Clique at Kindy at 3.5yrs?

[Mahjong]

Thought I would get some advice before I speak to the Kindy teacher.

The last week or two Ive noticed that Wyatt's mate "X" is starting to form a lil "clique" with a few boys in the Kindy (Wyatt also gets along with these boys, there's three of them)

This morning when I dropped him off, he saw another friend "Y", he ran up to "Y" and as soon as "X"saw Wyatt running to "Y", he bolted over and said ""Y" is MY friend Wyatt, not yours" and then took "Y"away from Wyatt and wouldn't let him play :mad:

Does this happen at Kindy already? I was so heartbroken for Wy Might be preggy hormones, but Wyatt just stood there lost. Everytime Wyatt goes to play with a person from this "clique" "X" gives him the same speil and takes the friend off to play somewhere else.

I did ask the Kindy teacher this morning if "X"and Wyatt had a falling out and she said that they are still hanging out, just that "X" is finding more friends etc other than Wyatt, but I dont see why "X"would just act like this? :confused:

Call me sensitive, I just want my baby boy to have a good time at Kindy and have his mates too :crying:

Wyatt's not a bad kid either, sure, he isn't perfect with behaviour (What child is??) but he really doesn't have a bad bone in his body. :no:

Thanks in advance.

[Ffrenchknickers]

It is hard isnt it....when my DS went to kindy i t happened as well....it is heartbreaking...years later though, seeing the bigger picture, it kinda happens to all kids at some stage...my eldest is now not the type at all to be left out or picked on, so it seems weird that I ever saw him being left out (he is more of a leader.)

I do believe that this stuff doesnt happen as much when the kids are more closely supervised....How is the supervision at the kindy? I believe that this kind of social development needs to be guided more than it perhaps is in alot of these school type environments. I dont believe that 3 year olds can work it out by themselves.

Maybe use it as a good oppotunity to chat to your boy about how it feels to be left out and use it as a learning experience so that he never does it to anyone else IYKWIM. The couple of times it did happen to my son has certainly given him a great amount of empathy for other kids who might be being left out.

I am sure it will pass...can you organise some one on one playdates with his mates....or find out who else he has been playing with? I know how heartbreaking it can be:hugs:

[Mahjong]

Thank you Ffrenchstar :hugs:

They are watched quite closely at this Kindy, that's why I placed him there. The other Kindy was terrible at supervision :thumbsdown:

He has been asking us a LOT this last week "Mum/Dad, you still my friend?" up until this morning, we had NO idea where that was coming from :(

I would love to organise a play date or two with the kids, except they all work during the week, luckily I have some lovely bub hubbers that I catch up with when Wyatt's not at Kindy, he has a great time with all these kids outside Kindy and gets along great with them all, so when I saw this happen this morning, it really floored me as he gets along with anyone!

Luckily, Wyatt will see another lil one at Kindy crying etc when their parent leave for the day and he will go over and ask them to play. But I will chat to him again this afternoon about playing with other kids etc who are feeling left out and making sure they are joining in on the fun.

I dont suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a chat to his teachers about the issue?

[Little Gorilla]

If that happened with my DS it would upset me too - pregnant or not !!!!

But....I would say that is just the way things are - maybe Wy's kindy teachers could encourage him to make friends with some other kids? Or give him a special job of welcoming the new little ones that come to the centre or the kids that look sad in the mornings?

My DS has a new "best friend" every month - they tend to swap and change quite a bit at this age.

Try not to stress about it (easier said than done)!

[Ffrenchknickers]

SOunds like you are raising a beautiful boy there:hugs: He will be fine...it is hard to see it as just a moment in time....it really is though and soo n things will be back to 'normal' again....he is lucky that you pay so much attention and want to help him...he will do just great. It's wonderful they supervise them so much....have another chat to the teacher, they might not have noticed as much as you do because you're his mumma and much more emotionally involved....If they know about it they can help too.

Ahhh, the joys of them getting older...when they are babies and young toddlers, its like everybody loves them and they have that to rely on, then they grow up a bit and learn that this may not be the case...such a hard thing to learn (probably harder for the mummy to watch though!):hugs:

All the best!

[WorkingClassMum]

This does happen at Kinders and Child Care Centres - and it happens so quickly as well

I'd speak to the kinder teacher ASAP so that they can nip it in the bud.

There's a girl at our kinder who's had to be "counselled" due to her devisive attitude and purly b!tchy manner.

[Mahjong]

Thanks Ladies, I really appreciate the input :hugs:

For a moment, I really did think I was being an overprotective mother :laughing:

Hopefully he will have a good day today, I will pop in and see the teacher before he sees me this afternoon and have a chat to her about it. Hopefully we can encourage him to make a broader group of friends etc. All the other kids did say Hi to him this morning before the ringleader of the clique saw what was happening. Hopefully also we can get the ringleaders parents to have a chat to him and also make him understand what's going on. I know his parents and they are lovely, lovely people. Im sure they would have a chat to him in an instant over what's happening. Hopefully we'll nip it in the bud ASAP.

Im hoping it's really just a stage that they are all going through, it really does bring back memories of when I was in school, always on the outside looking in :crying:

I will pop in later tonight and let you know how I went talking to the teachers :thumbsup:

Thank you so much again :hugs:

[grass is always greener]

Beth- Wy sounds like a really sweet little man. I wish there was a kid like that when i went to school.
Atm i would worry too much about it. If it continues then i would mention something again to the staff. Just ask Wy if anything happened between him and X. It might something as simple as Wy used the last of the yellow paint and X wanted it. :hugs: i hope its as simple as that.

[Mahjong]

Thanks Lib :hugs:

He did mentioned that he did have a "fight" with "X' last week at Kindy, however, when I asked his teacher this morning about it, she said they didn't have a fight and she was just as confused, so have no idea what went down.

As you said, it could have been something as simple as using the wrong colour paint or crayon!

[TwoSweetPeas]

Hey lovey, it sucks doest it! one day they in, the next theyre out, at 3 lol.

Some kids just socialise really well and "naturally" with all the kids (like wy) and some need some guidence and coaching. Maybe next time it happens dont let the little boy run off. Can you explain to him that thats not a very nice way to behave and he wouldnt like it if wy did this to him iykwim. (not in a telling off kinda of way).

Id be pretty peved if I knew that maddi was behaving like this and id want to know.

Its a good thing youre a super lovely mummy and a great roll model for wy. It is hard because of the age :fingerscrossed: it doesnt happen with the girls for another few years yet lol.

[Ana Gram]

My DD is like this. I don't know if other mum's think she is awful because of it. DD is very attatched to one friend and gets upset if she plays with someone else. They both cry if they can't sit with each other or if one isn't there.

[Mahjong]

Hey lovey, it sucks doest it! one day they in, the next theyre out, at 3 lol.

Some kids just socialise really well and "naturally" with all the kids (like wy) and some need some guidence and coaching. Maybe next time it happens dont let the little boy run off. Can you explain to him that thats not a very nice way to behave and he wouldnt like it if wy did this to him iykwim. (not in a telling off kinda of way).

Id be pretty peved if I knew that maddi was behaving like this and id want to know.

Its a good thing youre a super lovely mummy and a great roll model for wy. It is hard because of the age it doesnt happen with the girls for another few years yet lol.

Thanks hun :hugs: Wyatt's looking forward to Maddi's party on Saturday too :thumbsup:

Chellegoth, these boys used to be the same, but they both started to make friends with these other boys, and then all of a sudden "X" said Wyatt couldn't play with them anymore :(

[Mahjong]

OK, I had a chat to the Kindy teacher this afternoon.

All is good, Wyatt had a good day with the boys in the group.

She explained that "X" and Wyatt are starting to branch out into other groups and are making friends with the other kids, and sometimes "X" can become very territorial over these boys etc. Once the teachers spot this and explain to him that it's not on, then "X" gets over it and it's like nothing has happened. This morning was just a little spot fire in regards to the "clique" they are usually quite good within the group and get along quite well. She mentioned that Wyatt partakes in this group well and there's nothing to worry about. Wyatt and "X" were playing together this afternoon when I picked him up and "X" actually came up and said goodbye to him etc... so I guess it was a lil tiff they had :laughing:

She did mention that once Wyatt spots a lil friend to play with, he thinks that this lil person is the only friend he's allowed to have and tends to think that that person is his only friend. So we're currently in the process of explaining to him that he can have more than one friend at a time. What we are going to do is ask him after Kindy who his lil friends are and get him to say all their names etc.

So phew, I'm very glad that Wyatt is happy with his mates and with his Kindy. Im also very relieved that his Kindy teachers have been monitoring the situation quite well and nip it in the bud quickly when a problem arises.

Thank you all again for the great advice :hugs:

[MummaBear03]

It happens so young doesn't it. I am sad to say that even when we do watch them and know it happens, we can't force children to play with one another. If a child or a group of children are not including another child in their play we are not able to make them. What I've found works is whole-group games such as the parachute with balls, or chasing bubbles around, or rolling a ball to one another, also Who Stole the Cookie From The Cookie Jar, or Doggie Doggie Where's Your Bone. That way it's the whole group and kids aren't being left out, but we aren't forcing children to specifically play with one another. When this happened really bad in my group (4 to 5 year olds, boy it was like a bunch of 12 year old girls!) I had longer group times and made sure there were plenty of activities out. I'd call over 3 at a time to do art and try to put 2 girls with another girl they wouldn't normally play with, or 3 children together that wouldn't play with one another. It gets conversation flowing, encourages discussions about what they're doing, they also may need to ask another child for things such as a paint when they've finished, or to pass the glue and so on and that way they are communicating their needs to a child they wouldn't normally have spoken to. Worked well for that group of girls. Boy, you'd be blown away by some of the things that went on with certains "cliques" in that class! :shame:

[Mahjong]

I was so surprised as to how quick these groups form and from what age. OMG, I thought it didn't happen until they were in older years of primary :laughing:

I have explained to Wyatt about making more than one friend etc, he seems to be picking up on that and even volunteered his friends names to his dad this afternoon when he got home :)

Ive also explained that there are always "new" kids at Kindy, so he can keep a look out for them and make friends with the new kids and also help them make friends as they are new.

[MummaBear03]

I was so surprised as to how quick these groups form and from what age. OMG, I thought it didn't happen until they were in older years of primary :laughing:

I have explained to Wyatt about making more than one friend etc, he seems to be picking up on that and even volunteered his friends names to his dad this afternoon when he got home :)

Ive also explained that there are always "new" kids at Kindy, so he can keep a look out for them and make friends with the new kids and also help them make friends as they are new.
:goodvibes: That's wonderful you are teaching him that, it's giving him good values for life.

I'm so lucky with my daughter, she will play with whoever happens to be there, and if she doesn't want to then she's happy to play on her own as well. She doesn't just go along with the crowd either, if they want to do something that she doesn't want to do she just won't do it. I've heard them say "If you don't do this we won't be your friend" and she's come back with "That's ok you don't have to be my friend" and walks off. So lucky with that.

I have seen kids at the age of 8 shaving their legs and wearing make-up to after school care because they won't to fit in as well as stand out. They take a change of clothes to get dressed in and it's the latest designer clothing. All that just to fit in with the group at the age of 8 and even younger. We still have some control over it when they are under school age, but limited control when they are of school age :(

[Kazamataz]

Thought I would get some advice before I speak to the Kindy teacher.

The last week or two Ive noticed that Wyatt's mate "X" is starting to form a lil "clique" with a few boys in the Kindy (Wyatt also gets along with these boys, there's three of them)

This morning when I dropped him off, he saw another friend "Y", he ran up to "Y" and as soon as "X"saw Wyatt running to "Y", he bolted over and said ""Y" is MY friend Wyatt, not yours" and then took "Y"away from Wyatt and wouldn't let him play :mad:

Does this happen at Kindy already? I was so heartbroken for Wy Might be preggy hormones, but Wyatt just stood there lost. Everytime Wyatt goes to play with a person from this "clique" "X" gives him the same speil and takes the friend off to play somewhere else.

I did ask the Kindy teacher this morning if "X"and Wyatt had a falling out and she said that they are still hanging out, just that "X" is finding more friends etc other than Wyatt, but I dont see why "X"would just act like this? :confused:

Call me sensitive, I just want my baby boy to have a good time at Kindy and have his mates too :crying:

Wyatt's not a bad kid either, sure, he isn't perfect with behaviour (What child is??) but he really doesn't have a bad bone in his body. :no:

Thanks in advance.

I work in childcare and this is perfectly normal behavior.

Its not nice to see or fair that it's happening to your son.

But it's very very common.

If I was in the teachers position, actually I was in this position just today.

The first thing I always do and most common thing I say "Hey we are all friends here at kindy."
And encourage the "bully" (i don't really want to label him as that but for lack of better word)
to allow everyone to play.

And then the second thing is as their teacher I can't force kids to play with one an other and they have to make up their own minds.

So in that case I would encourage your little man to play with someone else.

And if it was a case where no one was playing with him.

I'd get him to be my "special helper" and make a big deal out of him helping me do something.
Its amazing how fast they all start running and want to be a special helper too.
They get included back in the group in a flash.

I would talk to his teacher about it and ask what she has done about the sistuation .

As parents you should never be afraid to ask the hard questions of your children's carers.

:hugs: and good luck with it all.

[Nowhere]

ohh poor lttile man hope they nicely next week

[Mahjong]

Thanks Ladies :hugs:

Hopefully tomorrow they will all start off in a good way. Im 100% sure that at their age, they dont know about "feelings" as much as what we adults do etc. It's all part of their development and learning I guess.

It just really floored me. I spoke to Mum this morning about it and she said that it happened when we were that age, and it was always another kids turn at the start of each morning.

I'll be making sure that Wyatt isn't one of the followers where they do exclude a kid from the group for the day.