Help. My mother in law wants me to tell her I am pregnant first!!

[My Miracle Baby]

My mother in law was all upset that we did not tell her that we (my DH and I) were engaged first!

Now, knowing that we might start trying for a baby soon, she has pretty much demanded that I tell her that I am pregant first.

How dare she tell me who I can and cannot tell first. But, I am not the kind of person that deals with confrontation well and I cant stand up to her.

What do I do? How do I deal with her? I am so ready for her to get upset and I want to tell my mum first. Rrrrhhh. Help Please. :banghead:

[jaimie]

Do both set of parents live close by? maybe you could take them out for dinner or invite them over and do the announcement that way. Or you could do a conference call!!:laughing: But if you feel strngly about it you have to do what you want otherwise she will always put the pressure on you to do things the way she wants.Hope that helps:)

[mylittletwins]

If i were you i would chat to your hubby and make sure he chats with his parents because its a decision that both of you need to be happy with, who cares who knows first it dosent mean favoritisim.

This is your life and you are going to have to learn to deal with it, but since its not your parents then your husband has to put his foot down.

Its a horrible situation because its such a beautiful time in your life and it shouldnt be overshadowed. I really feel for you

[3boys1girl]

Great Idea Jazzy
But if thats not convient tell who ever YOU and you hubby want to tell first and tell her to shove it (very politly!) if she doesnt like it!:)
I always told my parents first, its just a daughters right!
If it was me I would tell everyone except her just to peeve her off! But im naughty like that:devil6:
Do what you think is best
GOOD LUCK :fingerscrossed:

[Foxy]

Well, it's a bit naughty, we went the white lie route. :o

We were living interstate at the time and called both sets within 10mins of each other, we didn't actually say that each was the first to know, but we did let them think they were. It hasn't actually come up again, DS is now 13.5 mths, so I don't think it will, plus the in-laws don't really mix that often anyway.

[Spewiesmum]

maybe you could arrange for flowers to be delivered to both sets of parents on the same day with a card "congratulations to the new grandparents". No one will know who found out first (hopefully) and you can focus on wanting to celebrate the news with everyone.

We gathered everyone together last easter and gave them baskets with 'grandpa', 'uncle mit' etc on them. Well DH handed them out. I hid in the shower avoiding the happy ocassion:o - I just couldn't deal with the out-laws so I totally understand.

[shed]

The white lie or passive-aggressive thing is the way to go. That's what I did too.

Just lie, or agree and then don't do it. The path of least resistance.

[razzle]

I think you should tell US first!!! :smiliedance:

[Lilac]

Maybe you could just ignore her and hope she goes away?:o

[jaimie]

Maybe you could just ignore her and hope she goes away?:o
I think that sounds like a great idea for all MILs!:devil6:

[my babyemmy]

hello, i told my mum & family
My hubby told his mum and family
it was done over the phone and that way no one really knows who was first!!!
good luck, try not to let it stress you out:fingerscrossed:

[Sarie]

I told my family and DH told his family. It's the way we do everything.
But I do have issues when both lots of family are here together, my inlaws won't give my parents any time with our kids they have to be in the lime light, drives me nuts as my parents live 3 hours away while the inlaws are only an hour away and see the kids more often. I would rather they didn't come when they know my parents are going to be here... they make such a fuss and I just end up being super cranky with everyone.:(

[Ana Gram]

hello, i told my mum & family
My hubby told his mum and family
it was done over the phone and that way no one really knows who was first!!!
good luck, try not to let it stress you out:fingerscrossed:

This is the right idea, pass the responsiblity on to your husband to tell his mother.

[Mischief]

How about you call your mum and tell her, while your hubby calls his mum and tells her.

Thats what we did! ;)

[aardvark]

This is the right idea, pass the responsiblity on to your husband to tell his mother.

That's what I did......and DH did eventually tell his mother, about 10 minutes after I had given birth! We don't see her often, she is interstate, and DH could not bring himself to call her, as they don't get on too well.

[Me]

[QUOTE]That's what I did......and DH did eventually tell his mother, about 10 minutes after I had given birth! We don't see her often, she is interstate, and DH could not bring himself to call her, as they don't get on too well.[QUOTE]

LOL!!!:laughing: if only we were that brave!!!

[logan's mum]

yeah I agree - she doesn't really need to know who really knew first!!

[bec79]

I would just tell your mum first and give the impression to MIL that she is the first to know. Just make sure you let your mum know to go along with the lie if it ever comes up....my mum does it for me all the time...she knows I can't stand MIL, but understands I have to keep the peace.
Half the time I leave MIL in the dark is because she always has to make a big song-and-dance about absolutely everything. Sometimes I feel like shaking her and yelling GET OVER IT!!!

[MollysDad]

Well, I am just a simple man, but I have had some experience in my 56yrs......for me, after all I have learned, I would just tell her to get stuffed:devil6:

[zactyl]

You could send an email to both of them at the same time. Or an SMS. :devil6:

[p4purple]

What a head case your MIL is! You tell who you want when and how. Don't be pushed around.

[Clarebear]

Speaking from experience of having THE MIL from hell, I think you should do exactly what you want. If you were to tell her first and she knew she was first she will think wow, I won, now lets open the floodgates.....


A few posters said about you calling your mum while DH calls his mum at the same time, what an excellant idea. That way when MIL asks DH if your parents know he can say she is on the phone to them right now so we could tell you all at the same time.

The slight devil in me says to tell your mum first and tell MIL a month or so later. 6 years later my MIL still hates the fact that my brother saw our son before her, but hey, he got there faster, lol

I wish you all the best!

[Tam-I-Am]

You know what - there's a loophole here. You call who YOU want first, and tell them, and then get your DH to call his mum.

Then, technically - your DH DID tell his mum first.

I'm all for the non-confrontational, passive-aggressive approach - it got me through 7 years of hellish ILs so far!

[mum2squish]

I agree that it's your decision and of course you're going to want to tell your mum first! She's your mum! It's a special bond thing, but if you think she's going to rock the boat and ruin the moment, then i also agree with 'jazzysmum' if they live close by, one of my older friend's son and DIL did that, they took both sets of parents out to dinner and had the waiters present each set of parents with a large wrapped gift, one was a baby rug with an arch of rattles over it and one was a bouncer (i think), the couple didn't have to say anything and both sets of parents got excited at the same time:smiliedance: