Against the odds- the birth of my Hannah Grace

[MyThreeCubs]

My daughter Hannah was born nearly 12 months ago, on the 29th April 2007. I wrote her bith story some time ago but as the experience involved thoughts and emotions that are difficult to relive and acknowlege, I never felt quite ready to share it. As it is her birthday on Tuesday I wanted to celebrate her birth by finally sharing our story with you. Thanks for reading.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL GIRL! happybirthday

Part 1

When my husband and I fell unexpectantly pregnant with our 3rd child, just 8 months after our son Alexander was born, we were horrified. Like my first, it had been a traumatic birth in which I had haemorrhaged to the point that I had needed surgery to stop the bleeding. I had ongoing problems, which had left me exhausted and suffering severe postnatal depression. In addition, my son suffered horrendous colic. Although things were getting better- we had stayed a week at Tresillian and Alex had been diagnosed with severe dairy and soy allergy, I was only coping reassured by the knowledge that I would never have to go through it again. I was literally traumatised by the birth and even the thought of it brought back feelings of panic.

My doctor’s advice, with my history of difficult pregnancies and births and my ongoing health problems- I suffer from an autoimmune disorder called fibromyalgia and a crippling bladder condition- was that I should terminate. After Alexander’s birth I had been told not to fall pregnant again. While the thought of this birth was petrifying and I really did not think I was well enough to look after another baby, abortion was not an option that I would consider.

It was therefore primarily relief when at 8 weeks pregnant I began to bleed. I truly believed that it was “not meant to be,” and while a part of me was sad it seemed as though it was out of my hands. After a few days of bleeding I went to the doctor for an ultrasound to check whether I had miscarried completely. It was at this point I was told that not only had I not miscarried, the baby’s heartbeat was strong and although I was bleeding, everything looked completely normal. I really had no idea how to cope with this news. I had come to terms with the pregnancy ending by reassuring myself that the pregnancy was likely a “blighted ovum,” where nothing had formed in the first place. To know that there was now a baby with a heart beat that I could still potentially lose was a tidal wave of conflicting emotion. A small part of me was so relieved that there was a heartbeat, but there was still the very real likely hood that this baby would die. I was in limbo- I honestly did not know how to feel.

My doctor again told me that my only option was to terminate. I would surely miscarry anyway and with my history of post partum haemorrhage, I was better to terminate in a controlled environment. While I understood his logic, I felt I had to give both the baby and I a chance to get through this.

At the advice of two close friends who were also pregnant, I went to see a local obstetrician specialising in “at risk,” pregnancies and births. As things turned out, he was brilliant. Yes, I was bleeding but he reassured me that the baby seemed fine. It was growing, the heartbeat was strong and if I wanted to continue with the pregnancy he would deliver by caesarean to avoid my history repeating itself. While this also terrified me, he was confident, empathetic and reassuring. Finally, I felt a glimmer of hope.

The weeks went on and while I still struggled with the pregnancy both physically and emotionally, everything seemed ok. Then at the 19-week ultrasound we were told that I had placenta praevia. While my dr was unconcerned and said that the placenta would likely move up anyway, I became convinced that I would end up in hospital for months of the pregnancy. How would we cope? My husband couldn’t take that much time off work. I was certainly not ready to spend time away from my toddler son and my 5 year old daughter was in tears already at me going into hospital again as the stay last time had been lengthy. The weeks went by and physically I was ok but I was becoming more and more terrified at what the future would hold.

At 33 weeks my friends threw me an impromptu baby shower after which I went home and cried. I was so terrified that I would not love this baby. I felt nothing for it except resentment and fear. My now 15-month-old son (who has since been diagnosed with autism,) was such a handful that I had absolutely no idea how I would cope with this baby as well. My biggest worry, beyond anything was that I would not bond with this baby at all. After all, my son was a much-wanted baby but due to the trauma of his birth and the months that followed it took a long time to bond with him. How could I expect to bond with a baby that I didn’t even want?

The next day I had my usual check up with my obstetrician. It was a complete shock when we found that in the three weeks since I had seen him neither my fundal height nor weight had changed and I was now measuring 3 weeks behind. Stunned, I left his office with a multitude of requests for ultrasounds, foetal monitoring and blood tests. I had been so consumed with not wanting this bab that it had never occurred to me that something could actually go wrong with it. When I had asked what would happen if the baby had stopped growing, (and I will never forget the look on his face or the graveness of his voice), my doctor answered “I will deliver.”

Already terrified of having this baby in 5 weeks I was now faced with the very real prospect that not only might I have this baby now, the baby would be tiny. The implications of delivering a premature 4lb baby terrified me. I flew into over drive. Instead of taking some time to rest, which was probably what I needed most, I spent the next week cooking, cleaning and trying to attend all of my required appointments. I also researched possible causes for the baby not growing which of coarse all served to heighten my anxiety. It was here that I first learned the term, “Inter Uterine Growth Retardation,” or “IUGR” This is when something in the Uterine environment, usually the placenta, is not functioning properly and hence the baby’s growth becomes affected. The baby could be deprived of nutrients, oxygen and could even die. Early delivery was almost always required followed by intense neonatal care.

An ultrasound confirmed that the baby was small, approximately 4lb but my placenta seemed ok and the fluid level was good. My obstetrician relaxed slightly but still felt concerned enough that he sent me for another ultrasound in a specialist clinic 2 hours away; “Just to make sure.”

By the day of the ultrasound I had really reassured myself that all would be fine. The baby was transverse and several people had told me that this could prevent an adequate measurement being taken. Surely a high tech scan would confirm that everything was fine?

The first words uttered by the sonographer put an immediate end to my calm: “Have you noticed any fluid loss at all?” When I answered “no,” she replied: “Well, there is no fluid around your baby.” The rest of the scan I spent fighting tears as she and the head doctor confirmed that had I a complete placenta praevia, (where the placenta is blocking the cervix,) I had no fluid and the baby was very small. It was almost certainly a case of “IUGR.” It was also felt that there were several dangerous vessels around the placenta, both foetal and maternal, that meant that the baby and I could severely haemorrhage at any time. By the end of the appointment my obstetrician had been contacted and he had given the firm direction that I be admitted to hospital immediately. I would be given steroids to help the baby’s lungs develop. The baby would be delivered early the next week and a very close eye would be kept on us until then.

I sobbed the entire way home. I began to seriously doubt that I had done the right thing in keeping this pregnancy. I was not ready to have this baby when I still had a baby at home. I had brought this upon myself- this baby knew that it wasn’t wanted, that I didn’t want it. This was my punishment.

After a day in hospital, I managed to convince my obstetrician to let me go to dinner with my partner. It was our 7 year anniversary and as the last 8 months had been utterly horrendous and our relationship had been seriously tested, we both really wanted one last chance to be just us, Matt and Sara, without our children, before this baby, just to remind ourselves that our relationship still mattered. While I was so tense during dinner, petrified that I would begin to suddenly bleed to death at the dinner table, I cannot describe my amazement and joy when, as my desert was presented, so was a beautiful engagement ring. (The words, “Marry Me Sara!” were also written in chocolate on my plate but I didn’t realise until it was pointed out!”) Boy, what timing. If I had needed anything to get me through the next few days, it didn’t get better than that.

[MyThreeCubs]

The following day, an ECG showed that the baby was becoming inactive. The words used were that her heart rate was “non-reassuring.” By this point my fundal height had actually decreased to 30 weeks, (I was now 36) and the fluid was so low that I could feel every limb of the baby in my abdomen. My doctor was called and I had an IV inserted and started on fluids. Although it was becoming obvious that I was being prepped for delivery, I didn’t really believe it until my obstetrician appeared (In his tennis clothes as it was a Sunday!) Took one look at the CTG and said, “Let’s go.” In a flurry of activity I was being wheeled out the door and my wonderful friend who just happened to be in visiting was donning a cap and gown in case my husband didn’t make it in time. I couldn’t be given a pre med as it would have put the baby at further risk and I was literally shaking with nerves. I will never forget the moment where my Dr stopped- looked at me, held my hand and said,
“I want a private paediatritian for the baby.” (We were not covered for one.)
“I just don’t know how ther baby is going to be.”
After a significant length of time waiting for the spinal block to take effect, (it didn’t,) I remember thinking, Oh my God, the baby is not being monitored and I can’t feel it moving. What if they deliver her and she’s dead?
I was finally put under general anaesthetic. I was so relieved. I don’t think my nerves would have held up much longer.

I woke up shaking uncontrollably from the anaesthetic but in no pain, (which because of my bladder condition had been an enormous fear.) In an instant I heard the most beautiful words in my memory: “You have had a little baby girl. She is in the nursery and doing well.” I was also told that despite the risks my caesarean had been straightforward and all was fine. I cannot describe the joy I felt at this moment. It was as though every fear had been on getting through the pregnancy and the birth and now that I was on the other side and she was here I was ok. Then it struck me to ask about her weight and I heard, “4lbs13oz.” My stomach did a somersault at the reality of her size. I guess right up to this moment I had prayed that they were wrong. I would later also learn that she had required resuscitation at birth and her Apgar score was only 2. The important thing was that now she was fine, so I had been spared the anxiety that witnessing this would have brought. .

I was wheeled up to see her in the nursery although I was so groggy it’s hard to remember. I recall stretching my hand through the humidicrib to feel her soft, downy head. She looked so tiny.

The following morning, after a night spent drifting in and out of sleep I was becoming anxious to see my daughter. Before long, friends were pouring in with bags of tiny 00000 clothing, flowers and teddy bears. Their overwhelming support helped made the experience so wonderful. After my first daughter and son were born I refused visitors because I was in such a bad state. The difficult thing this time was that people were coming in to see a baby who was not there to see! By the afternoon I was finally allowed out of bed to shower and wheeled down to see my baby. I can honestly say that the very second I laid eyes on her I fell in love with her. She was perfect! So tiny, but so perfect. She had spent the night in a humidicrib; because of her size she couldn’t maintain her body temperature and her blood sugar was low. She was now in a cot, still on a glucose drip but I was able to hold her and attempt to feed her. This would turn out to be our biggest problem because she was so small she didn’t have the ability to suck properly and would tire easily.

When my obstetrician visited that day he confirmed what I had already suspected: If I had not been in hospital and monitored the day of her delivery she would have died. Ironically, after all my doubts during the pregnancy, the reality that we came so close to losing her was horrifying. We named her “Hannah Grace,” because it seemed that it was only through the grace of God that she was here. We were also given stern instructions not to fall pregnant again. Fine by us!

The week in hospital would prove not to be without anxiety as the feeding would not happen easily and I was determined to breastfeed my tiny girl. Her weight was my main concern, although pronounced very healthy she was so small that even layers of blankets was not sufficient to keep her warm. In the end the nurses would have me strip us both down to have skin to skin or, “kangaroo care,” which seemed to work. After 3 days she was allowed to “room in” with me and by the end of the week, weighing a tiny 2.08kgs I was able to take her home.

As I write this, at almost 12 months old, Hannah is doing beautifully. She is still small but well on the growth chart,and has and is meeting all her developmental milestones. We are still breastfeeding, which has been difficult but successful. After a horrific time trying to feed my son and eventually giving up, I learned, once again, that history doesn’t always have to repeat itself.

She is an incredible little person- so feisty and so full of character and full of life. I look at her and I fully understand how she made it through a pregnancy that was against all the odds- she is a fighter and was obviously 100% determined to be here!

It is so hard to believe that after all my worry and belief that I could not love this baby, the love for Hannah came much easier than for the others. I really believe that the positive birthing experience made it so much easier. It is ironic I know, so many women feel that they failed by having a caesarean, but In my experience whatever gets Mum and Bub through safely is a success. There is so much expectation that you will instantly love your baby and it is not always the case, especially when the baby is thrust upon you after a difficult and exhausting birth. I know that it is different for every body but this time with no postnatal complications, no trauma, I had so much more energy to love her.

Despite spending the pregnancy truly believeing that she was unwanted- it has taken a while for me to realise that she was not unwanted- I was simply terrified of her birth and of how I would cope when she was here. I doubted my abilities to love another child, (because of the difficulties that I had encountered with my son,) and as hard as I had tried, I couldn't imagine our family any other way than we were. Now, I look at her perfect face and I hear her laugh and I see her playing with her brother and her sister and I see the smiles on our faces and I know, more than I have ever known anything, that she was meant to be here. As much as the stars are in the sky and the sun brightens overhead- my world would be lost without her.

I am just so happy that after two horrific births, third time round I was able to tell a different story, a tale of unexpected joy. Hannah is the light of our life and I thank God (and my wonderful obstetrician!) every day that she is here.


Thank you so much to my wonderful friends and family for all their contributions towards the pregnancy and birth of my precious girl.:hugs:
Sara

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/P4290420.jpg
First photo with Dad

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/P5160001.jpgPart 2
My little baby girl- 2 weeks old

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/P6080017.jpg
My sleeping beauty- 5 weeks old


http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/P7130079.jpg
First smile- 10 weeks old

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/P8150145.jpg (http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/P8150145.jpg)
My mushroom baby- 3 and a half months


http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF1213.jpg (http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF1213.jpg)
My beautiful girl at 9 mths old

Story update and recent photos Page 3!:flowerz:

[naiwen]

Oh wow Sara thats an increadible story,

I am in no way horrified, I totally understand that a traumantic birth and a sick baby could traumatise you to the point where you couldnt face another pregnancy.
You are so brave writing all of that and posting it up here.

I might ask you questions about IUGR BTW!

[GeorgiaAnne]

Congratulations, though it was a year ago. I can totally understand your feelings towards having an other child after what you've been through but it is brave to admit it. I'm glad Hannah is going so well :thumbsup:

[mummyof5]

Thanks for sharing such an honest account of your feelings about the birth of your baby daughter.
Wonderful to hear that it has worked out so well for you both in the end.
You are a very resiliant lady, your little girl obviously shares those traits with you!:yes:

[Jamily]

Your story brought tears to my eyes....as Mum to an IUGR baby its always good to hear other success stories.

Congratulations and HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hannah Grace

:yelclap: happybirthday :yelclap:

[Sammilee]

Thank you so much for sharing your incredible birth story and journey. So glad to hear that everything turned out well for you and your beautiful bubba Hannah.

[MyThreeCubs]

Thank you so much for your replies. I was actually really nervous about reading peoples responses and I am so happy and grateful thats so far they are positive!!:hugs:
Have just added photos of my baby girl, (just spent and hour doing it when I have her birthday party tommorrow and stuff to do, but priorities, priorities :)
For those of you with IUGR bubs please feel free to add your stories here! Glad there are more happy endings!

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

What a beautiful birth story.

Welcome to the world Hannah Grace:flowerz:

Happy 1st Birthday too.:smiliedance:happybirthday:smiliedance:

[Stargazer Lily]

thanks for sharing your story

you sound like a very strong woman :yes:

and your daughter is just beautiful :yes: and I love, love, love her name!!

happybirthday Hope she has a great party!

ps. I had moments when I didn't want my babies whilst pregnant too (2 pregnancies with severe 24hour morning sickness and high risk pregnancies ending in PE) - not an easy thing to admit is it? but we are only human and illness makes it all so hard, especially when others seemingly glide & glow through the whole experience...
Be gentle on yourself. :hugs:

[threeofthem]

Hi
It was good to read the update. I forgot how peaceful Hannah looked when she slept all the time, and I still think that she was a pretty little thing.
I'm glad that her tops fit her now and he know she has hands lol
Looking forward to seeing pics of Hannah's party.
Be gentle on yourself. :hugs:(I agree)
You have 3 beautiful children, please remember this on hard days

[Lyglc]

You are an amazingly strong woman - even though you were scared and so unsure of what the birth and afterwards would be like, you gave you little daughter every chance possible.

She is truly beautiful and I wish a wonderful day for her 1st birthday

[mixy]

that was a wonderful honest story, thank-you for being so honest.

I am so glad she is so healthy.

[MyThreeCubs]

Thank you everybody so much for your wonderfully kind words- they really meant a lot to me. Her birthday was yesterday and it was an awful day- long story but I sobbed last night becasue I think I was putting so much pressure on her birthday to be wonderful, my way of making it all up to her I guess. Anyway, lucky she is too young to know any different, but I did. Didn't help that nobody remembered her birthday except a friend and my mum. We had her party on Sunday, (a disaster:rolleyes: Mainly due to my in laws and Hannah cried the whole time,) but I still think somebody should have acknowleged her actual birthday. By somebody I mean my in laws. My MIL lives around the corner and we didn't even get a phone call.
Anyway, I am glad I wrote this birthstory as it was a kind of closure for me- acknowleging the "journey," the good, bad and down right awful!!I love her to bits now and that's what matters!!!!
Thank you again, and Happy Birthday my little princess!!happybirthday I love you!!!! (I'll make next year better, I promise!!:hugs:),

[M O P]

what a beautiful daughter you have

thanks for sharing your story-
it must have taken you a long time to get it all out
I was in tears from the proposal on wards :)

[raisingboys&babygirl]

Just had a chance to read it Sara, I was nearly in tears!

You described it perfectly and she is truly a beautiful baby :)

[spiraldancer]

:flowerz: thankyou for your wonderful story it was an inspiration to read so refreshingly honest:hugs:spiraldancer

[izziesmum]

Thank you Sara.

Your story made me cry, but the pictures of your gorgeous angel made me smile again!

Pregnancy can be difficult, be kind to yourself and try not to feel guilt. All that matters now is the love you share with your family.

[2SPUNKRATZ]

what a beautiful daughter you have

thanks for sharing your story-
it must have taken you a long time to get it all out
I was in tears from the proposal on wards :)

same. the proposal made me burst out into tears, and i was a mess thereafter.

[KatiesMum]

Yeah I am sitting here in tears too.

Sara you are an incredible woman, and great mother and your family are lucky to have you.

I can totally appreciate how difficult it must have been for you feeling so negative towards the bub, anticipating all of the problems after such a difficult time - on top of the usual pregnancy hormones which can make you totally nuts anyway .....

so I was so glad to read that you bonded so easily with Hanah. You are right - it isnt always straight away and so many new Mums feel so much pressure and guilt when they dont bond immediately.

Hanah sounds like an absolute angel - happybirthday honey

[Mikenzees mum]

wel i had read her big bros story so only fair to read hannahs as wel, What an ordeal you have been trhough with both of them

You have beautiful children congrats

[MyThreeCubs]

Good heavens, that must have taken you half the night!
Thank you:hugs:

[MyThreeCubs]

I don't know what possessed me to read my daughters story at well past 11pm at night and cry my eyes out:o I think I am just emotional as I have been told to stop breast feeding her and although the vast majority of me knows that this is a wise idea, there is that little bit of me that is gutwrenchingly heart broken at severing this tie with my baby girl. She is my beautiful little angel and although I know that I cannot feed her until she is 25 it is still very sad.

I have been told to stop feeding her from her paed as we are certain that she has developed food allergies. Over the last 4 months she has not gained any weight, despite me practically force feeding her around the clock. The little munchkin loves the breast but since around about 12 months she stopped eating and the breast was all that was keeping her going. She has not been a happy girl- crying for 20 out of 24 hour days, not sleeping, not eating. I had asked her original paed at about 9 months if her thought her irritability could be due to food intolerances / allergies and he said no- so since then I have put her behaviour down to "3rd child syndrome"- I thought she was just competing for attentiona and her clinginess was because I had "babied" her so much. It was only a few weeks ago that I noticed one night that she was pulling up her little legs and tensing her tummy- I gave her some mylanta and this calmed her down and settled her off to sleep. As her brother has dairy / soy allergy and she has been refusing all dairy for months I decided to cut dairy out of my diet too to see if it helped- within a few days, not kidding we had about a 70% improvement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was sleeping, eating more and much happier. However, her poos are still very runny, her belly is swollen like an ethiopian baby and less regularly she is still getting the attacks of wind and crying. Her paed says she is not absorbing food properly and we need to do an elimination diet to find out what the causes of it are- so he wants her onto a prescription whole food formula like elecare or neocate. He said the breats feeding isn't benefiting her as any nutrients are going straight through her.:( Yes, I could go on an elimination diet myself but as this would mean a drastic reduction in calories to sustain the both of us, he thinks it much better to wean and go the formula route. I am not a greatly well person at the best of times.

I have had several nasty cases of mastitis and the last one put me in hospital (she was 15 months) so a large part of me really wants to wean- I can't cope with any more mastitis and I know we have done well to get to this point but I am still so devestated. I can't explain to her what is going on and she still won't take the bottle or a cup- my poor bubba is not going to know what hit her.:hissy:

I am just so reluctant to sever this final tie- I adore feeding her- I love her all snuggled up to me with that sleepy, blissful look in her eye- I am so proud that we have come this far, my teeny tiny baby who was not big enough or strong enough to properly feed- now I can't get the munchkin off the breast, lol. who would have thought???? Especially with my history of mastitis (3 kids- about 20 cases and 3 hospitalisations including one abscess removed!) I had hoped for a few weeks of feeding at best. now here we are!!

I don't know if anybody will read this but here are some recent photos of my precious girl- I love that child more than life itself, she is my gift from the gods:) I'm sorry about the feeding beautiful girl, I hope you are not scarred for life and I hope you start eating properly, drinking your pretend milk and PUTTING ON WEIGHT!!!!!

I love you,

Mummy.:hugs:

Hannah on see saw
http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/n...s/DSCF1792.jpg (http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF1792.jpg)

Hannah again!!
http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/n...s/DSCF1804.jpg (http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF1804.jpg)

Hannah trying on her flower girl dress!
http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/n...s/DSCF1770.jpg (http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF1770.jpg)

[MamaKoala]

Your daughter is beautiful and you should be so proud of yours and her accomplishments.
I've got to say, after reading your story, I don't think you should carry the thought around that you didn't want her. You didn't want the trauma and the heartache or the life and death struggle birthing brought for you, which is completely different to not wanting her.
I hope weaning her off the boob goes smoothly for you. You've done everything right and you should be proud of yourself for persisting with it even through all the pain and complications. My hat goes off to you. All I can say is WOW.:goodvibes:

[Lyglc]

She is just adorable - you are very blessed.

For me, I found giving up breatsfeeding hard...partly I did want to do it, but it was also something that i could do for my children that no one else could, so it was nice that they relied solely on me for something 9i fed them until approx 12 months).

I think you have done an amazing job (with all of your kids), I've had matitis only once and it was horrible.

One really nice thing about bottle feeding, is they can totally look at you - you can gaze at them and they can gaze back (rather than them just peeking out the side when bf). This was one thing that I really did like about bottle feeding and it also gave me a real sense of closeness.

Anyway, just wanted to wish you all the very best. I hope that the transition goes smoothly for both Hannah and you.

All the best also for her weight gain.

[MyThreeCubs]

I just wanted to say thank you to both of you, first for reading our looooooong story and for your lovely thoughts. mamakoala, I really appreciate what you said- I think you are right and this thought has come to me on and off over the last year. I look at her now and I can honestly never, ever imagine not wanting her- i was just so terrified of what having her would entail. Thankfully we came through it ok and the irony is, it is her birth that i remember with fondness and a smile- much more than can be said for the other two!!
thank you again:hugs:

[maisymum]

Such a lovely story....Thankyou so much for sharing......I'm so sorry you had to go through such a tramatic birth, so glad little Hannah is a fighter and she is one very cute little bubba..........Thanks again.....MM xx

[MyThreeCubs]

Aw... thanks!:) Didn't think anybody read this anymore was a suprise to see it pop up in"new posts!" She is 19 months old now... my beautiful little munchkin:D

[maisymum]

Hello......i saw your signature in another thread and was wondering what the IUGR stood for.......such a lovely story, you are one lucky lady, so glad it all went well....... :hugs:

[MyThreeCubs]

Me too.... thank you again:hugs:

[mummy2Luca]

Your daughter is just beautiful and what a well written story:yelclap: Your wedding photos are stunning and your family looks just perfect. Congratulations on the wedding and for your littles princesses and prince:cloud9:

[MyThreeCubs]

Oh wow you looked at all of them! You must have had time on your hands!:laughing: Thank you... :hugs:wouldn't say perfect but they are pretty cute, luckily:D

[mummy2Luca]

Just happened that Luca was asleep so i thought ahh why not :laughing:. How did it work with your youngest at your wedding? Im getting married in 5 weeks and Luca will be 8 months and im very worried he will get tired and super grumpy.:eek:

[tee]

you really have a fabulous way with words, that was such an incredible story to read - wow. i'm so glad everything has worked out so well with you and hannah grace. i can't believe how absolutely perfect she looks in her early photos, what a beautiful baby.

[MyThreeCubs]

Awww... thanks guys:) Mummy2Luca I often do that late at night, read everyones stories it's good "chill" time! Some great stories as well.

At the wedding we only had them for the ceremony- the littlest two and especially Alex with his autism would not have coped- it was a big day and even my 7 year old who I thouhgt would be ok flaked an hour into the reception and had to be taken home! I organised for my dh to look after them during the day then my best friends husband picked them up, brought them around to get dressed and then he drove them to the ceremony- the kids know him well and he was just fab! Alex cried through the ceremony but Hannah was fine- ahd a great time! We had designated people on hand to hold them / take them for a walk if needs be. After the ceremony we got photos and then they were taken back to my best friends house near by where a friend looked after them which was GREAT. (It was just tricky finding a friend who knew them well but wasn't offended she was not invited to wedding:o I ahd only known her about a year and a bit- she was in Hannah's mothers group so we were not great friends but she saw my kids weekly. I also bought her some pressies!

:laughing:Ok got a bit of track! Good luck for your wedding, I was so glad we had the kids at the ceremony, would not ahve been the same without them and we got some gorgeous photos:)

Thanks Tee, that was really sweet, she was a bit minuature but still perfect- everyone said she looked like "a little doll." (I said at the time if I got $1 for every old lady who said that in the shops I'd be filthy rich!) Lol.

[cupcake76]

Your story is so beautiful. Nearly a fortnight ago my baby girl was delivered via emergency c section because I started to bleed quite profusely due to placenta previa. Ella Tess Elizabeth wasnt as strong as your wonderful Hannah Grace. Reading your story has caused me to cry for the first time since losing my little girl.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. Your little cherub is absolutely beautiful, I can see why you love her so much.

Jose

[MyThreeCubs]

Cupcake, I have PM'd you:hugs::hugs:

[Opinionated]

Beautiful story. I loved it all and the photos.

[MyThreeCubs]

It has been a while since I've updated this thread- My beautiful baby girl turned 2 on the 29th of April. I can't believe how quick time is going.:( She is not a baby anymore, she is a gorgeous, beautiful, very stubborn and noisy little toddler and although she can drive me up the wall some days, I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love anybody. It is not that I love her more than the other two- I just love her in a different way- because the love, I think, was so unexpected. I look at her and I think, "how in the WORLD" could I ever have thought that I would not love her? My life would be utterly incomplete.

There was another pro-life / pro-choice:ecomcity: thread recently and while I do understand that there will always be a place for abortion- I have so much sadness for those women who miss out on a love that they could have had. To "not" have a baby is such a huge, massive life altering thing. Of coarse so is to "have" a baby. But in my mind all I see is what I would have missed.:(

Here are some recent photos of my precious little angel- I am completely unbiased when I say that she is the most gorgeous baby girl in the entire world.:D

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF2522.jpg

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF2527.jpg

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF2523.jpg

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF2629.jpg

http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn54/glcksandthe3bears/DSCF2695.jpg
Hannah's 2nd birthday

[Bambibambino]

:iagree: completely unbiased :p she is absolutely divine! Did she end up having food allergies? She looks like she's thriving.

[MyThreeCubs]

Thanks Bambino, yes unfortunately she does have allergies, to dairy and soy we have worked out so far but she also has a major food aversion which I have only recently learned via BH is linked to bubs with IUGR. She is on elecare which is why she is thriving, it's been her saving grace! (And mine as I no longer have to force feed her- lol):D

[ladybugblue84]

It has been a while since I've updated this thread- My beautiful baby girl turned 2 on the 29th of April. I can't believe how quick time is going.:( She is not a baby anymore, she is a gorgeous, beautiful, very stubborn and noisy little toddler and although she can drive me up the wall some days, I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love anybody. It is not that I love her more than the other two- I just love her in a different way- because the love, I think, was so unexpected. I look at her and I think, "how in the WORLD" could I ever have thought that I would not love her? My life would be utterly incomplete.

There was another pro-life / pro-choice:ecomcity: thread recently and while I do understand that there will always be a place for abortion- I have so much sadness for those women who miss out on a love that they could have had. To "not" have a baby is such a huge, massive life altering thing. Of coarse so is to "have" a baby. But in my mind all I see is what I would have missed.:(

Very wise words! Your DD is gorgeous I saw your pic's in the other thread too. You are so lucky to have her!

[waitnfrmyrocket]

That's an amazing story, thank you so much for sharing it! And I completely understand, I can definitely see while you would've considered terminating the pregnancy. I don't think that would've seemed like a bad decision at the time after what you had been through. But it is very heartwarming to see that you had the courage to dare to see it through for your child.

[GiggleBerry]

Thank you so much for sharing your story & thanks for updating it too. Your DD is beautiful!

[MamaKoala]

Wondering how gorgeous Hannah is doing. She looks so grown up in the last lot of photo's.
How's the quest to find further allergies going?
I hope you're all doing well:goodvibes:

I should go to bed LOL.

[mumma2cubs]

Congratulations Sara,

May I ask who your OB was? I see you're in Wyoming - I am having my bub with Dr Nelmes at North Gosford Private.

Your OB sounded very much like mine.

[Hope2SoonBe5]

Your story almost made me cry...

You have a gorgeous daughter! :goodvibes: