I'm at breaking point!!!! Sorry for long post!

[jaydensmum]

Firstly just want to warn that this is going to be a long post, so sorry about that.

Well where do i begin. My DS just turned 3 two weeks ago. He was the perfect baby, slept through the night from month old, feed well and generally a contented baby. Well at around his 2nd birthday he changed. It didnt happen overnight, it progressively changed. At first it was the normal temper tantrums but they werent very often. Then his sleep went from solid 12hrs to around 8. It then changed from him settling himself to sleep to us fighting him to sleep. His feeding changed from eating everything to fussing over everything. Well i know that these are normal toddler things. Over time these things progressed worse. Other people were starting to comment on jayden being a very naughty boy and hyperactive. Of course i was defensive about this and didnt take much notice of it. Well as things progressed i noticed that things werent getting easier but they were getting worse. Anyway i'd better cut this down a bit. :yes:
It has now got to a point that i cant leave the unit with him, except only to go to kindy and even then its a bloody night mare. So there goes my social life. I cant talk on the phone anymore cause as soon as i pick up the phone he starts mucking up big time. So i then have to tell people to ring when hes not around or asleep. I cant go to any appointments with him cause he runs around and causes strife. So my appointments have to be made when hes not there. I cant go to the bathroom without him either being there with me or being up to mischief. Basically my 3yr old DS is in control of my life!!!! :hair:I feel so down about it cause this has been going on for just over 12mths. We've had the cops called on us cause he was having a massive tantrum that lasted 1hr. We've had DOCS called on us cause he keeps hurting himself from his tantrums. Ive missed important appointments and scans for the baby due to his behaviour. The other day he knocked me over on the stairs and i had to protect my belly. He throws things at me all the time and kicks and hits me. He does this to his sister as well. Im over it, its not fair. I love him so much and im getting abused. I know hes only 3 but i dont hurt him and hes always hurting me. We are seeing a psychologist for him and she thinks its just behavioural habit, that hes been doing it so long that he doesnt know any different. Mind you she hasnt seen him yet!! :no: The kindy are at whits end, they are constantly telling me how naughty he is and they gave me a letter to take to the psychologist it was a page long and all negative!!! :( The paediatrician said that hes the worst kid he has seen in a while, and that hurt!!! :hissy: He said if he came in here at 4 he would be walking home with meds. Im sorry for writing such a long post, but im so down right now and i feel all alone. My Dh is so busy with work that he has no time to be supportive. I just wish someone can help us with him. Hes a really smart little boy, he picks up things so quickly but cause of his behaviour it overrides the true little man. I personally think its more than just behavioural issues cause not only ive tried but kindy, grandparents everyone has tried different techniques and nothing works. I feel like im going to break down, im trying to be strong!!! Sorry again. :hissy:

[WorkingClassMum]

Firstly :hugs: and for the new bubs too:hugs:

If you're not happy with the psychologist - I'd be asking for a 2nd opinion

Have you tried his diet? It's not the be all and end all - but it does help some kids.

I have no real helpful suggestions - but you have my sympathy. :hugs:

[jaydensmum]

Ive changed his diet so that hes getting pretty much no sugars or high preservatives. I talked to the paed about it and he said that diet doesnt really do that much to kids regarding behaviour. He said to try the psychologist for about 6mths and if theres no improvement from the strategies that she'll put into place then they will look into meds, but he said even that is extreme for his age.

[Manxie]

Oh Naomi it never rains put it pours hey:hugs:

I dont have any advice really put wanted to pop in and give you my support.

I'm afraid that I have to say that the Paed is talking a load of rubbish re diet and behaviour:no: You can definately tell when my DD has had a sugar hit. She can go from being a content little girl to a horror that runs up and down our corridor screaming uncontrollably within minutes.

I am also really careful with colouring and preservatives as I have found that if she eats anything too processed her behavour gets worse.

Maybe it isnt all down to diet. Toddlers are certainly very good at using bad behaviour to get what they want but I certainly wouldnt rule it out completely.

I'd also say that the lack of sleep is a major contributing factor. DD has just proved to me again today that she cant cope with life when she is overtired. I dont know how you can try and get him to sleep more. Can you pinpoint when it was that he stopped sleeping was there a major change, move from cot to bed etc.

I am really sorry you are going through this whilst also having such a stressful pregnancy :hugs:

[Shanaynay]

Hey,
Oh that sounds really hard - you poor thing :hugs:
I don't really have anythign to add but just wanted to reinforce what Manxie said.
Diet can have a MASSIVE influence on behaviour - after all, what we put into our body is helping it and our brains run.
It must be hard with his behaviour, but just keep trying to keep him on a good diet free of added sugars and preservatives. I've heard regular white bread is one of the worst for kids (preservative 282).
Is he still only sleeping 8 hours per night? As you would know, it's just nowhere near enough and lack of sleep is a massive contributor to behaviour...... I know when I haven't had enough sleep I get pretty cranky.
Maybe just ry and focus on diet and sleep over the next few weeks and see how it works for you.
You might need to implelment some kind of sleep routine or something.
Good luck and I hope his behaviour changes for the better soon - you must be exhausted :hugs:

[jaydensmum]

Hes sleep is a bit better but ive noticed that he has restless sleep when he is asleep. Each day is a different story with sleep. There has been times where he has woken up at 2am full of beans and started playing with his toys and watching tv until 6am when he crashes again. That happens every couple of weeks. With pinpointing why he changed, i would love to know. Theres no significant thing that i can recall that caused the change. With diet jaydens the same with sugar. If he has sugar he's ten times worse. :yes: Believe me you never want to see that!! :no: But hes behaviour is still very bad without sugar too, so i dont know???

[WorkingClassMum]

I'd also say that the lack of sleep is a major contributing factor. DD has just proved to me again today that she cant cope with life when she is overtired. I dont know how you can try and get him to sleep more. Can you pinpoint when it was that he stopped sleeping was there a major change, move from cot to bed etc.




Is he still only sleeping 8 hours per night? As you would know, it's just nowhere near enough and lack of sleep is a massive contributor to behaviour...... I know when I haven't had enough sleep I get pretty cranky.


:iagree:

I know a lot of people will scream me down - have tried Phenergan to get him into a better sleep pattern?

If we gave DD Phenergan by it's self - she'd swing off the rafters

If I gave her Brauers Calm about 15 minutes before a warm bath with lavendar oil, followed by a warm (rice) milk drink and Phenergan - we'd be guaranteed a full nights sleep.

We also made sure the room was dark and warm. We cut out daytime sleeps altogether - which sounds contradictery, and also made bedtime strictly 7.30 regardless of everything - until sleep became an established pattern.

But I agree - not enough sleep is a major concern as his little brain is not getting enough down time.


At this stage anything is worth a try before you go down the path of med.'s

[prideNJoy]

Ive changed his diet so that hes getting pretty much no sugars or high preservatives. I talked to the paed about it and he said that diet doesnt really do that much to kids regarding behaviour. He said to try the psychologist for about 6mths and if theres no improvement from the strategies that she'll put into place then they will look into meds, but he said even that is extreme for his age.

:hugs: That must be really hard to deal with on a daily basis. I really hope things improve for you and your little guy.

Have you considered taking him to 'natural' therapies also. Two that come to mind are a Chiro and Osteopath. You would be amazed at the difference these things can make when it comes to behaviour.

[prideNJoy]

At this stage anything is worth a try before you go down the path of med.'s

:iagree: 100% :)

[jaydensmum]

I really dont like drugs esp for my kids. I asked the dr about things like phenergan and he said that its not going to fix the problem as thats a quick fix and that we need to fix the actual problem for long term.

[WorkingClassMum]

I really dont like drugs esp for my kids. I asked the dr about things like phenergan and he said that its not going to fix the problem as thats a quick fix and that we need to fix the actual problem for long term.


no phenergan is not a fix at all - it's a short term sanity saver that can help get sleeping into a pattern.

We used it sparingly when murder was the next option

[OneNowOneLater]

Sorry i dont really have any advice, but you definantly deserve this though! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[the_original_duchess]

justin was and stil is qat some times the same. i dont want him to go on meds either.
he was diagnosed with a mild form of autism. i know its scary but try and get a second opinion from another doc.\
best of luck hun, i hope he settles down.
i'll also tell you that the thing that has helped up a heap is routine. if we change it at all, such as times for certain thing, food chan ges etc, i find that he is a lot worse.
good luck, Dani

[Manxie]

Hes sleep is a bit better but ive noticed that he has restless sleep when he is asleep. Each day is a different story with sleep. There has been times where he has woken up at 2am full of beans and started playing with his toys and watching tv until 6am when he crashes again. That happens every couple of weeks. With pinpointing why he changed, i would love to know. Theres no significant thing that i can recall that caused the change. With diet jaydens the same with sugar. If he has sugar he's ten times worse. :yes: Believe me you never want to see that!! :no: But hes behaviour is still very bad without sugar too, so i dont know???

Oh hun that isnt good at all. Can you make sure that he cant access toys/t.v. if he wakes in the middle of the night. I think the key is to make staying awake as boring as possible:laughing:

I dont know but it really is screaming out to me that he is tired. Maybe it is because dd is completely out of control this afternoon:o She woke twice overnight and then we had a busy full on morning and now we have had tantrum after tantrum which is just not like her at all. It seems to me like your g.p. has written your ds off as having some terrible problem when possibly it may be easy to fix. Could you maybe get a second opinion or some help with the sleep issue.

Is there such a thing as sleep school for toddlers?


I also completely agree with keeping in a strict routine. Life is definately harder this week because of the holidays.

KateO-I wont scream you down for your suggestion of Phenergan. I dont like it and I dont like medicating kids but I can see that it has its place when given in a crisis to try and get a childs sleep pattern back in place. After all if that sort of problem dosent get fixed drs start labelling kids and recommending drugs so whats worse. One quick fix or a lifetime of medication. JMO:D

[MyFourCubs]

:hugs::hugs::hugs: You poor thing. My 2 year old was just diagnosed with autism in Feb. No, I'm definately not saying your boy is autistic but I know how it feels to have a child that you are afraid of and that you can't take anywhere. Alex from 14 months would scream and have absolute melt downs from the second he woke up until bed time. Thank God he slept and that's only because he went to Tresillian at 4 months old. I cannot write a long post now as it is bath / dinner time but with Alex I took him off all colours / preservatives/ flavours and gluten (He is already allergic to dairy and soy- other big culbrits!).What a load of cr*p that this makes no difference- a hundred studies have proved otherwise over and over!!!!:yes: slowly we worked out what definately sets Alex off- a big culprit was those sakat rice crackers, plain are ok but any others are full of additives. Makes him a ticking time bomb. We also took him to an osteopath who specialises in behavioural problems. (He also told us after the first 2 visits Alex was the worst child he had ever treated- made me feel fantastic.:rolleyes:) This really made a difference but it took a few visits to see results. We are lucky we are in a health fund. Fish oil is also a standard to give any child with any kind of behavioural problem. At 21 months we spent a week at Karitane- I'm sure they take kids up to 5. Check it out!!!!!!!
Obviously Alex is autistic but many of his behaviours improved out of sight once we implemented all of the above. if we start slacking with the diet or spend too long between osteopath appointments- boy do we see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel for you and will write more when I have the chance. Suicide hour in our house right now!! Lucky hubby is home or wouldn't be writing at all!
:flowerz:Sara

[Silvana]

I was just about to add that maybe adding fish oil to his diet might help matters. There are quite a few mothers on here who have had success with using fish oil.

Sorry you are going through this :hugs:

[jaydensmum]

I heard a lot about fish oil the last couple of days. Im definetly going to try it, ill try anything that will make him calmer. :yes:

[~Temet Nosce~]

Yes Ive heard good things about fish oil :yes:
also Im pretty sure brauers calm is a natural product.

[MilkOnTap]

Naomi I have no advice (never had a 3yr old before!) just plenty of hugs :hugs:

:hugs:

:hugs:

:hugs:

[WorkingClassMum]

I heard a lot about fish oil the last couple of days. Im definetly going to try it, ill try anything that will make him calmer. :yes:


and Swisse Childvite 1 - A childrens multivitamin mineral and anti-oxident formula with selective herbs which promote calmness in very active children

and

Natural Nutrition Kalm Kids (DD has one of these on nights that she been sent to bed)

Sometimes the herbs take a few weeks to kick in and actually get to a cellular level before they make a difference

[MyFourCubs]

and Swisse Childvite 1 - A childrens multivitamin mineral and anti-oxident formula with selective herbs which promote calmness in very active children



Yep, I have seen this one and was thinking of giving it a go.

The good thing about going to a residential unit like Karitane is that they can help you with behaviour stradegies like positive reinforcement and play therapy. I just wanted to spend a week somewhere that other people could observe him so I didn't have to try and explain him to doctors. I had witnesses!!!!

[jaydensmum]

The dr recommended karitane or tresillian too but at the moment it just isnt possible, unfortunately. :no: Hopefully soon i can do that to give us some assistance.

[Queen]

:hugs::hugs:For you:hugs: and I understand that change DD is 2.5yo and I am seeing small changes, that I do not like.


and Swisse Childvite 1 - A childrens multivitamin mineral and anti-oxident formula with selective herbs which promote calmness in very active children

I use these with DD, and fish oil, and I notice the difference.

Good luck:hugs::hugs:

[jaydensmum]

Thats good to know rowie, thanks for letting me know that it has worked for you. :yes: I have a look for it. I really hope this does the job, cause i just want him to be functional little boy and a happy one too. :yes: I also dont really want him to go on those meds they give to kids with adhd. :no:

[prideNJoy]

Oh, did i (and another PP) mention Osteo works? ;)

[KaM]

I would try giving Karitane/Tresillian a call . .even if your not going into their units. .they can give some great advice over the phone . . .

Maybe if you have tried a lot of things. . see about getting him assesed.. I am not sure of the technical name but they observe him over a couple of hours etc and try out different things . . almost like testing and reaction etc. .

I am going through very similar atm with matilda. .who just turned 2 . . tonight I fought her for 2 hrs to get to sleep .. .and she has only JUST gone down now . .. and tantrums last all day long .. you just want to shut yourself in a cuboard and never come out. . .so your not alone hun . .believe me!!

Maybe even consider allergy testing?? I had Matilda done over 6 mths ago and found out she had sensitivies to egg, soy, milk, and some other things. .so that might be a trigger for him also .. .

[fiona76]

Here is some advice from a mother who has been there and done it.

It sounds like you have tried everything, and this is beyond normal toddler naughtiness. Sometimes, all the positive reinforcement and behaviour modification techniques as well as Ttessillian just don't work.

You need to get a referral to a Developmental Paediatrician. They specialise in behavioural problems and will do a formal developmental assessment on your son. There are ways to treat and resources to help you manage this. A developmental Paed can prescribe appropriate medication if needed and link you up to people that can help.

As a nurse, I can tell you that Phenergan won't help the behavioural side of things. It may assist with sleep, but often a side effect is waking up drousy, with a 'drugged' feeling which can make irritability worse. Not only that, its a medication that you can become tolerant to and require more and more to have the same effect.

However, there are medications out there that can assist. And a Developmental Paed is probably one of the only doctors that will prescribe, as they specialise in this area. Ultimately that dicision is yours to make, and I guess that depends on how bad it is and how much you can take.

Its extremely hard to deal with, and I completely understand. My DD is almost 3, and only in the past couple of weeks have we finally received the help we need. She is now a different child. We actually enjoy spending time with her, and she is much happier. Goodluck

[chicky2lala]

The paediatrician said that hes the worst kid he has seen in a while, and that hurt!!! :hissy: He said if he came in here at 4 he would be walking home with meds.
What an awful thing to say to a patient/mother......:mad::shame:

[grass is always greener]

Naomi. I dont have any advice, but i just wanted to give you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: all of these and plenty more.

I wish you all the best with trying the different things that the fantastic mums on here have suggested.

[Loopy Linda]

hugs for you.

i agree with the others posts about getting a second opinion. i think you need a dr who is more actively involved and wants to sort out the problems now, not give it another 6 months!

[jaydensmum]

What an awful thing to say to a patient/mother......

Yep it really hurt, it brought tears to my eyes. :yes:

Fiona - thanks for that info!! :hugs:Ill def have to look into that. :yes:

Im so tired of being angry all the time. Im usually a quiet and happy go lucky lady and these days i feel like im a dragon woman. It seems im always yelling, and going off and thats not me. :no: Jayden knows what buttons to push too and he always sets them off. There has been times where i had to lock myself in the room to give myself a breather to calm myself down cause i dont want to take it out on him. I hate feeling that angry, i just want to be a happy mumma again. :crying: Last night he fought my DH and i for 2hrs to get to sleep. In the end my DH gave up and just layed with him, so of course he won!!! :hair: Within 15min of my Dh lying with him he went to sleep, its so frustrating. Im worried that when the baby comes that i have will have this same issue and i really dont know how im going to manage laying with jayden to get him to sleep and attend to the newborn!! I know im getting help from dr's and psychologists but i feel like im getting no where.

[purplefairy]

Sorry Firstly :hugs::hugs: to you because I have a 3 year old who can be a handful so i know what its like. Try diet firstly if you can... I know that that has helped us alot. We notice Orange Juice even diluted any orange flavoured foods and of course sugar makes a big difference in behavour.

[fletchersmummy]

:hugs:Ohh, I could have written your post, so firstly :hugs: and know that its nothing you are doing@! You are doing a great job!

Im so tired of being angry all the time. Im usually a quiet and happy go lucky lady and these days i feel like im a dragon woman. It seems im always yelling, and going off and thats not me. :no: Jayden knows what buttons to push too and he always sets them off. There has been times where i had to lock myself in the room to give myself a breather to calm myself down cause i dont want to take it out on him. I hate feeling that angry, i just want to be a happy mumma again. :crying: This is exactly how I feel...some days are far worse than others, but generally its hard work!
Alot of people look at me and nod and say oh yeah my DS or my DD is like than when I say DS is EXTREME, but they really do not understand!
That said, in the last couple of months his behaviour has improved considerably, after I started giving him Little Squirtz (Fish Oils). Now I spoke to a Naturopath as I was at my wits end and apart from drugging him, was uncertain what to do!
Anyway the Naturopath suggested Fish Oils and mentioned that they use these for ADHD children! I immediately bought these for DS and he has been taking 5 a day for the past 2.5 months now! I also give him Vitamin C (cause he is even worse when he is sick), and I purchased some Homeopathic remedy KIDS CALM! I think Fish Oil has been the big contributing factor in his improvement, but the others cannot hurt!
When I say he has improved he is only behaving badly perhaps 1 day a week, as opposed to every day! One day aint bad if you get a break from it the other 6 days!
I too used to get the naughty comments and I was extremely upset...its amazing how good it feels to have a regular toddler, not a nightmare toddler!
Hope it helps, take care

[jaydensmum]

Well i have fantastic news!! :yes: My DS has converted from the little devil to somewhat an angel!! :D I brought in a reward system for him which seems to be doing the trick. For the past 2wks he has been going to bed on his own and some nights actually staying in his bed the whole night. :eek: He seems much calmer now and responds to me well. Hes also now toilet trained.:smiliedance: Hes only had one nappy on for the last two days and that was to go to bed. :eek: Also when i take him out now, he walks beside me and comes home when i say. I just cant believe the transition. I feel so happy and relieved. The reward system is a chart with a list of things were trying to improve and everytime he does them he gets a sticker. He loves it and hes so proud of his chart!! Im soo proud of myself for making this change!!! Also i havent even started him on fish oil yet, its sitting in the cupboard!!! :D

[medina10]

Hi There,
My little boy is also named Jayden and has been very difficult at times... and that's putting it nicely.
Please check to see if he suffers from sleep apnea. I know it sounds daft but my Jay did and it was affecting his general behaviour.
They found that he couldn't breath because of airway obstruction and wasn't getting enough rest.
He used to sleep with me and it was like he would break dance in the bed. And would behave like a right monster during the day.
I have to admit his behaviour has improved with age, I can talk to him more and aslong as it doesn't sound like a command I can generally convince him to do as I ask. As long as he thinks it was his idea.
The fact that I have cut down how much tv he watches aswell has helped. So he doesn't go into a tv induced haze and then becomes really irratic and lose all sense of present time and place.
The only problem is that now I have to constantly give him exercises that will stimulate his mind so that he doesn't go crazy and send us nuts aswell.
He is such a clever kid but behaves like a social moron at times and it kills me.
If you ever need anything just let me know and if you want to catch up at any time to just have a coffee and talk, I'm here.
It feels really isolated at times when you have a high needs child and everyone else has little angels.

Wishing you lots of strength,

Marcia

Hes sleep is a bit better but ive noticed that he has restless sleep when he is asleep. Each day is a different story with sleep. There has been times where he has woken up at 2am full of beans and started playing with his toys and watching tv until 6am when he crashes again. That happens every couple of weeks. With pinpointing why he changed, i would love to know. Theres no significant thing that i can recall that caused the change. With diet jaydens the same with sugar. If he has sugar he's ten times worse. :yes: Believe me you never want to see that!! :no: But hes behaviour is still very bad without sugar too, so i dont know???