Am I doing the right thing?

[Jackson84]

DH and I have been having some issues with his parents. The last few months have been very rocky, to the point where his Mum doesn't talk to DH or I, unless there is something in it for her. A few weeks ago she emailed me:

"Would we be able to have J on Friday night, I can pick him up when I finish work around 12.30 on Friday and would drop him back at 10.00 o’clock on Saturday morning. We would really like to see him."

and that was it. DH and I decided that we weren't going to let his parents see DS if they were going to ignore us. So we said no. I mean, we would've said no anyways because he had just started day care was having seration issues... We did however, say that they were always welcome to come over and visit, or we would be happy to visit them, so long as the time is appropriate (they live 35 min away, and with DH getting up at 5am for work, going out on a week night doesn't really work).

DH told me today that he recieved an email frmo his mum asking if they could have DS for a day over Easter...no mention of seeing us!

Are we doing the right thing? Every time she asks and we say 'no' I feel bad - like i am 'depriving' her or something. My family are always telling me how much they miss DS when they haven't seen him for a while. :(

[jembelina]

I think you are definately doing the right thing!!! I don't think you should feel bad at all. She is depriving herself of her grandson - it is not your doing!! You guys are a family - a package - all or nothing! You would think that if seeing her grandson was so important she would make the effort with you and your dh. You have offered to visit, what more can you do??!!

Well, thats just my 2 cents!! lol!

[melbryan]

I am from a similar situation. Where I have major issues and have told my mother in law so, which she was very upset about but it has taken a year to get to be amicable. She came over for dinner on my husband's birthday. I have made the effort too.
I also have a son, and I am made to feel like I have taken her son and we have exchanged some pretty heated words about this. Nothing is forgiven or forgotton but we make the effort for our families sake.
I am happy for her to come here if she plans before hand ( I have left it in her court) she doesn't really bother though and that tells me she doesn't want to see him as much as she does her other grandchildren. I have made an effort to go to her place with my husbamd but i never go on my own.
She has heart probs so I have never have let her look after him for obvious health issues.
I have no intention of keeping him from her she just has to fit into our schedule ( she doesn't work) and I have had to make some compromises as well .A little give an take doesn't hurt.
They obviously miss your child maybe meeting at a park or Maccas and you off to the shops for an hour or so would mean they could see your child.
I don't it's wise to be seen to hold them back from seeing their grand children make some arrangements you both can agree on.
Mel