MIL shoved his head to my boob

[musicalmummy]

DS is all of 5 days today. Yesterday he couldn't latch on properly as i was so engorged and it doesn't help when you have an inverted nipple. he was screaming for a feed and i was trying to get him on(which the midwives all said i had perfect technique so i know i wasn't doing it wrong yesterday). MIL comes to try and help (they are staying wth us til monday) and was shoving his head into my breast.
i feel so violated that she did that to my precious little baby, and that she thought she could have the right to waltz over and do this and try and handle what I still see as my private body parts. am i silly?

[bubbleyblossom]

You are not silly at all! That was so wrong of her to do!
I dont know what to say!!!

[forbetoel]

I would really assume that she was just trying to help.

She may have been jsut as stressed out listening to him cry, and just thought that she was doing the right thing.

I don't think anything of a breast if it is a BFing breast, and she probally doesn't either. Cut her some slack, and give her the benifit of doubt. :)

[punkbaby]

I would have felt violated too they did this to me with my first and it really got to me, but depending on your relationship with your MIL perhaps tell her that you have had problems and the middies have said that you are doing things the right way, it just takes a little give and take for him to latch on but you know what your doing. Be firm with her tell her you appreciate her help but you are ok and you can manage.

Congrats :)

[Lollie86]

It does sound like she was just trying to help but it obviously made you uncomfortable so maybe if you just let her know that it made you feel that way, she might back off.

[Hollywood]

No, you're not silly at all. I can't believe she did that!!! :eek:

I've never had a family member do that, but I remember midwives at the hospital doing it. I know they were trying to be helpful, but it's a bit confronting to have someone be rough with your bub and right there in your face when you have your boob exposed. Particularly your MIL, that's a bit strange IMO :(

[mumofcuties]

oh i would feel violated to, dont feel silly, just have a talk to her about it

[Kittylou]

Not silly at all. I used to feel uncomfortable when DD was a newborn and my Dad's partner would come and stand right beside me while I was BFing and stick her head down so she could check it out. God help her if she'd tried to touch me. Even though your MIL was trying to help, it was totally inappropriate and uncalled for in my opinion.

[Lila]

It does sound like she was just trying to help but it obviously made you uncomfortable so maybe if you just let her know that it made you feel that way, she might back off.


i think she tried her best. i remember midwives doing this to me...shoving them up my boobs...
maybe she just thought she does the right thing...
talk to her at a more peaceful moment and mention it nice and calmly...:hugs::hugs:

[reAllytee]

Yeah she may have been trying to help so i can see that angle but honestly i think it was wrong for her to do that.

Not only was she invading your space but i really hate seeing babies shoved & thrown against the breast as i truly believe it can make matters worse !

I would just leave it be for now but if she were to try it again i would calmly advise her that what she is doing is inappropriate & you would rather her leave you alone to do it on your own ... Or something along those lines heh.

The first few weeks are always hard but soon enough things will get better & you will also toughen up to any cr@p people try to give you heh !

[Feral]

Yeah she may have been trying to help so i can see that angle but honestly i think it was wrong for her to do that.

Not only was she invading your space but i really hate seeing babies shoved & thrown against the breast as i truly believe it can make matters worse !

I would just leave it be for now but if she were to try it again i would calmly advise her that what she is doing is inappropriate & you would rather her leave you alone to do it on your own ... Or something along those lines heh.

The first few weeks are always hard but soon enough things will get better & you will also toughen up to any cr@p people try to give you heh !

:iagree:I agree, well said, I dont think its a nice feeling for the bub, they dont want to be forced on to the breast, it can make things more difficult, mum and bub are learning in the early days, some times you just need time to figure it out gently!

[MilkOnTap]

:hugs:

Those first few weeks are hard; and like you and your cherub, Jedd and I had perfect attachment while we were in hospital... but once we got home and had visitors THATS when the problems started!

I was so frustrated with having them around that I wasn't concentrating on what Jedd was doing - he could sense my frustration as wel so between the two of us we had no hope of getting it sorted.

Once the in-laws left though, bf'ing became a breeze!

Though you shouldn't have to in your own home, can you go into your bedroom for some quality quiet mummy-baby time so you can love him up and concentrate on giving him all your attention? A little privacy never hurt anyone in those first few weeks. Your both still learning, and having someone hover over you is not helpful at all. The privacy will also give you the opportunity to give bub all your attention - which will probably help with let down too! Double bonus!

Good luck with it and keep up the good work! Once you both have bf'ing sussed out you'll be out and about bf'ing in public proudly! :hugs:

[Mummaholic]

I don't think this is the kind of 'help'that is warranted unless asked for. I didn't like it when the midwives did it either. A simple 'would you like me to help get him on' or 'do you mind if i..." would go a long way. Regardless how others feel about your boobs, they should consider how YOU may feel, not just them.

If my MIL had done this, she would have had a strong talking to!!! A swift "please don't!" to start!

[squiglet]

Stupid MIL:thumbsdown:
How rude of her.

I also had midwives rudly shove DD's head onto me trying to tell me this is the way to do it. WTF? How awfull. One midwife even grabbed my nipple wich was very sore, with sore swollen breasts and did this.
How do people get it into their heads that this is ok?


My stupid MIL would pat DD's head when I was trying to feed her.
She would also shove pillows onto my lap really nasty and hard so it hurt my cs scar.
I just wished she would p!ss off!!!
But bit my toung for my Dh's sake.

I don't tolerate anything with her anymore.
She will be banned from visiting (insert overstaying her welcome for whole days) till I am ready (say about 2 months:devil:)

[Mahjong]

MIL tried to do this once, until I snapped her head off and told her to back off.

The thought of my MIL handling my boobs and my child whilst trying to attach him was an invasion of my personal space IMO.

Sure, the midwives did it when I was in hospital. I saw this as different though, they were not my family members!

We will be having a couple of days at home by ourselves this time around to settle in. The grandparents can meet the little guy for a lil bit, then it's our time to get things sorted and we will call them when we're ready.

[Mum&bubs]

I don't think I would have felt violated- but I would have felt pretty damn uncomfortable. How would she like it if she shoved her head into a plate of food? :laughing: She may have been trying to help but I do think she went the wrong way about it.

:hugs::hugs:

[Whispers]

Although she was probably just trying to help i still think what she done was wrong if my MIL done that she would of been out of my house with a snap, I dont think anyone has a right to do that unless youve given them permisson i remember the nurse done it to me when i was in hospital with our third child i was just like yeah i think i can handle it from here

[Rainbowbrite]

OOh I hated it when the middy's did that, let alone someone my MIL :mad: I hate anyone touching me or my baby while I am feeding them. It makes me feel sick :( Can't describe it but it just feels wrong :o

[Qube]

You poor thing! Bloody MIL's!!!:thumbsdown: She may have been well intended but that doesn't make it any less rude... My Mum did do something similar and I got really angry (he was halfway through a feed then she came in and insisted he couldn't breath and started moving my breast around. Needless to say he of course could breathe, seriously!)
Can you ask her to butt out of b/fing?

[Mamalicious]

Yeah she may have been trying to help so i can see that angle but honestly i think it was wrong for her to do that.

Not only was she invading your space but i really hate seeing babies shoved & thrown against the breast as i truly believe it can make matters worse !

I would just leave it be for now but if she were to try it again i would calmly advise her that what she is doing is inappropriate & you would rather her leave you alone to do it on your own ... Or something along those lines heh.

The first few weeks are always hard but soon enough things will get better & you will also toughen up to any cr@p people try to give you heh !

:iagree: I would be upset beyond belief if my MIL did that to me..anyone for that matter.

I am of the opinion that yes, my breasts are a source of food now, but they are also still MY BREASTS. so please don't take any extra liberties with them. :p

[Mamalicious]

I don't think I would have felt violated- but I would have felt pretty damn uncomfortable. How would she like it if she shoved her head into a plate of food? :laughing:

:laughing: Good point!!!

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Not OK ever - How dare she!!!!!!! I think you have every right to feel violated and angry. My MIL would have been told to leave.

[mummysangels]

NO :no: you not silly :hugs:.

I don't think anyone should but in unless they are asked and as you said the midwives said you had perfect technique so its not as if you don't know what you are doing.

if you are pretty full have a warm shower and let your breasts empty a little it feels soooo much better and he'll attach alot easier :yes:.

If the shower doesn't work put a couple of disposable nappies in the freezer let them freeze and put them in your bra (midwives did this to me in hospital when i was really full and I was at risk of mastitis) it feels really good to.

hope all goes well and your MIL lets you be :)

[StrawberryTheMilkshake]

I felt violated at the darn hospital with midwives grabbing my boobs let alone my MIL who i am not comfortable with!!

MY mum wouldnt even do that!

[prideNJoy]

I don't think this is the kind of 'help' that is warranted unless asked for. I didn't like it when the midwives did it either. A simple "would you like me to help get him on" or "do you mind if i..." would go a long way. Regardless how others feel about your boobs, they should consider how YOU may feel, not just them.

If my MIL had done this, she would have had a strong talking to!!! A swift "please don't!" to start!

:iagree: