not really sure

[Shauna]

Ok so i may be writing in the wrong thread but i figure who better to ask than other defence mums..

My hubby is Army and is on a course atm he lives online through the week but home on the weekends and occassionally late on mondays..anyway we have a 17mth and 7wk old the lil bubba is fine but its been a big transition for the eldest..if you could call him that :laughing:..so back to my dilema...he is the perfect child when its just the 3 of us, eats all his meals no problems, i wont say no tantrums but they arent as severe and nap times are a "piece of cake"...the minute DH comes home he goes psycho as though he doesnt see him as an authoritive figure he sees him as a play buddy and we have horror screaming fits anytime i want him to do something, bedtime is the worst.

Just wondering if its his age or has to do with daddy coming and going all the time...DH is due o go overseas either late this yr or next and i dont know whether he will out grow it or it will get worse...

What i am really asking is if anyone else has had a similar problem with the bond between father and child

Sorry for rambling hope it all made sense..

Thanks in advance xxx

[lavenderpegasus]

I have no idea what you can do, because my little one is only 10 months old, but maybe you could try some of the defence familes communites on msn or facebook? PM if you need anymore help.


lp in wa

[mummeeto2]

I have this with my 3yo all the time. DH is army reserve & civi work at the local prison (long hours). With the army he goes away a few times a year, generally only 3-4 nights at a time but we've had a few 2 weekers and he's absolute hell when DH gets back. I think DS thinks his Dad's deserted him so gets used to me and behaves really well. When DH comes back it's like "Well you're not here all the time so I don't have to listen to you!" It can take up to 6 weeks for DS to get used to Dad being around and listen to him. I'm not sure if/when they grow out of it, but I'm guessing that it won't be so bad when he's old enough to understand that Dad hasn't left us

[KJEmum]

I had a different kind of behaviour from my 9yo when she was about 2-3yo. DH would be away for 3mths at a time throughout a year and when he was home, DD1 would not go to him at all and took some weeks before she 'came around'.

With the kids now at 11yo & 9yo they come to me to ask me things even when dad is home .. fair enough, I'm the main carer. When dad is home and dad gives instructions to do something ie a chore or get to bed early, the kids come to me and ask me and basically it contradicts the instruction DH gave. He gets grumpy that they don't listen. We will have DH away for all the b'days this year and DD2 will turn 2yo and prob talking when he gets back so will be interesting to see how she relates to dad when he gets home.

I think the little lad needs more stability and consistency with dad to be around a bit more however we all know this is something that can't be helped.

Like LP said .. get some feedback from other defence mums on their experiences to see if any fit the same as what you're dealing with.

Curious, have you tryed a star chart .. ie if you eat all your dinner you'll get a star for the chart. At the end of the fortnight on payday treat him to something or buy a small toy .. whatever the incentive.

I've had to do this with my 11yo. If his maths tutoring and school work are done with positive attitudes and his maths improves then the incentive is a new bike (his daggy old one was stolen from our garage).

Still your best bet is the defence families online at the various forums / facebook and msn groups.

[samsgirls]

:hugs:Your DS is probably just reacting to his dad being away. It takes my DD2 (15mths) a bit to adjust to her father coming home, except she shies away from him. As he gets older, he will understand that daddy goes away and comes home. Just try and get DH to participate in the things at home, that u would do when he is away, like putting to DS to bed and stuff. It will be hard, but it won't be forever.

[Shauna]

Thankyou all for your feedback...i might have to do something, it upsets my DH that his DS1 misbehaves so much just becasue he is home. Oh well will just keep plodding along as we are. Thankyou again xxx