Do brides actually WANT your opinion when they ask for it?

[SassyMummy]

My best friend is getting married, and as a bridesmaid and best friend... well, I'm pretty much the go-to girl whenever any wedding choices are being made.

So far, every decision she makes, she asks my opinion on.

So far I've been fairly honest, but as the wedding is now drawing closer, I find I'm just giving her a very basic version of honest. Well, I'm not lying... but I'm not always telling the exact truth anyway.

I get the feeling she doesn't actually WANT my honesty, because every time I HAVE told her what I think (in a nice way of course), she's been a bit weird about it.

For example, her wedding dress is ivory, and comes with this avocado-coloured ribbon around the waist (well, it can come with a number of colours, but that's the colour we saw it on a runway show, and it looked stunning!). Thus, she's decided we bridesmaids will wear avocado dresses.

Full length avocado.

Hideous head-to-toe colour IMO, and I think both her bridesmaids (myself, pale, dark features... and the other girl, very light blonde and pale with light features) look very washed-out in it.

Still, she wants that colour, so when asked about it the first time I DID say that we may look a little washed out, but that could probably be made up for with some brightly coloured flowers or whatever.

Now, as it turns out, she's decided to get us cream and wood fans instead... so we won't have flowers, but fans. So we'll definitely look washed out.

She asked me about it and I just nodded and said, "Oh yeah... looks good." I didn't think that, but I dunno, I kinda get hte impression that she just wants me to nod and smile... so I did.

Is that wrong? I'm not normally one to do that - not with her anyway - but she seems so stressed, I figure it's not worth making her sh*tty at me because I'm telling her I think she's making a bad choice... because it's asthetic, and not really that important anyway... but you know, she asked... so...

Should I lie? Should I very carefully tell her the truth?

Does she just want me to be a yes-man?

[MissSparkle]

THats a hard one.

When making wedding decisions I generally asked my mum....she always gave me her honest opinion but often by the time a bride asks ur opinion shes already made up her mind. If ur getting the feeling that she just wants u to agree with her maybe its just that shes not genuinely asking for ur opinion as much as getting ur approval?
Have u tried the dress on in front of her? Maybe then she'll c what u mean.

I'd still be honest tho....just tip toe lightly.

[SorenLorensen]

its her wedding, she wants everything to be perfect.
she would be asking you a question, not really looking for an answer but reassurance.
it will be hard but you job is more of a smile and nod, you as a bridesmaid have the job of keeping the bride happy.....so smile, nod, reassure....and go home and tell you mum (or someone who wont let it get back to the bride;)) all the things that you think suck :p

[justmum]

Yes absolutely your friend does want your opinions - provided you agree with her!

Lord I remember back when I got married and I had a massive tantrum over the bridesmaids shoes. :o All I can say is it's a stressful time.

[quaver]

I did want my bridesmaids opinions. I dont like getting an answer back that you can tell is not what they really think. (my mum is bad at this- i can read her face like a book) If you are her bridesmaid she can probably tell when you are being honest. Maybe you can talk about it to her. Maybe tell her it looks great but has she thought about whether the colour will stand our in photos? Brides can get touchy so becareful
BTW have you seen the movie 27 dresses? Having been a bridesmaid many times i thought it was very very funny! :laughing:If you have not seen it you may like the laugh about many of issues you face as the dutiful maid!

[forbetoel]

Yes, she wants you to be her yes man.

She is most likely a bridezilla. I was a great bride :D...I let my bridesmades pick their own dress.

Some brides are nothing short of being a 'pain in the @ss.'

[Mathermy]

My best friend is getting married, and as a bridesmaid and best friend... well, I'm pretty much the go-to girl whenever any wedding choices are being made.

So far, every decision she makes, she asks my opinion on.

So far I've been fairly honest, but as the wedding is now drawing closer, I find I'm just giving her a very basic version of honest. Well, I'm not lying... but I'm not always telling the exact truth anyway.

I get the feeling she doesn't actually WANT my honesty, because every time I HAVE told her what I think (in a nice way of course), she's been a bit weird about it.

For example, her wedding dress is ivory, and comes with this avocado-coloured ribbon around the waist (well, it can come with a number of colours, but that's the colour we saw it on a runway show, and it looked stunning!). Thus, she's decided we bridesmaids will wear avocado dresses.

Full length avocado.

Hideous head-to-toe colour IMO, and I think both her bridesmaids (myself, pale, dark features... and the other girl, very light blonde and pale with light features) look very washed-out in it.

Still, she wants that colour, so when asked about it the first time I DID say that we may look a little washed out, but that could probably be made up for with some brightly coloured flowers or whatever.

Now, as it turns out, she's decided to get us cream and wood fans instead... so we won't have flowers, but fans. So we'll definitely look washed out.

She asked me about it and I just nodded and said, "Oh yeah... looks good." I didn't think that, but I dunno, I kinda get hte impression that she just wants me to nod and smile... so I did.

Is that wrong? I'm not normally one to do that - not with her anyway - but she seems so stressed, I figure it's not worth making her sh*tty at me because I'm telling her I think she's making a bad choice... because it's asthetic, and not really that important anyway... but you know, she asked... so...

Should I lie? Should I very carefully tell her the truth?

Does she just want me to be a yes-man?

:laughing:nope! I don't think she does, sounds like she has a case of Bridezilla:laughing:

[Tam-I-Am]

Yes, they probably do - but that doesn't mean they're going to AGREE with your opinion, or change what they were originally going to do because your opinion differs with theirs ;) :)

[SalTheGal]

Yeah its good to get the feedback, but as a bride if you have your heart really set on something then you soon find a way to justify other negative feedback to yourself so that it doesn't matter.....

BTW- I think what you have described sounds gorgeous!!!

[emilysmumma]

:laughing: This just happened to me. Except it was Pistachio Green :eek:
It's suspose to be the popular colour and lovely but a pale green dress (including avocado) is never going to look good on anyone.
As I too am bestfriend and maid of honor, I was designated to tell the bride to be that there was no way that was going to come off looking good. Fair enough the bride is the one to stand out on the day but she doesn't have to do it by making her bridesmaids look :barf:

Thankfully she hasn't become a bridezilla yet and understands that now that she has chosen a specific pink, us bridesmaids get to choose the style to suit our body shapes, keeping in theme with her dress.

But finally in answer to your question, some brides do want your opinion and others want a 'yes man'. Depends on what type of person she is I suspose.

[SassyMummy]

Thanks guys!

I think she does know I'm holding back - I've been friends with her since i was 12 (close friends all this time), and she pretty much has ALWAYS asked for my opinion on everything (which is fine with me, because I like to give my opinion on everything...lol).

It's just here, I don't want to be a bridesmaidzilla (lol) and have her think I'm whinging (cos while I'll look like a right idiot in that colour, I don't actually care too much... it's one day, so what?), I just kinda wanna point all this out to her NOW so that she can have a think about it NOW rather than freaking out last minute...

Like, I don't want her to see us in the dresses, with our make-up and hair and fans and everything, and think, "You guys look horrible!" and start freaking out... she's a bit of a control-freak, so she seriously will go a bit crazy if it doesn't turn out right.

So my plan WAS, originally, to just point out potential flaws in her plan (like walking up the aisle - which is just grass in a garden - in stilettos. We'll all sink through the ground!), so she can solve those problems now rather than freaking out later on.

But I dunno... I think she's freaking out now.

And yeah, I think she's starting to get a little bridezilla on me... I tried on a dress the other weekend, the avocado one, and you know, wasn't great but I don't really care too much... and then she kinda got stroppy that my boobs weren't as "perky" as she had hoped (as they look in a bra...lol) and now wants me to go buy a corset to boost them up... not a bustier... like, a proper boned corset... lol.

Yeah, I can afford a few hundred on underwear as a single Mum...:laughing:

I think I might just yes-man it most of hte time, unless it's something that will really cause issues ("Stacey, I need you to wear the highest heels you can find so you don't look so short in the photos,"...lol. I had to explain that they pretty much come in roughly the same height unless I go found myself a pair of stripper heels...lol... that, and my feet will kill...lol).

[SalTheGal]

I think I might just yes-man it most of hte time, unless it's something that will really cause issues ("Stacey, I need you to wear the highest heels you can find so you don't look so short in the photos,"...lol. I had to explain that they pretty much come in roughly the same height unless I go found myself a pair of stripper heels...lol... that, and my feet will kill...lol).

OK...please tell me you are joking and she did not really say that?!?! :eek: :eek: :eek: Cause that is bridezilla all the way!!

[forbetoel]

OK...please tell me you are joking and she did not really say that?!?! :eek: :eek: :eek: Cause that is bridezilla all the way!!


Yep...BRIDEZILLA......:devil:

[Mamalicious]

:laughing: Rather you than me! :p :D

[SydDi]

Most brides have already made their mind up about most things and asking is just for re-assurance. It's a shame that you're not going to like your bridesmaid dress though. I'm going to let my bridesmaids go to town on their dresses, I want them to be happy and comfortable. But yeah, as was said above. Just smile and nod then b*tch to your mum later! :)

[madcate]

As a self confessed bridezilla, I would say that, no, she probably doesn't want your honest opinion and that as her best friend she's just looking for reassurance from you.

I know that when I ring my sister/maid of honour to talk about wedding stuff its usually to bounce ideas off her, to get reassurance for a decision I've already made or to get a fresh perspective on something.

So maybe try and be positive about her decisions, unless its something truly hideous and you just know its going to look awful. If you really hate the dresses that much have you considered taking the position that "hey our dresses are a nice style, but the colour does make us look washed out and we know how much money you're spending on photographs and we'd hate to not look out best and ruin them".

I guess your job is assist her and be there for her and it sounds like you're doing a great job.

[OJandMe]

I'll wear it...
Avocado looks good on me. ;)

[blissfullybonkers]

well i think all Brides to be have their 'Bridezilla' moments, some more than others.:rolleyes:
i dont have a mum so when i have asked people their opinion on things i hope that they are not doing the 'yes man' thing:(, but as for your dress if you are paying for it, then definately say what you think its your money! but if she is paying for it, just let her have her day i guess.:)
maybe you could get some pretty jewlery and hair clips to sparkle it up a bit??

[tootsy]

i was never a bridezilla, my wedding was simple and stress-free on a low budget but it was unique and it was very much my own personal style and i know alot of people wouldnt of liked certian things personaly BUT they all loved how it was because it was my wedding with my taste and it suited us so well. :p

when your friend asks you about something, and you feel like your lying dont feel bad at all. my best friend is now getting married and she has shown me table center pieces and asked me what i think, i say its nice. its definatly not i would choose (and i didnt choose at my wedding) but thats because im not her-we have differant tastes. and at the end of the day its her wedding-her style and her day. im very happy i went with what i wanted otherwise i would of regreted whatever it was.

but in saying that, if she hasnt thought about everyones heals burrying into the ground while walking down the asile then DO say something :laughing: