Sad over weaning

[draught]

I just needed to share. I was still breastfeeding DD2 once in the evening before she went to sleep until last Friday (she is 18 months). That night I had to go out and DH put her to bed without her breastfeed with no dramas. The next night she wasn't looking for it and went to bed happily so I decided that she must have been ready to be weaned and that I had been misreading the signs in continuing to feed her. The same continued until Tuesday night when at 3am she started crying, asking for milk and clawing at my top. In desperation I lifted my shirt for her but of course, there was nothing there (not just no feeding but also being pregnant I think helped it dry up very quickly), so she bit me. The same thing happened this morning - out of the blue she turned, pinching my breasts and crying and asking for milk.........so DH had to take her out the room. I feel so cruel as it looks like she wasn't ready after all but it is too late.

Anyway - I feel sad. I know she will recover and will cope but I really thought she was leading the way and I misread the signals so feel like a bad mother.

[Jem]

:hugs: Im not looking forward to weaning ds2 in the next couple months... i usually wean at 12 months... its a sad moment i know... but there comes a time, regardless of weather its sooner or later.. it eventually has to happen.... you did so well to go for 18 months, you should be feeling proud about it!! good on you :)

[lukaelmo]

Oh lovely Draught, I don't think there is a time to stop and not feel bad about it! In another post I have been reading a mum is sad because she stopped at 9 weeks, fear at 9 months is keeping me going, and now you feel bad at 18 months!

I am really sure that while you are being eaten away with guilt, your lovely wee one is happily studying caterpillars and twirling around in tutus. Maybe not, but you get the idea.

And you certainly don't need to be told that 18 months is a most incredible commitment.

[Tea Lady]

I'm sorry you're feeling bad Theresa :hugs: I'm sure she will get over it quickly, but it must be hard now. I hope she gets used to the new "regime" quickly. :)

[MamaSage]

Kisses Theresa, I wondered how she went on friday - obviously ok ;) I hope she gets used to it soon, for both of your sakes. :hugs:

[Oscar's mum]

I hope she gets used to it soon, for both of your sakes. :hugs:

Ditto!:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Funkychicken]

We give ourselves so much grief as mothers. I fed DS#1 for 14 months and when DD arrived I intended to feed her until at least 18 months-she had other plans. Ella began self weaning at about 9 mths and I was devastated. She was still feeding in the morning and at night so I managed to express enough for two bottles (I hated giving her a bottle). Then at 10 mths she started refusing the night feed and with only a morning feed i could only express enough for one bottle a day. Then she refused the morning feed. I was so sad for a long time and hated giving her formula. I was really struggling with the "I don't need you, mum". DS had been so dependant on me that I found the little miss independence routine so hard. Looking back there was nothing I could do but I did need to go through that grieving process. And I do believe it is genuine grief. Try to be kind to yourself-don't feel at fault or that you are not needed. You'll have another bub soon and you'll find a whole new sort of personality there.:)

Ps. Give yourself an amazing hugging for being so dedicated to your DD.:hugs:

[nemosmum]

Hey Draught,

Dont beat yourself up (I know thats hard to do, all mothers do it we cant help ourselves it must be in the job description somewhere:o :D ) You were only doing what you felt was best and you cant control everything.

Your little girl will adjust, children are very adaptable and she will be fine.
You probably already know your a great mum;) but just for the record.......

Your a Great Mum!!!:smiliedance:

Hope things get easier soon, sending you happy vibes!

sxx

[JnA]

FWIW I think you are a wonderful mum for BF for so long in the first place. I only intend to go for 12 months, but that's only for selfish reasons (I want a glass of wine dammit!)

:hugs: from what I have read of your posts.. you rock as a mum.




Self weaning? I didn't know they did that... hmmmm

[MammaMia]

Draught - maybe you didn't read the signs incorrectly - maybe it's not the breastfeeding as such that your DD is looking for...

perhaps it is more that she is looking for comfort from Mum that is just about you & her... not you & DH or you & DD1. She's always had that distinction during her life - this is what Mum did just for her when she was looking for comfort, when she woke during the night or was teething or just generally feeling miserable... and that is what she has come to associate with comfort (as distinct from her feeding needs). She needs to be confident now that there are other special things between DD2 and you when she needs her Mum. She's making her statement about what she wants - she wants her Mum to make her feel comforted, and better - maybe you need to give her the alternative plan.... a special song for Mummy & DD2, or a special love game (DS loves the noisy kisses game) that is about the attention just on DD2 with her Mum. You are more than capable of teaching your daughter that Mummy will always have special ways of making her feel warm, safe and special. You'll figure out what meets DD2's needs much quicker if you give yourself a pass mark on the breastfeeding report card. So, don't spend time beating yourself up.

I've decided that as mothers we are wayyyy too hard on ourselves. We do the best we can with what we have, and even if we make mistakes (I certainly do) the mistakes occur not because of any malice or neglect but because we are learning.

You are right - you have done a good job and DD2 will be fine. You will help her work it out.

As someone we both know and you respect would say - let go of the angst! :D

You did good with the stage of her life that has just closed! Look forward to the next stage with all of its brightness and joy!:)

[draught]

Thank you all for the lovely words - where would I be without the support of my bubhub friends?

Mammamia - good advice - thank you!
Will give her lots of special DD2 cuddles and see how we go.

[MammaMia]

Thank you all for the lovely words - where would I be without the support of my bubhub friends?

Mammamia - good advice - thank you!
Will give her lots of special DD2 cuddles and see how we go.

My pleasure, Oh Pregnant One! Give the belly a rub for me. :D

[Rainbowbrite]

Draught you are a wonderful mummy :hugs: I can only hope to bf for as long as you have.