View Full Version : gay mummies & daddies
a girl i work with is a lesbian and has a gorgeous baby boy, she and her partner make wonderful parents. the father of her child is a gay friend of hers. the lil boy proudly admits to having 2 mummys and 2 daddys
being nosey as i am hehe i was talking to her about how she concieved him and she said the father had *ahem*.. pleased himself to be polite, into a condom and she had then taken the sperm and inserted it into herself (using a turkey baster or something i guess :confused: )
is that even possible? :eek:
just wondering how everyone else feels about this slightly controversial subject? do u feel 2 women or 2 men are capable of raising a child? they are all very beautiful people but i also know the little boy (he is 3) has been seeing a child psychologist because hes confused as to who is real mum and dad is. and how will it affect him in later life? and how do u feel about the way he was conceived, i didnt know it was even possible to do that
alicesmum
06-04-2006, 12:02
Given the diversity of families these days (donor sperm mummies, international adoption, step-families) i don't think it is such a big deal. i certainly don't think ppl should take a moral high-ground about this issue, given how many unloved, unwanted kiddies there are in the world. a counsellor might be a good thing; give him some strategies for what to say and how to react when people ask questions (as they will). but i say, if the adults around him love and support him and want him and care for him, he is doing a lot better than lots of other kids out there.
:)
btw - i know of two women who have conceived using the 'turkey-baster' method. it is not uncommon and quite possible ;)
Ana Gram
06-04-2006, 12:03
That is pretty much how they do it if you go to a sperm bank. I think it would me more odd if they actually slept together. They are obviously very open with the child as to who his parents are and they all seem to play active roles in the childs life which is fantastic. I don't see it being any different than having stepparents.
Sara's Boys
06-04-2006, 12:07
I think that it's great that parents who want to be parents are! regardless of sexuality. Loads of kids now end up with 2 sets of parents from th common scenario of divorce and sepparation. And whats more with knowing how many children are born into drug using and neglective families, where it's clear the child was unwanted ( and will probably continue to be neglected and unwanted) Then, I think the most important thing is that the parents want to nuture and provide care and love for the child and have support for all parents involved. I realise that a lot of people find this hard to accept, and I realise that the child will at some point be subjected to taunts and cruelty, but my parents weren't gay and I was subjected to taunts and cruelty as I think most kids were at some point! Kids can be cruel!
moonblossom
06-04-2006, 12:13
I don't care if the parents are gay, lesbian, alien, purple or pink. There is such a lack of love for SOME children out there, as long as they are loved and cherished, who could ask for anything more?
BRAVO to all those who support them.:smiliedance:
*Country Bumpkin*
06-04-2006, 12:14
I dont have an issue with it at al!! I think its great.....:yelclap: :yelclap: :yelclap:
Im glad they didnt how sex though- that would have been rather uncoumfertable I would imagine!
I have no problem at all! I think they will make fantastic parents, just like we all do! :yelclap:
lukaelmo
06-04-2006, 12:20
As long as children are loved, then whoever is parenting them is doing the right thing. There is nothing that can quite give me the warm fuzzies like people obviously loving their children.
I didn't know you could turkey baster like that either though, I guess I hadn't really thought about it too much at all :laughing: .
In one way i think its great because of course they are capable of being very loving, caring, supportive etc parents and why shouldnt they have a child together if they love each other. The child will grow up knowing that they are loved by all four parents.
HOWEVER...I do feel sorry for the young child. He will grow up being teased and asked many questions. why should the child have to go through the councelling and be teased just because his lesbian parents wanted a child.
So i guess there are two ways that i think about it. :) Please dont hate me :o :laughing:
moonblossom
06-04-2006, 12:29
LOL Jacinta I get what your saying, but how many children are teased at school for NO REASON? :thumbsdown:
I didn't know you could turkey baster like that either though, I guess I hadn't really thought about it too much at all :laughing: .
lol i kno! i was a lil shocked cuz i was sure condoms contained a spermacide :confused:
its nice to see there are so many supportive ppl, they r some of the most loving parents ive ever met
misskittyfantastico
06-04-2006, 12:31
Jacinta, you'd be surprised...children of same sex parents are just as likely to grow up to be healthy, well adjusted adults. Infact, they will probably be more accepting of difference within society..............I was teased at school and called a "ding" were my European parents wrong to have me?
BTW this is not said angrily at all and I definately don't hate you!:D
I went to school with someone who had '2 Mums' and believe me he was definately teased. Everyone teased him that he had 2 mums and that he was gay coz he had lesbian mums. and mind you this was yr 11 and 12! shows how immature some people can be and this is the point im trying to say. i bet when the child is older others would not have a problem with it as they would have matured IYKWIM. And yes Millie'sMum this did make the guy im talking about more accepting of differences in our society. the guy is actually a pretty nice guy but others just didnt want to know him. cruel i know.
Moonblossom he wouldnt be teased for no reason, some young people can be cruel and sometimes its not 'cool' to be friends with someone who has two gay parents. I'm not saying i agree with the fact that they may get teased, im just saying there could be some people along the way that will tease him.
Some good points MilliesMum. Maybe i didnt word my post very well. i dont mean that its wrong for them to have the child but they just have to consider some things...
sorry if my post doesnt make sense lol.
not saying im against it but just making a couple of points. if i had to say for or against it i would be more on the 'for' side.
Angus and I always have discussions about this.
I personally think as long as the child is wanted and loved I don't care who the parents are.:)
bronny-jane
06-04-2006, 14:23
kids get teased if they're mums are fat, should we stop letting overweight people have children to;)
Ana Gram
06-04-2006, 14:30
kids get teased about everything under the sun, just depends on the bully who starts it.
my sister in law and her girlfriend have 3 chidren and they are great kids. And they are wonderful parents. I am totally supportive of gay couples having kids the only thing my sister in law does that I dont agree with is she tends to push their eldest daughter into more boyish things like having a blue bike and playing soccer and wearing some boys clothes. Now that would be fine if she was old to make these choices for herself but this has been happening from day one. Aside from all that I think society is moving forward and it will get easier for these kids as the years go by and there are more gay families around.:)
i dont mean that its wrong for them to have the child but they just have to consider some things...
I'm sure they have considered those things if they're providing councelling and professional support for their child :)
My dad is a Primary School Principal, and there's a girl at the school with "2 mums and a donar dad!" (There's a funny story about that I've forgotten the details of and I'll have to ask him about... :laughing: ) She's totally comfortable with that. Anyone trying to tease her about it would be wasting their time.
If a child is brought up with the parents being honest about the situation and answering any questions in an age appropriate way, I can't see how the child would suffer for it. The boy with two mums you went to school with Jacinta18 probably got teased because he was gentle and softly spoken, not just because he had two mums (who brought him up to not be a jerk! :o )
she tends to push their eldest daughter into more boyish things like having a blue bike and playing soccer and wearing some boys clothes.
Wow, that's great that her daughter has those opportunities, playing soccer is great exercise, and a lot of girls don't get the chance to play because their parents think it's a "boys sport" or "too rough". I've put my daughter in 'boys clothes' from day one too, though she has some dresses and skirts which she sometimes likes to wear. I think the colour of the material her clothes are made of and the colour of the toys she plays with is irrelevant, and it's fantastic that girls these days have every opportunity (and more!) that boys do!
Why do boy babies get dressed in blue, and girls in pink?
Long ago, many people believed that evil spirits hung around the nursery, but that these spirits were repelled by certain colours. The most potent colour was blue, associated with the heavenly sky.
Blue was believed to frighten away demons and rob them of their power. So blue on a baby was not only adornment, but also seen as a very necessary precaution.
Now this was a long time ago, when girls were considered inferior, so boys got the really potent blue colour—it didn't matter what colour girls got. The assumption is that later generations chose pink for girls to symbolize that new rosy all-over-pink look.
Wow, that's great that her daughter has those opportunities, playing soccer is great exercise, and a lot of girls don't get the chance to play because their parents think it's a "boys sport" or "too rough". I've put my daughter in 'boys clothes' from day one too, though she has some dresses and skirts which she sometimes likes to wear. I think the colour of the material her clothes are made of and the colour of the toys she plays with is irrelevant, and it's fantastic that girls these days have every opportunity (and more!) that boys do!
.
I know what you mean , Jazz is in blue pants right now. What I mean is they buy princess dresses for their younger daughter and let her grow her hair long and basically give her all the pink frilly stuff. And this would be fine if the older one was a tomboy but I know she wants the girly stuff too. Then they went and hacked her beautiful hair off! My point is that I dont think they should promote the little ones girliness and not do it for my older neice. I know she isnt into soccer because she told Dh. But it applies to anyone who pushes their kids towards something for the wrong reasons. IYKWIM?
Fair enough, that does sound like they're doing things a certain way for their own reasons, and not the child's.
i watched a show on mtv (austar ) the other day called true life. its documentaries about various subjects but this one was about teens/young adults who had been brought up by either 2 mothers or 2 fathers. all of them were happy about their home lives. one college male had 2 mothers and he said its cool, no one has given him grief. he says every one loves their mum and i get to have 2. how lovely:D i know married gay couples whod love kids and i wish them all the best
the_queen
06-04-2006, 17:08
I think that anyone can be a good parent, if they love their child and understand the meaning of the word 'responsibility'. Sexuality doesn't matter when it comes to parenting. :thumbsup:
Imogensmum
14-04-2006, 10:36
I think in todays society children are raised with more open mindedness than say 10 years ago! My daughter will grow up knowing and excepting different nationalities, disabilities, religious beliefs and sexual beliefs... I feel we are all equal in that respect and i hope she feels the same!
I believe that as long as a child is loved, and cared for then they will turn out ok! It is just a matter of being open and honest about how they came to be...
I have a friend who is "special uncle" for 2 little girls to a couple. He met these friends through his parents (i know- how the times have changed:p ) they all seem to get along really well- he is not the "da" as such as he is not ready for that commitment- but he was very eager to help these friends achieve there dream!
I guess i kind of see it in the same light as egg donation- it is just such a fantastic gift!!!!
So in this novel what i am saying is- GO FOR IT all you same sex couples- as long as you promise to always love and cherise your bubbies i am behind you all the way!:hugs:
SassyMummy
22-04-2006, 00:44
I love that there are same-sex parents out there - it's just one step closer to equality!
Though some may argue that gay parenting may cause children to be teased, I'm sure the parents are more than capable with helping their child to deal with this. Being gay themselves, I'm sure they've copped more than a bit of flack already... so who better to help their kids get past it?
And I do agree, kids tease for ANYTHING. If gay parents shouldn't have children because they might get teased, then fat parents shouldn't have kids in case their kid is fat also, parents from european nations shouldn't have kids in case they end up with darker body hair than other kids (lol...like me!), UGLY parents shouldn;t have kids...etc etc. Kids are b*stards and will tease anyone for just about anything. EVERY kid will get teased at least once.
If gay parenting is more widely accepted, then imagine how open our children may be in the future? Gay parenting will no longer be something "weird"...but be normal.
My mother's high school male best friend has a son and a daughter with his now-lesbian high-school sweet-heart (I find it amusing that both of them are now gay, as they used to date each other!)... and both have partners. Lucky kids to have so many parents and so many grandparents to spoil them!
My DP's Aunt is also gay and has had her partner for 11 years now. They're currently discussing babies (I think one wants them more than the other...) and I think they'd be fabulous parents. Moreso than some of his other Aunts...who I think are quite odd and crazy.
Mamaduke
22-04-2006, 00:54
Try being the new girl in a country school, overweight, only one who's parent's made her wear a helmet when riding her bike and who's father was the local policeman...now that's torture!!!
I'm glad mum & dad had me though!!!;)
Being gay is more accepted these days. Kids are exposed to that and know nothing else. And that is how it should be.
I think if a kid is brought up in a situation like that, then that is all he knows and he prolly feels like he has one up on everyone else who isn't in the same situation. Afterall, he has more mummies and daddies than the others!
I think its great and it is about time this was accepted! It happens in nature, so why should it be any different for humans?
As long as the parents have love for their child then that is all that matters. I would say exactly say exactly the same thing for a hetero couple. A family without love is like trying to ride a bike without a seat, it doesn't work and it hurts.
Is the reason the boy is seeing a psych is because his parents are gay? Surely it must go deeper than that? Just curious....:detective:
While this discussion is interesting can I remind people that this section is set up so that same sex parents have a place to come and meet and discuss their parenting challenges and experiences - and so far the main thread in the section is one where people have said some judgemental things about them. I have a friend who is a lesbian mother who looked at the site and said "nothing there for me - just a bunch of straight people discussing same sex parents" - so let's leave the judgements out and be welcoming to anyone who is a same sex parent who might be looking for a place to find support and comradeship.
I just wonder why were having this conversation anyway. It's not like same sex couples are from another planet!:confused:
Mamaduke
28-04-2006, 18:25
You know, if I was gay I wouldn't bother coming to a forum, like Draught said, where there were a bunch of straight people talking about gay parents...reading through the replies (and please don't take any offence to this), the ones where it's written, "you know my friend's mother's brother is gay..." etc etc, even though it's meant well, comes across as a tad patronising in my opinion.
Of course gay people can be good parents, they can also be crappy parents...just like people with different coloured hair/eyes/skin can be good or crappy parents...I judge a parent by their parenting, not their sexual orientation, hair colour, skin colour, bank balance, education :ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity:
we had some bad news this week. my sil and her partner are splitting after 20yrs. they have 3 kids(my sil isnt the biological mum) and although her partner has said she wont take the kids away its starting to get nasty. if anyone out there knows how this works from a legal point of view i would love to find out. we are also named as the legal guardians of the kids if anything were to happen to my sil and partner. thanx in advance
jaimie
You know, if I was gay I wouldn't bother coming to a forum, like Draught said, where there were a bunch of straight people talking about gay parents...reading through the replies (and please don't take any offence to this), the ones where it's written, "you know my friend's mother's brother is gay..." etc etc, even though it's meant well, comes across as a tad patronising in my opinion.
Of course gay people can be good parents, they can also be crappy parents...just like people with different coloured hair/eyes/skin can be good or crappy parents...I judge a parent by their parenting, not their sexual orientation, hair colour, skin colour, bank balance, education :ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity:
i totally agree with you but i think maybe it will help people who may otherwise be judgemental and critical understand that same sex couples are parents too, just the same as we all are. You may as well say 'why bother with a young parents thread?'.
And maybe some same sex parents will feel patronised by this thread but from all the gay and lesbian groups ,gatherings and events my sil goes too i think alot of ss parents are just happy to educate people on a subject that alot of us dont know too much about.
Mamaduke
28-04-2006, 18:47
And maybe some same sex parents will feel patronised by this thread but from all the gay and lesbian groups ,gatherings and events my sil goes too i think alot of ss parents are just happy to educate people on a subject that alot of us dont know too much about.
What's there to know?
The only difference I can see is who the person sleeps with & I couldn't give two hoots about what they do in the bedroom and with whom...just like I don't want to know what happens in anyone's bedroom with their partners of the opposite sex...not my business!!!:no:
To me a parent is a parent...
i guess i see this forum as a place to come for information on ALL aspects of parenting. and ss parents certainly do have a few different issues about parenting that others dont have. i havent read the whole thread but topics such as how to explain things about having 2 mummies or daddies to kids would help some people im sure. (it seems quite obvious to me but not all parents know what to say). also they way children are concieved can be different. so maybe if we can focus on issues like that and like the one i posted before then this thread can advise people and not just be somewhere to wonder about what ss parents do in bed.
Well in that case Jazzy's mum seeming you have made this respectable again...
My friends are a "mummy" and a "mimmy" to their kids. They have two girls from the same sperm donor, but each carried a child. Their first one is 5 years old now, and doesn't wonder or ask, it's just what she's used to.
Jazzy's mum - tell your sister to see a family lawyer. My understanding (and this is NOT my area of expertise but advice I have had about a friend in a similar situation) is that as the person/parent who has had a significant role in the children's life, she has rights to access/custody etc of the children. The courts have been pretty clear about this over time - it is about the best interests of the child - so if it is getting nasty she needs to get some good legal advice and start putting arrangements in place so that the children don't lose a significant part of their life. Depending on where she is I might be able to give you the name of someone who could assist.
that would be great Draught. she is here in Brisbane. Thank you for your help.
jaimie
Mummabear
28-04-2006, 19:46
He will grow up being teased and asked many questions. why should the child have to go through the councelling and be teased just because his lesbian parents wanted a child.
So i guess there are two ways that i think about it. :) Please dont hate me :o :laughing:
Not having a go at all, just posing a question (if it hasn't been done already, I haven't read the entire thread).
Would you then say that why should someone with a disability have a child because that kid is just going to get teased about it. Or that overweight, or really short or really tall or extremely ugly people shouldn't have kids.
I think that so long as a child is brought up in a loving environment that's all that matters. I do think the counselling is a good idea to help the child with any issues that may arise, if and only if it is needed. I don't think they should be thrown into therapy just because they have same sex parents.:ecomcity:
HugsAndKisses
29-04-2006, 08:23
hey, im new here... so hopefully my first impression doesnt annoy ppl. i just think its sad for the child because he more than likely will be teased and also when it comes to other parents letting there kids sleep at the little boys place they may not allow it as some are not so open to the idea. so its just sad in that way. but i dont blame them for wanting a child and im sure they will love him and nurture him but as i said it may cause unneccasary hurt for the child when hes going through school and his teenage years.
but i must also say i dont feel anyone really can say its a good or bad decision on the parents behalf because thats there choice to make and hopefull they'll all be happy with the choice they've made
ps. nice to meet u all... hopefully this wont be taken the wrong way.:o
A reminder people that this is not about whether you think same sex parenting is good or bad. It is a section of the forum for people in same sex relationships who have children or want children to exchange information and support, so whether you think it is right or wrong, sad or happy - please stop sharing your personal feelings!
The information that jazzysmum was looking for is what the section of the forum is about. This thread will now be closed and if people have positive contributions to make feel free to start a thread on it.
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