View Full Version : Is it ok to have a wishing well
Can you have a wishing well for your Engagement Party?
Zandersmum
18-04-2008, 15:09
Hi Rating
Of course its ok to have a wishing well at your engagement party. So many people do these days. People don't get offended because it's so much easier to not have to think of a gift, they can just put in the amount of money they can afford, and anonymously if they choose.
We had a WW at our enagement party in Nov last year, my DP wanted one and I didn't (I felt uncomfortable about it) but I'm so glad we did. We were able to start paying deposits to all of our wedding suppliers, it was a great help.
Congrats on your Engagement too:)
Bewitched
18-04-2008, 15:10
I've never heard of it happening at engagements, only at weddings, but hey if thats what you want i say go for it.... be preapred though, many people find these ideas impersonal and will probably insist on gving you a present you may not want/need anyway :laughing::rolleyes:
Thanks ladies. The only reason i asked is because we truly do have everything we need. And having been together as long as we have the only reason we would be having a proper wedding is because everyone was saying they really would like to celebrate with us. So anything that is put in the well would be used as money straight towards the wedding. We are having a bar tab so thats something they would normally be paying for.
WotWillBWillB
18-04-2008, 15:47
We gave everyone the choice for either with both the wedding and the engagement.
were had everything too but our fride and washing m went about a month before. So we actually put that on the engagement invites.
I think it would be fine... I probably wouldn't personally feel comfortable having a WW at both my engagement AND wedding, though. JMO.
I just decided after reading a site on wedding and engagement ettiquette that we will no longer be having a wishing well..
Its aparenty not the norm for people to bring gift to engagement parties.
Craftymum
19-04-2008, 08:51
I went to a wedding once that had a wishing well and I felt most uncomfortable by it. I much prefer to buy a present..... People can be imaginative if they know you pretty much have everything...
Just my opinion!
wanabamum
19-04-2008, 14:18
Hi
We had a wishing well for our wedding & no-one had a problem with it, we still got gifts as well & that was fine. My friend had a wishing well for her engagement also, her partner made it himself.
Really it is up to you. Least you can buy things you want & don't have 2 of the same gift....
:wave:wanabamum
Thanks. I will definatly be having a Wishing well for my wedding.
I was only curious about the engagement part.
It would of been used solely for use on our wedding. Our wishing well for our wedding has a poem about our honeymoon.. So will be using that.
Many of our Guests Have enquired
FOr a gift to be inspired
Like Many young couples today
We have most things anyway
If you would like to give, it is our request
For something for our wishing well
A gift of money you can afford
Is just what we need you can be assured
Without the help of this little pun
Our honeymoon would not be much fun.
lukaelmo
19-04-2008, 19:33
I'm sorry, I don't like them. For weddings either, I don't like people asking for a present. Lol, but then neither do I like it when that little card drops out of the invitation envelope telling you that you can buy presents at DJ's or whatever.
I just don't like the idea of asking people to buy presents... but I do know a lot of people who do like it, as it's very practical, so each to their own I guess.
MonkeyMum05
19-04-2008, 21:22
I'm sorry, I don't like them. For weddings either, I don't like people asking for a present. Lol, but then neither do I like it when that little card drops out of the invitation envelope telling you that you can buy presents at DJ's or whatever.
I just don't like the idea of asking people to buy presents... but I do know a lot of people who do like it, as it's very practical, so each to their own I guess.
Oh good! I'm not the only one!
I personally just don't like the idea of asking for money or specifying gifts. I could never do it, and I feel slightly offended if someone sends one with an invite... because I actually enjoying thinking of and finding something really unique and special for a present. I'd also much rather receive a 'special' gift from a friend than some cash. It's the thought that goes into it, and the fact that every time you use or see that 'thing' you think of the person. Well, I do anyway.
Just my opinion :flowerz:
Mamaduke
19-04-2008, 22:07
I thought I was only the one who disliked wishing wells.
Honestly...I think it's the height of rudeness to ask for money because of reasons such as 'well we've been together so long blah blah blah'...I didn't tell you to move in together before you were married!
I saw the tackiest thing in Spotlight the other day. A fold out wishing well table centre!
Soon they'll just have the bride and groom standing out the front of the reception venue with an eftpos machine...and no sit down dinner or drinks either, just swipe your card, wish the happy couple (who've lived together for longer than your parents have) good luck, grab your noodle box of tapas and go home!
I thought I was only the one who disliked wishing wells.
Honestly...I think it's the height of rudeness to ask for money because of reasons such as 'well we've been together so long blah blah blah'...I didn't tell you to move in together before you were married!
I saw the tackiest thing in Spotlight the other day. A fold out wishing well table centre!
Soon they'll just have the bride and groom standing out the front of the reception venue with an eftpos machine...and no sit down dinner or drinks either, just swipe your card, wish the happy couple (who've lived together for longer than your parents have) good luck, grab your noodle box of tapas and go home!
You and I both know your suggestion of what the future would be like is highly unlikely.
People ask what you would like from them so it isnt rude to tell them.
Ettiquette is to take something to a wedding fro the bride and groom so it may as well be something they need ecspecially since a wedding is generally about the people who are invited or in my case it is since everyone seems to complain about the eloping idea.
The most recent wishing well we gave to made $15,000. And that wasn't even a big wedding! I like the idea of a anonymous honeymoon registry. People can send in a certain amount to go towards your honeymoon but you cannot find out who donated what amount.'
TBH Id be so happy to see $50 in a card. I would be shocked too. We would be getting no where near that amount everyome knows we are not like that. We dont need much or expect much.
I have never heard of a honeymoon registry. Sounds awesome I might look into it some more.
Little Gorilla
19-04-2008, 22:30
My personal opinion is that I think wishing wells are rude - I've never liked them.
My SIL had one at her wedding and I didn't put anything in it - I bought her a gift instead.
I don't like people dictating to me what I should be bringing to their wedding.
Dictating.? Mmm its merely a suggestion for those people who "dont" know what to get for a wedding gift.
I would love personal presents. I would hate sheets, towels, pots and pans and the likes.
We want to go to portugal (where DF is from) and elope there with just his elderly grandparents at the wedding as they have missed all their other grandchildrens weddings. Thats if we ever bother to get married haha...toooooo much effort :p
The woman on that show must of been high! She is crazy!
We are in the same position as you though its all too much effort and would rather elope but everyone complained about that.. so hence a wedding..
jessmarty
09-05-2008, 12:41
I think they're a great idea, Marty's friends would have no idea what to buy us so they would absolutely love the no hassle way :D.
We will be having one at our wedding for sure.
A Party of Five
10-05-2008, 08:03
I'm sorry, I don't like them. For weddings either, I don't like people asking for a present. Lol, but then neither do I like it when that little card drops out of the invitation envelope telling you that you can buy presents at DJ's or whatever.
I just don't like the idea of asking people to buy presents... but I do know a lot of people who do like it, as it's very practical, so each to their own I guess.
Oh good! I'm not the only one!
I personally just don't like the idea of asking for money or specifying gifts. I could never do it, and I feel slightly offended if someone sends one with an invite... because I actually enjoying thinking of and finding something really unique and special for a present. I'd also much rather receive a 'special' gift from a friend than some cash. It's the thought that goes into it, and the fact that every time you use or see that 'thing' you think of the person. Well, I do anyway.
Just my opinion :flowerz:
This is an 'each-to-their-own' kinda thing but I know of a few friends that did the wishing well.
Personally, I didn't like the idea. When we got to the reception, everyone lined up and put their envelope in the well and it was a bit uncomfortable.
Also, people feel as though they have to give more, because giving $50 at a wedding seems stingey yet you can buy a nice present for $50.
The most recent wishing well we gave to made $15,000. And that wasn't even a big wedding! I like the idea of a anonymous honeymoon registry. People can send in a certain amount to go towards your honeymoon but you cannot find out who donated what amount.'
I thought I was only the one who disliked wishing wells.
Honestly...I think it's the height of rudeness to ask for money because of reasons such as 'well we've been together so long blah blah blah'...I didn't tell you to move in together before you were married!
I saw the tackiest thing in Spotlight the other day. A fold out wishing well table centre!
Soon they'll just have the bride and groom standing out the front of the reception venue with an eftpos machine...and no sit down dinner or drinks either, just swipe your card, wish the happy couple (who've lived together for longer than your parents have) good luck, grab your noodle box of tapas and go home!
My personal opinion is that I think wishing wells are rude - I've never liked them.
My SIL had one at her wedding and I didn't put anything in it - I bought her a gift instead.
I don't like people dictating to me what I should be bringing to their wedding.
Don't worry ladies you are not the only ones I also think that's it's very rude to tell/ask poeple want you to want!
susmamma
10-05-2008, 08:17
ugh ... wishing wells. my pet hate.
if you already have everything then say on the invitation.
"please, no gifts. just your company to celebrate our special day."
simple!
some friends of ours who have been together for seven years and thus "have everything" wrote on their invitation.
we would be delighted to have your company at our wedding.
our preference is for no presents. we know however that some of you
will still want to give a gift, in that case we ask that instead of buying us a present you donate
to the neonatal ward of the rpa hospital as our little girl would not be with us today if it were not for the
wonderful work they do...
(and they provided account details to deposit into).
and we gave a donation to the hospital.
it was one of the loviest wedding invitations i have ever seen.
Mathermy
10-05-2008, 08:31
Honestly...I think it's the height of rudeness to ask for money because of reasons such as 'well we've been together so long blah blah blah'...I didn't tell you to move in together before you were married!
Sorry, this comment to me is perhaps a little higher on the rudeness scale!:laughing:funny yes, but still rude considering the OP.
hhhmmmmmnnnn....
we had a wishing well at the wedding, had over 80 guests turn up for a sit down dinner.... the amount of money in our wishingwell? a smidgeon over $1000.
We didn't expect much either, and simply didn't need more plates and platters and whitegoods etc. We had a friend that didn't like a wishing well- and they gave us a gift... we were fine with that.
For those that think its rude... I think it's rude to assume that someone is going to like receiving 15 hideously heavy glass serving dishes, that they are not able to sell or giveaway within ettiquette...and that has to take up room in thier lives because it's your taste.
JMHO:footinmouth:
JasmineLouise
12-05-2008, 21:44
hhhmmmmmnnnn....
we had a wishing well at the wedding, had over 80 guests turn up for a sit down dinner.... the amount of money in our wishingwell? a smidgeon over $1000.
We didn't expect much either, and simply didn't need more plates and platters and whitegoods etc. We had a friend that didn't like a wishing well- and they gave us a gift... we were fine with that.
For those that think its rude... I think it's rude to assume that someone is going to like receiving 15 hideously heavy glass serving dishes, that they are not able to sell or giveaway within ettiquette...and that has to take up room in thier lives because it's your taste.
JMHO:footinmouth:
:iagree:
i would rather give some $$ than a useless item they may already have or use... i just think it's more practical for those who have been together for a while :thumbsup:
A Party of Five
13-05-2008, 09:02
some friends of ours who have been together for seven years and thus "have everything" wrote on their invitation.
we would be delighted to have your company at our wedding.
our preference is for no presents. we know however that some of you
will still want to give a gift, in that case we ask that instead of buying us a present you donate
to the neonatal ward of the rpa hospital as our little girl would not be with us today if it were not for the
wonderful work they do...
(and they provided account details to deposit into).
and we gave a donation to the hospital.
it was one of the loviest wedding invitations i have ever seen.
That's is a lovely idea :hugs:
the neonatal thing i think is very very lovely. But just so some of you responding know i will be having one for my wedding if i have a normal one but i am asking if its ok for an engagement party?
As long as you put somewhere that you only expect thier company... (I think we had we expect only company, but we know you lot, so rather than a gift we've already got......)
I probably wouldn't for an engagement party.. but then again all my friends are elcheapo's and wouldn't have gotten anything... so we didn't have to worry about alternatives :laughing:
I personally just don't like the idea of asking for money or specifying gifts.
Gift registries for Weddings have been around for years... you slip a card into the envelope with the invite and everyone knows what you need... How is a wishing well different?
TBH Id be so happy to see $50 in a card. I would be shocked too. We would be getting no where near that amount everyome knows we are not like that. We dont need much or expect much.
I have never heard of a honeymoon registry. Sounds awesome I might look into it some more.
I'd personally be lucky if anyone in our family can afford $50 in a card...
If you ask a few travel agents you can get more info on the honeymoon register. A friend of mine works for one and she was saying that she'd see how much was donated and then advise us of where we could go.
I am having a wishing well for our engagement as well. It's no secret with friends and family that we've lived together for 5 years and have 2 children together... We're actually hoping to use the money from the engagement to help us pay for the wedding. As it is I'm going back to work in 6 weeks so that we can actually afford to keep on top of the bills and pay for the wedding ourselves. For the numbers we'll be having though (I've tried to cut it, I have, it's just not working!) Anything I can save in 16 months is all we've got for both engagement party and Wedding...
