Me~yes Him~no????

[jes]

Hi there:)

I would love some helpful advice PLEASE.

When we had our daughter 8 months ago i swore black and blue that i didnt want another baby! EVER*LOL* BUT now i have decided that i would LOVE to be pregnant again by the time Emma is 12months old! The only thing is that my DP was very happy to just have one baby, and being the stubbon person he is*LOL*wont even consider changing his mind!!!!:banghead:

I have told a few close friends and alot of them believe that its mostly MY decision and i should just do what I want!! BUT i dont agree with decieving(SP?) my DP and having a baby that wasnt 'wanted' by both parents.


SO i have a big problem!!! How do i go about trying to convince him to 'want' another baby????


ANY advice is welcome:smiliedance:



Thanks heaps jessie

[Shan]

Hey sweetie i know excalty how you feel! I have a gorgeous daughter and i have always wanted her to have someone to grow up with! My partner was against this for so long! It would bring me to tear's each time that we mention kids because i wanted another so bad! I tried to talk about it almost everyday, and its only recently i think he has come around!

Our daughter is 19 months old now and he loves her to bits! He felt he didnt contribute much when she was a baby, and was all so new to him!

Now that bubby is 19 months old HE can see that she needs to interact with childern, and that she needs someone to grow up with!:kiss:

I relized that i was putting HUGE presure on him and that was'nt helping at all! I once talked about another baby everyday but i have tried so hard not to mention it for weeks now so he can have some time to think!

In saying that i think we are trying soon (well i hope LOL) to have another baby!

So hang in there in understand how you are feeling! It was taking over my mind, always thinking about a new baby! But i have learn't to relax, it did take some time though!:)

So good luck and enjoy your little angel for now!

[mysonroger]

maybe he just needs more time to digest everything. somtimes you think blokes just aint going to change their minds....they say NO and any more times you bring up the matter they cut you down by saying you're nagging. it is definitely a joint decision. you would feel cheated if he made a monumental decision, such as selling the house, without consulting you.
i reckon its all in the timing of when you bring it up. obviously now is not the time for him, but if you're willing to wait a few more months, and you present your side of the arguement in a smart manner, which means forseeing all his objections and having a solution ready, not letting yourself get angry or upset (ie too emotional) and not getting sidetracked by other irrelevant issues that undoubtedly come up during arguements.
it is really important to find out what his objectives are first (ie is it financial burden, scared of the responsibility, loss of freedom, etc) so you can contemplate those solutions
...another trick is when blokes sometimes hear it from somebody they respect can give them a whole new perspective on the matter. or visiting people with more than one children who will speak positively about it.
in the past when i need to discuss something important with someone, i have written down all my thoughts, then organised them in some sort of order or list and rehersed it in my head. then when the time comes i have my list with me so i get to the matter at heart and don't get sidetracked. i felt like i was really in control when i have done this....and took deep breaths if i felt myself getting upset.
let me know how you get on

[jes]

Thank you both for your gr8 advice!

I think i will just let him be for a while and maybe he will come up with the idea all by himself*LOL*

Im pretty sure that he will change his mind if i stop bugging him! Its just so hard when thats all i can think of! I think he is a bit scared that the next baby will have problems like our first( she had GASTROSCHISIS and had to spend 3 weeks in ICN & SCN) but there is pretty much 0% chance that it will happen again!

Is there a sneaky way of putting the idea in his mind without saying it:detective:

[mysonroger]

yeah, get someone else to bring it up.......... without it sounding like it came from you. not a girl friend but a male friend.
worth a go

[MrsScatterbrain]

I agree - give it some time and give the subject another gentle prod!!

Something else that might also help is spending some time with families with two kids (if you know some) - if your DP sees how much fun they are having, he might have a change of heart!! :)

[IAdoreYou]

hey jes :D

hopefully by the time hubbie comes around I will be really ready again and we can DO it together again !!!! :smiliedance:

[jes]

Hi there,

Well my DP is sending me a little insane! He is so confusing when it comes to this topic!!! If i just ask him straight out 'lets have another baby' he replies with 'NO NO NO' BUT 2 days ago he was laying in bed with Emma having a bit of a 'father daughter chat' (sooo cute;) )and he said mummy i wana ask you a couple of questions(from Emma)the first one was 'can i stay up late with daddy tonight*LOL* And the next one was ' mummy can i have a little brother' OMIGOD, so i though ok just play it cool i dont wana get over excited! So i just said ok sweetie you can have a little brother or sister!

AND there hasnt been anymore talk about it, so im VERY confused? should i be :smiliedance: and ask hime when he wants to try or should i leave it a while then ask?

thanks guys, i really hope i havnt got my hopes up for nothing!!!