"It's because I'm..."

[SassyMummy]

I was watching the Dr Phil show today (surprise surprise...lol)...and it was about homosexuality.

In the episode, a woman was saying that her family doesn't accept her because she is gay. The family were saying, however, that they love her...but they just do not agree with some of her lifestyle choices - nothing to do with the fact that she was gay.

According to the family members (Mum and Sister), the Lesbian, sleeps around, changes partners every other week and likes to discuss her homosexual activities. According the Lesbian, her family just can't handle the fact that she is gay.

From what I could tell, the Lesbian was just blaming everything on her being gay.

"Mum doesn't want to listen to my sex stories...because I'm gay".
"They don't want to go hang out with my friends...because I'm gay".
"Every single problem we have...is because they can't accept I'm gay."

I hate it when people do this. They're in a minority, and so they think the reason you don't agree with them is because of this minority.

Have you had any experiences with this? ARE you in the minority and do you genuinely believe that people DO disagree with you because of it? Do you have any theories as to why people do this?

[JoshienEmmiesmummy]

My sister is gay. My mother doesnt really accept it because she is only 21 and thinks it a phase. However my sister and her girlfriend just bought a 290k house together so i think it is pretty certain she is definately gay.

My sister likes the shock factor. She will dress strange, she will act strange. She says she hates attention but she brings it upon herself. She does have a whinge every now and then about how gays are ridiculed etc, she says she gets looked at funny sometimes and hates it.

What i want to know is if you are gay and think there is nothing out of the ordinary in being so, why advertise the fact??? She has a rainbow coloured tatto on her hand (rainbow is the gay colours apparently) she has a rainbow coloured sticker on her car as well as a silhouette of a naked woman, she wear tshirts with women kissing on them but says she has nothing to prove???

IMO blaming peoples reactions on the fact you sleep with the same sex is a cop out for a more deeper reason. She brings the attention to herself and if she doesnt like it then she should just act NORMAL! No one cares who the hell she sleeps with!!!!!!!!!!!!

[reAllytee]

The problem is what is normal ?
What someone perceives as normal maybe different to someone elses perception.
My eldest sister is gay also & while not everyone knows about it most do "realise" it not because of how she dresses or the likes but i guess what they see.
I guess the question the girl on Dr Phil was asking really was that was it only because she was gay that her family didnt want to hear about it ? As in if it were a guy she was talking about whether it be sex or anything of the likes would they be reacting this way ? I can see how she could be treated unfairly because of it because no-one seems to care about seeing a guy & a girl kiss in public yet are horrified over two girls or two guys kissing.
And that is fair ( yes sentence started with and :p ) why is it ok to have a boy & a girl kissing on a tshirt but not two girls or two guys ? Because you dont classify that as normal doesnt mean its wrong.
Dont get me wrong here im not saying either of you are wrong or trying to be nasty but maybe not seeing it from their perspective.
Many people have problems with talking to gays cause it "grosses" them out hearing them speak about their partners or seeing them hold hands etc yet why is it ok for us heterosexuals to hold hands, kiss or talk about our lives ?
I am a christian so if i want to put a sticker of a cross or the likes on my car does that make it wrong ? Im bringing attention to the fact im christian.
So why should a rainbow offend people or make them think " ohh pffft another gay who wants attention ".
Did you think that maybe its a case of showing pride in who they are ?
Because i really dont see the harm in being proud of who you are whether it be black, white, yellow, gay, christian or bisexual & if that means having a tattoo or sticker or tshirt to display that then so be it.

[SassyMummy]

The thing that bothered me was, that every single thing that bothered her, she would blame on the fact that her family didn't accept her for being gay.

I have no problem with people being gay - and I find it reasonable for two people of the same sex to kiss in public. But I don't really like to see people kiss in public. Male and Female, Male and Male, Female and Female...I don't really like seeing any of it. (A peck is okay, but people who stop to pash in the middle of a shopping centre remind me of 14year olds trying too hard...).

I think that this is what the woman's family were saying. They were basically telling her that, even if she was straight, they wouldn't want to hear about her sex-tales...and they wouldn't like the fact that she sleeps around...even if it was with men. They were saying that they were disapproving of her behaviour because they thought it was wrong to sleep around/didn't want to hear her sex stories etc...not because her stories involved other women.

THAT is what I angry with.

I don't like that it's used as an excuse. If you're gay, be gay...go ahead...but you've got to realise that you're still a person, and not just this gay "cartoon". Not EVERYTHING you do can be related to the fact that you're gay...and I feel that some people in minorities are just brushing off everyone who disagrees with them as being prejudicial.

I was on holidays recently with DP's sister and her partner (and kids)...the partner is a police officer (his name is John). John was talking about how quite often when he arrests someone of a different race (he was referring to Aboriginals that he arrests, but I'm sure it'd happen with other races as well), they start the whole, "It's because I'm aboriginal..." thing. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that they're breaking the law...:rolleyes:

I think, using your own minority as an excuse for everything, is as bad as stereotyping other people.

[WeThree]

My brother is gay, and I wouldnt want to hear about his sexual exploits whether he was gay or straight, i mean, he is my little brother, it would be tmi, no matter which way he swung, but i am not bothered by the fact that he is gay, i love him and his partner very much, they are sweet guys that work hard and dont cause anybody any trouble, looking back on his teenage years he was obviously really struggling with who he was, he was so angry all the time, now that he has accepted who he is and can be himself he is so happy.
My dad has a hard time dealing with it, but like my mum pointed out, he doesnt care about mine and my sisters sex lives, why should my brothers be a factor in their relationship? anyway, like i said, i would have a problem hearing about intimate details of his love life, or seeing him all over his partner, but i would feel the same way if he had a gf, its just respect, if i have someone over my husband and i are not making out on the sofa, and my brother gives me the same respect in return, they might sit their and hold hands, or put their arms around each other, and that doesnt bother me one bit, i think its lovely that they have both found someone that makes them happy. :)

[nemosmum]

Maybe shes sleeping around to feel accepted and loved because her family doesnt iykwim

To me it sounds like shes crying out for attention and acceptance:(

I am not gay, but my DH and DS are in a minority (they are Indigenous Australians) and when we fly the flag or go to some Koorie cultural day or my son wears a t.shirt that says something like "Im Koorie and Proud" for eg. people are always telling me "We know his Aboriginal but why advertise it?" and they get all defensive about it.

My BIL is the worst his always saying "Look my son is white but I dont let him go around saying Im white and proud" etc etc

My response to that is simple, we live in a white (straight)society and as such his son will automatically be recognised and accepted into our culture.

Where as my son is in a minority, his different and because of his mixed heritage and the fact he doesnt "Look Aboriginal" so to speak I feel he needs a strong sense of his heritage, he needs to identify himself as Koorie and be proud of that fact:D

What I am trying to say is maybe people of a minotrity need to identify themsleves as different (still normal just not the norm iykwim) and be proud that they are who they are, no one should be asked to dull themselves down and hide who they are just because they are in a minority.

I also think that people like my BIL are just plain scared of anything different to themselves, my BIL has never been a minotrity so cant understand what it feels like and neither can any of us who havent walked in their shoes so to speak.

Just my 2c, sorry for the long:ecomcity: post:o

[kiwibird27]

I think, using your own minority as an excuse for everything, is as bad as stereotyping other people.




I guess the problem is if your not in a minority its hard to understand??? We have been in the process of moving suburbs in Sydney, currently live on the lower north shore (predominately white like me)
After a few weeks of looking around and going to different shopping areas I realised the places that made me feel unsafe or uneasy were the areas highly saturated with people of a completely different culture, speaking a different language, and i felt better in shopping centre's similar to my own culture!!!
This was a little unsettling because i always though i didn't discriminate, but i did without even realising
Imagine being the minority group and feeling uncomfortable in the majority of places??!! It probably becomes very easy just to blame the fact that your.......gay.....black.........christian etc etc

I have lots of gay friends, men and women, and they feel safest in a particular area as well - mainly gay bars with people of a similar background and lifestyle to them, If they go on holiday to rural aussie they have to be careful about affection shown to each other (even though they are madly in love), they can't even hold hands as people make comments or get really offended, that would suck!!!

Well thats my piece!!!!

[WeThree]

oh i forgot to mention a couple of things, first it has been my experience that not every gay person uses it as some sort of excuse, certainly none of the people i know personally do, but i agree with some of what you are saying.
i also agree with some of the points the other posters made about minorities, for instance, i am a Christian, whilst probably not a 'minority' so to speak., i often am made to feel like one, lol, anyway, i sometimes display things such as stickers, pens etc, that show that i am one, that i am proud to be one and that it is part of who i am, same as if you have a passion for a particular subject, you will often have badges or tshirts that display your thoughts, because it is part of who you are, i love my 'up yours Howard' pin that i have on my pram, hehe.
anyway, i guess what im trying to say is that we all like to be have our voice heard, and to have some of our outward appearance reflect how we feel on the inside, whether it is by wearing a tshirt with a logo on it, or by attending a rally, or something else, and to be able to let people know that we are, despite what 'mainstream' society may say, proud of who we are. :)

[razzle]

I saw a bit the beginning of the show and then tuned out. But I tend to agree with you sassymummy. I too hate it when people use an excuse for their behaviour, whether it be that they're gay, black, or my personal favourite 'had a bad childhood'. Build a bridge, get over it. If you have such an issue with your own identity, the go deal with it, and take some responsibility for your actions.

[ButterflyKisses]

She has a rainbow coloured tatto on her hand (rainbow is the gay colours apparently) I have a couple of gay & lesbian friends who are beautiful people - I don't agree with their choice of lifestyle however each to their own and I respect their choice.

having said that I'm a bit curious as to whether the goodie two shoes who want the words of "Baa Baa Black Sheep" changed to "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep" realise that they now want our children singing about gay/lesbian sheep. Geez guys if you are going to change it get it right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As regards to the lesbian lady on Dr Phil she reminds me of an aboriginal girl I went to school with. Everytime she would get into trouble off one of the teachers she'd say "you're only picking on me because I'm a n******". Unfortunately she had a huge chip on her shoulder and rather than turning her talents into a positive (she was one of our best sportswoman at school and excelled in just about every sport she competed in) she boiled everything down to the fact that she was dark skinned. This was really sad to see because her sister was such a lovely girl and didn't care less what colour she was - she also excelled in every sport she did and had so many friends at school. I counted the one with the attitude as a friend as I did 2 other aboriginal girls at school but unfortunately she was the only one that had this terrible attitude. When she wasn't in that frame of mind she was a great girl.

The lesbian on Dr Phil from what her mother and sister said was a floozy and had a different partner just about every other week - her mother and sister no doubt would have had the same attitude towards her if she was a hetrosexual floozy.

One of my gay friends and my lesbian friend do not flaunt their relationships - they have spoken of their partners in a respectful way to me and they get my respect in return. The lesbian on Dr Phil flaunted her behaviour and it seemed to me a lot she did was to get up her mother's and sister's nose.

what does Dr Phil say "you choose the behaviour you choose the consequence".

[SweetSerenity]

My brother is gay, and I wouldnt want to hear about his sexual exploits whether he was gay or straight, i mean, he is my little brother, it would be tmi, no matter which way he swung, but i am not bothered by the fact that he is gay.

My brother is gay too, i have no probs with it whatsoever, but im the same! Whether he was gay or straight i don't want to know about his sex life at all!


I have a couple of gay & lesbian friends who are beautiful people - I don't agree with their choice of lifestyle however each to their own and I respect their choice.

It's good to hear you respect their choice and love them dearly but they don't exactly choose who they are, they're born that way, just like we're born straight. I know that no one 'chooses" to be gay...they just are, it's in their dna (90% of them anyway).

I also agree that most gay people dont use their sexuality as an excuse...

I do see where you're coming from though sassymum...I didn't see this episode so i can't say too much about the girl...

[rynosmum]

The crazy thing is....

Why does it matter ? Gay or straight, black or white, male or female etc ? We are all people sharing life in our society. We all have good days and bad and have happiness and sadness in our lives.

There are people who seek attention no matter what their circumstances may be.

If we could simply stop referring to people via their sexual preference, colouring or beliefs, the world would be a much better place.

The media talks about unity but they are the worst - and US chat shows who preach that they are doing the 'right' thing, know that there is money to be made in sensationalising race, sexual preference and religious issues.

Sometimes I think we forget we are all on the same team.

Live and let live :hugs:

[Mischief]

My Uncle in Law (LOL How "Tasmanian"...) is gay too. He's a lovely sweet guy, and belive me you could have knocked us all over with a feather when he came out. But it doesnt worry me if he is straight or gay....I dont want to hear about his sexual exploits! I quite enjoy sitting down flicking through a catalouge with him, deciding who the hottest male model is in it...ect...but if he wanted to tell me the intimate details of his last hot date, that would gross me out!

You dont have to be gay for me not to hear it! My sister (who is straight) rang me yesterday.....and all I could think of while she was talking was...."You are gross! Do you have NO morals? I really dont want to hear about your exploits...one day you are going to look back and realise that no one wants to buy the ice cream truck when you are handing out the merchandice for free!"

I think its just being sensitive to what other people feel. The lady on Dr Phil may feel her family is against her being gay, but I think she should take a step back and see that although her friends might want to talk about the intimacies of their relationships....her family dont want to know about that, be it straight or gay. Do they talk about their own relationships in explicit detail?

[ButterflyKisses]

it's in their dna (90% of them anyway).are you now agreeing with me??? :confused: :confused:

[SweetSerenity]

No...Im sure there are many our there who like to "try" new things, and thats the 10% im reffering to! I know that gay people do not choose who they are attracted to, they just are!

[Mummabear]

I think this is a really interesting thread and I've enjoyed reading everyone's views (and all so polite :yelclap:) - can I put a different spin on it though, keeping inline with the OP?

I used to live with a black man in the USA (not partners, just room mates) - he was a great guy, we had so much fun together and he would make me laugh like I've never laughed before. He really used to peeve me off though because as soon as something he didn't like happened it would be 'because he's black'. Someone cuts him off while he's driving - it's not because they didn't see him, or because they're just an inconsiderate driver, it's purely because he's black. He asks a girl out and she says no - surely it couldn't be because she already has a boyfriend, or because she's not attracted to him or because she genuinely is busy - it's because he's black. The shop assistant messed up his change and shortchanged him - it wasn't a mistake, she did it because he's black. On the flip side, as soon as anything good happened it was because he was black too ('black power' apparently :p ). The ONLY person who ever made reference to his colour was him - it used to drive me mad.

[ButterflyKisses]

No...Im sure there are many our there who like to "try" new things, and thats the 10% im reffering to! I know that gay people do not choose who they are attracted to, they just are!IMO it's still a lifestyle choice - just like whether you choose to be good or bad or whether you choose to smoke or not to smoke or drink or be a tee totaller or take drugs or abstain or gamble all your money away or not or bash your wife & kids or not.

There are people who are attracted to the same sex but it's whether they choose to act on it that makes the difference IMO. Just like there are bisexual people out there. They choose to swing both ways. They will tell you they are not gay/lesbian but that they enjoy same sex sex - they choose to act in this way just like you and I choose not to.

One of my cousins was straight as, had long term girlfriends, was studying to be a Baptist Minister, spent time in the Army Reserves and out of the blue I received a Christmas Card from him & who I thought was a new girlfriend. It wasn't until our Nana's funeral that he came out of the closest with his new "girlfriend" as it turned out it was his new boyfriend Jose. At Nana's wake They were sitting on each others laps kissing and cuddling and truly making a specticle of themselves and their behaviour was not very well received by some of my uncles and they told them to knock it off as this was neither the time nor the place to be coming out of the closet and that he should have more respect for our Nana.

anyway I respect your opinion and I have mine so we'll agree to disagree on this issue.

[jaimie]

[QUOTE=ButterflyKisses]IMO it's still a lifestyle choice - just like whether you choose to be good or bad or whether you choose to smoke or not to smoke or drink or be a tee totaller or take drugs or abstain or gamble all your money away or not or bash your wife & kids or not. [QUOTE=ButterflyKisses]

I dont think i agree with the comparisons you have made here. You are comparing drinking and smoking to being a non smoker and drinker which are obviously 'BAD'. I dont think that being straight should be viewed as being the 'GOOD' choice and being gay as the 'BAD' choice. And i agree that homosexuality is not a choice. Most gay people you speak to dont wish to be part of a minority but what choice do the have? They only want the same rights as everybody else and its just a shame that gay relationships are still not legally recognised the same as staight relationships are.

[JoshienEmmiesmummy]

I just want to clarify my previous post in the fact that i have NO issues with gay people, if thats who they are the so be it. I have an issue with the fact that using that as the reason for why a person gets treated they way they do is a total cop out. The reason a person gets treated the way they do is entirely because they bring it upon themselves through actions and crying out for attention, then hiding behind their so called "label". This goes for skin colour, sexuality and even in the case of being a teen, they blame the fact they they get treated a certain way they do because they are a teen and not because they can be irrational and not quite thinking like an adult.

Being gay is NOT a lifestyle choice as someone mentioned, You are or you aren't. That 10% who are supposedly gay by choice really have no clue who they are, and circumstance may be what brought them to wear they are. (ie: s girl sexually abused turns to women for companions due to a fear of men).

Why should the minority have something to prove. I understand that being different in a sea of "sames" could be quite daunting, but there's no reason to bring MORE attention to the fact. Of course people would take offence, why wouldnt you.

I mentioned about the my sis wearing a shirt with 2 girls kissing, and would like to clarify that the shirt isnt what bothers me its that she whines about how she gets looked at funny etc, when she is bringing the attention to herself. I too hate seeing anyone kissing etc in public, there's a time and a place, heterosexual or not. My point is if your getting treated strange look at why you are and dont blame your "label" for it.

BTW on the tshirt thing, having a man and woman kissing on a tshirt would hardly be worn, the fact it's two girls gives a sense of shock factor that a lot of gay people like to do. I guess i'll never understand it and this is just my opinion i dont mean any of this to sound harsh it is just early and i havent quite woken up.

Oh and a funny story just to add, my Step-uncle is gay too, he lives in sydney and visits at xmas time etc. The last 3 xmas's we have had, he has gotten himself so drunk that by the end of the night he is literally cracking on to my partner. DP s**ts himself every year now coz good ol uncle *** might try play footsies under the table with him again or comment on what lovely knees he has! lmao i take no offence he is blind drunk when it happens and remembers nothing of it the next day!

[misskittyfantastico]

"I am the only gay in the village" springs to mind:p

[bekkyboo]

My closest friend in the world is gay. Then my two closest friends after that are gay also... I have no problem with their lifestyle choices at all, i shared an apartment with two of them when i lived in sydney, i went out clubbing with them - so ive seen that world... only one of these friends you would be able to tell they were gay, they dont 'queen' it up or anything...

anyway getting to the point of my post, it isnt a choice for them - as one of my friends stated to me one day "Why the hell would i choose a life of ridcule and torment. Why would i choose not to have a wife and have children, IF i could be 'normal' i would, but this is who i am" - ok he worded it better than that, but you get the drift, who would choose to be seperated like that....?

[Tam-I-Am]

This is a really interesting thread, and I agree and disagree with so much of it!!

I too, think that being homosexual is something that is genetically pre-determined. Butterfly kisses - just a thought - did you "chose" to be straight? did you "chose" to be attracted to men? Is it possible that, if you didn't (as I suspect you didn't) that other people don't chose to be attracted to who they are - You are right in the fact that they chose who they actually sleep with, but if you are attracted to one sex and not the other, then it makes sense to sleep with the people who you are attracted to!! Ie If you are attracted to people of the same sex, why would you chose to sleep with people of the opposite sex - it wouldn't make sense, and the only reason you would be doing it is to satisfy people who think that there is something wrong with being gay. And I don't think that that's necessary in this day and age in this country.

I agree however that there are people from minority groups, be it race, sexual orientation or other, who do deliberately draw attention to themselves for whatever reason - I think often its because they feel as though they have to force other people to accept their minority status, so they draw heaps of attention to it, and this would be okay if they were willing to accept the consequences of doing so - but there are always going to be people who DONT accept minorities, and give them a hard time for expressing their minority status - ie like the looks that your sister gets when wearing her t-shirt, JoshienEmmiesmummy - and this is when they blame that behaviour on their minority status rather than the attention they are drawing to it!

I have a problem with anybody being sexually explicit in their behaviour in public - be they hetrosexual or homosexual. I wouldn't want to watch a man and woman kissing and being all over each other in public, so why should I want to watch a homosexual couple do so.

Mummabear - I agree completely with what you were saying too - hubby and I used to be quite good friends with an interracial couple - the guy was black from USA - and everything that went wrong in his life was because he was black. He was cheating on his then fiance and when it caused fights in our friendship group, and eventually broke it up - it was because he was black and we didn't want to be friends with him, supposedly, not because he was being an @rsehole to his fiance and we had a problem with his behaviour! This sort of thing really p!sses me off because do not consider myself to be a prejudiced person - not against anyone, but this guy made out like I was a racist - just like I've been accused of being a homophobe in the past - and this is just not the case!

Anyway, bit of a long answer, but this is just my two cents

[nemosmum]

Tami- great post especially the explaination about homosexuality being predisposed:D totally agree:thumbsup:


Just to add a little fuel to the other debate going on here re: people blaming their race for stuff that goes wrong in their lives.

I think alot of people havent experienced years and years (Like in my DH's case 29 years) of people and groups putting him down, snubbing him, singleing him out and basicaly acting in a negetive way because of the way he looks.

Until you walk in someone elses shoes (try 29 years lol) then you really have no first hand knowledge about how hard it is to just suck it up and "Build a bridge" and get over it. Its not always that easy, especially when you face it every day and in all different situations.

That said my DH doesnt play the race card and he doesnt blame his skin colour for stuff that happens to him, even when in my honest opinon he should ; like for eg at his last job they had a huge meeting with execs from interstate and the head of the company comes down and does this great speech ( about petrol or something they were working on) ending it with "Hope none of you guys are into sniffing petrol*pause*oh thats right only Abo's sniff petrol" hahaha real funny NOT

My DH didnt even blink when this was said infront of him be cause he deals with it all the time and knows that theres no point in kicking up a fuss about the little things in life.

My point is (and I do have one lol) if you've never had this type of stuff dealt out to you your whole life dont pre judge those who have. Thanks for reading this post:)

[diamonds22]

Just to add my lil 2c worth....I agree totally with Sassymummy, my older sister is gay and whenever my mum has a disagreement with her its not over the topic they are fighting about its always 'because she’s gay' in her opinion.

I get criticized by my sister because i'm in a 'normal' relationship (her words, not mine) and instead of her being happy about me having a baby..all she could say was 'oh well mum and dad will be happy now, your the fav cos your not gay'.

She’s always adding snide remarks and whenever we argue I feel like I have to tip toe around her because I know she will interpret everything I say as a criticism, because oh guess what, shes gay when IMO it has nothing to do with it.

I find it very frustrating, because its always the same old excuse. I find myself avoiding her now because i'm sick of having to suger coat everything for her..and yet she can say the rudiest/disrespectful things to me and my hubby and I just have to put up with it because if I say anything...of course its cos shes gay!! sooo annoying!!:mad:

[Mummabear]

Nemosmum I totally agree with what you've said. I was more so making a point of my friend blaming things like bad driving, short change, etc. on being black. The sorts of things that happen to all of us pretty much everyday. Comments like the ones your DH had at work are simply not on - and he's certainly a bigger person than me if he could sit there and not be offended by it - I would be offended by it and I'm not coloured.

Once we went to a restaurant and I do honestly believe that my friend was treated rudely for no other reason than his skin colour so even though we had ordered I told him to get his coat and told the waitress that we were leaving and why (in a loud enough voice for other patrons to hear) - surprisingly enough, this one time when he was discriminated against he didn't say anything - I did.

I think the 'walking in other people's shoes' is a good philosophy to live your life by - not just realting to race, sexuality, etc - but for everything.

[nemosmum]

Thanks MummaBear:thumbsup:

I saw this on Oprah the other day when they had the cast of "Crash" on.

A young guy who happened to be Jewish took his girlfriend out to a nice restuarant for a meal and when he was given the check he noticed on the bottom of the check it said in bold type Jew couple:eek: I was very shcoked as when the young man pointed it out to the manager he seemed to think nothing of it and the couple didnt even get an apology:mad:

Sorry for this post as I know it is totally off topic:o

[rynosmum]

"I am the only gay in the village" springs to mind:p

Good to see another fan !:D

[Mummy-2-2]

I have found through personal experience that I blame something on something (good english!) it is usually because I am insecure.

for example- she looked at me funny cos Im a young mum
my friend blew me off today because she is sick of my kids being so constant

in other words I put onto other people what I think they are thinking about me.

if I think my hair looks funny today- everybody else does too
if my skin is darker than everyone elses and I know that a monirity doesnt like dark skinned people- the EVERYBODY doesnt like me cos of my dark skin (eg only- im white as they come!! people prob laugh at my "too whiteness"!!)

Im sure we have all done it, felt really "thingy" about a particular thing and then blown it completely out of proportion in our heads.

I dont think it is just a gay/race issue, it is an insecure person issue.

----now if you understood that post:yelclap: :laughing:

[diamonds22]

Mummy-2-2

That’s a really good perception of it, I believe that may be the reason my sister does it so often. Thanks I hadn’t thought of that before.

[WeThree]

"I am the only gay in the village" springs to mind:p

hehehe, my brother is called David, so I like to call him 'Daffyd' :p

Anyway, back to the topic, sort of, in life there will always be jerks, you will always have jerks who make fun of someone for the colour they are, or their sexual orientation or their disability, and there will always be people who are jerks who use the fact that they are in a 'minority' to act like jerks. Some people are just pain in the necks, regardless of the fact that they are in a wheelchair or have dark or pink skin, being in a minority or not doesnt always necessarily make you a nice person. :rolleyes: :)

[WeThree]

I have found through personal experience that I blame something on something (good english!) it is usually because I am insecure.

for example- she looked at me funny cos Im a young mum
my friend blew me off today because she is sick of my kids being so constant

in other words I put onto other people what I think they are thinking about me.

if I think my hair looks funny today- everybody else does too
if my skin is darker than everyone elses and I know that a monirity doesnt like dark skinned people- the EVERYBODY doesnt like me cos of my dark skin (eg only- im white as they come!! people prob laugh at my "too whiteness"!!)

Im sure we have all done it, felt really "thingy" about a particular thing and then blown it completely out of proportion in our heads.

I dont think it is just a gay/race issue, it is an insecure person issue.

----now if you understood that post:yelclap: :laughing:

very true, i agree we often assume things od people because it is in fact us that are feeling self conscious or in secure, great post! :thumbsup:

[Mummabear]

----now if you understood that post

Not only did I understand it :laughing: but I totally agree with it :yelclap:

Very well said :thumbsup:

[pegasus]

The only thing I'm curious about is the genetic predisposition...

All people have DNA from a male and a female so shouldn't your genetic predisposition be that you grow up attracted to a member of the opposite sex if this was the case.:confused: Having said that, I am aware that there are a small proportion of people who are born with two sets of genitals (eg ovaries and penis).

[Ana Gram]

What about transexuals pegasus? They have the body of one sex but the mind of the other.

[SassyMummy]

I agree that those who use their "whatevers" as an excuse are only doing so because they are feeling unconfident about themselves in regards to that particular "whatever".

When "good looking" people are rude to me, I generally think it's because they think I'm ugly and fat. That being said, however, when I get into a fight with my mother/partner/brother etc, I don't blast them with: "It's because I'm fat and ugly!"

I might also mention that, this woman on the Dr Phil show, called her sister and sister's husband "Breeders" because they have had babies. I would have thought that someone who is gay (and therefore taunted because of matters beyond their control) would understand that people are who they are...and that no one way (other than to taunt others) was "wrong".

Please realise that I am not homophobic, and that I am not accusing the gay community of hiding behind their sexuality. I got the impression that some of you thought I was...so sorry to confuse you. If I DID generalise, I apologise...I realise that not ALL gays etc are that way.

On another note: What do you think about "labels"? Do you find it okay to call someone "gay" and someone "black"?

I do - I wouldn't mind it if someone called me "white"...because that's what I am (well, I'm more of a "natural beige" according to my foundation bottle...lol:rolleyes: ). I also find it an easier way to describe people. It narrows it down a little when you're trying to point someone out. I don't like it, however, when people refer to Asain people as "Chinese" or "Japanese" or whatever...because the majority of the time, we have no idea where they hail from and they are two different cultures. I find that kind of offensive and ignorant...

[pegasus]

Sorry - it was a bit tongue in cheek - I just meant that people here were talking about genetic predisposition and due to the fact that I'm not gay I didn't feel qualified to comment on whether it was something you felt as you got older or you felt when you were born.

Just for the record, I do have some good mates who are gay and have no problem with them or their orientation. (None of them are in your face IYKWIM). I also have a friend who's brother is a queen - again - no issues. So my post was moreso just to pose another idea.

BTW - I saw Dr Phil yesterday and I thought the issues were a lot greater than this lady being gay.

As for the labelling thing - did anyone see Grant on Sunrise yesterday saying that Fairy Penguins aren't called that anymore for PC reasons - they are now Little Penguins!

[reAllytee]

As for the labelling thing - did anyone see Grant on Sunrise yesterday saying that Fairy Penguins aren't called that anymore for PC reasons - they are now Little Penguins!


You have got to be kidding !!!!!
Where the hell is this madness going to stop ?!?!?!?!?!? :banghead:

[Mister Noodle]

Personally, I can't imagine growing up (gay|kink|trans|etc) and NOT ending up with an in-your-face attitude about it - especially in a conservative society. Either that, or be a doormat.

Think about it. Imagine getting a negative reaction wherever you go, ranging from pity to hatred. At best, people are going to tolerate you, or like you in spite of what you are. If you're really lucky, people are just going to be patronising, or if you play all your cards right, and eat up all of your vegetables... the very best you can hope for most of the time is to just make people really uncomfortable.

Sorry, but that's one pretty damn huge millstone to be carrying around your neck, especially if you had to carry it since you were a kid. And as far as I can see, you can either flush your self-esteem down the toilet, or you can pick it up and beat people over the head with it.

No, it's not well-balanced. In an ideal world, nobody would give a damn, and all the fuss would be as unjustified and as ridiculous as it looks. But this isn't an ideal world, and sometimes you just get handed a **** sandwich and you just have to choke it down as best you can.

And if people don't like how you turn out because of it - tough. Spend your energy on making a world where it doesn't need to happen, and it won't happen.

We've taken great strides with the racism issue - does anyone remember Guess who's coming to dinner? (http://imdb.com/title/tt0061735/) - people these days would have a hard time even understanding what the problem was meant to be. We still have a long way to go on the issue, but I'll say this - people no longer even notice 'interracial' couples, and where they occur in popular culture, it carries no meaning or political comment whatsoever.

And when gay couples reach the same completely invisible "Um, what about it?" status, only THEN will people have no reason to get a little twisted up and in your face about being gay. Until then, things are not as they should be on any side of the fence - and I think we need to cut the girl some slack for being the product of her environment. Not an infinite amount of slack - you still have to be a good person. But a chip on her shoulder about her sexuality... I think we can put up with.

[Mister Noodle]

Oh, and as for the genetic-predisposition thing - drastically oversimplifying, latest research seems to indicate that an attraction-to-males predispostiion is coded on the X chromosome, and usually gets expressed in females - but sometimes it gets expressed in males as well. So yes, it's hereditary, but no, it doesn't get bred out of existence, because it's a strong reproductive trait in females.

[pegasus]

Thanks for that Mister Noodle - one of the reasons I'd posted as I had was that it's something that I don't know about - it's had the desired effect - someone's posted an answer:yelclap:

[SweetSerenity]

Oh, and as for the genetic-predisposition thing - drastically oversimplifying, latest research seems to indicate that an attraction-to-males predispostiion is coded on the X chromosome, and usually gets expressed in females - but sometimes it gets expressed in males as well. So yes, it's hereditary, but no, it doesn't get bred out of existence, because it's a strong reproductive trait in females.

I totally agree!
We have a family member back in hungary (distant relative) and he's gay also!

Also as one of the other ladies said, why would someone choose to live a lifestyle like this, my brother has even said so...I remember telling me if he had a choice, he would choose to be straight, but he can't. He's ALWAYS felt this way and can't change it.

Sassymum...hi sweetie! Just wanted to say i NEVER though you didn't like gay people at all :)