To me it's a little rude of my family to assume I need another 2 toasters and whatnot... Obviously with a family we have everything household - unless someone's going to offer a new loungesuit as a gift (if they feel the need to give) we have no use for anything household, money however will help us pay for the wedding and actually get to have a honeymoon...
There will be comments about not getting married if we can't afford it and I don't care - you worry about your situation and I'll worry about mine...
Thats what I will prob be doing for the wedding!
I think i was just talking to you somewhere else.. LOL!
The money we get at the party will be going straight into our savings account to pay for our wedding if not going straight towards a deposit on the reception venue.
I'm under the belief that if friends and family want to give a gift to us, wouldn't they prefer to give us something that we need rather than something they like??
Rating, if you were, I have the same username!! And if so, I know who you are there too!! You getting married in July next year?
My mum and fiance are getting married next month and as they have lived together for 2 years and need nothing for the house they have asked everyone to make a donation to a selected charity
I am not a fan of the wishing well. However, I am not offended when people have a wishing well, i just choose not to add to it. I love gift registries because I would like to know that the money i spend goes to something that they like and will use. I think it is fine to presume that people will bring a present to a wedding. I would not turn up to someones house empty handed- and to a wedding i just couldnt. But each to their own,:cool:
Mmm... we never had an engagement party... but I don't see that having a wishing well would be a problem. People don't have to contribute if they don't want to. We didn't have one at our wedding either - we just had our immediate family at our wedding. But my folks did throw a party for us about six months later for extended family and friends and my cousins had a wishing well for us then. We didn't expect it, but it was lovely to be thought of. From a gift-giving point of view, I love wishing wells. I'm not great at selecting gifts so if the couple concerned can get something they really want, I reckon that's great. I don't feel obliged to put in more money than I would if I was buying a gift. I usually know how much I can afford and won't go over that.
Friendly
17-05-2008, 17:03
I thought I was only the one who disliked wishing wells.
Honestly...I think it's the height of rudeness to ask for money because of reasons such as 'well we've been together so long blah blah blah'...I didn't tell you to move in together before you were married!
I saw the tackiest thing in Spotlight the other day. A fold out wishing well table centre!
Soon they'll just have the bride and groom standing out the front of the reception venue with an eftpos machine...and no sit down dinner or drinks either, just swipe your card, wish the happy couple (who've lived together for longer than your parents have) good luck, grab your noodle box of tapas and go home!
How funny an eftpos machine :laughing: you are soooo funny!
My mum and fiance are getting married next month and as they have lived together for 2 years and need nothing for the house they have asked everyone to make a donation to a selected charity
How thoughtful of them :yelclap:
For my wedding our guest had the option, I told those who we invited.. A gift of money or something else you might find that you thing we would like, or bring nothing at all, as long as we are there sharing our special day with all of the special people in our lives is all that really matters to us.
For an engagement I personally would not have one especially if you are planning to have one for your wedding.
Iv just decided to have a wishing well for my engagement party and a honeymoon registery for my wedding..
If we dont elope that is..
The people who you invite to your wedding should already know, how long you have been together and how you would already have a household full of things.
People like my grandma, would never give money for a wedding present, she thinks it is horrible just like many others,
Yet my sister, is like, oh I hate thinking of presents, cant I just give them money??
So we gave a little card saying, we are going to have a wishing well, but if you prefer to find us a gift, we will be just as happy, most importantly we want to celabrate with you.
We got a lot of money in the wishing well, as people new we were saing for our own home,
But I got a lot of great gifts too, like china, vases, paintings,
So just because you have everything, doent mean you wont get nice gifts,
I dont mind little cards or wishing wells or what not, but it does bug me when you arent given the choice of what you might like to do for them.
MonkeyMum05
19-05-2008, 12:00
Gift registries for Weddings have been around for years... you slip a card into the envelope with the invite and everyone knows what you need... How is a wishing well different?
Just my opinion.
I know how it works, and would personally never do it.
I'm under the belief that if friends and family want to give a gift to us, wouldn't they prefer to give us something that we need rather than something they like??
Rating, if you were, I have the same username!! And if so, I know who you are there too!! You getting married in July next year?
I never buy a gift for someone else bacause I like it, I put heaps of thought into gifts, and buy something I think they would like. If I am stuck, I might ask those people who I am buying a girf for to give me a few ideas of what they want and get something along those lines
It is nice to look back and say that was from my grandma, or from somone who is not around anymore.
I think it's fine....you can ddo whatever you want....people who dont like it can buy a present:)
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