Insecure

[MissArmyGirlfriend]

Ok... I'm just curious if anyone else has days where they feel insecure and wonder if their DP will still want them when they come back from a long overseas stint or still find them attractive?

I'm feeling exactly that right now..

My DP wrote me an email which i read this morning and it literally was a few lines long. I'm used to him being all lovey dovey and telling me he misses me and stuff and this one i recieved was nice but very simple. I guess i'm just over analysing and getting myself worked up for nothing but i can't help it.

I don't like to keep writing him emails asking him if things are ok and stuff cause i don't want to p*ss him off or anything..

I know i sound almost psycho but it's doing my head in.. I haven't seen him for 16 weeks.. :confused:

[dreamtobeamummy]

I don't think it would harm to email him and just ask if he is ok? It may just be something small such as he misses you too. Atleast it would be a weight off your shoulder what ever it is. Sorry I am not much help but in the mean time have lots of these :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[MilkOnTap]

Your not alone :hugs:

Its totally normal to feel like that. It doesn't mean that your r'ship is in jeopardy or anything extreme like that; it just means that you miss him...

My hubbies emails tend to get shorter and shorter while he is away. Partly cause he is just so damn busy on the ship (17hr workdays) and so he just doesn't have enough time to write lengthy emails; but also because he misses us so much that it hurts to write too much anyway.

Separation from your loved ones is bloody hard and anyone who says that they deal with it 'perfectly fine' are probably gritting their teeth together as they say it. I have so many defence friends who hate it - and it doesn't matter how long the trip is... One night, One week, One month - half a year even!!

:hugs: Your doing well!!!

[KJEmum]

I have to admit I was quite insecure in our early years .. he would be a fit and healthy sailor with ports all around Australia. To have him ring up from a pub in Darwin ****ed and me at home with the kids was hard. Anyhow now he's not so fit and has lost his hair lol so I'm not so worried anymore.

With emails though, he's on his first big trip now and I'm usually the one to hear where he is or what's going on pretty much first hand, him being in communications but on the big ship he has so much more to do so I'm hearing info first from the cooks wife. I got my first email days after they left and was a one liner with a pic but with no response to the emails I sent him. He's just plain busy that's all so it's something I've got to get used to. He still tells us he misses us on most emails.

If I were you, I wouldn't read too much into it. They are out there doing their job or training and aren't always in the right mind to email or don't have the time. The fact he is emailing you should be taking into consideration even if the content isn't what you expected.

[Shauna]

Hey Ladies it is very tryng on us all but remember they come home to us at the end of there trip xxx
It took my then DP a whole 4mths of his trip overseas to write to me and then i got the second one at the end of the 7mths, he was home a week later, phone calls were always short and very vague for obvious reasons and lucky if they were weekly sometimes 3weekly..
We are now married have 2 beautiful boys and he is looking at being sent away at the end of this yr begin next..so im preparing now for it...

Lots of hugs and warms wishes for you, as the years go by it doesnt really get easier but you learn to handle your emotions a bit better.

[2sweetgirls]

very well said Shauna.

The 8 months that My DH was away it was very hard. But I knew that it was just as hard for him aswell.

Recieving a not so lovey dovey email may mean that he did not have alot of time at the computer. Just think of it as atleast he made the time to email at all.

It will be fine.not long now.

[mummyof5]

I have to admit I was quite insecure in our early years .. he would be a fit and healthy sailor with ports all around Australia. To have him ring up from a pub in Darwin ****ed and me at home with the kids was hard. Anyhow now he's not so fit and has lost his hair lol so I'm not so worried anymore.



Do we have the same hubby??:laughing::laughing:

Seriously though, my emails vary from day to day when DH is at sea, sometimes he's flat out and I get a few lines, if that, other times he isfeeling lonely, or has more time, and he is very chatty.
It is quite normal to question things, try not to read too much into it though, cause you will send yourself a bit nuts. And remember, he is still writing to you, so things can't be all bad!
:hugs:, chin up.

[MissArmyGirlfriend]

Yeah i'm trying to hang in there and i know i'm on the downhill run.. Maybe i'm also too just feeling a little anxious about him coming home..

I guess i just read too much into how short and brief his email was, he did say himself that he didn't have much to report on..

I'm so stupid..

I just hope things are all ok when he gets back and nothing changes... :confused:

[samsgirls]

Hey MissArmyGirlfriend,

I know where u are coming from. My DH still looks pretty good, and I do worry that sometimes he will come home and tell me he's not interested anymore, but that is only because I am home with the kids with too much time on my hands. I know he wouldn't do that to me. Regarding the short emails, I think it is awesome u get them.:laughing:He is obviously thinking of u, and probably doesn't know what to say, because he wrote it in the last email! I reckon your DP is missing u like crazy and can't wait to get home to you. All is good!:yes:

[MissArmyGirlfriend]

Hmmm.. I guess it's just a bad case of seperation anxiety... :confused:

[KJEmum]

Yeh but totally natural.
Look at it from his perspective 'will my wife/gf still want me'.

My DH wouldn't sign a power of attourney to me while he's OS (not the Gulf) cos he's heard horror stories of the wife taking the $$ and leaving. Food for thought.

You'll be fine and your man will love you even more and be sooooo glad to be home.

[ConcernedParent]

I agree, when they are away, they are focussed on other things with their headspace all taken up.

I remember spending time writing this amazing "email from home" and looking forward to his reply and feedback. All I got was... (wait for it)... "ACK".

Now WTF is "ACK"??? He got home a couple of days later and I asked him exactly that. He laughed and said, "acknowledged". I couldn't believe it was all he could muster for his reply but then he told me about how busy he was and how he wanted to let me know I had received it so he sent off a quick "ACK".

Now, I thought he was coughing up a furball because that is what "ACK" sounds like but he said the only thing furry was the inside of his head from lack of sleep.

His penalty... no more long emails for the sake of a long reply. If I want to hear from him I send a "ring your neglected wife" email. I usually get an "ACK" and then a phonecall as soon as he is able.

The street does run both ways - I have had to respond to requests from him for letters or emails or phonecalls or even drawings from the kids during times when he is especially missing us.

[MissArmyGirlfriend]

I think i'm just being selfish..
Who knows?

What has really peeved me is that his mum told me last night that she heard off someone he knows that he has injured himself, i mean come on.. Why tell someone you hardly have any contact with and not your partner or even your mother.. It really has urked me..

I am just feekling like this as when he comes home he expects me to have quit my job and have moved in with him where he has been posted to and i just think to myself 'hang on a minute, why is all of this about what suits him'?? He's just probably a typical male who doesn't even realise exactly how this is all making me feel..... :(

[Wright4kidz]

Hi ya,

Just thought I would tell you my story it might make you feel better.

I was having a moment before our wedding (2000) where I was feeling insecure, upset...etc

So my hubby said get on the plane and come and meet me, so this is what I did. The ship was going to be in Hong Kong for a couple of days so I met him there.

I suggested we go and meet up with the people from the ship and my hubby was saying 'Oh I don't really want to' and fobing me off.

So...me being me I would not let it go. He eventually relented and took me along to a bar where all his friends were. It was the best thing I could have ever done, because I now have very little concern about his deployments.

In the bar there were about half a dozen large groups of men (about 12 men per group). To even out the males there was 'me', 1 naval lady & last but not least a transvestite.


There was no competition to be had

AND

What women in there right mind would approach a large group of drunk men (unless the were a bit unsavory)
So, don't panic he is probably just missing you. My husband also says that living on the ship is like ground hog day and there really is very little to say. His letters also get shorter and shorter.

Good Luck...Hope the home coming will be worth it.