View Full Version : Being judged for TTC straight after miscarriage :(
I went for a check up yesterday (1 week after my D&C) my Dr said everything was fine and that I can start having sex again, I said 'too late' he just laughed and said 'ok then', he said that I should get my period in the next 3-5wks and that there is no reason to wait to TTC again if thats what we want. He said physically Im fine and ready to go but just to judge for myself if im emotionally ready. So DH & I are both happy to start TTC straight away but some of our close friends and family have been so judgemental about this! We were suprised especially when the incinuate that we havent taken time to grieve! I said that I had 12 hours alone in hospital in contraction pain to come to terms with the fact that I was loosing this baby and that I feel it would be best to TTC straight away, Im not trying to forget the baby or ignore what happened, but how long do they expect me to greive? cant I grieve while pregnant if I feel that way?? Is it wrong that I already feel complete closure and am at peace with the fact that the baby we lost is gone? I no its only been a week but its been filled with a lot of emotion- tears, anger, sadness, confussion etc. I know im not 100% over this and no i wont be for a long time if ever but i dont think life should stand still while i grieve, is that bad to feel like that?? Is is normal?
Yes, its normal. There is no "right" time just whatever is right for you
I'm sorry to hear about your m/c darling.
Unfortunately I know only to well, how heart wrenching it is and how hurtful peoples comments can be.
Talk to you DH and do what you both feel is best for you.
Let people have their say if they need too :rolleyes:
But take no notice sweetie.
I have learnt second time round, to be very careful what I tell others.
I too received some unwanted comments.
Femme la Phoenix
:hugs::hugs: my goodness Lee you have being through enough without having to suffer through the moral implications of judgemental ppl that wouldn't be happy with your decision whatever you choose.
There is no right way and wrong way to grieve, there is only YOUR way. If you feel that you have come to terms with your loss and baby then other's should just butt out.
If your ready to start TTC again then you and your husband don't need approval from other's this is up to you both...........no one else.
Good luck Lee, I wish you all the luck in the world.
so sorry for your loss :hugs:
i think it is between your dh and yourself noone else knows whats right or wrong for you. they shouldn't tell you how to grieve or how long for or what you should do in that time. only you know when and how and what you should do in making choices in life. hope i make sense...
sorry if this part of my post doesn't fit in here..
i too was due in nov 08 i miscarried without knowing 2 weeks after seeing a great heart beat on ultrasound. i never knew until 10 weeks when i had a gut instinct something was wrong no bleeding or pain just a "feeling" something wasn't right...
i went in for a d&c on 8/4/08 i bled for 2 weeks after. i got my period 5 days ago still going..
my point is i am confused.. i went to docs on tuesday and she warned me not to get pregnant till i have had at least 2 periods because (she said) statistically miscarriage is higher if you dont wait. ?!?! :confused:what is the truth? i too want to start ttc asap now i don't know..
:hugs: sorry for the extra cr@p that you are copping.
people think that they are helping :rolleyes:.
My OB told to me conceive when ready as well. I had one period and then I was pregnant again.
I didn't stress at all through that pregnancy, but was petrified all through the one after that. meh.
If you feel ready, then you are probably ready. If it turns out that you hadn't grieved enough, well you can face that when you come to it. You can't put your life on hold waiting to see if you are going to get sad again about it iykwim.
maybe it is a reflection that they haven't dealt with it yet.
good luck with it all anyway. :flowerz:
I concieved straight after my d/c and it was wonderful! Best of luck to you! :hugs:
:hugs: Each to their own :hugs: If your family is ready, go ahead. :hugs: Some people just do not know when to shut up.
Ultimately the choice is yours. If you and your DH feel you are ready then by all means go for it.
Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut and their opinions to themselves.
I was ready to start TTC straight away after loosing my baby, but for medical reasons couldn't.
In no way are you "disregarding" the baby you lost. You are simply giving them a little brother or sister.
Good luck with everything hun and I hope you are holding your much awaited baby in no time :hugs::hugs:
Completely your choice. People should butt out!
Thanks girls, so nice to have support and people that see why I so desperately want to continue my TTC journey :) And I also am realising how less is more wen telling people about TTC and preg, which is a shame cos these are my nearest and dearest but im too fragile right now so ill have to keep things more to myself til im strong enough to tell em to stick it if i need to :laughing:
Thr33 - I asked the surgeon, the nursing staff and my Dr at my 1wk check up and all assured me not waiting would not increase the chance of miscarrying again, Im now confused too! I no quite a few ppl who have conceived the very next month and had no problems but for us it look us 4 cycles to get pregnant and i have long cycles so we no it probably wont be this month but we just want to be preg ASAP and Ive been assured that fine, maybe your situation is different to mine and thats why you've been advised of that??? Good luck anyway.
I started ttc straight away after both of my miscarriages. I was pregnant the next month. I needed to be, to help me move on, and it did help. It is a very personal decision, something which no-one else even has the right to an opinion on.
People will always have their opinions which is why we kept TTC'ing to ourselves this time around.
I think you should do what feels right and not worry about what anyone else thinks. If you are physically and emotionally ready then go ahead and continue TTC'ing. I also think that if you ovulate next cycle then your body is obviously ready too.
I have been following your story and I wish you all the best hun :hugs:
Don't take any notice of what anyone else says. You start TTC as soon as you feel you're ready. We started TTC again straight after my D&C last year, and it wasn't until I got pregnant again that I started to feel a lot better. Of course, that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about the bub I lost. I still often wonder what he/she would have been like.
Anyhow, just sending lots of :hugs: your way, and good luck TTC again. :goodvibes::babydust2:
Did your GP or hospital let you know the details of the testing from the dnc maybe something came up that made it safer for you to wait. I have never heard of waiting making it safer. I have actually heard that you are extra fertile after a dnc as you are all cleaned out. I TTC straight after my dnc and had my bfp with the first cycle. So 3wks after my dnc I was pregnant again:)
Good luck maybe make an apointment with your GP and see if its safe to now.
hi,:wave: thanks for your reply..i never got results back from d&c (my ob is also a friend of the family and so we are very open with each other). she was just adament that everyone should wait 2 cycles because as she said the statistics show etc etc
I have 2 girls, i havn't got any health issues either that would make her stress this point.
i have just finished af and am now too scared to ttc..:( any advice anyone?
It is your choice. Pay no attention to anyone else.
I m/c on Friday and have already had my Aunty telling me to get on the pill for 6 months! What the?
I am surprised at how at peace i feel with my m/c. Mine happened naturally, but no matter how it happens, you know you are no longer pregnant. You're not kidding yourself that you are still, and that another pregnancy will 'replace' the baby. It will be a new baby, it's own being and as long as you realise that, then all the things ive read on the net say that it can help the healing process, to fall pregnant asap.
I know how much my 2yr old DS has helped me smile through this...
Do whats right for you. :hugs:
Honestly it is nobody's business but yours and your DH's and TBH I really think it is a bad idea to share that kind of info with family. :no:
I've done it myself, told family we were TTC and it was a mistake. Keep it to yourself, they have no need to know.
Hey Lee as you know we TTC'd right after a huge natural m/c and emergency D&C.
I dont know if the m/c rate is higher if you dont wait, but it was in my case. I had a further 2 m/c after that, and hopefully this time is the lucky 4th month for me.
I felt ready straight away too, I guess it was a way for me to grieve too. It gave me something else to concentrate on also, but I am now totally ok with losing the babies. Im not so ok with the blood loss ...thats still in my head.
Anyways good luck!
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