerned, if he's this controlling over your wedding and you aren't actually married yet? What's in store for you? Hmmm, very strange. I wouldn't get married at all if he's going to be like that, it obviously isn't that important to him. It's a celebration to your friends and family of your commitment.

[V8]

It sounds as though you both have apprehensions about the wedding, i'd be really having an open and honest chat if you still want to go ahead with it. You don't want to get married and always resent/regret the way you did it. :hugs:

[cho]

I agree with what others have said. This seems very controlling :(

[Missy75]

I have to agree that it sounds very controlling. I think you need to look deeper than the wedding and think about the other times/ways that he might control you. Don't want to get all "Dr Phil" on you, but I think it's a big warning sign. You say you're shy and look to him a lot for guidance, but you should also be aware that controlling men look for insecure women who are easy to control. Even saying he'll call it off if you don't do it his way, that's emotional blackmail.

[dreamtobeamummy]

I would personally tell him to F*** off but then again thats just me, its your special day to and as the others have said if he controls you know, god what is he going to be like down the track once the marriage goes ahead... not my cup of tea but good luck with what ever way you choose to go :)

[berniebabe]

Sounds simillar to us actually. My DF isn't acting like that though. If he had his way we would be getting married at the registery office. No way I said, it still needs to be special for us. We are only having our two kids and 2 witnesses. We both decided that together.

:hugs:Hugs for you, I know how stressfull a small wedding can be, there is alot of emotion and not many people to share it with.:hugs:

[tahnee11]

:hugs::hugs:I really feel for you. I would be so hurt if my DF took control of our wedding like that. I agree with the other ladies, you really need to have an open honest chat with him. What does your mum say? I know if DF was controlling me like that, my mum would definitely have words with him if I didn't:laughing:. My DF just wants to go to a registry office but I said that since we both come from divorced parents, we have double the amount of family who I would love to share my big day with. To me, I think the wedding is really about the bride :p. I don't know many men who dream about what flowers are going to be at their wedding etc:laughing:. Your DF really needs to be more understanding of your wants and needs otherwise it isn't a very good start to a marriage. JMO:hugs:

[Mamalicious]

Yeah, i'd be quite concerned, if he's this controlling over your wedding and you aren't actually married yet? What's in store for you? Hmmm, very strange. I wouldn't get married at all if he's going to be like that, it obviously isn't that important to him. It's a celebration to your friends and family of your commitment.


:yes: :hugs:

[Mummaholic]

I find the situation very odd. If you can have all and any of the things you mentioned, why is he being so controlling, after you have said you want to make it a bit special?

Surely a few more people, a bouquet and a photographer to record the occasion is not over the top. And he chose your dress? Why? It's a different thing to agree to a budget for these things, but usually it's the best fun for a woman at least choosing what she will wear. Not trying to be sexist, but in my experience the women of the family have great fun planning and choosing and even when consulted, many men are happy for the bride's decisions to stand.

I would say to him, "why is it you feel you can make all these decisions about OUR day on your own" and I wonder if it is a sign of things to come? Good luck.

[MyFourCubs]

I feel really, really really... concerned. Seriously concerned. That's not normal. He sounds extremely controlling. Is he normally like this? :confused:

[MyFourCubs]

Has anybody else noticed that this post was made on the 12th and the op hasn't replied???????? OP... can you please reply so we know that all is ok? Even send one of us a PM?? A bit worried!!!!
Sara:hugs: