Would you call Welfare?

[becca022]

I live on the corner of 2 pretty small streets & up the road on the other street from the one I live on there is this woman who every night without fail is always yelling & swearing at her kids, this morning my DP said he heard her yell at one of her kids & said 'see how you like it', then the child started screaming.
Would you call welfare on them? We're considering it & so are our nextdoor neighbours.
Poor little kids. :(

[onemummmy]

no I would not

[bubbleyblossom]

I'd call welfare definately, it doesnt sound like a safe environment for the children at all! Those poor kids!

[MummaBear03]

Most of my street are like that and when I first moved in, I did but was told it was a waste of time. They are not harming their children in any way I was told, and there's no law to say they can't talk to their kids in that way. They would call a little 12 month old an effing c--- and on one occasion they were outside and she called him that when he touched the hose then when he went back near the tap again she turned the hose on him and made him cry :( but the lady I spoke to told me not to be too judgemental, there's no law regarding how a parent is to speak to children, and certainly no law on hosing kids off in the backyard, regardless of the reason. I hear them from inside my home talking to kids that way but I know there's nothing I can do about it. One of my neighbours told their 3 year old she should never have been born and she's the pain in their @rse they cannot get rid of, they swear constantly, I have to keep reminding my child we don't use those words. I mean, it's up to you, but that's what I was told.

[OJandMe]

I don't think I would either.

Maybe go over and see if she needs a hand.

I know I've said the same thing to my kids, and they've screamed, but in reality all I've done is reposses a toy which they snatched off one of the other kids.

Or not let him out of his bedroom by holding the door shut, because that's what he was doing to his brother.

I don't think things should be taken on 'word value' ... check it out.

(but swearing at children is definitely not on)

[Kachow]

I have called the police on the lady a few houses away. She was yelling and screaming at her kids , calling them all sorts of horrible names. The police came, talked to her and I havent heard her do it again.

Maybe call the police

[summermummy]

i would call and make a complaint, if there is something serious going on over there and the unthinkable happened you would never forgive yourself. they will record what you have seen/heard and may look into it,.
i also agree if you thought you could pop over and talk to the mother, though i think if she's carrying on like that she may be less than approachable!

[subaruforestermum]

I don't think I would either.

Maybe go over and see if she needs a hand.

I know I've said the same thing to my kids, and they've screamed, but in reality all I've done is reposses a toy which they snatched off one of the other kids.

Or not let him out of his bedroom by holding the door shut, because that's what he was doing to his brother.

I don't think things should be taken on 'word value' ... check it out.

(but swearing at children is definitely not on)

I tend to agree, if this is something people base calling welfare on, without actually seeing what is going on first hand then I would have child welfare on my door step quite often.

As if I turn DS's dvd off when he is being naughty, and not watching it, he runs in screaming his head off....or if I take a toy away from him after he has snatched it....He will scream and cry...

If I walk away because I am angry, he will follow screaming mummy mummy, then a high pitched scream as though I hit him.....

I sometimes wonder what the neighbours think when they hear it.

And I have been known to swear when frustrated over something wrong he has done, I'm not perfect, but if someone called doc's without knowing what actually went on in my house, I would be seriously p!ssed.

You cant evaluate the situation based on the words used....it may not be ok, but she may be struggling with no help.....who knows....

[MummaBear03]

I tend to agree, if this is something people base calling welfare on, without actually seeing what is going on first hand then I would have child welfare on my door step quite often.

As if I turn DS's dvd off when he is being naughty, and not watching it, he runs in screaming his head off....or if I take a toy away from him after he has snatched it....He will scream and cry...

If I walk away because I am angry, he will follow screaming mummy mummy, then a high pitched scream as though I hit him.....

I sometimes wonder what the neighbours think when they hear it.

And I have been known to swear when frustrated over something wrong he has done, I'm not perfect, but if someone called doc's without knowing what actually went on in my house, I would be seriously p!ssed.

You cant evaluate the situation based on the words used....it may not be ok, but she may be struggling with no help.....who knows....
I never thought of that. This scenario has no doubt happened to many of us on many occasions. I know the other morning I was running late for work and after 20 minutes of sitting in front of her breakfast, I needed my child to get dressed so I took away her breakfast (which she'd told she "I will NOT eat my breakfast EVER) and then she screamed, I dressed her like you would dress a baby and screamed at her to hurry up and help me get the clothes on and she let out a huge scream saying "LET GO OF ME MUMMY!" then cried and kept screaming. Not sure what the neighbours thought of that, all I was doing was dressing her so she didn't go to daycare naked.

[~Emmylou~]

I tend to agree, if this is something people base calling welfare on, without actually seeing what is going on first hand then I would have child welfare on my door step quite often.

As if I turn DS's dvd off when he is being naughty, and not watching it, he runs in screaming his head off....or if I take a toy away from him after he has snatched it....He will scream and cry...

If I walk away because I am angry, he will follow screaming mummy mummy, then a high pitched scream as though I hit him.....

I sometimes wonder what the neighbours think when they hear it.

And I have been known to swear when frustrated over something wrong he has done, I'm not perfect, but if someone called doc's without knowing what actually went on in my house, I would be seriously p!ssed.

You cant evaluate the situation based on the words used....it may not be ok, but she may be struggling with no help.....who knows....

I agree, it's very hard to know whats going on behind closed doors.

Pretty much everyone with toddlers has a brain snap occasionally, and as for the "see how you like it" thing I'd be careful there.

My DD has taken toys off my DS and he's started screaming his head off, I've taken the toy off her and asked how how she liked it, then both of them are screaming blue murder at the top of their lungs.

I'd be trying to get a bit better idea of what's going on rather than dragging welfare in on nothing but speculation.

[bAaM]

I don't think I would either.

Maybe go over and see if she needs a hand.

I know I've said the same thing to my kids, and they've screamed, but in reality all I've done is reposses a toy which they snatched off one of the other kids.

Or not let him out of his bedroom by holding the door shut, because that's what he was doing to his brother.

I don't think things should be taken on 'word value' ... check it out.

(but swearing at children is definitely not on)

:iagree: I yell at my kids all the time, i have even sworn a few times (but not at them just in frustration) I think maybe she could use some help.

I wouldnt call welfare unless she was saying things that were harmfull like " I will lock u in a cupboard" or "Do it again and i will burn u again" (yes i have heard these things for an old neighbour)

Or unless u see her doing something.

I love my kids with every thing i have but sometimes i just get so frustrated i yell at them and would hope i'm not alone.

[Refresh]

i would call and make a complaint, if there is something serious going on over there and the unthinkable happened you would never forgive yourself. they will record what you have seen/heard and may look into it,.
i also agree if you thought you could pop over and talk to the mother]!


I agree:yes:

[Refresh]

Although, yeah....it is a tough one....they shouldnt be speaking to their kids this way..poor things....if you can go over and befriend her first that would be great...that way you will get abetter feel for whats going on. If your neighbours are also worried then that says something though....hmm tough one....there is a family on this street and my friend has witnessed some horrible things at their place...but she doesnt know what to do...if she calls they will know it was her....and things are OK most of the time.....so hard:(

[Penthesilea]

Can you find out what services are in the area she could use that would help her - like Good Beginnings, or parenting classes - maybe ask at your baby clinic for advice - and then pop around to your neighbours, maybe invite her over for afternoon tea, and let her know about the services that could help her, or offer her a book about guiding children's behaviour that you have found useful.

So, without accusing her of anything, and with empathy about how tough it is to live with kids, give her some information that could help.

[chrysalis]

no, I wouldn't unless there was clear evidence of physical abuse

the authorities have far more serious concerns to attend to

it may also make her resent welfare services and not access them if she really needs them

If I was sincerely concerned would offer to give her time out (babysit), or put brochures in her letter box about services that could help. But that was if I was genuinely concerned for her/the kids welfare and not just "offended" by "inappropriate" language

the way someone else raises their kids is really no one else's business, unless the kids are seriously at risk of harm (bad language/raised voices isn't great, but isn't really considered serious harm)

[Penthesilea]

Btw, in Sweden, it is illegal to call your kids names.

[Mum&bubs]

Nope, I wouldn't :no: Unless I had CLEAR proof that something serious was going on, then nope I wouldn't. I have had my neighbours call the police on me 3 times because my kids were having TANTRUMS, I wasn't yelling/screaming/swearing at them or anything, they were just screaming because thats just what kids do when they want something they can't have or want to do something that they aren't allowed to etc... It was not a nice feeling. I was completely shocked and horrified that anyone would even think I would hurt my children.

Try befriending her, maybe she is extremely stressed out or something.

[wild at heart]

I tend to agree, if this is something people base calling welfare on, without actually seeing what is going on first hand then I would have child welfare on my door step quite often.

As if I turn DS's dvd off when he is being naughty, and not watching it, he runs in screaming his head off....or if I take a toy away from him after he has snatched it....He will scream and cry...

If I walk away because I am angry, he will follow screaming mummy mummy, then a high pitched scream as though I hit him.....

I sometimes wonder what the neighbours think when they hear it.

And I have been known to swear when frustrated over something wrong he has done, I'm not perfect, but if someone called doc's without knowing what actually went on in my house, I would be seriously p!ssed.

You cant evaluate the situation based on the words used....it may not be ok, but she may be struggling with no help.....who knows....
But if there were other issues and it was during the middle of the night and in conjunction with other concerns eg no food 9I have heard of children having to ask neighbours for food etc), then maybe contact.

You never know if your info adds to other small pieces of information. Even if nothing happens now, if there are other concerns in future then the authorities would have a good picture of what's happening for the family.

I would think though that other information about the impact on the children would be important information to know (even though you may not know anymore)...:confused:

[subaruforestermum]

But if there were other issues and it was during the middle of the night and in conjunction with other concerns eg no food 9I have heard of children having to ask neighbours for food etc), then maybe contact.

You never know if your info adds to other small pieces of information. Even if nothing happens now, if there are other concerns in future then the authorities would have a good picture of what's happening for the family.

I would think though that other information about the impact on the children would be important information to know (even though you may not know anymore)...:confused:

That's true, but what happens if it is nothing overly serious and this poor mother gets hung out to dry and treated as something she is not, in the case that people made assumptions...If I witnessed them asking for food, they looked malnourished, then that along with what I have heard yes I may consider calling, but not based on hearing things, when I don't know what has really gone on in that situation.

If these children looked in good health, then what would be the point in calling and making a report. OK so that stays on the books for how long, then someone else makes a false claim over an assumption they have made, and then it escalates further...

If someone reported me to DOCS over the stuff they hear, and not see then I would be mad at the whole freakin world, and especially the neighbours who would be the obvious people to have reported something and make their life hell... Especially since my son is well fed, well treated, has anything he could ask for from us, not just our love but toys, books, he is smart, but throws typical tantrums, and that's what people hear and would report me for.....

There is always more to the story than what is 'heard', peoples lives get ruined by people making assumptions that society makes over 1 thing heard.

I cant help but consider that someone might dob me in for what they hear, when what they hear is nothing but DS not getting his own way and me often getting frustrated.....which may be happening in this ladies situation... We dont know so we cant make a judgement as to dob her in or not..

[tyler's mum]

Is she beating them:confused: some people are just yeller. I know iam if my neighbours called the police every time i scream or yelled they would be out here all the time.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

the way someone else raises their kids is really no one else's business, unless the kids are seriously at risk of harm (bad language/raised voices isn't great, but isn't really considered serious harm)

Also not considered serious harm by certain representatives of the welfare dept: smoking in the car with kids, smoking in your house with kids not considered serious harm, leaving older siblings to look after younger ones, letting kids walk home from school without adult supervision...makes me wonder who looks out for those kids?...

It is hard to know when to cross the line...lots of good advice here...but in reality if the mother doesnt see she is doing anything wrong then will anything make any difference? I just think its a really sad world where abuse (verbal or physical) isnt the communitys business and where people can damage their children without anyone feeling they can report it...maybe it is the system that is to blame...the fact that welfare are a bit heavy handed at times...I would just keep an eye on it, make it your business to make sure it doesnt escalate...then if it does get worse and worse look at contacting someone...

[becca022]

Thanks for the replies everyone.
My neighbour ended up calling them & apparently they're already pretty well known to DOCS. I don't know whats going to happen now.

[Skittles]

I agree with everyone saying go over there. SHe might just need a friend. Adult company anything. I know i yell at my DD alot (DS is too young but i am sure he will get yelled at eventually :D ). And i even had a neighbour come over and check on me. I had yelled at her and sent her to her room. She then screamed for ages at the top of her lungs. They came to see what was happening before calling the police and i let them in and they saw she was fine. Just being a bit of a brat at the time. Dont be too quick to judge. Go over and if you still think it warrents a complaint then do it