MIL Vent.....

[mumbron]

Why i ask my self why?
Here is the run down......
My Df and i are getting married in October this year and we are organising guest numbers and working out who we will be inviting and anyway his mum made us get a list together at her house before we went down to book our reception venue but the thing is she was adding all her's and df fathers friends and rellies to our list who we don't even have anything to do with:confused:
Were trying to keep the numbers down and we don't want to upset his mum anyway now she keeps asking Df if were going to be able to afford the wedding then at another time asks me and says "How much is my mum & dad paying" she thinks my parent shoud pay the whole lot but were trying to pay for as much as we can anyway it would be nice if she puts her hand in her pocket instead of telling us who we should invite but this i don't expect because ages ago she said that its not up to her and fil because i'm not their daughter and they will be paying for df's sister's wedding if she ever gets married.
Why does she annoy me i wish i could tell her to back off................:hair:
All over thanks

[JessicaLeigh]

MIL are difficult at the best of times, Not much advice just thought you may need a hug or three lol

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Hope it works out... Remember the wedding is about you and your partner... No one else... People who come are there to support and share the happiness.

Jessica

[Mum2Bug]

It is your wedding and you do need to stand up to her on this issue. It is your wedding, with your friends and family, and your guest list to make. If you dont stand up to her on this issue now she will continue to push your limits to see how far she can get.

Good luck

[Chunkydunks]

My mum and dad were a bit the same with wanting to invite this one and that one but wouldn't let me invite my great aunt who I get on well with :confused:. Go figure. But in the end I didn't really mind because 1: mum and dad were paying for it and organising it all (it was in NSW but we lived in QLD at the time) and 2: I now get on really well. I did know them a bit before the wedding but since then and having moved down here now I've really gotten to know them.

Ii it were the same situation that you're in I'd be asking MIL to pay for the friends that she's insisting on having there. See if that make her change her tune.:confused:

[Rachael]

It is customary for the parents of the groom to pay for all the liquor ;)

I say just make your own list and to hell with theirs :)

[Mummaholic]

Certainly if she is not contributing in any way she has little say on the guest list. I would say due to your budget you have a limit to how many you can invite from each side, give her a number and make her choose. Good luck!

[missie_mack]

Traditionally the parents of the groom also paid for the honeymoon if you want to throw that one in....

It really is difficult all this 'I want I want' that goes on with family members at weddings. I however wouldn't (and IRL didn't) invite everyone everyone expected me to and those we felt we should invite but didn't really want to were placed on a B list which had their invites sent when someone else advised they couldnt attend. I guess some of your inlaws friends and that would have watched your DH grow up which makes it difficult....

In the end I would be setting a number of guests you want with your DH and draw up your list. If anyone wants to add to the list with someone they absolutely must have there they should put their hand in their pocket....

[earthfairy]

This kind of thing started to happen with my MIL - it was just small things in teh beginning but then things like them inviting who they wanted & getting angry because i didnt want a fruit cake - I HATE fruit cake so WHY would i pay for one if im not going to eat it!?!?!??

Anyhoo, in the end DH had to say something to her in a nice way to back off a bit. She did & it all worked out well.

She even apoligised for being pushy, she said she didnt realise she was doing it!

we had no problem with her after that. IMO - its your DF mum, he should really tell her to back it up a bit.

Hope it all works out hun:hugs:

[mumbron]

Thanks for the quick reply's girls i agree with all of you's it is our wedding not her's i should stand up to her and tell her to butt out unless she would like to contribute money wise but i don't want to upset the df to be honest she would prefer us to elope (only coz she did)

[megaminz]

I would give her a number limit say x amount of people and let her cull.....say I am sorry but we are trying to keep costs down and this is all we can allow.

and also tell her its actually none of her business what your parents are paying specially as she isnt paying any....you could just say "thats a bit personal isnt it? or "its between mum and us"

[missie_mack]

its your DF mum, he should really tell her to back it up a bit.

Exactly :yes: If he can't so no to his Mum that his his issue to work out

[mumbron]

I think he is a little scared of her she kinda tells you what she thinks and that is it no one else's opinon matters iykwim?

[megaminz]

oh thats just men, hahhahaah still scared of their mummies

my poor friend just married a greek man and they had to have 220 people to their wedding, the service in greek (she couldnt understand it) and omg dont even get into the cake

her dh just would not tell his mum to back off

tis why i got married o/seas and just invited people ahahhaa hard to interfere across the oceans

[MaverickCowgirl]

Trust me I know all about MIL. Don't get me started....
I really suggest telling her to take a long walk off a short pier. Weddings should be between you and your partner and it should be your friends there to support u. Just 'forget' to send invites to them.
If you don't find a way to deal with her now she will be constantly causing you grief especially when kids become involved. My dh wont deal with his mother either so I just refuse to have anything to do with her.
My advice is be strong if he wont back you up he should at least be willing to let you deal with it how you want.

[megaminz]

:iagree:it sounds awful but sooner or later you will be having this blow out with her and the sooner the better. It inevitable unless she is the easiest person in the world to talk to.

I had a HUGE one with my mil before we were even engaged and I refused to back down. It was uncomfortable for a while but now its cool, she respects boundaries and knows that me n dh are a family now and that every decision or thing doesnt have to be about her needs.

Had another poor friend who had interferring mother in law at wedding, drove her to tears she nearly called it off, her dh wouldnt do anything.....got through wedding...then she had a baby. Picture my friend..all of 4ft11 screaming at this monster of a woman cause she couldnt take it anymore...

yes i agree with above that if he wont deal with it then he agrees to let you, if he doesnt agree you just do it anyway. I still think giving her an allotment of seats, like 2 ahahah or 5 or whatever you are comfortable with then letting her decide who to cull.

[Miss_Vicki]

Its your weeding not hers , Why should she pick , If she wants all her family to go You dont know she shold pay for them ;)

Dont let her bully you guys now or it will always happen even after gettin married :)

[mumbron]

At the moment i'm trying to talk DF into reducing the amount of guest's we are inviting i have already cut my family and friends down heaps so now its his turn .

[megaminz]

good on you, hang in there you can do it, good you have cut your family cause you can say have had to cut my family down and they are helping pay!

[RmumR]

Please please please make the guest list yourself and don't let MIL bully you into inviting people she wants there..its your wedding if she wants to invite her friends she can have her own 2nd wedding.lol...
This happened to me when i was organising my wedding too, the MIL wanted to invite her friends and DXH and i fought about it for ages cause he wouldn't stand up to her..in hindsight i wish i had of just said no when the matter was first brought up and stood my ground and left it at that.

And for the money sure traditionally the brides parents pay for the lot and the grooms pay for the grog but thats not what happens mostly these days well from what i know anyway. My parents and DXH parents both contributed a certain amount they they each saw fair and could afford and whatever we spent over that amount we paid ourselves.

Good luck with your list and your wedding.

[mumbron]

Also on another thing for our wedding i'm having my best friend from primary school as a bridesmaide and i'm having df sister as a bridesmaid to i have asked my best friend that she has to pay for her dress which she is happy to do but i haven't said anything to sil about paying for her dress i have put $100 towards the dresses so how do i ask her nicely without any drama?

[missie_mack]

Also on another thing for our wedding i'm having my best friend from primary school as a bridesmaide and i'm having df sister as a bridesmaid to i have asked my best friend that she has to pay for her dress which she is happy to do but i haven't said anything to sil about paying for her dress i have put $100 towards the dresses so how do i ask her nicely without any drama?

You probably should have mentioned it prior to picking the dresses but I would just say that you can only afford to put $100 towards it and that you need her to help with the rest- I would probably tell the story to both bridesmaids at the sametime as it might diffuse the situation if future SIL is anything like her Mum lol

[mumbron]

I kinda left myself in a sticky situation hey well i think i'll just have to tell her that my friend is paying for her own wolud it be possiable for her to do the same:fingerscrossed: