How do I support my friend?

[Briannabear]

Hi guys,
I was hoping someone could give me a few tips on how to support my friend at the moment.
She and her husband have been trying for a baby for some time now and havent been successful. :crying:

She had some surgery this week and they burned off her endometriosis, and also found polysistic ovaries. They are hoping to start IVF after her next cycle.
Ive never had anyone this close to me go through IVF, but from what Ive heard its very tough physically as well as emotionally.
I think she struggles with the fact that Im able to fall pregnant very easily. (I completely understand that). I think its to the point at the moment where she struggles to talk to me. (because Im pregnant - I fell pregnant within a few months of trying).

I completely understand all this must be hard emotionally for her, and I dont want to say or do anything to upset her more than she is. She is a good friend and she is happy for us, dont get me wrong, but she just finds it a bit hard at the moment.

I am giving her space, we live in different cities anyway. But what else can I do?
Whats the best way I can be supportive to her?

[my babyemmy]

boy i can remember when all this was consuming my world as well.
one day i would be sad & angry at myself and then the next day i would be angry at the whole world! I would be happy for most people who were pregnant but not others, I cant understand why i felt like that!
My SILS best friend has been on the IVF for 5 years and wont talk to my SIL anymore as she got pregnant 5 years ago then had an abortion,then 3 years ago got pregnant the second she started to try. What made it worse for the IVF lady was my nephew was born on the IVF ladies birthday. My nephew is 2 1/2 and she would only see my SIL if my nephew isn't with her.which lead to them not speaking now.
All you can do is be the wonderful friend that you seem to be.
fingers crossed for your friend:fingerscrossed:

[Briannabear]

Thanks Lee.
The way I see it is she has every right to be feeling 'funny' about it all. Its not like she can control those strong emotions anyway.
I have all my fingers and toes crossed for her! :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:

[Funkychicken]

A friend of mine was pregnant at the same time as her best friend. At eight and 1/2 months her best friend lost her baby. When T had her baby it was really tough for both of them. At first A visited with her but over a few months started saying she would only have T over if she didn't bring the baby. It all got really yukky and the worst part is their friendship ceased and they haven't spoken in over 5 years. It was really awful and lack of communication caused a lot of it. A went on to have a baby but the friendship was too damaged.
If you love and support your friend and stay honest with one another you will get through all this and one day when she has a beautiful baby of her own she will look back and thank you for always being her friend.:kiss:

[Krissy]

All i can suggest is that you be there for her when she needs you and trust me she will im in the exact same situation as your friend just about to start on the IVF cycle and it is very scary and all consuming the truth is that she probably does resent you for being able to fall pregnant so easily I know i feel that way when people around me announance there pregnancy sometimes i cant even bring myself to come online just in case someone else is pregnant before me but that dosnt mean that she isnt happy for you it just means she has to work through and sort out her emotions.

Just make it clear to her that when she is ready that you are there for her you may not know it but im sure that your support means allot to her.

[nicoleE]

I'm not sure if you have Foxtel or anything but on the Discovery Home & Health channel there is a show called 'Baby Lab' and it is all about IVF. It follows 2 or 3 couples per episode through the process from first injections to THE phone call and the successful births.

It is very revealing, I was in tears watching it one day as the couple was told none of their eggs developed properly, they were staring at the pictures of their fertilised eggs that were inplanted...

I think a show like that would give a good insight into the process and the emotions that you would go through.

[leilani07]

Hi Briannabear,
Boy, this is a tough situation - but one that seems to be pretty common amongst those of us who find it hard to fall pregnant. We have been talking about it in the "TTC and just need to talk" thread. You are already a really good friend because you are concerned, and can see things from her point of view. How lovely :hugs:
The general consensus is that we don't want to hear "just relax and it will all work out" or "try not to think about it" or "don't stress" etc etc :banghead: . If you have to say anything along those lines I have felt supported by friends who try to be empathetic and aknowledge my pain and what I might be feeling eg, "this is awful - I feel for you", "I wish you didn't have to go through this", "I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts!", "keep me posted on what is happening" etc. It has really helped to know that they are concerned and interested in what's going on and how I'm feeling :thumbsup: .
She probably doesn't resent you - just the situation. I felt exactly the same way. I have a few friends that all fell pregnant around the same time after I had been trying for a while (secretly) so they had no idea how upsetting it was because I didn't tell them. But now I am still trying and they do know and they always have their babies with them and they are gorgeous and glowing (sigh)......and I know that I don't resent them - just the situation.
Best of luck to both you and your friend - if the frienship is strong you will both make it through ;)