balancing work and IVF appointments

[misspeta]

I am sure that there has been a post about this before, and if so feel free to direct me to it, but I am really curious as to how people have coped balancing IVF with a job! I was working full time up until Dec last year, and always have. I am doing temp work at the moment while I look for full time work again. I will start taking the medication to kick off my first IVF/ICSI cycle at the start of May. The problem is, I am not sure how I would juggle a new job and IVF. I don't know that any new employer would be that impressed with taking on someone who frequently needs to go for doc's appointments and blood tests! In some ways I think it would be better for me to keep temping (despite the ordinary pay and the uncertainty of it) and start my first IVF cycle. At least then I wouldn't feel bad about taking time off. BUT - I am not sure I should be putting my whole life on hold to try and have a baby ... as much as I would really like to!
I am annoyed with myself as last year I gave up a job that was steady yet I was frustrated with it. Having been there for 4 years I wouldn't have had too many reservations about asking for time off. In a new job, I would!
How have you all found it? Did you tell your boss (if you have one?) Did anyone quit their job? I am just really worried about how I'll juggle it and would love to know how others are managing it!
Thanks so much everyone!
Peta :flowerz:

[MrsPee]

Hi Peta,

It is a very hard and personal question that will come down to how you feel and your personal finances.

For me though I have told my boss and my Regional Manager and they have all been great. I work in Retail and when we relocated late last yr from Melbourne to Sydney I looked within the same company but I only took on a Full Time position as opposed to a management one. I did that due to the IVF process and the fact that I needed my head to be elsewhere but also myself busy with Dh away so often and all the waiting involved.

I guess something you would have to think about is, "what if someone did not employ you due to the fact that you were pregnant?" Now I know that is againts the law but when you are in the job interview process and others are applying too, how can one tell that they were passed up on that reason!?

Maybe you need the money to put away for the baby etc maybe you dont? But all of these things are something for you to think about.

I will stop now :ecomcity::ecomcity:

Cheers

[jesslee83]

If I could quit work I would - IVF or NOT. ha ha ha!!

I coped for my first cycle by using my sick days - I don't feel secure in my job and we haven't told anyone about what we are doing, so they don't know. But on my last cycle, we were lucky that ET was on a public holiday - just one less day off. BUT I have had a D&C 3 weeks ago and about to start IVF#2 - what can I say - I'll just have a 'weak immune system' ha ha. We are trying to be careful - don't want to burn any bridges, but a baby means more to us then keeping my present job.

We worked through blood tests and such as I could get them done before work and other appointments if possible.

We did consider part time work - very briefly! But we want to keep ahead of bills and such and who knows....this journey may be a long one.....hopefully not though!!!!

Take some time to consider you options - hopefully you get a lot more opinions on this thread.

[oldchuck]

Misspeta - yes its hard, I've never told any of my employers what I was doing. Blood tests can be done before work usually 7.30 I'm always there for 7.15 so I can be first. The other time I take off sick. I will tell them that I need to have a proceedure not providing any details. You aren't required too, just give a medical certificate for the days you are off which your FS can provide. I know some employers can be understanding but you never know and I have always wanted to keep things private. Its a personal choice and difficult decision If you put your life on hold it could be that you end up playing a waiting game but then you don't want to be in a stressful environment as going through IVF can be stressful enough.

All the best in whatever you decide.

[MrsPee]

Some very good advice. I should tell you though that my Regional Manager is going through IVF too. We are both sniffing now and alot of the company knows because it is something that everyone supports. I think that working in a place that has mostly females helps alot as they understand more the need/urge for a child. iykwim.

I can say that if work had a problem I would just resign on the spot. DH and I have talked about that already.

Off now to have my second sniff....... :smiliedance:

[LivingINhope]

I am sure that there has been a post about this before, and if so feel free to direct me to it, but I am really curious as to how people have coped balancing IVF with a job! I was working full time up until Dec last year, and always have. I am doing temp work at the moment while I look for full time work again. I will start taking the medication to kick off my first IVF/ICSI cycle at the start of May. The problem is, I am not sure how I would juggle a new job and IVF. I don't know that any new employer would be that impressed with taking on someone who frequently needs to go for doc's appointments and blood tests! In some ways I think it would be better for me to keep temping (despite the ordinary pay and the uncertainty of it) and start my first IVF cycle. At least then I wouldn't feel bad about taking time off. BUT - I am not sure I should be putting my whole life on hold to try and have a baby ... as much as I would really like to!
I am annoyed with myself as last year I gave up a job that was steady yet I was frustrated with it. Having been there for 4 years I wouldn't have had too many reservations about asking for time off. In a new job, I would!
How have you all found it? Did you tell your boss (if you have one?) Did anyone quit their job? I am just really worried about how I'll juggle it and would love to know how others are managing it!
Thanks so much everyone!
Peta :flowerz:


Peta,

I have only just started the sniff myself, man I sound so bad (LOL)... I have not told my employer, I have been there 1 1/2 years and have abit of leave up my sleave. I don't think its anyone's business what you are doing and in your situation where you are a temp definatley dont't divulge this info it mat stop you getting contracts over people who are more promising. By this I mean no-one wants to hire someone who will potentially be leaving on maternity leave in 9 months.

I am currently setting up family day care and od not intend to tell anyone, firstly it may not happen and secondly as far as anyone knows you had an unexpected natural conception. Some empolyers and people are understanding, but some people really don't get it and some people even have moral and religious views against IVF (much to my horror).

So far I have had no time off, other than an appointment here or there.

You can do blood test from about 7am with most clinics, the biggest thing will be the egg harvest (i think thast what its called) as you will be anethisised to some extent and possibly sore and then maybe the day they implant the egg. Actually I forgot about the registration day its almost a whole day of councillors and nurses giving you the low down.

You could always start a new job and just act surprised when you get positive result, or if you have the financial abilty temp until you have your baby.

LivingINhope
DH 31 Me 31
DS 2 1/2
TTC# No2 1 1/2 years
1st cycle IVF #sd 22/3/08 fet #1/5/08 (approx)
HOPING FOR :bfp: IN MAY:babydust2:

[cantwait08]

MissPeta your situation seems so eerily similar to mine!! i cant believe it.

I actually left a high stress prof job approx 20 months ago and i turned to temping which i did for 12 mthns (was still ttc naturally thought the less stressful temping might do the trick)

Then we found out we had to do ivf in the middle of temping. I was going to continue temping but a local job 10mins from home came up and i got it. Ive been there 8 mths now and just today i told the big boss (above my boss) that i might be needing time off at short notice due to medical reason. He didn't ask questions and then floored me when he said 'good luck with it' and 'remember we are a family friendly company'. Im still paranoid that he knows something cos i wanted to be the person to tell him. I only told 2 girls at work. I dont think they would have said. Anyhow it worked out good and i feel i have his support. Its such a load off and now i think i will start ivf this month rather than next!

I dont think you are putting your life on hold - its just work. I used to think the same thing when i was temping in menial jobs. But work is not the all important stuff, its family, friends, your health etc. Life is the whole bundle so u are not putting it on hold! Do what feels right for you now. It will find a way to fall into place it always does.

Sorry for the long post... :ecomcity:

[hunnybunny]

I'm wondering how I am going to work it too. I am a casual, and do about 3-4 days a week. I think I will have a chat to my boss and see what we can work out. I dont want to lose my job, hopefully she will help me work around it.

[pippi]

Hi Miss Peta:wave: I think our dates are very close-hopefully we will get those BFP's together!!

ANyway, I finally descided to tell my boss and she has luckily been very understanding. I kind fibbed a little bit and told her that we were told we can't have kids and IVF is our only chance, i did kinda dramtise it abit and i think that has helped get the support i need! I know that sounds awful but if i had been really casual abit it she would be so supportive IFYKWIM. SO far i have only needed to leave early twice to get to FS appointment and FN appointment. From now on all BT's and ultrasounds can be done before work. The week of FET my DH and i have put in to have 1 week off, so that will cover that.

In hind sight, i could have gotten away with not telling them and had some sickies ect. I have found it a huge releif tho to not be sneeking around and lying about where i am. If i didnt have a good relationship with my boss i wouldnt have told her and i wouldnt have worried about having sickies. I have been here for 12 months now so i do feel secure but was worried about their reaction from an ethical or moral point of view as they are hard core pro-life christians and i thought they might have strong views on IVF. If they do, they have not said anything and have so far been great.

If i could afford to work part time while doing IVF i would have. But want to save as much as I can will TTC and PG so i can have longer off when bub finally makes an apperance.

I think I might chuck a sicky on the pregnancy test day because i dont want them to know when im finding out and i dont want to be at work when i get the result. I want to be with my DH.

My advice is do what works for you. But like the other girls have said its family and your health that are the important factors here. There will allways be another job around the corner!!

xx

[misspeta]

Ladies, thanks so much for all your replies!
Your feedback is all really interesting. I agree with the general feeling that what's important is family, friends and this process rather than work - if only I could find a job close to home with OK pay and a sympathetic boss - or better still, have a manager going through IVF too like yours, Mrs Pee!
I guess I will have to hope that I can have most appointments before work.
Cantwait08 - I have PM'ed you.
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences - love to hear from anyone else who is jugglings IVF and a job too.
If only we all had money trees! We coudl do relaxation therapy and yoga and have acupuncture all day everyday to our hearts content and look healthy meals and spend all day thinking about making babies ... and probably wish we were back at work!!! :) I just don't want work to get in way of what really matters, I guess.
Good luck to you all :goodvibes:
Peta

[nevergivenup]

Hi Misspeta - great topic for discussion! I have tried two different approaches as have worked in two different places during my ivf journey. I have an ongoing job in the Dept I work for and took up an opportunity to work in another unit of my Dept. Anyway, previously I told my boss and whilst they seemed supportive, when it came to my needing to take time off they put a lot of pressure on me to take work home and make sure I didn't leave any loose ends. Obviously, it's always pretty last minute actually knowing when you need time off for the EPU so it is hard to plan ahead. I wasn't impressed as the last thing a girl needs is to worry about work when in the middle of EPU.

Anyway, I haven't told my current boss and he has been fantastic. Up until now I have been taking sick leave, flexi time and annual leave days to cover my absences. However, after my eptopic pregancy I had to take 2 weeks off work sick. Now I have exhausted my sick leave my next plan of action is to take time of as unpaid leave. I have only told my boss about the eptopic experience but he doesn't know that I am doing IVF. I have just got him to sign off on my Leave without pay and have told him it is for personal reasons which he hasn't questioned.... I guess men are good at not wanting to know details :)

I have decided to take time of work from the EPU till my BT date. I know this is a lot of time off but this time I don't want any work pressure and just want to ensure I am happy and peaceful about everything. I am not very productive anyway during the 2ww so they are probably better off :laughing: My AF is due any day now and I will be starting a full stim cycle again... hope my luck changes this time.

[Misty9]

Hi all,

I have found this thread very interesting reading.

I'm starting my first cycle of IVF. Late last year I had a lap - I just told my boss I needed two sick days due to day surgery. I also said that it was personal and I didn't want anyone else to know. I believe that request was respected.

This year after lots of thinking I decided to tell my boss that I was doing IVF. Blood tests I can generally do before work but pretty much everything else will require a day off work as I live a couple of hours away from my FS. Most ultrasounds will need to be in the middle of the day which means I will lose most of a day anyway. My boss was brilliantly supportive and even offered to take my class if I needed to leave early or arrive late. I emphasized my request for privacy which has, as far as I know, been supported. Luckily the next stage for me will be in the school holidays which will save me a day or two off work.

Any other teachers around?

[MrsPee]

Misty - I think that we are the lucky ones here.

As of today I offically LOVE my job and the ladies that I work with. I had to manage the store today and we had a trainer come out from H/O to train. Der

Anyway I was writing a note for all the ppl that I work with that went on the notice board. It said that I have started treatment and if I was snappy or a bit harsh at times then please do not take it personally and I welcome you to approach me and let me know. I also said that If I cry at the drop of a hat it is not from anything anyone has said or done. the trainer from H/O came in and read the note and they come out and gave me a Big cuddle, asked how I was doing then told me to take a half hour coffee break as she was there and could hold down the fort. :shakehands:

She then said that if I just needed time out in the day sing out and NO problem. I then had a call from my Regional Manager (who had a melt down on Monday, from the meds) call and ask how I was doing and coping with the meds. We shared stories and then she said you know where I am if you need anything.

We talked about one egg of two as she has signed for two. I bought up the fact that if I was to put two and it took then the number one major factor in Prem term birth is being on your feet all day and due to working in retail that would be a concern. She told me I was mad and that should be the last thing I worry about, she said she would buy me a stool/chair to sit on and if that meant that I spent most of my day on my bottom so be it. She and the store manager would find some paper work that needed doing.

Right now I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful boss or should I say bosses and a fantastic retail company to work for. I can tell you that had this been some of the places I have worked in, in the past I would NEVER have mentioned my situation and I would not have the support if I did.

Sorry for the slight hijack I am feeling just so happy. :)

Cheers

[Misty9]

MrsPee,

Wow - you are extremely lucky. That is a really great situation and it is a shame that everyone isn't as lucky as us - though the money tree that was mentioned in a previous post would be great too!

I've chosen not to tell anyone else at work what is going on as I think I will cope better without the questions. Anyone that we have told isn't going to know any specific details so hopefully we will have more choice as to who we tell and when regarding the results.

I do like your upfront approach though - it sure helped you get a good support network going.

I'm sure no one minds a 'happy hijack'! :)

[misspeta]

Mrs Pee - wow - gosh we'd all like to have supriors like that. How fantastic for you - that's really brilliant.
Well I have a second interview for a jopb tomorrow and they are phoning my references so I may be close to getting it. It will be a job where I can set up meetings with clients so perhaps sometimes I can arrange meetings and then head straight "home". Maybe I will just come out and tell them - I will really have to work out the lay of the land if I get the job and make a call then.
Nevergivenup - good point about leave without pay ... that may have to be an option for me ...
There's also the option of taking a day off here and there for IVF and making it up on the weekend or after hours.
Let's face it, employees should be flexible these days - everyone's juggling so many balls in this modern life of ours!!
Loving the responses guys - we are all essentially going through same thing but often in very different circumstances.
Peta

[jesmon]

Hi Peta,
Blood tests & Ultrasounds are done at Monash IVF from 7am until 10pm at night which makes it alot easier.
I have only told my immediate manager & the MD and they have both been very good and supportive.
Good luck with the job, :fingerscrossed: let us know how you go :)

Kerry

[pippi]

I have just got him to sign off on my Leave without pay and have told him it is for personal reasons which he hasn't questioned.... I guess men are good at not wanting to know details :)

This is an interesting observation. I have had both male and female bosses over the years and have always found it so much easier with male bosses. Once u say medical reason they are like-where do i sign! But female bosses are more questioning ect. My current boss is female and i knew when i told her id be up for a million questions about it but i have told the sales manager also, who is male and he was like, sounds great-good luck-no more said and allows what ever time i need with out questions.

[pippi]

nevergivenup-....men are less likely to ask questions:iagree:

This is an interesting observation. I have had both male and female bosses over the years and have always found it so much easier with male bosses. Once u say medical reason they are like-where do i sign! But female bosses are more questioning ect. My current boss is female and i knew when i told her id be up for a million questions about it but i have told the sales manager also, who is male and he was like, sounds great-good luck-no more said and allows what ever time i need with out questions

[pippi]

oh man, sorry girls i dont know how to quote people and have failed twice!!!

[kel262]

Hi Everyone,
This is a great topic for discussion!!

I actaully decided to tell my work what was going on cause we are really like a family there. When I started TTC they all knew, however I did decide to keep the IUI part to myself, only telling my superviser ( she herself had done fertility treatment). She was very understanding with Appts etc, also If i had a breakdown(happen alot on clomid) she was right there understanding as she had been through it herself.
Since then there has been a major change in my company along with a new superviser. This time I decided to tell my collegues that I was doing IVF as I wanted them to all understand if I was moody or emotional (which I was!!!). One of the girls Im most close too also did fertility treatment 13yrs ago to have her twins and she has been my rock at work. So far everyone has been a great, and very understanding, But like I say we are a very close group.
The only issue I had was when I had to have a week off after my EPU I tried to organise the time off before hand, so one girl (I dont get along real well with) saw it as leave instead of as sick leave, and she felt like I owed her for covering some of my shifts. Next time I am considering not telling them exactly where Im at and just calling in sick. But Because we are a small group it makes it more difficult to cover the shifts, Thats why I tried to give them the notice!!! I am glad I told my work though as I find it easier not to hide things, and If im feeling like ****, they understand. Particularly with Sniffing etc, due to my shift times, I had to do some of that stuff at work.

At the end of last yr I considered taking another job, and I decided to be totally up front with them, and I told them re IVF starting in Jan etc. I nearly fell over when they said thats fine. I decided not to take the job for many reasons, but one was that I have SOOOO much sick leave up at my current workplace, and as long as you have a cert, they cant ask you Q's. Again the support and understanding from people I have worked with for so long (7yrs) I think is helpfull.
I am still at a crossroads with reagrd looking for a new job, even now for the very reason of this thread, Will another employer be as obliging? Sometimes I think if your no hapy in the job this could be a bad thing, but also if you change form what youve known for so long, the stress could also be bad!!!!?????
Ok Ill stop blabbing now:ecomcity::ecomcity:,
Im glad that this topic has been brought up, It is interesting to see other peoples situations/thoughts etc!!
Kel

[hunnybunny]

I have been thinking about this more and more, I'm starting to worry coz if I cant give exact dates my boss is not going to be happy, I work in a small business, only about 10-15 employees, and it is hard to get people to cover shifts for you, especially seeing as at the moment there are only 2 of us who can do my job. Oh well, guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

[pippi]

Hunnybunny-i have just booked a weeks annual leave for my FET. Once you have your appointment to pick up your goodie bag with all the needles and stuff they nurse will give u a time line. This has a rough date for FET. It is unlikely FET will occur prior to this date so i have booked holidays starting that day. maybe in your case u could book 2 weeks holdidays and that should definatly cover it and you wouldnt have to worry about last minute getting some one to cover for you. Hope this helps

I also work for small business-7 people, so its really important to book time in advance so arrangement s can be made and everyone is kept happy!

[misspeta]

Thanks again for all replies, girls. Kel 262, having left a secure job at end of last year basically cause I had my nose out of joint!!! I would realy think twice before finding a new job while you are on the IVF trail. When I quit I didnt know I would be doing IVF - this is quite a sudden development, and if I had my time again I would have my stayed there despite my dissatisfaction. I wouldn't have felt too bad about asking for time off. Only problem with that workplace is, that my partner and I met while both working there - which caused GREAT interest from many colleagues who weren't exactly friends!!!! We were office gossip so I am not sure I would have liked people knowing we were doing IVF - and word would have got around, large company, about 90 percent females! But now, I start a new job on April 28 - and start nasal spray on April 25. SUCH bad timing! But the lovely Jesmon has told me that Monash IVF does blood tests and ultrasounds from 7am till 10pm, which I didn't know, and this has given me GREAT relief!!! At least that's a bit less time off work.
I hope everyone finds a balance that works for them. Sorry for stupidly long post!!!! :goodvibes: to you all. Peta

[leannelizzy]

Hi Ladies

I know where you are coming from on this one. I work fulltime (usually 7am to 4pm) though I can start earlier or leave later. I always try and get to the clinic before 7am so I am back at work in time for our 7:30am start up meeting. When I have to go to the pathology collection centres causes problems as they don't open until 7:30am. I use sick leave for EPUs and work from home on transfer days.

Fortunately my boss (younger, childless female) is understanding. I work with a large group of men who didn't really understand a great deal of what was going on until my miscarriage. Fortunately, they are all fairly easy going. Although my work colleagues are understanding I find it difficult to juggle the day to day work, meetings, trainings, seminars etc and trying to be a mum and wife to the two boys if my life.

I did change jobs after my first cycle (last job was stressful and I wasn't happy) and I just delayed our secoond cycle until I had been in my current job a few months.

I'd better go as my little man has told me "it is time for you to share the computer mum".

Leanne

[cagav]

Im actually with qfg in brisbane, my Dr Malloy has appointments from 6.30 am until 8am for us to go in and have our quick appts and the qfg office is open so we can go in and have our bloods taken. Then i am able to have my apts done by 7am and then go off to work..it has helped so much in comparision to my last cycle when i had to take the whole day off to travel there and return. I am doing EPU tomorrow so good luck with your journey.:flowerz: