Ever wonder why you bother...?

[MilkOnTap]

I hate the life that the navy gives me - and so many times I wonder... why stay?

We spend no time together - when we do there are always 'pressing matters' to discuss. I just feel sick of it all and like walking out.

Vent over :(

[Nettwins]

First of all :hugs::hugs:I don't know how you navy wives do it. I remember one posting we had hubby was out bush for 10days-2weeks anywhere between every 4-8 weeks and that was so annoying. After nearly 2 years of that he core transfered so not so much bush now. But enough of my life....

The reason why we stay....we love them too damn much. Have you told your other half how you feel?

Well I will throw in a few more :hugs::hugs::hugs: and I hope you feel better.

[sharn883]

I know how you feel - a big :hugs:for you, i know i need them.

We all need our vents! If i hold on for too long i'll explode, and i'm only four weeks into my first posting!!!!! Moved over 2000km from all my family and friends and army only decide to tell us once we're here that DH has to stay on base for next 10 weeks whilst course is underway. So i have a 5 yr old to sort out and the very next day i find out i'm pregnant. So that's my excuse for all my :crying:.

I do think some days what the hell am i doing? But i can't imagine life without DH so i guess i'm in it for the long haul.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

[samsgirls]

I definetly know how u feel, Milkontap. It is very trying at times for sure. It definetly has its bad points, but overall I wouldn't want my life to be any other way. Yes, I miss DH when he goes away, but when he is not at sea, it is great. Like anything, u take the good with the bad. My hubby has been doing this his whole working life (Navy-Army-Navy), and it give him the opportunity to try things. At the end of the day, his going away, allows me to be a SAHM. We wish we had more money, for sure, and we will own a house one day, but overall its not bad!

[lavenderpegasus]

OH miss Ally, sweetness:hugs:

You:valentine:Grant sooo much and yeah sometimes you wanna just :hair: and it was not so many posts ago you were :hugs:me.

Love ya sweetness

lp in wa

[Shauna]

:hugs: to you all, it is very hard..although my DH doesnt go out to sea he is Army and has been OS twice but never while we have had kids so next year will be interesting for me..but he is on course atm for 8wks and for the first 3 is living online cause he finishes so late there isnt much point trapsing home to be back at 6, anyway its very difficult with a 7wk and 17mth, whom of which every night so far has asked for his dadadadadadadad, but i love him and again it allows me to be a SAHM also...

We as defence partners have to be just as tough as the men/women we call our loved ones..if not tougher ;)

I too have moved far from my support network i like to call mum :yes: WA all the way to TSV so i understand where some of you are coming from..

So tough it out hopefully you all find ways to cope :goodvibes::goodvibes:

[KJEmum]

I'm with samsgirls. I love the lifestyle and coming and going. I look forward to the things we CAN do when he's home rather than looking at what we aren't doing etc. It's what I have grown accustomed to. Thing is even at the worst times, I have never ever thought 'i wish he'd get out', it's always been 'i wish he were here right now'.

Most important is to have a parent who is 'there' for the kids which is why I choose to be a SAHM. If DH had a 'normal' job, he wouldn't be home during the day so it's no biggy there but it's the night time where a little help and a hug wouldn't go astray.

I think I would be miserable if he weren't in the Navy. I think he would be too. He loves what he does and I accept that.

[samsgirls]

I'm with samsgirls. I love the lifestyle and coming and going. I look forward to the things we CAN do when he's home rather than looking at what we aren't doing etc. It's what I have grown accustomed to. Thing is even at the worst times, I have never ever thought 'i wish he'd get out', it's always been 'i wish he were here right now'.

Most important is to have a parent who is 'there' for the kids which is why I choose to be a SAHM. If DH had a 'normal' job, he wouldn't be home during the day so it's no biggy there but it's the night time where a little help and a hug wouldn't go astray.

I think I would be miserable if he weren't in the Navy. I think he would be too. He loves what he does and I accept that.

:iagree:

[MilkOnTap]

Thing is even at the worst times, I have never ever thought 'i wish he'd get out', it's always been 'i wish he were here right now'

Well good for you

Gee - I wish I were as strong as you. Maybe then I would NEVER miss my husband or wish that he could spend any time with his child

Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to just get on with life, put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is okay

[KJEmum]

Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to just get on with life, put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is okay

That's exactly what you have to do, get on with life.

You need to be your own person when DH is away and if you can't smile without pretending, I am sorry about that and empathise.

I've done the really hard days of having a 1yo and 3yo with DH away gone for most of the year with no car and having to push a tandem pram around in humidity in Cairns away from all I have known .. friends, family etc (our first posting) .. basically 3mth stints with a week home in between. I've done the sobbing cos it's hard and don't want to do it alone and tired of doing it alone. I've been crying to my MIL on the phone about how the kids have driven me up the wall. I've had his brother suicide in our garage while he's away, i've had my father die while he's away, i've had my cat die while he's away .. but when you have children you carry on cos what doesn't break you does indeed make you stronger. You're fkd otherwise.

Also you can take a man out of the Navy but you can't take the Navy out of a man.

And still i have never said 'i want you to get out of the Navy'. Why .. because he's not ready to and I'm not ready to be a person to make him decide .. me and your kids or the Navy. For better or for worse, til death.

Not everyone is cut out to be a defence spouse, it's that simple and not every man who joins up is cut out to be a "lifer".

[DB&O]

Ok, I need to vent here too :yes: I hate that the Raaf seem to forget that DH is also a father & husband not just an airman. I hate that Liv & I are not able to be his top priority because he is always at there beck & call. DH is going away o/seas for a month even though they recognise that they are putting a huge strain on his home life but alas caring about the family behind the man seems to take a huge leap back when they need a body on the ground :(
Ok vent over.

Ciao,
Brooke.

[earthfairy]

I have to say im with all of you gals!

Somedays i hate the Navy so much coz they can be such a bunch of insensitive JERKS!!!!:banghead:

But other days i think, wow, i have lived all over Australia & not paid a cent to move. I get to work part time & when this bub is born i can be a SAHM, i get money given to me for free to travel & see my family twice a year.Yes i hate, HATE , HATE my DH going to sea but i know he loves it & as long as he is happy, i am happy.

I would also never ask him to get out, i knew what he did when i got involved, it isnt just a job, it is his life & he is my life. So i guess for now that makes the Navy my life too.

Dont get me wrong, i'll have a HUGE party when he gets out! lol

I am sooooooooo proud of my DH for being in the forces & for what he does, he makes a difference in our country & others. And i just love seeing him with all the other guys & gals on Anzac Day - proud as punch. Just as i am.

Try not to be angry hun, i have seen so many women become bitter about the Navy & it has caused problems. Trust me, i completely understand where you are coming from, the force claim to care for families but they dont always.

Everytime you think of something bad about the Navy / Army / RAAF - think of 3 good things about having a partner in it... it works for me.

if you ever want to chat - im all ears sweet pea....
:hugs::kiss::hugs:

[tor76]

I am sooooooooo proud of my DH for being in the forces & for what he does, he makes a difference in our country & others. And i just love seeing him with all the other guys & gals on Anzac Day - proud as punch. Just as i am.

:iagree:

Couldn't agree with KirstyB more! Reminds me why we do what we do.

Tx

[KJEmum]

Kirsty, you've said the words that sometimes I cannot find to justify my happiness being a Navy spouse.


I would also never ask him to get out, i knew what he did when i got involved, it isnt just a job, it is his life & he is my life. So i guess for now that makes the Navy my life too.

I too am proud on Anzac Day. Kids are proud too and love seeing their dad dressed up and marching although it's been 3yrs since we've seen him for various reasons.

ADF aren't family friendly although the Army tend to be a bit more caring when their men are in the Ghan .. ie family meetups depending on the unit. Whenever my DH has been to sea, there has never been one.

Thing is, if your DH wasn't in the RAAF Brooke, what private company WOULD CARE about the family. What do you expect from a civvy company that would be different ? Your man would still be working and possibly longer hours to make ends meet.

THem being away does put a strain on home life but you shouldn't be sitting around being sad and dwelling on it, you've got to get out and socialise with mates. You've got your freedom while he's away .... no 'i'll see what DH wants to do this w/e' kinda thing. That's how I see it. Me and the kids just cruise along and whatever will be will be. The word is more flexible. :)

[DB&O]

KJEmum; I think the thing for me is that DH has just come back from 7 months in the M/E & we have a specialist appointment for both DD & I that they were well aware of, DH had booked days off to be with us. The decision was that DH would not be sent away o/seas as he only just come back & alot was happening on the home front, they recognised that it would not be in DH's or his families best interest for him to be so far away & worrying or concerned about us but all that was scrapped & they decided to send him anyway & also when he gets home he will have 2 days with us & then fly out to Qld for a course. So they make a decision based on all the information & then disregard it to suit themselves.
DD & I don't sit & pine while he is away, after 7 months on our own we are more than capable of filling our days, doesn't make up for him not being here :no:

Brooke.

[KJEmum]

Yeh I know what you mean. It sux big time but I don't honestly know what can be done. It's pretty much been like that with us . .. oh he's home but he's got to do this or they want him for that etc etc .. i'm like what about us but there's nothing he can do about it.

A few years back I rang DCO to ask about a friends communication while first joining the army and mentioned how the gf and bf would miss each other dearly etc .. the guy (who was army) said 'well he shouldn't be joining up then'.
I was a bit taken back by that attitude. So it made me realise that families don't always matter or play a part in things. It's only if you have a good boss who has a family where you'll get the benefits.

Course dates change all the time, could your DH have wiggled his way to go at another time ? I know my DH looks into that sorta thing .. but then he's been stuffed around so much with course dates .. one minute he's going, then he's not .. then he is .. the left hand don't have a clue what the right hand is doing.

I can't plan anything basically. We don't even have a professional family photo on the wall cos each time the opportunity arises, he's away. Ya know if it's Pixi or the kindy/community house fundraiser photos (which are always great).

[Shauna]

I agree with everything KirstyB said, i love our lifestyle moving here and there and it sucks BIG time when they are sent away but it only makes you realise why you love them so much..time apart really does make the heart grow fonder.

My hat goes off to you Navy spouses, no contact til in port, your tougher than I, at least while DH was in E T he could call once a week...but again its hard..

Big hugs to everyone who is without a loved one atm xxx