I've put my foot down!!!

[Mummabear]

We went and saw a sleep doctor a few months ago about DS's sleeping problems and he convinced us (DH especially) that cc was the way to go - although it wasn't cc - it was cry it out with no intervention at all. I couldn't deal with it. If you go through my posts about this in the past you'll see that we did it (I had to leave the house) and we got results, but it made me physically :barf: just to think about it :crying:. Not long ago he started waking again a lot overnight and also was hard to settle so DH stepped in and told me we were going to do the same thing again. :shame: never again. I put my foot down this time. DS wants cuddles to go to sleep then he gets as many as he needs to feel safe, secure and drift off to sleep peacefully. The times when he does put himself to sleep he does have a better sleep and wakes less often, but I'm not going to force him to go to sleep on his own anymore. I've also said that we are buying DS a bunk bed that is a double bed on the bottom and a single bed on top so that I have somewhere to co-sleep with our children if and when they want/need me. DS has been a bit off colour this week with a head cold and teething so we slept out in the lounge room together, him on his fold out couch and me curled up on the cold hard floor next to him :laughing:. I can't wait to get that bunk bed, lol. Do you think I can justify buying a bed for him now, at 8.5 months old, lol.

[jembelina]

Good on you for doing what your Mummy heart told you to!! I think sleep issues are the biggest, toughest things us parents have to deal with. I don't think you are silly at all for wanting to buy a bed so you can co-sleep with your little ones when they need/want you! We have had ds in with us for half the night the last two nights and it is really a squish and pretty uncomfortable for me and df(ds has a brilliant sleep!!). We were saying this morning, that with #2 on the way we are going to have to invest in a king size bed!! I say do what YOU want and what YOUR family needs, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone!! That bed will get used somewhere along the line anyway, especially if you are planning on having more kids - go for it!

Good luck with bub sleep:hugs: I know you need this in the middle of the night sometimes!

[Goosie22]

I just want to say I think you have done the right thing, I feel sick reading about what some people do their babies all in the name of self settling. Your little boy will thrive under your nurturing guidance:hugs: .

I think the bed is very justified if your DH isnt into having you son in with you........hes the one missing out.

[Mummabear]

I think the bed is very justified if your DH isnt into having you son in with you........hes the one missing out.

Sorry, should have said why I need the bed - we have a water bed, so co-sleeping wouldn't be safe. Don't think he'd be up for it anyway though - oh well, more room in the bed for Oscar and I :thumbsup:

[kadownie]

I too want to encourage you with your decision- it's hard when DH puts up a fight about it- mine has done and does sometimes when he's tired- but honestly, although it can be tiring, it's so rewarding knowing that you are meeting your little ones needs.

As I say to my friends- I'd rather be tired than feel guilty!!

[Mummabear]

Absolutely!

It is a bit harder now that he's waking and hard to settle sometimes because I feel like I can't go out (pop over to the shops, etc) while he's in bed because I don't feel that DH will respect my wishes and will just leave him to cry.

We're thinking about TTC#2 atm and he keeps saying that I won't cope if they're both awake and wanting me during the night - but I figure that I'm a pretty large woman, with a large lap and big arms - plenty of room for everyone to snuggle up to Mummy, and the 3 of us will fit in a double bed, or bubba#2 in a bassinet next to the double bed if s/he's happy there. I'll make do - they're only little and wanting Mummy for such a short amount of time, when they're 'all grown up' at the grand old age of 15 or so :laughing: and are waaaaay to big for cuddles with Mum I'll know that I got as many in as possible while they were little :D

I secretly LOVE my middle of the night snuggles. When I hear that first murmur of a cry I still think oh bugger, lol, but then once I'm up and in his room I can't wait to pick him up and get a snuggle. Problem is that I tend to cuddle him way past when he's gone back to sleep, lol. I'm depriving myself of sleep just to get more cuddles in :laughing: :o

[Smurfette]

Hi Mummabear, just read this thread and I agree with you 100%. I up until recently would not hear of cc. I would do whatever it took to comfort my little girl without letting her cry. My dh told me other people have done cc and it worked for them. Other people say crying does not do any harm. Well, they are doing research to suggest that letting a baby cry for long periods can have harmful affects in the brain.
Someone once said to me that you wouldnt let your mother with dementia who was confused and scared be in a room by herself and let her cry, why would you let your baby go throught it?
Olivia has been a really restless sleeper for about 3 1/2 months now and is getting to the stage where she just will not settle. I tried out a form of cc, called controlled comforting. I felt very guilty as this is something I said I would never do and I absolutely do not feel proud of myself at all. I did it for 2 nights, both nights she didn't cry for more than 4 mins and I have had no problems since, in fact I have never had a better sleep since I gave birth to her.
But as for letting a baby cry it out, it is wrong ( my opinion) and it should never be inflicted on a baby, they do not know whats going on.
I really don't know why I felt the need to explain all of that except I feel guilty and I want to congratulate you on standing your ground.

[Mummabear]

Someone once said to me that you wouldnt let your mother with dementia who was confused and scared be in a room by herself and let her cry, why would you let your baby go throught it?

So true. I like that annalogy, I might have to use it on DH, but I'm sure he'd say he wouldn't have a problem leaving his Mum in a room, lol.


I really don't know why I felt the need to explain all of that except I feel guilty and I want to congratulate you on standing your ground.

I totally understand the guilt. Hard part is that it does work - but after reading a book on 'fussy babies' I now understand why it works. Bubs simply gives up trying to communicate their needs.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. I still feel guilty for allowing DH to take over and leave him to cry. At least now, when people question me or try and tell me that I should or shouldn't do something in relation to getting him to sleep or settle, I can say that I have done it and I know deep within myself, from experience with my own child, and not just from reading a book, what is right for me and my children. If you've never done it then people will always try and tell you that you should, but if you can say that you have done it and now chose not to anymore then they don't really have much of an argument do they!

[Smurfette]

Thanks ( again) Mummabear :hugs: .

I should just do what someone told me to do once, and that was if someone asks how Liv sleeps, just to tell them she sleeps fine, regardless.
" How does she sleep" seems to be one of the only things others are concerned about. Its crazy.
I hope your dh realizes what you are doing is wonderful and patient and he should praise you for the wonderful mummy that you are.:thumbsup:

Sorry to hijack your thread.:o

[WeThree]

It is a bit harder now that he's waking and hard to settle sometimes because I feel like I can't go out (pop over to the shops, etc) while he's in bed because I don't feel that DH will respect my wishes and will just leave him to cry.


I secretly LOVE my middle of the night snuggles. When I hear that first murmur of a cry I still think oh bugger, lol, but then once I'm up and in his room I can't wait to pick him up and get a snuggle. Problem is that I tend to cuddle him way past when he's gone back to sleep, lol. I'm depriving myself of sleep just to get more cuddles in :laughing: :o

I know what you mean, my DH sounds a bit like yours, I too worry that if i go out and bubs wakes up, or if he decides its time for sleep and she has other ideas, that my wishes wont be respected, it is very frustrating when you dont see eye to eye with your partner on all aspects of parenting isnt it?

i secretly love the middle of the night cuddles as well! :D

[Smurfette]

i secretly love the middle of the night cuddles as well! :D[/QUOTE]

Me too, it's the one time they can fall asleep in your arms and there is no :devil6: telling you that you are doing the wrong thing. I just sit there sometimes with Liv in my arms stroking her forehead and giving her cuddles.
I am in no hurry to give up my night feeds, although it looks like Liv has given one of them up on her own.:crying:

[Mummabear]

Sorry to hijack your thread

You most certainly are not hijacking the thread :hugs: I love the direction the thread has taken :thumbsup:

I sometimes find that I'm a little overzealous in the evenings when I'm still awake - if I hear even a slight murmur from him (perhaps while he's looking for his dummy in his sleep) I'm straight in there staring down at his beautiful little face just waiting for another murmur so I can justify picking him up, lol.


it is very frustrating when you dont see eye to eye with your partner on all aspects of parenting isnt it?

Absolutely. It's so hard because you know that they love them too and want what is best for them - and you really don't want to start the whole "I'm right / You're wrong" thing when it comes to parenting, but when it comes to matters involving a Mumma and her cubs, especially when tears are involved - Daddys beware, lol.

Taking this a little off topic now, but just lately when I'm cuddling him in the middle of the night and just staring at his face I seem to float between looking at him and thinking how little and delicate and precious he is, and then in the blink of an eye he looks so big now and when he's asleep and at peace I can see characteristics in his face that will carry through to adulthood - it's like I'm looking at a little man and a tiny baby all at once. Does that make any sense at all or should I just go to bed and get some sleep :laughing: :o

[JATS]

Sorry, should have said why I need the bed - we have a water bed, so co-sleeping wouldn't be safe. Don't think he'd be up for it anyway though - oh well, more room in the bed for Oscar and I :thumbsup:

The only bed we have is a waterbed and Tom has slept with us in it whenever he's upset since he was 4 days old!:hugs:

[Goosie22]

it's like I'm looking at a little man and a tiny baby all at once.

That is how I feel too! My oldest is 8 and I still stare at him in amazement at how absolutely Beautiful he is (he was a hard work baby), You can never have too much love and cuddles. Our children are perfect miracles I say stare away as long as you like.
G:)

[Smurfette]

Oh, I could stare for hours and hours. I still look at her and am blown away that I created something so special and amazing. She is the most precious thing in the world to me.
I am definately one of those Mums that cater to her every need. After all, our job is to nuture isn't it? As far as I knew, you can't spoil a baby with love and cuddles ( others may disagree), its the best thing in the world.

[Wivi]

Well I am going to add my little bit to this thread although it might appear that I am crashing it - sorry!! My DS is 6mo and has always been a great sleeper. The last few weeks though we have been having a little bit of trouble during the night when he has been waking or stirring quite a bit. He will usually settle again with the dummy (I am so waiting for the day he can stick that in himself!) but about 5-5:30 in the morning he has been coming to bed with us when he will sleep til 7 (this morning it was 7:30 yay!). He goes to bed at 7at night. Heaps of people have suggested I leave him to cry for a bit but my theory is that if he can't stick his own dummy in and that's what it takes for sleep then I will persist until he can. We have never had to leave him to cry for sleep before so why would he suddenly have a personality change? He self settles with the dummy and always has. As for the early waking - we are hoping it is some weird phase - he doesn't seem to want food and he is going back to sleep with us without any drama.

We know lots of people who would freak if they knew he was sleeping with us, but it suits us and we all want sleep! I think do whatever suits you - it's not that long before they can tell you what is wrong and you can explain sleep to them. I don't think I could ever do controlled crying!