First appointment blues

[pinkpoppies]

So my partner and I had our first appointment at an IVF clinic in Sydney today and have come away upset and confused.

The doctor spent the WHOLE appointment berating me for being over weight - yes I have put on weight in the last year (I am 155cm and 68kg). He printed pamphlet after pamphlet on losing weight and basically said if I didnt fall pregnant then that was the reason (besides having endometriosis, adhesions and two blocked tubes).

At the end of it he sent us to have blood tests but did not go through what would be involved in the ivf process or what our next step would be. I came away feeling humiliated and depressed and we havent even started.

I dont want to become one of those people to drift from one clinician to another to hear what i want to hear.... but i cant help but feel like the doctor patient relationship should also be one of support and encouragement.

Should i stick with it (was it a test of character??? - I failed miserably as i left in tears)... or should i find another clinic?

[SuperWoman]

I would go and see another FS. I am your roughly your height and weigh more than you and have never been told that at all. To me, that isn't right. He seemed cold and uncaring and didn't even mention your other problems which are the reasons you are there.I would definatly go and see someone else. I am sorry your first appointment went like this. That isn't right at all hun. Here are some hugs for you xoxo:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[shellf]

I can understand that you don't want to hop from clinic to clinic - but if that was my first appointment - it would definately be my last one there - HOW RUDE!!!!!!!!

[Nae]

I am not sure what clinic you are with, but I definetly wouldn't be going back there..

I am with Westmead Fertility Clinic, I am abit overweight and although it was suggested that I should lose a couple of kilo's it was done with sincerety and kindness, but it wasn't a defining factor in accepting me or not.

I am 5ft 3 and weigh about 100kilo's and have done for the past 5 years...

Find another clinic, for your sanity!!

Good Luck

[MrsPee]

:kiss: If there was a Hugy Icon as well I would have used it.

What a Jerk :mad:

I am another one that is with Westmead and I have not been told at all that I should lose weight. I know that it would help but I have only put weight on after trying for so long and nothing.

I would honestly look at another clinic/Doctor.

I am sure that there are alot of us that would only be happy to offer you some suggestions on another Doc if you wanted to go that way?

Good Luck

[plumptobump]

Yet another Westmead-er here...and altho my weight was mentioned, it was not used in a discouraging way. I weigh WAY more than you do and am only a little taller, but was only encouraged to continue losing weight. I would def find somewhere else!

[kas3]

Well I'm your height and 84 kilos. My ob hasn't said ANYTHING to me about my weight. (I know I'm overweight, jeez I don't really need anyone pointing it out.) I dunno if it's different with IVF, but I've been told my healthy range is 48-60 kilos. So at 68 kilos, I wouldn't have thought your weight would be a problem at all. JMO.

[Tam-I-Am]

That's absolutely disgusting and appalling behaviour on behalf of your fertility specialist - and no, it wasn't a test of character, it was him showing his rude true colours.

Please, please, find somebody else. You would NOT put up with that kind of behaviour from a sales person, your mechanic, the person who makes your coffee etc - you shouldn't put up with it from a FS either. YOU'RE paying HIM and its his job to increase your chances of having a baby - not to berate you like you're an errant school child :hugs:

Besides ANYTHING else, if you were to go STRICTLY by BMI (which has been demonstrated time and time again to be ineffective at calculating health, as it doesn't take into account muscle versus fat mass), your BMI is 28. "normal" weight range is 18 - 25, "overweight" is 26 - 30. So you would have to drop only a couple of kilos to get back into the 'normal' weight range - hardly something that's going to cause infertility.

:hugs: Please don't let one rude, awful man get you down - no matter what his professional qualifications :hugs:

[JnA]

:iagree:

[Myztik]

That's absolutely disgusting and appalling behaviour on behalf of your fertility specialist - and no, it wasn't a test of character, it was him showing his rude true colours.

Please, please, find somebody else. You would NOT put up with that kind of behaviour from a sales person, your mechanic, the person who makes your coffee etc - you shouldn't put up with it from a FS either. YOU'RE paying HIM and its his job to increase your chances of having a baby - not to berate you like you're an errant school child :hugs:

Besides ANYTHING else, if you were to go STRICTLY by BMI (which has been demonstrated time and time again to be ineffective at calculating health, as it doesn't take into account muscle versus fat mass), your BMI is 28. "normal" weight range is 18 - 25, "overweight" is 26 - 30. So you would have to drop only a couple of kilos to get back into the 'normal' weight range - hardly something that's going to cause infertility.

:hugs: Please don't let one rude, awful man get you down - no matter what his professional qualifications :hugs:

:yes:

[pinkpoppies]

After not very much sleep and alot of tears I think that its best I find another clinic. I wasnt sure before as I thought maybe i was over reacting and also the fact that this doctor was highly recommended but in either case its probably not beneficial to be made to feel so worthless and stupid. And he was sooooo arrogant and rude.

I am not sure as to how to go about finding another clinic. Do I need another referral? My partner and I dont even really know the extent of what is involved in the process (apart from internet research) as he didnt explain anything. I actually work at Westmead Hospital (the clinic we went to yesterday was in Parramatta) but my partner works in the city and we both live in the city so I dont know if its best choosing one closer to home or my work.

Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

Thanks for all the love and support - it has really helped me.

[Nae]

Seeing that you work at Westmead Hospital, I would highly recommend Westmead Fertility Clinic at the Hospital itself. Most of the appointments are in the morning for Blood Test and Ultra Sounds and I didn't take my DH to those so he could take the time off work when I needed him for the ET and Transfer...needed his stuff then, but besides that it was all about me. Seeing that my DH has a weak stomach it was better for me to leave him at home.:laughing:

You would need a referral. The nurses there are amazing, answering all my questions that I felt nervous about asking my Doctor at first.

I see Dr Howard Smith and he is amazing, funny and very caring.

You will also be amazed at there prices, but please don't let that reflect the service that they offer - it's a public clinic with very private service.


Renea:thumbsup:

[kel262]

Hi Pinkpoppies:wave:,
Its definetly a good idea you find another FS. Dealing with all the emotions of infertility is hard enough without having to deal with a FS with no bedside manner. You need a FS/clinic/nurses who is supportive and easy to talk to/ ask Questions of. I think this can make your journey a lot more pleasant.

Good luck:flowerz:

[nevergivenup]

Hi Pinkpoppies - I am absolutely astounded by the comments of your FS. How ridiculous is that! I think they are just looking for a back up plan to blame it on if it doesn't work for you. My weight has gone up since I started this ivf journey, mainly because I was getting differing opinions about excercising whilst TTC so therefore did no excercising. I am currently 69kilos at the moment and I think I'm healthy, although I would like to lose a few kilos. How many people do we all know that weigh a lot more than us who have had successful pregnancies. I think it's important to eat a healthy diet as much as possible but again how many people do we know of who drink and smoke and once again achieve pregancy. They are only making us obsess over every little detail unnecessarily.

It's so important to feel comfortable with your FS. I absolutely adore mine, she is so positive and understanding and very caring. She even documents all our conversations in a letter for me to help remember all that we discussed at our appointments. I definately, think you need to find a FS that you feel is understanding of you and DH. I think there are some FS's out there who have been in the game too long and have become very inpersonal because of it.

[jesmon]

Hello,
I totally agree with NeverGivenUp, there are some clinicians that have been around too long and have forgotten that we have feelings and how to treat us.
We saw one of the top clinicians in Melb 3 years ago and he had absolutely no bedside manner, he wouldn't even look at us when he spoke to us. We had all the tests & he came back with nothing wrong with either one of us but IVF was our only option, without explaining anything. Gave us a stack of brochures, said let me know what you want to do but make up your mind quickly. We decided if there was nothing wrong with us, then we'd go home and keep trying.
We tried everything in the meantime, naturopaths etc etc but still no luck, so we went to another clinician this year, went thru all the tests again (cos the last ones were 3 years ago) and this time it came back that there are probs with both DH & myself, (funny that) same verdict IVF. We only had to redo the tests as there had been a longer period of time between tests, otherwise he would have just got our records from our previous doctor.
We love our current doctor, he explains everything and makes us feel so comfortable.
It's your body, and your feelings and your life. This is a hard enough journey without someone who should know better putting you down.
When we went back to our GP, we told her who we'd seen before and why we didn't want him anymore, so she referred us to one who she had had alot of good reports about.

Good luck :hugs:

[LandB21]

I have just been reading this thread and I am now quite nervous about my 1st appt with FS. I am quite overweight (although I am trying to lose it!) and I hope I don't have the same experience! The whole IVF process is emotional enough without that sort of added pressure. Hope all goes well with your new FS.

[jesmon]

HI Landb21,
Welcome!!!
Good luck with your first appointment, and don't be nervous, I'm sure it will all be fine.
BUT, if you don't feel comfortable after the first consultation, go back to your GP & ask for a referral to another specialist before you go any further, in hindsight I wish we'd done that.

[pinkpoppies]

A question for the ladies at Westmead Fertility clinic - is there a long waiting list to see a specialist there?

[Nae]

Hi PinkPoppy,

I had to wait 2 weeks to see my Doctor. I have heard of some ladies waiting longer than a month.
I got the impression that it depended on what Doctor you want to see. My Dr is Howard Smith and I didn't even see him on my 1st appointment, I saw one of his associates - which was fine.

Let me know when you get your appointment.

Good Luck I have been thinking of you.:flowerz:

[plumptobump]

Like Nae said, it depends on which dr you see. Im also with Dr Smith and it was a 2-month wait to get in to see him, but I had them put my name down for any cancellations and I got in within a couple of weeks. The other FS there have shorter waiting times.

[IVFcrazylady]

I am not sure what clinic you are with, but I definetly wouldn't be going back there..

I am with Westmead Fertility Clinic, I am abit overweight and although it was suggested that I should lose a couple of kilo's it was done with sincerety and kindness, but it wasn't a defining factor in accepting me or not.

Find another clinic, for your sanity!!

Good Luck

WESTMEAD ROCKS!
I am also from westmead, and i am about 95kgs, and 5'8......so yeah a little overweight. My dr was so supportive and actually wrote me out how many serves of fruit and vegie and red meat that is required to hold a healthy pregnancy.....I followed that and havent put on any weight from the drugs.... If you can get to westmead, i would seriously consider going there!!! I saw Dr Smith! He is wonderful! And he understands how badly we as women and couples want this dream to become a reality!

(i changed to westmead after being with sydney IVF for 12 months.......)

:bfp::goodvibes:

Like Nae said, it depends on which dr you see. Im also with Dr Smith and it was a 2-month wait to get in to see him, but I had them put my name down for any cancellations and I got in within a couple of weeks. The other FS there have shorter waiting times.


In the same boat as britt.... My whole seeing dr smith process was ridden on cancelled appointments! e.g My first appointment with him wasnt until MID January 2nd appointement wasnt until LATE march.......:eek: but i was all done and dusted by mid Feb as i got cancelled appointments all the time!!!! :smiliedance:

I actually started my IVF cycle before my 2nd appointment was booked in for!!! :sunshine:

I got a referal for me and hubby from my GP. All it said was Ainsley and Joshua have been seeing sydney IVF for 12 months and are not happy with the service. Can you please see if it is appropriate to treat them at WFC!
:D easy!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

[jesslee83]

Hello there,

Yep, can't agree more with the others - get a second opinion for sure!!!

Hey Ains - can I ask what you didn't like about Sydney IVF??

[IVFcrazylady]

At the time i just felt so used......For my failures....My fs would drag me into the office weekly, charge me $88 and give me blood test results that could have been done over the phone! I also felt like he was failing me as a specialist because after 6 cycles of clomid and considering i ovulated off all of them, he told me at all day 21 blood tests that this looked like the month.....i always got a :bfn:. When i went across to westmead dr smith gave me 3 major tests that hadnt been even spoken about and dr smith said to me, no wonder you got 6 failed cycles of clomid.....these are routine and base tests. (hy-co-sy, blood sugar levels, and POCS) To be honest i felt like i was just a money machine for the fs......:(

Its different for everyone cause i have a friend that recieved 2 babies from sydney IVF!!! Both IVF babies, from the same cycle.....yet born 3 years apart!!! :yes:

[pinkpoppies]

Thanks everyone. I have decided to go back to the GP and get a referral to Westmead. Seeing as I work at the hospital I guess that it will also be convenient if cancelled appointments are up for grabs too.

My partner and I are getting married in a week and a half so I might wait until after that whirlwind though!!

The wedding was another reason that I was so upset about the last FS rudeness about my weight.... we all want to look nice in our wedding dress!!!

You guys have all been so kind and helpful... I will be sure to let you know how it all goes at Westmead.

Thanks again!!:hugs:

[MrsPee]

Good Luck Pinkpoppies,

I see Dr Melhem with westmead and it took me 6 weeks to get in for a 1st appt. Her private rooms are also not far from Hospital. I.e walking distance. :)

Let us know how you get on.