Routine Vs Freestyle

[big_mama]

Hi,

Just wondering what other parents are doing with their infants/toddler.

My one-year-old girl is currentlysleeping about 10 hours a night, with 2 breast milk feeds per night. She's have about 3 solid meals/day, and 1.5 hour in total of day nap.

I generally put her to bed when she starts to yawn and rubs her eyes, which falls into no set time of day. For her day nap, it she has a 1/2 nap at 12 noon, she'll nap for another hour at about5 to 6pm, which means she won't go to bed 'til about 11pm. I call this the "freestyle" method.

DH and I are arguing about her lack of routine, and that he thinks she should be trained into a routine, have a set timetable of activities, ie go to bed at 8:30pm , gets up at 6:30, all her meal and sleep times should be set etc .....He really believes in ROUTINE.

The freestyle method of parenting comes from my side of relatives and routine from his. My side of the family is more relaxed and flexible and his is more "army style" lifestyle.

Anyone out there relate to either of these methods? If so, please share your opinions on pros and cons from your personal experience.

Thanks in advance all :)

[kids]

I prefer the routine or "army style" as you like to call it! However I dotn see it this way. IMO kids respond really well to routines and like to know what is ocming next. Our routine is set but is also felxible.

Get up at 6-6.30am for ds and 7-7.30am for dd - their times, not my choice
Breaky sometime after that - 8-9am
Morning tea soemtime during the morning - if we are out, we have it wherever we are
lunch at about noon
sleep at about 1pm til they wake up and then arvo tea
dinner 6-6.30pm
bath follows dinner
then quiet time and bed at 8pm (with a story or two thrown in)

I have a problem with little kids going to bed late as I beleive it doesnt set them up for good sleepign habits - especially at school when they have to be there by 9am and therefore need to be in bed earlier.

I can see your husbands frustration at your dd being still up at 11pm aswell. If it were me I would cut that 5pm sleep and put your dd to bed earlier at night. You could then also just give her one day time nap at around 1pm -ish and she might sleep a bit longer

Having said all this tho' - the choice is yours. However, you and your dh have to agree on what is best and what works for the family. You can still be "freestyle" and have some routine to the day

[Chickadee]

The difficulty I have with a set timed routine is that bubs change so quickly in the first 1.5 years. So that the times you set one day may have to be adjusted after a month when they drop a nap, add a meal, drop a feed, or are able to stay up longer. It was really only after my DD turned 18 months that our days settled into a more regular schedule.

On the other hand, it does help for toddlers to know what to expect. So a routine which is still flexible and adaptable can be great. And may be a good compromise for you and your partner.

I suspect that if you kept a record for a week or two of your days you'd find that you follow a daily rhythm with your daughter. Meals and activities may not be at the exact same time each day but tend to follow a certain order. To me that classes as routine, however loosely, and was how I ran our days. When DD was around 5 months I actually wrote out our "routine" for my husband. It didnt' have set times but would have a range of typical times for sleeps and meals, and some key things like feeding her after she wakes up and how long she would typically be awake for between naps.

It may be that your DH is struggling or overwhelmed by the idea of trying to look after your daughter if you go out. If he hasn't spent as much time with her and is used to a more set routiine, he may have trouble responding to her cues the way you do.

[meme]

i am also a fan of the flexible routine. i have an order to our days, but no set times.

we get up when we wake up, breakfast. dd1 gets ready and goes to school. i do activities with the kids, sometimes out like playgroup. my babies sleeps just have to fit around where we are and what we are doing.

[Foxy]

Hi big_mama,

I am definitely pro routine! This of course has more to do with my personality than my son's.

So here is my perspective - I think the advantages are:

Everyone knows where they stand
DS knows what's coming next, so is very relaxed
DH, grandparents etc - can follow our "typical" day if I am not there
I can plan my day / week / month etc and can make my appointments at suitable times.

My DS is 13.5 mths and this is our typical day

6:30 awake & bottle
7:30 breakfast
9:00am sleep - 1.5 hours
10:30am - morning tea
12:30pm - lunch
2:00pm bottle & sleep until 4:00pm
5:00pm dinner
6:30pm bath
7:00pm bottle - in bed by 7:30pm


I am not saying those times are exact - but it's the general flow of the day give or take half an hour.

DH & I really appreciate our time together after DS has gone to bed - do you get any time to yourself if your DD is up until 11? JMO - but I would drop 5pm sleep, put her to bed earlier and hopefully middle sleep will extend.

S
:)

[big_mama]

Thanks all for your input!

Shelbyville, your routine seems like a reasonable one, but with DS going to bed at 7:30pm, does that mean you guys never go out past that time? Or you still do cos DS sleeps at the same time, anywhere?

I must admit with DD going to bed so late, we don't get any time to ourself, but spend from 10pm until 11pm (or whenever she drops exhausted) tire ourselves out, trying to put her to sleep.

I am in the process of cutting all her breast milk feeds (she used to sleep off the breast). During the day, it's not so bad, but terrible at night, when whe wants a feed and I don't give it to her. She cries, tosses and turn, and I tends to give in just to keep her quiet so we all get some sleep.

How do you train your DS to nap at 9am then again at 2pm? Your son sleeps a total of 11 hrs through the night and naps for 3.5 hrs during the day? I'm totally envious :smiliedance: To stick to such routine, I imagine you stay home a lot, or does he follow the same sleep pattern even when out? My DD gets excited in different surroundings and don't sleep.

I would like to get DD into a routine too, so we all know what's coming and I can better plan my day, but I currently have a hard time, trying to get her to sleep and eat on time. She sometimes takes an hour to finish a meal, and that's with lots of different toys and silly tactics from me. Should I just feed her for 1/2 hour max, and if she doesn't eat a lot, she'llmake up for it with the next meal? Is this what everyone else is doing?

HELP!!!!

Kids, please suggest a way how I can "cut" her 5pm nap, when her eyes are all red and droopy and she staggers and stumbles when she walks?

[Chickadee]

My DD gets excited in different surroundings and don't sleep.

Mine was the same at 1 year. And there is no need to hide at home just to get her to sleep. A nap skipped one day, or later than usual, is fine. That's where the "flexibility" bit comes in.

Maybe your little one is ready to drop to only one nap around midday? It usually happens around 11-14 months old and might take a few weeks to settle into a new daily pattern of sleep meals & play, but it does get better afterwards.

[kids]

Thanks all for your input!

HELP!!!!

Kids, please suggest a way how I can "cut" her 5pm nap, when her eyes are all red and droopy and she staggers and stumbles when she walks?

I have always been taught that to establish a routine takes 21 days and to break one takes 3 days. So thats a starting point for you to work with. My kids both took about 3-4 weeks to get used to just one day sleep, and were really tired in the afternoon without it, but they adjusted with time.

So here is my suggestion - for what it is worth - she currenlty has 2 naps - 1/2 hour in the morning and 1 hur in the early evening ... - keep her up for longer in the morning ... take her outside and play with her to keep her up longer. Then put her down for only 1 day time sleep - probably about 1pm and she will hopefully sleep for 1.5 hours. Even if she doesnt, dont let her go to sleep at 5pm. Yes she may be really really tired - but she needs to drop this early evening sleep so that she can go to bed earlier at night. It IS going to be hard to start with. But if you stick to your new routine, she will adjust. Remember it takes 3 days to break her old routine but 21 days to establish her new one....

[Foxy]

Hi Big_Mama

Shelbyville, your routine seems like a reasonable one, but with DS going to bed at 7:30pm, does that mean you guys never go out past that time? Or you still do cos DS sleeps at the same time, anywhere?

That's a good point. We don't go out that much with DS at night, we try to have people over to our place. If we are going to someones house we take the travel cot, it is a bit trickier to get him to sleep, so in this circumstance he would definitely be up a bit later (maybe until 8:30ish). If we are going to a restaurant on our own, we just go early, or if it's with other people we have family that babysit at our place.


How do you train your DS to nap at 9am then again at 2pm? Your son sleeps a total of 11 hrs through the night and naps for 3.5 hrs during the day? I'm totally envious :smiliedance: To stick to such routine, I imagine you stay home a lot, or does he follow the same sleep pattern even when out? My DD gets excited in different surroundings and don't sleep.

I honestly believe that he sleeps like this because that "is just what happens" IYKWIM. I think by sticking to these times, he just expects it - so he does it. I am lucky he sleeps so much - I wonder how long it will last! he is very busy when awake - he is never still, so I think he just gets worn out. I agree it is restricting in terms of going out. I only usually go between sleeps and make sure I am home by two. On the weekends if we go to someones house for lunch - I take the travel cot. I guess it depends on your lifestyle, but for me, it's worth it.

I would like to get DD into a routine too, so we all know what's coming and I can better plan my day, but I currently have a hard time, trying to get her to sleep and eat on time. She sometimes takes an hour to finish a meal, and that's with lots of different toys and silly tactics from me. Should I just feed her for 1/2 hour max, and if she doesn't eat a lot, she'llmake up for it with the next meal? Is this what everyone else is doing?



I feed my DS until he starts "mucking" around, once he has lost interest, I usually wrap things up and don't worry if he hasn't had that much - after all the next meal is just around the corner! He usually takes around 1/2 hour at each meal.

If you decide to start a routine, I think you will have some "challenging" days, but I am sure it won't take you both long to get the hang of it. Hopefully your DH will be able to help!

I know this method isn't for everyone, but it works for us, so maybe it will work for you too. Good Luck :)

[natasha]

Hi there, just wandered across this thread! My DD is 14 months old and we really don't have much of a routine. Our day goes something like this;

Up round 7.30 -8 am
Breakfast about half an hr later.

snack round 10ish if she wants it.

Nap round 11 ish. She sleeps for about 2 hours, sometimes an hr and a half.

lunch whenever she gets up.

Dinner round 5 -6pm.

Bath about half an hour after dinner.

Bed between 7pm and 8pm.


She only has 1 nap now, she dropped it about a month ago (13months).

So she is awake from round 1ish to about 7.30 ish which is hard in the last hour because she is exhausted but it's better than letting her have a nap round 5ish because i'd end up like you with her going to bed round 11pm!:eek: and i like my 'me' time too much for that!

I do think it sounds like you should cut her down to one nap a day.

Try to put her down as late as possible for her nap, round 11.30 i think is ideal, let her sleep till round 2pm and then try your hardest to keep her up till 7pm. She will be really cranky but give it a go, its defo worth it to get your evenings to youself.

[kadownie]

I think you should do what works for you, your baby and your husband- not what people tell you you should be doing!

I can relate to your husband's style- my hubby is from the same background. Having a set time routine doesn't really suit my personality- it stresses me out to think that I have until 7pm to get my bubs to bed!! I do recognize that there is an order to the things that we do in the day- I just don't attach it to time! I've explained that to my hubby and he is a little more relaxed about the way I do things.

If you feel that you want to make changes, then try some- it can take a couple of days for a little one to settle in- but when I make changes I just go with the flow- see if it works, if it's not than try something else.

I've just night weaned my twins- (19 months) but there are nights that they wake- most of them- and depending on how things are- whether they've been sick, I'm tired etc- determines how I respond to their wakefulness- to feed or not to feed. I've had people tell me that I need to be consistent with it now- but really, I just judge every situation as it comes along!

this may be no help- but just wanted to put in my piece!

[big_mama]

Well, everyone's input has helped me get a real idea of what other "normal" people are doing out there, rather than stick to a set of "text book" rules, and stree out about it cos it doesn't always turn out so.

I think the initial terror I had about the "routine" thing was the interruption to my night sleep, and it was just easier to continue to breastfeed my daughter (even though she's 12.5 months old, yet still requires 1 to 2 night feed. However, I honestly think that I'm the only mother with a baby who sleeps about 10 hours a night :shame: and admitting this has helped me to be more determine to wean DD, and establish some sort of routine to let us all know where we stand. If this routine works, I think we'll get our "our time" back between me and DH, instead of having him as a reserve on the side, and when DD is asleep, then it's his turn to get some attention :crying:
Anyway, today will be the second day off the breast and off to bed early, and DD seems to be coping better than I thought. She'll have her whinge and cry about it, but she's exhausted shortly (10 mins) after, and dozes off.

Anyway, I'll keep at it but the situation is working out very nicely (touch wood! :rolleyes: ), thank God!

Ta all for sharing your experience, and pls feel free to add more comments......

[Foxy]

Hi big_mama, glad to hear some of your changes are already working. If you take your time, I sure you will develop the routines that work best for your bub, DH & yourself. :)

[Kamaikia]

I know I'm late jumping in on this one but anyway...
I'd say I have a mizture of routine and freestyle. My son wakes when he wants, eats when he wants and does just about everything when he wants. My routine side thought is set order of bath dinner play than bed at night. He usually goes down about 7 - 7:30. Sometimes earlier but never much later. To achieve this you simply have to cut that late afternoon sleep out. No sleeping in my house after 3 no matter how tired you are. You will find you will get a longer day sleep if you refuse the afternoon sleep. My boy has about 2 hours a day then a good 12 hours at night and he is 17 months old.
I still go out with my son. Every monday night we are out at sport until around 11pm. He will go to sleep later on this night but it doesn't affect his normal pattern. I think if you do it contuniously they understand that one night out of 7 is just that - one special night.
Oh and for the record how I cut my son down to one sleep - He was going down about 10 for an hour than about 3 for a bit so I made him last until 12 for his first sleep. Only took a few days and he got the hang of it.

[ladybug]

I love routines. It makes our life easier. My DD wakes up at around 7:30, has her breakfast, watches Bananas in Pjamas and Play School, eats her lunch at 11:30 then goes to bed at 12:00 pm. Wakes up between 2:30 to 3:00 PM. Then have some snack, and eat dinner at 6:00 PM. I give her a bath between 7:30-8:00 PM. Whil I am dressing her after bath, she watches Teletubbies ( thanks to the teletubbies otherwise she won't stay still ) Then we go to her room for our sleep time routine :D , then she goes to the bed at 9:00 PM.

These are things that are always the same. Between these hours, we play, go to the park etc etc. I didn't think that the other things like what she is going to play after she wakes up from her nap should be part of the routine. We do whatever we want to do.

[jessgray]

i dont have a routine i know roughly when DS wil need a nap and work round that each day :)i tired to havea routine but he didnt like it:laughing:

[big_mama]

I'm here to tell every1 good news. My DD is now totally off the breast, and onto the bottle, and off to bed by 9pm at the latest. She took to the change quite well and pretty much drama-free, way better than I thought she would handle.

I even tempted her with a breast feed a few times, and she looked at me with an unsure smirk on her face as if to say "Are you kidding? No way!" then kissed my breast and continued playing :D

It's so much nicer to have so much more time to myself :smiliedance:

[Foxy]

Hey Big_Mama that's fantastic news! Well done to you! :yelclap:

[CJJHRA]

I would let my first son sleep whenever he felt like most nights it was 11pm bed, 10am up :o

Not good when I put him in daycare, at 3, found it VERY hard to wake and get used to a routine.

I learnt the hard way, kids need it I do believe! but having said that, not a strict routine, else they become grumpy if its interupted.

My kids get to have a really late night Friday night (whenever they want as long as its by 11pm), and a semi late night tuesday night (9-9.30), the rest of the week, its bed, 8.30, (8.00 for the twins) no questions, school holidays included.

[Ange&Seth]

The only real routine DS has is he has his 'dinner' (solids/vegies) at about 6, then bath, bottle and bed. This means he's usually in bed by 7-7.30pm. During the day I just put him down when he's tired but usually he'll have a sleep about 2.30 everyday til probably 3.30-4. He sleeps at least 12 hours a night so that means I can still be up and doing things after he's gone to bed and still get to bed at a decent hour (don't look at the time of this post :o )

This works for us, but I know some people who are totally against routine and this works for them too.

Each to their own I reckon - whatever suits you and bub :D

[Baby Girl]

We freestyle through the day but we do have a routine for dinner, bath, bottle (DD2) and bed.

I have always followed my girls cues through the day but at night, when we are home, it is dinner at 6:30ish, then bath, bottle at 7:30ish for DD2 and bed at 8pm. DD1 gets to stay up until 8:30pm. When I go back to work and we have to get up earlier in the morning bedtime will be moved forward half an hour or so for both.

If we are out, they usually stay up later and it hasn't caused us any troubles because we have always tried to fit their routine around ours and it works for us! If we have 2 or 3 nights that are late ones then they might get a bit frazzled and maybe go to bed a half hour or so later for a couple of nights but it is not hard to get them back into routine again pretty quickly.