View Full Version : Help! New To The Army Partner Thing!
I need some advice..
I'm new to the whole Amry parnter thing and i'm struggling..
We have been together 7 months and basically from day dot he has been away.
Does it get any easier?
I'm finding it hard as my friends don't seem to understand anything and i don't know any of his mates partners yet..
He is deployed at the moment and will be home in June. Fingers crossed it wont be longer than that!
Any advice would be fantastic
Thanks so much
Welcome to Bubhubs and welcome to the defence lifestyle. I would love to tell you that it is easy but I miss my husband everytime he goes away like crazy. I met my DH as he was leaving the Navy and two years later, went to the Army, he was there for 7 years, and come April, it will be his 1st anniversary back in the Navy. :laughing: Are u working? That will keep u busy, but apart from that i can suggest leaving some form of backround noise on , so u don't feel totally lonely (sounds funny, but it works for me). If u are a stay at home mum with kids, then just try and keep your self busy entertaining them. Nights and weekends are the lonliest times for me. Anyway anytime u want to vent or have a chat, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
My hubby has never been away for quite six months. Not yet anyway. Anyway, sorry i couldn't help a lot. With the Defence, i'm afraid we have to take the good with the bad. Cheers:hugs:
Yeah i'm working full time which is good but i'm finding weekends extremely hard. My girlfriends who don't have a partner in the defence force don't quite seem to get that he is not on a holiday.. :dizzy: Very annoying!!
He relocated to Holsworthy in December and i have since stayed living with my family until he comes home. I think i am feeling more insecure as my life is very unsettled here. Like i know i'm going to have to move soon and that's fine but I don't think he quite understands what it's like to be left behind. He has been in the army since school, so about 13 years so has no idea what civvie life is like.. I am sounding like a whinging cow but I have never been in a relationship like this before so i have no idea what to expect and due to the nature of his job he couldn't prepare me for any of it.. So glad i only have 7 weeks to go until he is home!!:smiliedance:
I'm a Navy wife and DH is away for 2wks atm. In these later years I've never really pined for him to be home, but when things go wrong or i'm sick, I get all teary and wish he was home lol. Just having that support and shoulder to cry on can do the world of good. Otherwise I'm a strong person.
You're insecure as you've been together for 7mths and he hasn't been home. That's understandable so when he comes back, you'll feel better and secure again. Maybe also as you are staying with your parents, you don't have a 'family home' with your partner as such and this too contributes to things.
Go with the flow. Have no expectations and expect the unexpected lol.
As long as you know, you're not alone. There are defence spouse forums and msg boards who can give you comfort when you need it .. cos we all 'get it'.
I know what you mean about not having that 'family home'. We do have a place together in Sydney but i'm just not living there as I didn't want to move down and be alone while he was away. I probably should of made the break but just wasn't ready to do the 5 month stint alone yet... Once he comes home i know all the insecurities will disappear totally. I am just fortunate that unlike all of you truly incredible ladies who do this with children that I have not reached that stage yet. I look up to you guys tremendously!!
I'm trying my hardest to go with the flow, some days it's jsut hard. I had my angel cards done over the weekend and all 3 pretty much came back telling me to relax and go with it.. Maybe i should take my own advice hahahaha...:)
I think the only reason I get through it is cos I have kids and pets. Before kids were 3 cats and a dog and worked fulltime so when I got home, i'd be chatterboxing away with the cats and the dog. Picture me hanging washing and having a one sided convo with a cat. Honestly I was trippy in that way and still am. lol.
Even now 4 mths in our locality it's not easy finding friends (i sound like along playing record lol). We lived in Wattle Grove (next to Holsworthy) for 3yrs and found it great and one of my friends childless pointed out how difficult it was. The waiting is harder. Also trying to find defence spouses who have no kids generally work full time and it's hard to connect up.
As for meeting your partners mates, I've not yet mine. I said to him 'hope there is going ot be a family day before the ship goes for it's 6mth trip so that i can meet who you're going away with'. If I were to go away for 6mths, wouldn't DH want to know who i'm going with lol.
When he gets back see if you guys can have a bbq with mates and their gf's. I've had to do it myself here .. if I don't make the first step, nothign will change.
Chin up mate, you'll be right. You have already come so far! DH is due home next wednesday, and that will have made it 6 weeks. Before Cairns (which i am so thankful for living here), we lived at Puckapunyal for 4 and a half years. It was really hard to make friends, because everyone was in the same boat and weekends were like, sacred. And it was isolating. We've never been posted near family, but you get used to it eventually. It just makes holidays more special with your family.Since the kids have been around, it gets easier, cos I am busy with them but at night when the house is quiet and they are asleep, that when lonliness kicks in. Oh and i am a Bubhub addict. LOL! Most of my good friends are Defence wives, but I have a few civvy friends, tho some are completely clueless of the lifestyle. I have two close friends here in Cairns. One is a navy spouse like myself, and the other is my neighbour who isn't defence. We have been here 6 months and I have met two fellows off DH's ship. I think it is a male thing. lol.
KJEmum.. I would of liked to have been your neighbour, quite amusing listening to you talk to the animals hahaha
I have been fortunate in the fact that i have met some of the guys that he is mates with or works with but unfortunately not their partners.. While one of his mates was deployed last year my partner went and had dinner with her and used to call and check that she was ok. I know it might sound suss but they have been friends since they were younger so it's like a brother and sister thing. I guess i kinda would like to have that network. We are not living even enar Holsworthy, we are in the city so that makes it harder to meet defence partners too..
I guess i just have to organise a gathering with everyone when he comes home! :chef:
Thanks heaps samsgirls..
It's nice to nkow that there are other women out there in the same boat..
My partner called me yesterday.. He injured himself so that was a bit scary..:(
I'm on the count down.. 55 days or thereabouts..
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