Oh god I'm so mean

[taylorsmummy]

So the tests are in! we're not pregnant :( and My brother in law and his parnter are :) I can't help but feel a bit jealous and I can't stop putting her down in small ways. I mean you'd have to know her to know what I mean, but to put it nicely, she's not the smartest crayon in the box. My BIL does everything for her like drives her around where ever and when ever, lays out her clothes in the morning for work, gets up like 6am (even if his not working) and makes her breakfast and I reckon if she asked he'd wipe her butt! Talking to her is a nightmare because it's like talking to a child, half the time you can't even understand her and the subjects are always, "I got a new top", " I'm so tired from work", I this, I that. I know it's mean but the rest of the family feel the same way, their just nice because thats who my BIL has chosen to be with. I'm just worried that my poor BIL is going to be stuck with two children instead of one and it's going to be to much for him. She's the kind of person who gives up when it's to hard and we all know how hard looking after a newborn is. You must think I'm a complete selfish b##ch, but trust me, I don't think she's going to be able to cope.

[mumofcuties]

:hugs: for you sorry your not pregnant hopefully it will happen soon, your sil sounds a bit strange, like mine lol, she is not smart at all she has just had her second son and she used to complian about how hard it was to look after her first son and she has all the help in the world, i have two kids 10 months apart with no help and my dp is never home, i dont think your a $itCH, her husband sounds like he does everything for her, lays her clothes out :confused: i didnt realise that was a hard thing to do lol, i hope it gets better for you

[taylorsmummy]

and for the record, I am happy for them

[taylorsmummy]

strange is an under statement! lol thanks thou, you made me sound a little less mean. I just know that she is going to winge and moan and life is going to be difficult for everyone. Not to mention the fact that she thinks she knows all and I'm going to have to listen all the things I already know, grrr

[mumofcuties]

oh no not a know it all first time mum lol. hmm not sure what you can do about the wingeing will just have to wear ear plugs when shes around :laughing:

[TeamAwesome]

sounds a bit like my SIL and BIL but they've actually just had their first. They even came up to the hospital a few hours after I'd had my second and proceeded to tell me how busy and tired they were. I guess seeing me sitting on a hospital bed made it seem like my life was pretty laid back or something.

Until you have kids you just don't understand. Some people really don't have a lot to talk about which is sad but what can you do. You're at different points in your life, I don't want to sound mean but I'm sure until you had a child yourself your conversations to another parent may have been boring also. I know childless friends of mine would be bored by my baby/child chatter. Yes she's pregnant but it's different to actually having a baby. In the mean time smile and nod and think to your self and when you have a real baby I'm sure you'll do none of this.

Be there for her that's all you can do. You know what she has ahead of her and that nothign you read or are told could even possibly prepare you for it. and Enjoy being an Aunt! ;)

[taylorsmummy]

yeah but it's not the fact that the conversation is boring it's pointless, like not the weather is fine pointless like you'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone else (say like the war in Iraq) and she'll just randomly say "I brought surround sound" like no one had even brought up surround sound. I once tried to talk to her about voting (last election) she looked at me stupid so I continued talking with my BIL. She stood up yelled "don't included me in anything!" and stormed off! Even when they came round last night to tell us the news, I was pulling out some books that I thought could help them (yes they did ask if I had any) and talking about how great having kids are and their lives are going to be so busy and filled with love, she stopped, pulled up her jumper and said, do you like my new top? I rolled my eyes :rolleyes: away from her and thought dear god, she's going to compete for attention with the baby like she did when my daughter was born. I couldn't even say anything about the baby after that with out her butting in

[mumofcuties]

she sound quiet imature, if she is an attention seeker she is going to get a rude shock when she has this baby

[84zsazsa]

sounds a bit like my SIL and BIL but they've actually just had their first. They even came up to the hospital a few hours after I'd had my second and proceeded to tell me how busy and tired they were. I guess seeing me sitting on a hospital bed made it seem like my life was pretty laid back or something.

Until you have kids you just don't understand. Some people really don't have a lot to talk about which is sad but what can you do. You're at different points in your life, I don't want to sound mean but I'm sure until you had a child yourself your conversations to another parent may have been boring also. I know childless friends of mine would be bored by my baby/child chatter. Yes she's pregnant but it's different to actually having a baby. In the mean time smile and nod and think to your self and when you have a real baby I'm sure you'll do none of this.

Be there for her that's all you can do. You know what she has ahead of her and that nothign you read or are told could even possibly prepare you for it. and Enjoy being an Aunt! ;)


:thumbsup: Absolutely tops. Well said.

Danni

[taylorsmummy]

I know and I am happy and I will enjoy being an aunt, I can just see whats going to happen to my BIL. He works himself flat as it is and like I said he does EVERYTHING for her. The last thing I want thou is for him to suffer with her and the baby demands, I can see it's not going to end well. And on a quick note, they were on a rocky road before they found out with my BIL thinking about leaving

[Kazamataz]

You know a baby may just be what she needs.

Having a baby changes people, which I'm sure you know.

If she is quite a inward focused person having a child to care for 24 hrs a day may just be the thing to shake her up and get her to think about someone else for a change.

I don't want to come across as putting you BIL down. However it does sound like he's a bit of enabler. If he's not happy doing all those things for his wife then he really needs to stop.

I personally couldn't stand it if Jesse did everything for me.
But I do know couples who do it and love it :yes:

I personally believe thats what makes their marriages successful.

It works for some but not for others.

I understand your worried, but hopefully it's not going to be as bad as you think.

[musicalmumma]

I no people may not like what I have to say but
how was she brought up? what are her parents like? she could just be a really insecure person that wants to be liked but doesnt know how to talk to people so she just rambles off stuff about herself in the hope of starting some kind of conversation with them she just may not know how to talk to people
and seriously how many men out there honestly get their wife/partner to set there work clothes out? a fair few I know of a couple of them out there so shes just turned it around on the men,
but it is really hard to fit in with another persons family especially if they are very close
but then again she could just be a selfish B

[DonnaL]

Having a baby changes people, which I'm sure you know.

If she is quite a inward focused person having a child to care for 24 hrs a day may just be the thing to shake her up and get her to think about someone else for a change.



:iagree: It most definitely changed me. I don't have time to be self-absorbed anymore. Yes, she'll probably struggle with a newborn... as a previous poster mentioned, being pregnant and having a baby are two very different things. I don't see that there's really anything you can do about it though... just try to be there for your BIL.

[taylorsmummy]

Her family is in that same box of crayons! She is in every way like her mother and sister. You can't understand any of them! Her mother has babyed her alot and still does and she 26! Her mother make ever choice for her because she been that smothered she doesn't know how to do it herself. At my birthday bbq my SIL just kept saying the weirdest meanest things to my family, like my sister walked outside to talked to a friend and my SIL was out there. My sister didn't even say anything to her and SIL turned around a said " shut up you stupid b#%ch" Sarah just looked at her and was like "what did you say?" and my SIL just said "whatever" and stormed off. That was just one of the things she said that day and when I said something to my BIL and he asked her she cried and denied everything. My family wouldn't lie to me. I don't think she can deal with the real world or people that don't tip toe around her like we do. I have never in my life met anyone like her and when I first did I had to ask my partner (in a very non mean way) if there was something wrong with her (but then I met her family) He replied, no she just stupid but we have to be nice to her for my brothers sake. But hey maybe she'll surprise us all

[musicalmumma]

well I hope it all works out in the end for them and that she is a good mum
hope it all goes good for you too