PLEASE HELP!! Tips to give help for SIL with new premmie bub...

[TeamAwesome]

Hi Ladies,
my SIL has just tonight had a premmie DS at 34+2 weeks so what can I do or get which you believe will help?

What helped you? I realise they'll probably be in hospital for a bit but how long?

I have 3 kids of my own so I unfortunately can't give a lot of actual time myself (with one of them sick so not going near bub anytime soon). Would organising a food delivery for when they arrive home be of help do you think?

I realise smaller clothes will be required bub is 5lb something, I know pumpkin patch has premmie stuff anywhere else?

Any tips you have I'd really appreciate girls as I have big on time or late babies so don't know about little and early arrivals.

Thanks in advance!

Natalie

[Mummy2R&K]

I'd say baby target and 00000 clothes :thumbsup:

[Sheer Bliss]

MY baby moe sling was my godsend. DS was 36weeks, but came home at 2.1kg (about 4lb 15oz i think) He was far too tiny to put in the pram, and IMO he wasn't meant to be out int he big bad world yet, so having him close to me (it was getting a bit cooler mid april) meant he had by warmth/heartbeat etc to keep him happy.

They do grow really quick, but are often long & skinny, so prem clothes are a better fit, as they seem to cater for the long skinny bubs. Target have some, and specialty baby shops, but they can be expensive too. Bonds 0000 grosuits fit DS by a few weeks old, and were great IMO.

That's all i can offer sorry - my babies weren't that prem, but I am sure others will be along with more help soon.

[mummysangels]

hi :wave:

My bub was 3 weeks early and was spot on 5lb (2310g). she is now 5 months old.

Target and pumpkin patch have 00000 cloths that fit perfectly, I found that Kmart and Big W were much larger sizes. But trust me bub won't stay that small for long :).

Once her baby boy reaches 2.5kgs they let them go home as long as there are no complications.

And the only other thing is they feed alot more, I was encouraged to feed (breast feed) my bub every 2 to 3 hours.

Good luck with it all I hope I helped

[TeamAwesome]

Thanks for the tips on clothes Ladies, will go out in the morning and buy some things for him.

Is there anything I could do supportive wise that you appreciated or would have liked while in hospital that some people wouldn't think to ask or offer? I realise she'll be busy with bub a lot with lots of feeds etc but just anything I could do to help SIL and BIL as first time mum and dad.

[blubber]

My SIL had my nephew at 29 weeks and weighed 1240g.

They were 400ks from their home town. I'm not sure what the demograhic is you are dealing with though.

We lived where she was having to be for 8 weeks before they could take hime home.

Being on the other end of the phone if you can't be there in person is a good one.

Eventually she will come home but i dare say bubs will have a little longer in hospital.
I must say bubs weight is pretty good.

Her days will be busy going back and forth to the hospital so any little thing will help.

Although i have never had a premmie i hope my experience helps.

[bAaM]

Hi Nat congratulations on become an Aunty:yelclap:

Have they got any other Kids you could help out with, maybe go and give her house a good clean or hire someone??

Just be there for a shoulder to cry on if need be.

Good luck hun.

Leashie:flowerz:

[Shakey]

congrats on being a auntie

I never got any help when I had my premmie, which made live very difficult, its lovely that you want to help

I would've been so greatfull if someone came to help with cleaning the house (when your tooing and frowing from the hospital all day there is just no time for that) also organising some easy quick meals for mum and dad and kids if they have any, when you've been at the hosp all day you really don't feel like cooking, maybe see if some other family members can do the same, maybe each of ya's can do a few meals each,

clothing wise you can get some clothes from target, i've seen clothes as small as 000000 in there, depending on if bubs is in a humidicrib or not is depending on if bub needs clothes, as they dont' need clothes in the humidicrib

[blubber]

Leashie has a good point with the house cleaning.

Perhaps do her a parcel of magazines, snacks, her favourite hand cream.

Although she will be feeding etc she will have down time at the hospital where she will need to take some time out.

Congratualtions too.:thumbsup:

[TeamAwesome]

Thaks Ladies,

THanks Ladies will do up a little treats basket for her I think...

This is their first and my kids would destroy her house as I cleaned IYKWIM as they have lots of pretty nicknacks everywhere and my 5mo is now mobile too so not enough hands to help out and watch them there but a good idea none the less I'll talk to younger SIL about that one.

SIL lives like 3mins drive if that away from the hospy so long as they don't transfer her and bub to Bris which depends on bub I guess but we're 30 mins from the hospital she birthed in and over an hour away from Bris so not suitable for accom, will keep in mind about phone calls though.

btw SIL I aren't overly close (no idea why we're just not) but I know how stressful having a first bub is let alone having a prem bub so want to help as much as one can with three munchkins aged 3 and under.

Thanks again girls!

[Shakey]

Nat maybe just help with food

do a big cook up and freeze it so then they have at least something to eat when they get home from the hospital, then thats one less thing they have to worry about

I probably wouldn't worry about doing a basket at this stage, maybe wait untill bubs is home, when she can relax

[mummysangels]

Nat maybe just help with food

do a big cook up and freeze it so then they have at least something to eat when they get home from the hospital, then thats one less thing they have to worry about

I probably wouldn't worry about doing a basket at this stage, maybe wait untill bubs is home, when she can relax


:iagree: I found it was hard to have time to cook with my prem bub, so i think cooking would be gr8. Gr8 idea Gizzy :thumbsup:

[bAaM]

btw SIL I aren't overly close (no idea why we're just not) but I know how stressful having a first bub is let alone having a prem bub so want to help as much as one can with three munchkins aged 3 and under.


This could be the time for u to get close:D
Maybe just show as much support as u can.

U could see if any of the other family would like to pitch in for a cleaner to come once a week for the next few weeks. You can normally get them for about 16p/h and 4 house a week would do alot to help, so maybe get everyone to chuck in for that??

[MyFourCubs]

MY baby moe sling was my godsend. DS was 36weeks, but came home at 2.1kg (about 4lb 15oz i think) He was far too tiny to put in the pram, and IMO he wasn't meant to be out int he big bad world yet, so having him close to me (it was getting a bit cooler mid april) meant he had by warmth/heartbeat etc to keep him happy.

.
My baby girl was delivered at 36 weeks weighing 4lb 13oz, 2.18 kg. Also born in April:) Was your bub IUGR?

Agree about having to keep bub warm and sling was great for that. Everybody bought my dd little outfits but most were too thin- warmer the better! They haven't got much body fat. Think it's great that you are putting so much thought into this esp. when you are not that close.

Read an article in pp mag this month about how difficult it is when you have a prem who isn't really considered "prem." eg, after 34 weeks. People don't tend to take it that seriously as you are always told that it is safe for bubs to be born at this stage, but it is still very hard. When they are small they have no suck reflex so feeding is difficult and they get so sleepy so you have to struggle to get them to feed. Weight gain is stressful. (Them -not you!:)) Depending on whether she had steroids or not, breathing can be an issue as lungs are not fully developed. I had wonderful friends who just inundated us with pressies and cards and prayers. That made the whole experience so much easier! Just being a friend is all you need to do.:yes:

[TeamAwesome]

Yeah I was thinking that it may help the relationship. :p

I certainly won't give unsolicited advice but just want to be available if needed, I've had three so do know a fair bit about babies but certainly won't push anything on her.

[TeamAwesome]

Thanks Sara,
I was going to aim for "warmer" things anyway but a good tip none the less to make me more aware! I was also going to get some wraps and stuff as well.

[Shakey]

Nat you should source some little hats, it was so anoying not having any hats to fit Alexis, all neborn ones would fall over her eyes or wouldn't stay on at all

[Nowhere]

Yeah I was thinking that it may help the relationship. :p

I certainly won't give unsolicited advice but just want to be available if needed, I've had three so do know a fair bit about babies but certainly won't push anything on her.

good idea as when your bub is in hospital the last thing you want to here is advice from mums that have there haelthy bubs at home KWIM

The idea of taking food up to her is a great idea

With clothes best bet are things that completly un buttun as its hard to get things on bubs with wires and tubes etc

Its really nice that you want to suport her, im sure it wil make you closer

[Cordelia]

when i had my prem baby i was so wrapped up in looking after her and stressing for her that I just hated anyone getting in the way of that. and i was too busy caring for DD that i didn't really care about myself... so somethign to help me relax (whilst I'm caring for baby) ... nice comfy clothes... moisturiser etc... food... house cleaned....

[TeamAwesome]

Thanks Ladies,

We visited them last night. He's so tiny and perfect. He's in a humidi crib as he's having issues breathing due to his earliness. SIL is in a bit of pain as you are after having a baby and they won't be getting that proper first cuddle for a few days at least until he's breathing on his own properly.

We spoilt him rotten with some tiny clothes he won't fit just yet (00000 much too big right now) and I have plans to do some more spoiling as the weeks go on ;) We took SIL up some food supplies too as she's obviously in Special Care more than her room atm. Her baby shower was due to be in 3 weeks so she doesn't have anything really yet other than the big things of cot and change table and a few other things and of course clothes in bigger sizes.

I plan to take up some more things for her in a couple of days again and have let her know I'm here to help in the limited ways I can.

Oh someone asked if bub was IUGR no he wasn't, she had a UTI and didn't realise and it took her into prem labour.

Thanks again for your tips Ladies!

Natalie

[pennylane]

It's so nice how willing to help her you are.

I had a prem baby last June she was born at 33weeks but was a tiny 2 pound 8 ounces (1152 grams).

Just some advice from a premmie mummys point of view: I dont know what kind of person your SIL is but while im sure she appreciates all the help.If she does happen to get a bit cranky at times or not want visitors,Dont take it to heart.It is SO tiring being in the NICU or special care that whilst its nice to know people love you and your baby.Sometimes all you want is for them to go away and leave you alone.Most of the time its taking every ounce of your energy just to be there for your baby and cope with the fear,dissapointment and even guilt that your feeling.Sometimes the last thing you want is visitors around,especially when theyre telling you 'oh he/she will be home before you know it,they'll be fine etc' That was the most frustrating thing to hear for me.especially when the visitors could then get up and go back to their lives and I was left knowing she Might not be fine and trust me days seem like weeks in NICU.

I hope you dont think Im having a go at you or anything.I think its beautiful what your doing. I just want to prepare you so incase shes not acting like herself over the next few weeks you'll have a bit of insight into whats going on in her head.

Oh another tip. If its at all possible try not to bring your children into the nursery if they are small or you have a baby. People did that to me and even though i love kids and I love my niece,my SIL brought her baby into the special care nursery and It really made me sad.and jealous because all i wanted was to hold my daughter and be able to walk out of the hospital with her and it almost felt like SIL was flaunting her DD in front of me.

Having a prem really messes with your emotions :yes:.

Hope I helped.

[paige1]

hi congratulations on being an aunty!!
my daughter was born at 27 weeks.so we were in hospital for 3 months.
the one thing i regreted not doing was our birth announcement.at the time i didnt care about it i had bigger things to worry about.but if she doesnt have one yet maybe you could organise that?
i had my daughter 4 days after my bday and i was given a hairdresser voucher.i didnt use it strait away but once i was travelling to the hospital everyday it was fantastic to feel nice again.just a break from all the stress.

there is a small company in the uk that makes 0000 0000 clothing.im sorry i dont even know the name of it but ill try to find out!they were amazing.in the begining they didnt fit but once she was big enough to fit them but too small to fit even 000000 from target they were great.just dont buy zips,because the clothes are so big zips scratch there faces ect alot more than once the baby is bigger.i learnt that the hard way.

another thing that made a huge difference was someone brought me a pair of good slippers.something so simple made all the difference.for now when she is down sc all the time, later when she is getting up for 2/3 hour feeds, and again at home.

cooking food and cleaning will help her so much she will be so drained by the time she gets home that half an hour of your time cooking would make her day soo much easier.but dont do it on your own , call in a few favours.

hope i was of some help.
good luck!

[bellalika]

When i had DS, 00000 clothes from Target fit the best.

I was traveling 25 min to hospital and then back again twice a day and found that a word search book came in handly inbetween feeds as that was all i could concentrate on. My mum also made a whole heap of dinners and put them in the freezer for me so that I could just defrost and re-heat when needed. She also washed all the linen for us and remade the bed so that it was all nice for when Logan came home.

A friend got the key from my mum and the same day we came home made sure we had milk and bread so we didn't have to go out and made us a cake. It was a lovely, thoughtful gesture.

[Shajbm]

Hi there,

Congratulations on the birth of your nephew.

Ben and Matthew were born at 32wks +1 day. Matthew was on CPAP and then they were both in the SCN for just over 5 weeks.

Those first few hours and days are the hardest. Does your SIL drink coffee or eat fruit? When my SIL came to visit she brought me a real coffee and sent me some real fruit(cos the hospy fruit is aweful).

There is a lot of good advice given here. Having experienced it personally, you could perhaps offer to drive her in, so that she doesn't have to stress about that. Just helping with the little things like ironing making some meals etc are all very helpful.

The thing I found the most helpful was being able to talk about the experience. I really didn't know what I wanted once they were born, but thanks to a fantastic friend, I was able to talk about how I was feeling and she helped me see light at the end of the tunnel.

It's a very overwhelming experience and only those who have travelled it will understand. Saying things like "he'll be right" and "oohh he's so small" may seem trivial to most but to a premmie mum, it can be what we hang onto.

Good on you for wanting to help. Also don't only ask how the baby is doing, ask how she is doing too. People tend to forget about us parents and how we may be feeling and coping.

I hope his time in NICU and SCN is a speedy one, and that he is home with his wonderful parents in no time. I'm sending lots of positive vibes his way.


My baby girl was delivered at 36 weeks weighing 4lb 13oz, 2.18 kg. Also born in April:) Was your bub IUGR?

Agree about having to keep bub warm and sling was great for that. Everybody bought my dd little outfits but most were too thin- warmer the better! They haven't got much body fat. Think it's great that you are putting so much thought into this esp. when you are not that close.

Read an article in pp mag this month about how difficult it is when you have a prem who isn't really considered "prem." eg, after 34 weeks. People don't tend to take it that seriously as you are always told that it is safe for bubs to be born at this stage, but it is still very hard. When they are small they have no suck reflex so feeding is difficult and they get so sleepy so you have to struggle to get them to feed. Weight gain is stressful. (Them -not you!:)) Depending on whether she had steroids or not, breathing can be an issue as lungs are not fully developed. I had wonderful friends who just inundated us with pressies and cards and prayers. That made the whole experience so much easier! Just being a friend is all you need to do.:yes:

I agree, it must have been hard for you to have a 36weeker and face some of the problems that I faced re breastfeeding and sleepiness etc. How is your baby now and how are you?

[TeamAwesome]

Thanks Ladies for sharing your experiences!

I did take my kids up when he was one day old but would never take them into special care with me. The only thing I said to her was that "he is a gorgeous, perfect baby; he's small right now but he'll grow in no time." I always ask how she was going as I know what that's like having people only asking how baby is.

She was actually put into the ward with him last night, yes that right out of special care in a week! She'll be there tonight as well and depending on how they're going could be going home tomorrow night with him.

I've not been back up as my kids have been sick so wouldn't want to pass that on to her or her beautiful boy and wanted to give her some space but will go visit with DH once he's home at the end of the week.

As I said I did take up some fresh fruit for her in my first trip and I am going to arrange a few more food things for her when we go to visit next.

MIL and a few others have been taking care of most meals for SIL and her DH so they've been ok for food.

[pennylane]

oh thats so wonderful! Going into the ward with my baby was the best day of my life after 6 long weeks of dd being in hospy.

[Shajbm]

That's fantastic news. How exciting and nervewracking all at the same time

I look forward to hearing the updates