Same issue....different people. Again.

[pookiesossige]

I just have to get this out.... alert: selfish posting ahead :D

I've been the only anti-circumcision person in a room full of women before... and the comments have played over and over in my mind for ages before I've finally moved on. One particular time, it took months before I moved on. But they've just been people at a dinner party that I wasn't friends with, or people I've known for short periods of time.

Now I have this awesome group of girls I've known for a year now, and I see a few of them 2-3 times a week with our kids. They really are my only friends, and we've been getting along great- I see them at church, playgroup, even went out for several margarita's with one the other night :D They are real friends.

But just today... the topic of circumcision comes up and I (quietly) came to understand as the discussion unfolded - very briefly before we all moved on - that my friends all seem to believe that it's in the best interests of the baby/child/adult to have them circumcised.

I'm at a loss. I've realized that this is going to happen all my life- as unkind as I think circumcision is, I'm going to like people who have circumcised their children, or at least find out that they did long after we have grown close as friends. We all have SO MUCH in common in EVERY other area of our lives.... but this.

I have to deal with it!! I want to be at peace with my friends, but not on the condition that I 'have it out with them'. I don't want to talk about it with them, I don't want to discuss it- it's been done and I want to move on. But it's SOOO hard because I can't get it out of my head!!! I need to deal with it myself- that's just life, no point feel bitter... yanno?

Thanks :) Feeling a bit better already....

[Roopee]

Quite a few of my friends have their boys circ'd. They dont see it like i do- they see it as uncirc'd being unkind.
As i have the oldest boy it was me who kinda coped it from them about not doing it.
I also got comments from one of them about 'no son of mine will have a sock c*ck" Thats exactly what he says to me and my reply to him is well i "hope you only have girls then" So far i've wished right- they have 4 girls.

Its something that i have to agree not to talk about when im in their company- it gets too heated, with us all trying to defend our decisions etc etc.

I still have these friends- i just dont talk doodles with them.

I know its hard though but i guess it's like anything (even though it's not)- not everyone will have the same reasonings so we all just have to try to agree to disagree.

And now i've rambled:ecomcity:

[MummaBear03]

I have not come across this before as people I know either are anti-circ or I'm not friends with them enough to talk about such topics with them. I do feel that way about controlled crying though and cannot for the life of me understand why there would be a need for it, and I've stopped talking to certain people because they believe what I did was wrong, and that's having a baby-led routine. I see them as forcing something upon the baby that only confuses and upsets the baby, whereas they see it as me allowing my child to run the house and our lives. I know that's not the case, but another example of how people can see things totally different to one another. Breast vs Formula is another one, some people cannot understand why a person would deny a child breastmilk, and other people just can't understand why you'd give breastmilk without being able to be sure of what's in it or how much the baby is getting each feed. They are all topics best avoided, and they are all topics that whichever way a person feels, they feel strongly and will not be swayed. Just like the circumcision decision parents make. I know you just wanna ram the facts down their throats about it and show them that it's an absolutely pointless procedure (and doesn't make sex any better either!) and just causes a lot of pain for no reason at all for the bubba but you really can't do that, they've made up their minds and chances are no matter what you say they will not change their mind.

[xkwzit]

I want to remind ppl of the guidelines for language (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=120819) used when posting in any of the circ sections. Some earlier posts have been edited, any more in this thread that require editing will receive infractions.

Cheers

[grass is always greener]

You may have to just say that you have different opinion to them, as we are all human and dont all think the same. You dont wish the conversation to go any further, that you just wanted to get it out and let them know where you stand.
If you cannot do that, you can always post away in here and have the arguement with some of the pro-circumcision ladies. It may make you feel better.

[pookiesossige]

Quite a few of my friends have their boys circ'd. They dont see it like i do- they see it as uncirc'd being unkind.
As i have the oldest boy it was me who kinda coped it from them about not doing it.
I also got comments from one of them about 'no son of mine will have a sock c*ck" Thats exactly what he says to me and my reply to him is well i "hope you only have girls then" So far i've wished right- they have 4 girls.

Its something that i have to agree not to talk about when im in their company- it gets too heated, with us all trying to defend our decisions etc etc.

I still have these friends- i just dont talk doodles with them.

I know its hard though but i guess it's like anything (even though it's not)- not everyone will have the same reasonings so we all just have to try to agree to disagree.

And now i've rambled:ecomcity:

Ramble away, Roopee, that's all I was doing!
I hear you- it's hard. I'm feeling a bit better about it all now...


I have not come across this before as people I know either are anti-circ or I'm not friends with them enough to talk about such topics with them. I do feel that way about controlled crying though and cannot for the life of me understand why there would be a need for it, and I've stopped talking to certain people because they believe what I did was wrong, and that's having a baby-led routine. I see them as forcing something upon the baby that only confuses and upsets the baby, whereas they see it as me allowing my child to run the house and our lives. I know that's not the case, but another example of how people can see things totally different to one another. Breast vs Formula is another one, some people cannot understand why a person would deny a child breastmilk, and other people just can't understand why you'd give breastmilk without being able to be sure of what's in it or how much the baby is getting each feed. They are all topics best avoided, and they are all topics that whichever way a person feels, they feel strongly and will not be swayed. Just like the circumcision decision parents make. I know you just wanna ram the facts down their throats about it and show them that it's an absolutely pointless procedure (and doesn't make sex any better either!) and just causes a lot of pain for no reason at all for the bubba but you really can't do that, they've made up their minds and chances are no matter what you say they will not change their mind.

I agree with you on all of those 'hot topics'. It's trickier when you have already found your best friends and have developed a close, mature, trusting relationship with them over time... and then find out that you differ so much on a few of these controversial (but fundamental) things.


You may have to just say that you have different opinion to them, as we are all human and dont all think the same. You dont wish the conversation to go any further, that you just wanted to get it out and let them know where you stand.
If you cannot do that, you can always post away in here and have the arguement with some of the pro-circumcision ladies. It may make you feel better.

Thanks so much.. :hugs::hugs: I loved to read that. I don't want to 'cast a stain' on our great friendship or blow it all out of proportion... it's my problem, I have to deal with it and move on. Otherwise, I will forever feel bitter and angry everytime I discover that someone I am close to did this to their son. Not really how I want to live!

Thanks girls :goodvibes:

[Leisa21]

My Best Friend had her son circumsised. When I was pg she asked what I was going to do. I thought, ummm not do it. She explained her reasons which was its cleaner, it looks better and her DH wanted it done. Do I judge her? No. Is she hurting her child? No. She is doing what her and DH think. I dont agree with it for MY baby for personal reasons. I dont think it is a neccessary procedure and I think it is out dated as we have the facilities to be clean. Our health is fantastic and uncirc'ed boys shouldnt have to worry about infection. '

However... I wont judge someone who choses to do it. They are not hurting you or your child. They are not killing people or doing wrong doing. Pedophelia is ******** and horrid not circumsising your child. Everyone is entitled to their own options. We live in a beautiful country that allows freedom of choice. Dont take that away from anyone.

[WorkingClassMum]

My DS is 7 in two weeks and is a-la-natural:D

In over 7 years from when I was pregnant I've never been involoved in a conversation where circ'ng has come up.

Never in mother's group, play group, kinder, childcare, family gathering (I'm from a laaaarge extended family) or any other social setting.

I find it surprising that people need to bring it up and I've never brought it up:confused:. I wouldn't know if anyone elses boy was also a-la-natural or circ'd.

How often does this conversation actually come up for other people?

[LG]

How often does this conversation actually come up for other people?

I never come across it either....except for on Bubhub.

None of my family or friends even mentioned it when DS was born. It just wasn't given a thought by anyone, least of all us and we left DS in-tact by choice, totally unneccessary in our opinion.

I don't judge others for doing it, it's their child and they have their reasons, it's really none of my business.

[pookiesossige]

My Best Friend had her son circumsised. When I was pg she asked what I was going to do. I thought, ummm not do it. She explained her reasons which was its cleaner, it looks better and her DH wanted it done. Do I judge her? No. Is she hurting her child? No. She is doing what her and DH think. I dont agree with it for MY baby for personal reasons. I dont think it is a neccessary procedure and I think it is out dated as we have the facilities to be clean. Our health is fantastic and uncirc'ed boys shouldnt have to worry about infection. '

However... I wont judge someone who choses to do it. They are not hurting you or your child. They are not killing people or doing wrong doing. Pedophelia is ******** and horrid not circumsising your child. Everyone is entitled to their own options. We live in a beautiful country that allows freedom of choice. Dont take that away from anyone.

Thank you so much for this post. It really helped to put things into perspective for me :yes: I feel now that I can be passionate about our decsion to leave Ronan intact, however everyone I come to know throughout life may have made different desicisions. I may know that the procedure is unnessesary yet accept friendship with people who have had it done because there is more to who they are then just that!


My DS is 7 in two weeks and is a-la-natural:D

In over 7 years from when I was pregnant I've never been involoved in a conversation where circ'ng has come up.

Never in mother's group, play group, kinder, childcare, family gathering (I'm from a laaaarge extended family) or any other social setting.

I find it surprising that people need to bring it up and I've never brought it up:confused:. I wouldn't know if anyone elses boy was also a-la-natural or circ'd.

How often does this conversation actually come up for other people?

You're right- it was only discussed in DH's family after Ronan was born and they expressed relief that we left him intact. Not discussed with my family. But it was in mum's group (we discovered that none of the 14 boys were circ'ed) and later at a dinner party full of tipsy/drunk women out for the night and free of their children- which was lovely until the topic came up ("but isn't Ronan all grotty and smelly and easily infected then??" Yes, it's a huge issue on BH!! I'm not one to go looking for a discussion on circumcision.


I never come across it either....except for on Bubhub.

None of my family or friends even mentioned it when DS was born. It just wasn't given a thought by anyone, least of all us and we left DS in-tact by choice, totally unneccessary in our opinion.

I don't judge others for doing it, it's their child and they have their reasons, it's really none of my business.

But I do judge just a little bit... because of how awful I believe it is. The tricky part is separating that hate for the procedure from my love I have for my friends.

It's been great to talk about it :yes::hugs: