Keeping our heads up!

[AbsNjai]

hey, Although we have been in the RAAF for 4 years (him, me civvy) it still gets harder every time.
But this one is different, its the first time he has spent longer than a week away from our now 8month old son. For those of you who do long stints alone at home i seriously commend you. I feel for the guys too, my DH has only been away a month and he has missed, first real crawling, first tooth, first standing, first vommiting wog (ahh, not pretty) and so many other little things, that he we never get again (although the vommiting part i am sure).
As our DS will be our one and only :(, i cant help but get really annoyed some days that this is the life we live - having half a husband/partner! - i know i know i sighned up for this when i married him, but we didnt have a baby then! =) I think the other part is that my hubby is so loving and caring that i worry for him miaaing out on this cool and not so great stuff. But its as tho he cant see outside the force any more, like he could find a everyday civvy job, hes so worried about promotions and posting and **** like that, he seems to have his blinkers on! I cant say if i want him to get out or not, its up to him, but i think i just needed a vent!
But if i look on the bright side, i guess we have security and thats what matters most.
So how do you guys do it? Or am i the only one who gets the sh!ts with it all?? :)
Hope to hear from someone soon i am really already feeling the pinch.:hair:
Cheers

[AbsNjai]

i just read the thread by woven-wings, and took some tips from there... I probably should have done that first... the people on this thread seem so thoughful and sweet!

[woven_wings]

Hugs & Love to you :hugs:! Im still 'getting used to it all' as I am still quite new to it but I understand how you feel and Ive felt some of those things too!

You can PM or email me anytime you need to vent or chat. I'll PM you my email addy. :) Seriously...

All I can say is stick in there. Also, I friend suggested this to me when DP went away the first couple of times, just after we started dating and it has really helped. DP was worried about missing out on things in my life, milestones, good things, bad things, thoughts, emotions, what Ive been learning etc. So I now have a journal for when he's away. I write in this journal and then he gets to read it when he gets back, we discuss things if we need to too. I am totally honest about how Im feeling and if Im having a rough day... i say Im having a rough one, explain why (often because Im missing him or he missed out on something). No use sweeping it under the rug... he needs to know how I feel and he wants to too.

So maybe, just a suggestion, you get a journal or an A4 School Book and can even make a colourful cover... and write to him everyday when he's away. You can include what your son has done and pictures, etc, as well as how you are doing, etc.

:hugs: Hugs to you!

[AbsNjai]

Thats such a great idea! So simple, yet so effective i am sure, thankyou!! I PM'd you as well. :hugs:

[KJEmum]

It is sad that dad isn't around for the early days but what's more important is the days ahead when son will need his dad. My son craves dads attention at 11yo. They bond by playing the Virtual Sailor game on the pc. They have been on bike rides together and just on the weekend when I was ill, they walked to a local footy game.
Look on the bright side on what's ahead. Quality time is more precious than quantity sometimes. You want both your DH and DS to have some lovely memories together and that will come when DS is older. That to me is much more than what he misses out on when a baby. Thing about what a mum misses out on too if she goes back to full time work during the day. I did with my first but I cherished the time in the evenings even more.

I like the idea of the journal. I've only done diary/journals when I was a teen and in my early 20's noting the guys I met at a club and if I kissed them and totally embarrassing things which make me laugh when I read them back.

One lady started a blog in case her DH has access to the internet while away. I was thinking it's a great idea but when I questions my DH about his access, it will be limited so I failed to start one. I'll just keep a journal on my pc.
I too don't sweep things under the rug. If I'm concerned about finances .. he'll know about it lol or cats and vets or kids and school.

We have a 17mth old who will most prob be talking by the time he gets home after his big trip in November, he will also miss his 3 kids b'day and also mine. The bright side is, we have had him home for 2yrs with odd one 3wks away and he has also been on sick leave. That's the most time he's stayed home in 15yrs of our relationship.

[woven_wings]

I forgot to add - is he away now or back yet? :) Glad you liked the idea too.

It has been really effective and DP gets to know what its really like when Im home on my own when he's away. :) Thanks for the PM - I mean it. :)

[mummeeto2]

When DH is away (Army Reserves) he calls nearly every day to check how we're going. He's got a really good mobile that gets reception nearly everywhere they go. Some days we might only talk for 5 mis, others nearly an hour. For us it's good, he hears about the kids & we talk about anything that's come up so when he gets back we get back to our normal routine easily. I have a good routine when he's away, in some ways it's easier cos I don't have to wait for him to get home or work around him.

[woven_wings]

When DH is away (Army Reserves) he calls nearly every day to check how we're going. He's got a really good mobile that gets reception nearly everywhere they go. Some days we might only talk for 5 mis, others nearly an hour. For us it's good, he hears about the kids & we talk about anything that's come up so when he gets back we get back to our normal routine easily. I have a good routine when he's away, in some ways it's easier cos I don't have to wait for him to get home or work around him.

Oh you are so lucky! DP's in the army and we may have mobile phone contact for 4 days or so but nothing more because they have to surrender their mobiles and most of the time they are out-field, etc. You're so lucky.

Ive had phone contact for 4 days of this month stint.

[mummeeto2]

He generally warns me when he's going to the field & won't have his phone. He's a chef/cook so most of the time he's in the kitchen

[lavenderpegasus]

hey, Although we have been in the RAAF for 4 years (him, me civvy) it still gets harder every time.
But this one is different, its the first time he has spent longer than a week away from our now 8month old son. For those of you who do long stints alone at home i seriously commend you. I feel for the guys too, my DH has only been away a month and he has missed, first real crawling, first tooth, first standing, first vommiting wog (ahh, not pretty) and so many other little things, that he we never get again (although the vommiting part i am sure).
As our DS will be our one and only :(, i cant help but get really annoyed some days that this is the life we live - having half a husband/partner! - i know i know i sighned up for this when i married him, but we didnt have a baby then! =) I think the other part is that my hubby is so loving and caring that i worry for him miaaing out on this cool and not so great stuff. But its as tho he cant see outside the force any more, like he could find a everyday civvy job, hes so worried about promotions and posting and **** like that, he seems to have his blinkers on! I cant say if i want him to get out or not, its up to him, but i think i just needed a vent!
But if i look on the bright side, i guess we have security and thats what matters most.
So how do you guys do it? Or am i the only one who gets the sh!ts with it all?? :)
Hope to hear from someone soon i am really already feeling the pinch.:hair:
Cheers
OMG this sounded like I was writing it...especially this part
i know i know i sighned up for this when i married him, but we didnt have a baby then! =) I think the other part is that my hubby is so loving and caring that i worry for him miaaing out on this cool and not so great stuff. But its as tho he cant see outside the force any more, like he could find a everyday civvy job, hes so worried about promotions and posting and **** like that, he seems to have his blinkers on! I cant say if i want him to get out or not, its up to him,

The diary idea is really good, but I e-mail my hubby everynight before going to bed so e gets a good understanding on whats going on. I also send pictures. I send him DVD and other suff to help him grow with our son.

Sometimes a Vent is needed. I hope you are ok now.

lp in wa

[samsgirls]

:laughing:I get the sh$ts all the time. I hate being lonely, i hate my kids not seeing their father, and I hate the fact that he misses out on their progress in life. But then I realise, thats our lifestyle, and we have security and we are fortunate. It is hard to see that at times, but I don't think I would have it any other way. I get so excited when my hubby comes home from sea, and it is priceless, watching my girls with their daddy. LOL, I went to pick up DH from the RSL yesterday, and he was in his ceremonial uniform, and the girls ran up to him and threw themselves on him. Its funny watching them run, so unco!!:laughing:But beautiful. (sorry, just wanted to share that):ecomcity:

[AbsNjai]

Thanks LP. I did feel much better after a good old vent!
WW- He has just arrived home! Such a relief, i was in need of a break and my big man!! The little man was so happy to see him, it was such a sweet reunion!
Thanks to all for letting me vent, you are all champs, and thanks for the advice too. x
:hugs: abs

[AbsNjai]

Samsgirls - thats sooo cute!! What a lovely little picture that would have made! :yelclap: