I'm very glad about this new thread!

[Malin]

Hello to you all!
I must say I'm very glad about this new tread.
I practice what I call it instinct parenting, just happend this way.
Me and my husband came to realise very early days we where doing things very different from main stream parenting.
I found Dc Sears web site by searching the net by luck and that web site help me to assure me that I was more than ok to carrie you baby in a baby bjorn/ sling all day LOL
and to co sleep and breastfeeding you baby to sleep.
From then on we still trust our own instincts, with no punnishment, If I act up would I sit on a chair for 2 minutes, no way LOL!!!!
WE like to turn lots of things to funny games, It sure can be fun to brush our teeth if you sing and dance.
Most of the time we have happy days, sometimes not!
we don't mask our feelings in our house.
We do know freedom, and like to give our son as much freedom we can give, to learn, and to live and play, who cares if our dinner that night turned to a great creation!
It's nice with lot's of food in a glas of water, and you can drink it too yummy.


I have learnt over the last few years that parents got to do what works for their family..........

[AM]

Nice to meet you!

I have heard AP referred to as instinctual parenting before, and think that is a lovely name for it.
Do you have many people around you who are suportive of the way you parent?
I find the relative isolation a little hard going at times.

Angie

[Malin]

It's nice to have like minded people around you, but no I don't hang around other Instinct parents. But I do have great support from my husband, and my mum.
I don't care how other parents bring up their kids it's up to them.
I found that in this stage in my life, it's very hard to make new friends but I'm currently meeting up with some other mums that seem very open minded, and we all accept that we are all different, and we don't judge each other. We just meet up and have a chat and let the kids have a play....
But I found that the N.P web site very good, when I need to know there are other parents out there simular to myself....


Cheers Malin

[veronica]

I have also found the NP site excellent and very supportive. I wouldn't consider myself fully NP but in the end it doesn't matter its like as long as you follow what you believe is best. I have always done things my way even if MCHN disagreed etc. I do not cosleep but have always breast fed to sleep and certainly don't believe you can spoil a baby.

Something I've really noticed lately is how on this site there are quite a few people who seek to justify their non-NP actions (elective ceasers / bottles by choice, etc) by calling natural birth uncivilised and by also trying to say that breast isn't best, etc. I have found it really frustrating to the point where I thought I might not come to this forum anymore. The thing is if they want to choice more 'detached parenting' that is OK and it is their business, but I get quite angry that they justify it by denigrating the natural alternatives.

I have made several conscious NP decisions (before I knew there was a tag) and when I did that it wasn't because I thought that bottle was terrible or that csections were wrong but I knew from research and instinct that breast and natural were best. So why can't they live and let live? I can't help but think that they must know deep down that they are not doing what is 'optimum' so they post defensively. It's a shame really as formula isn't bad just not as good so why can't they extend us the same courtesy KWIM?

Sorry to babble but it has been really upsetting me lately!! And my biggest fear is someone out there will read it and then make the 'wrong' choice based on that instead of the research. I also really think that the particular bottle feeders I'm talking about woul dhave faired much better with better help. For instance I didn't follow the breast feeding advice and until this day (9 months later) still feed one side per feed so that bubs gets enough hindmilk, I don't get mastitis and she also settles really well. Yet even I get told by the nurses that I should feed both per feed - why? She is gaining well!

If only we listened to ourselves and our bubs more!

[Kat]

Hi Veronica,
I too am really happy about this thread.

The us/them debate with some parenting choices drives me batty too! I fail to see the point. I know some bottle feeders from birth and others who are changing to formula at 12 weeks. I don't make comments on their parenting or their choices because I know how hard the choices I make are and I know they don't need the aggravation. However I too share your concerns that there is a lot of disempowering information out there (not just on forums) that 'makes it ok' to the point of 'making it preferable' to choose alternatives to natural.

One I think is quite bizarre is that doctors are telling me and others I know that its really only important to breastfeed for 6 weeks! Yet american peadeatricians recommend 1 yr and WHO says 2 years! So where do our drs and chn's get their weird ideas from? (granted - if there is a significant problem - having managed 6 weeks is an achievement and would make a huge difference!)

I was also really pleased to see that you too still feed one side per feed. My girl is only 6 months, but it is very very rarely that I give her both breasts. She just isn't interested anyway and I don't believe in waking her up to feed her again when she is clearly either a. too tired or b. full (or c. both!).

I wonder whether feeding to sleep is AP / NP? not that it matters - I have given up on doing any different. My thought is that there will be plenty of time to change that behaviour later on when we are ready. Sometime she already does nod off without a feed and so I think 'she can do it - she just chooses not to!"

We've recently discovered elimination communication (well PHoebe's been doing it for at least a month - and I had noticed - thought she may have had a urine infection but no - she is just telling us about her needs) - its great - she has gone quite a few times onto the nappy when its been undone for her / lying on the floor (we don't have a potty yet) & I often catch wees straight after they are done because I am a bit slow and didn't get what she was trying to communicate until afterwards. I was so happy to find the topic. I had no idea there was a whole word for what my girl was trying to do (tell me she needed to wee)

that was a bit of a ramble to match yours!

night
Kat

[vickster]

Hi Girls,

Kat, I just read your post. How did you find out about elimination communication? I'd really like to learn more about it, I've never heard of it before. Also, my DD has never taken both breasts either. She's more than content to just have one side at a time. I just don't understand why other people feel it's necessary to push me into giving her both sides when I know she doesn't want it. I'm glad there are other cherubs who only want one boobie at a time!

[Kat]

Hi Vickster!

I found out about EC from one of the links on this thread. Here are two sites I've visited:

http://www.forums.naturalparenting.com.au/showthread.php?p=126238#post126238

http://www.womenofspirit.asn.au/docs/sb_mind_over_matter.pdf

There was also another link that went to a great site that describes EC well - it was the site of a lady selling 'one wet pants' so that might work in a search engine?

Its really amazing and I don't think that its necessarily easy to have this communication with your baby (I think it depends on the baby and the Mum & the dynamics) but I know that our DD has been very vocal and very aware of her body's needs from a very early age - and she is increasingly in control of what she's doing too!

I don't quite have the commitment of other Mums - I just try and pay attention to the signals, and make a comment like "mummy missed what you were telling her" when I see that I missed a wee because I wasn't paying attention / didn't understand the signals. Still plenty of wees go by that I don't see any signals about and don't get straight away.

We have found the poos to be the most odd as from about 6 weeks our DD has only poo-d when she is being 'ignored' or has privacy basically. Originally we thought it was a particular location and were overjoyed that now we could 'control' poos - but then discovered that she was going in a variety of other places after the first few times - and the only correlation was that it was in places / at times when less attention was paid to her! This doesn't do a lot for EC!

I had a thought on the 'offer both breasts' argument! I reckon its probably a medical intervention to 'prevent' mastitis - going on the 'logic' that if from whatever age it is that babies are given both breasts then both are being 'emptied' each feed and then mastitis is unlikely to develop! (just my theory) - I think that is fundamentally flawed for so many reasons tho - not least of which because it creates an artificial feeding environment of large meals less often (not the way babies are designed) and also it means that Mums have to be aware of when they are full / empty which I personally find tricky - Phoebe can continue to suck and swallow on a breast I think is long since 'deflated'!!! Reason #3 for listening to bub and not forcing both breasts on them - the get plenty of the healthy hindmilk!

Kat
who conincindentally did feed on both breasts tonight - because Phoebe woke up and wanted more!

[jessica]

Hi, I know this isn't the main thrust of your conversation but I just want to say my little angel is a one boob girl too and it drives me batty when CHN's try and convince me to "always offer the other side!".... if she wanted the other side she wouldn't push it away or bite it!! :eek:

HOORAY for healthy happy one boob babies! :D

[veronica]

After all this talk of oneboob bubs I think mine is wanting more!!! Lately, especialy in the afternoon and before bed she is wanting more. I don't mind, but again it shows you just follow your bubs cues.

Lately I've also noticed that she has started to want to go to bed awake so for the last four days I've consistenly put her in bed awake and she is loving it - not even crying! I think at her age (9 months) she was just ready for the change. I still don't think though that there is anything wrong with feeding to sleep especially when they are little. It worked perferctly for my DD and I think it makes sense to change things as they get older. It really annoys me when we are told to do 'this, that, and the other thing' with our bubs even when they are so little as otherwise they won't self settle when they are older. I think this is crazy because just as they learn to do more (like sit up, crawl, then walk) so do they learn to do 'more' in terms of sleep.

And kat - I also get really mad when GPs say that breastfeeding after 6 weeks is more for the mum than the bub. I agree that the WHO recommendation is not for no reason. Recently DD got ill, with a fever etc and was better so quickly and I really think that is because she gets all my antibodies. Needless to say I didn't go back to that GP!

Hello to all you other ladies too!! I'd better go now as DD has just woken and I can't wait to get one of her big grins!!

Talk soon
Viv

[bubbaboy]

I would like to hear about someone who has breast fed their bub to sleep and now their child is older and able to put them selves to sleep.
And if so
Was it a hard transition or did it just gracefully happen (fingers crossed).

[veronica]

Hi bubbaboy

In answer to your question, I haven't found it that hard especially since i realised that was what she now wanted and that she was ready for it. For almost a month previously I have really struggled with her sleep going from bad to worse, waking hourly, yet falling asleep as soon as I put her on the breast. I also realised that I was being inconsistent as during the day she was falling asleep herself a lot of the time but then at night I was still feeding to sleep and basically feeding when she woke.

I now still feed her quite a bit, but put her down when I see her tired signs give her her teddy and kiss her and good night, etc. At first she cried a bit (maybe 5 minutes) then she went to sleep. I have done the same routine for every sleep, and now she doesn't even whimper or if she does (rarely) its like 30 seconds. THe first night I decided no more feeds she woke up a lot crying and I would just go in, cuddle, etc but no feed, she would get frantic to get to my breasts so then my husband tried and she calmed for him after some initial crying, and now calms for him easily. The next night she hardly needed any comforting, etc.

THe first night I still feed her at around 3am (as I couldn't be too harsh), then the next night it was 4am, etc until last night it was 5.30am. (Keep in mind when I talk about the first night I mean friday night just gone - not even a week ago!! Last night she woke up once at 3am also but grizzled for like 2 minutes then back to sleep.

IT wasn't really controlled crying more like no more night feeds, with consistent routine, and comforting bu holding, patting, etc.

With another bub I will feed to sleep again when they are little as I think it is natural, and again look for the bub for the cue of when to change. If they are ready and they will let you know it just takes a while sometimes to get the message (took me almost a month!!) then the transition will not be a problem. And remember never to do anyhting that you don't feel comfortable with as all bubs and mums are different. This is just what has worked for me.

Sorry for the essay.

[Chickadee]

Hi all,
I love this thread, I learn a lot from it. Mainly that whatever way I choose to parent that suits me and bub is the best for US, and that's the most important thing.

There was a bit of venting here over the whole issue of "only need to breastfeed 6 weeks". I'm not arguing against breast being best for as long as you can, and I think that GPs and CHN need to be very careful with how they say things. I just want to offer some thoughts on the WHO recommendation for 2 years of breastfeeding. The WHO takes a global viewpoint and does a lot of work in countries where access to safe drinking water isn't assured and it may be difficult if not impossible to adequately clean/sterilise bottle equipment. In australia we're debating breast versus bottle based on antibodies and general nutrution of bub. In a lot of countries the difference between bottle and breast could be life or death for bub, and infant mortality rates under the age of 5 are very high. Hence the WHO push for longer breastfeeding. Just my 2cents.

[veronica]

In australia we're debating breast versus bottle based on antibodies and general nutrution of bub.

In with that being said there is no doubt that breast is best. There are many places to find more info if anyone is geniunely interested such as a book called 'fresh milk'. It comes down to in my mind:

What do calves drink?
cows milk.
What do babies drink?
mothers milk.

I have nothing against formula and if I had to use it then I would as it has been formulated (hence its name) to replicate mothers milk. I personally think however that if there is nothing wrong with your milk which there useually isn't provided you feed enough and take care of yourself then why bother paying for a replica when the genuine article is there and is better.

There are many mums here who have chosen not to breast feed and thats is their choice. I have not entered into an arguement with them, despite the fact they say incorrect things about breast milk in what seems like an attempt to make themselves feel better. In the end there a lots of things to weigh up. This thread however is devoted to the ideals of Natural and Attachment Parenting of which breast feeding is a large part.

In reference to WHO recommendations and third world sanitary conditions, I would agree but as a side point I would also look at the company that makes your tin of formula - are they Nestle by chance? Again if interested look up some of their disgusting work in third world countries and the deaths of bubs as a result. No wonder WHO pushes breast feeding. IMO the real reason certain GPs and CMHN say only 6 weeks is because of social taboos regarding breastfeeding and our cultures obsession with detachment parenting. And thats my 2c.

[Chickadee]

Veronica,

Thanks for your very even reply :) I didn't mean to hijack this thread into a completely different discussion so I'm going to leave the breastfeeding debate to it's proper forum.

Martha

[WeThree]

hieveryone, i have jusy discovered this great thread and i was wondering if any of you could help me? what do you do when your hubby does not share the same views as you when it comes to parenting? i believe in cuddles at night, breast on demand and climbing into bed with mum whenever you want, i think children learn by eg not through punishments or yelling and often a little joke or turning their attn to somethng else can make a big difference to a potentially bad situation. my husband however has little patience with them and yells, smacks and can even use name calling. he is not a bad person and is usually a wonderful father but sometimes it feels like he is another kid and i am trying to keep the peace! i have talked to him so many times about this and he agrees to make more of an effort, but if he doesnt get instant results he resorts back to the same old tactics, it really gets me down and puts a damper on what is otherwise a loving and fun household. any ideas anyone?
ps veronica your a better woman than me for being able to bite your tongue when you read those posts that claim that formula is better than breast milk!

[veronica]

Hi Martha

I don't know if I was very even, perhaps a little defensive, but we've covered that ;) Everyone is welcome on the forum as it's a great place to share ideas and even learn about other ways.

Hi coopsntilly

LOL I don't know if I'm a better woman! Just trying to live and let live! But don't you worry sometimes I have to physically restrain myself LOL :D

I understand where you are coming from re different parenting styles and I think its actually very common. I might have to think on it and reply more later. Its an issue I also think about a lot but with only a 9 month old haven't had many problems - yet!!

Talk soon
Viv

[alicesmum]

i have only just read this thread for the first time. am very much an AP/NP person. coslept, breastfeeding etc. am concerned that some drs are telling women 6 weeks. My GP ( a man) says to do it for as long as you can and baby wants. He says if you r still going at 2 yo, go for it. Anyway, I just assumed all drs were like this!!

re CHNs advice, well, i have NEVER been to one because I trust myself over and above the variable advice that is out there re seemingly trivial matters like what brand of washing detergent to use and whether to offer one boob or both! god.... do what works!

i have to go away from alice for a week when she is 12 months old. I really want to keep br'feeding her but refuse to express express express before I go away as I know that will only make my boobs go haywire while i'm away from her. So, lucky for me she will drink formula if need be. So, here are my questions:

1. Should she drink toddler formula or cow's milk for that week I'm away (i reckon formula as she will only be just 12 months, but my dr said cow's milk would be fine. i agree with Veronica (cows milk is for calves) though we drink it and have no allergies. WHat have other people used at 12months?? Cow's milk or toddler formula??????????

2. I'm hoping I won't need to express much while I'm away as I will be VERY busy a this international conference. Will not expressing (or not much) significantly reduce my milk supply???? (would like to resume when i get back)

THANKS in advance for your thoughts on my questions!

rachel

[veronica]

Hi Alicesmum

Just some thoughts re your questions.

Firstly although cows milk should be fine once they are 12 months, I would be inclined to use formula or a combo of cows milk and formula just if she is used to breastmilk and then to go onto a lot of cows milk in one hit may be hard on her kidneys (the high salt content). I do not really know though for sure.

As for your supply, I would express a bit(maybe at breakfast/lunch/dinner) if you can even for 5 minutes to help keep it going. It will definately go down but I'm sure with lots of suckling when you reunite you can get it going well again. The ABA has counsellors you can email for advice and they are excellent, so it might be worth giving their website a go.

Good luck

[H&B'sMum]

Cooposntilly,

I had the same debate with my DH. Luckily he is very open to other suggestions and love the changes he has made. He really sees the difference in Harry and how he responds to his dad. I encouraged DH to read 'Children are people too!' By Louise Porter. I love how and what she writes and encourages anyone interested in NP/AP to read this. Another one is The Continuum Concept' by Jean Liedloff. Very inspiring.

As you can tell I am very much a Natural parent but I adjust the philosophy to my own family. I dont' co-sleep, but breastfed until Harry weaned himself. That's the great thing about NPing is you can adjust it to suit your family and your own parenting style/philosophy.

Good luck everyone is our conscious parenting decisions.

[mimi]

Hi all,

Don't have time for this just now!!! but will get back here soon - SO glad to be put onto this thread! I wasted some time today, starting a new thread over on the Controlled Crying section [ANTI-Controlled Crying! LOL], and some kind soles have redirected me - Thanks Alicesmum for 'sending' me here!

Like I said, will get back when I have more time, to tell my story.

Cheers to all who are 'trusting their instincts'!!

[mimi]

Well, I have never considerd myself particularly 'alternative' and probably only got into this kind of parenting, firstly because of some the research I had seen. [funny how so many people class this as 'alternative', I feel!] I don't think I could be classed in the 'natural parents' category- not super-green or anything - but I think I fit the 'attachment parenting' bit pretty much. Well, in the way that Dr Sears describes it anyway - i.e. the 5 'B's'
birth bonding,
breastfeeding,
bedsharing [sleeping with ... baby],
babywearing [carrying baby in a sling ] and
belief in the signal value of baby’s cry.

I still lay down with our 5 yr old when he goes to sleep [because I want to] and still breastfeed our 2 yr old to sleep. Not that it is always necessary either, but if she wants to, it is quicker and easier than any way I know to get 'em off to snooze land! We don't ever have any 'sleep battles' in our family and though as younger babes, didn't require as much sleep as the books say they should!! going to sleep never takes anymore than 5-10 minutes, usually - that is, 5-10 mins after the story and kisses and cuddles I mean.

Even though it sometimes feels like 'I don't have time for this!', I realise that it is only a short time really, and after all, our kids are really only 'our kids' for SUCH a short time - I think it would be a shame to miss out on these times, just because life is too busy!

I could go on and on - about co-sleeping and carrying our little screamer girl etc etc but I will leave it there for now!

Cheers to all.

[willsmum]

Hi All, just read this thread for the first time.

I'm like mimi - not too sure I am NP/AP completely and wouldn't have labelled myself as such (eg had 2 c-sections cos of medical reasons) and don't do the greenie thing too well.

BUT we still cosleep with my 3 year old, and I breastfed him til he was 2 years old. And in answer to an earlier query, he absolutely wouldn't give it up. I tried a few times to wean him and he just screamed for his "booby juice". He eventually gave up when I got pregnant again and he said it tasted yukky. I am still breastfeeding my 10 month old but she is an excellent sleeper so no cosleeping needed.

I don't believe in controlled crying. Both were/are fed and cuddled to sleep. I still lie down with my 3 year old til he falls asleep.

I figure there is plenty of time for them to both not want anything to do with us in the future, so while they do still want us, we will be there as much as we can. There are so many nasty things in store later in life and the fewer tears they have now the better. Especially if they are avoidable from things like trying to fall asleep in an empty room when all they want is their mums arms around them.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now.

[Foxymoron]

Great thread :) I'm into instinctive parenting, without all the politics and oneupmanship I have found in the online natural parenting communities. I think they offer great support but there are definate drawbacks, when women start almost apologising for their birth experiences ( eg c-sections) or inability to breastfeed. I am happy to see there is room here for everyone, not matter what the approach.
I breastfed my youngest to sleep, she's 2 now and when I'm not available she is able to go to sleep on her own. We co-sleep, and I just find it easier, we get more rest, our babes are more settled overnight and there is no pressure or expectation on them to perform when it comes to settling, it just happens. Good luck with whichever approach you decide on, I dare say though that feeding your baby to sleep won't harm the long term sleep pattern ;)

[mimi]

I had forgotten I had this - until I was talking to a friend about attachment parenting on the week-end. I think it gives a good overview of what AP is really about ... after all it was Dr Sears who coined the term wasn't it!

CONTRASTING STYLES and results between ATTACHMENT PARENTING and RESTRAINT PARENTING:
from 'Developing a parenting style that works', by Dr William Sears (1991)

ATTACHMENT PARENTING ADVICE

‘Be open to your baby’s cues.’
‘Throw away the clock and the calender.’
‘Respond promptly to cries.’
‘Travel as a unit.’ ‘
‘Sleep wherever you all sleep best.’
‘Let your baby sleep when he is tired.’
‘Let her decide when she is ready to be independent.’
‘Allow discipline to flow naturally from harmony with your baby.’
‘Let authority flow from trust.’

ATTACHMENT PARENTING RESULTS

You develop trust and confidence in your parenting intuition.
You know your child better.
You develop realistic expectations.
You adjust more easily to your new lifestyle.
You enjoy your baby more.
You find discipline to be easy.
You are more discerning of advice.
You keep pace with your child.
Your child trusts care-givers.
Your child forms attachments easily.
Your child feels right, acts right.
Your child becomes loving and giving.
Your child separates from you easily because he or she was attached to you early.
Your child has a good model for his/her parenting.

RESTRAINT PARENTING ADVICE

‘Don’t let your baby run your life.’
‘Get that baby on a schedule.’
‘Let your baby cry it out.’
‘You and your husband need to get away.’
'Don’t let your baby sleep in your bed; she'll get used to it.'
‘What, you’re still nursing?’
‘You’re making her dependent.’
‘You’re spoiling him; he’ll never mind.’
‘She’s controlling you.’

RESTRAINT PARENTING RESULTS

You do not trust your instincts, and you rely on outside advice.
You and your baby have a strained relationship.
You compare your baby to other babies.
You suffer burnout more easily.
You seek alternative fulfilment.
You find discipline to be strained.
You are vulnerable to unwise advice.
You play catch-up parenting.
Your child doesn’t learn trust.
Your child resists new relationships.
Your child is anxious and dissatisfied.
Your child becomes withdrawn and restrained.
Your child separates from you with difficulty.
Your child is confused about his/her role as a parent.

:)

[Emily's moocow]

I would like to hear about someone who has breast fed their bub to sleep and now their child is older and able to put them selves to sleep.
And if so
Was it a hard transition or did it just gracefully happen (fingers crossed).


I breastfed my two boys to sleep and they fed for 14 months. The transition just happened gracefully for us. I didnt push them into anything I just took each day/night as it came. I am now feeding my daughter and I hope the transition is just as graceful.

[Emily's moocow]

Until tonight I didnt realise there was a name for it. I breastfed my boys for 14 months and am still breastfeeding my DD who is 9 months old. All of my children co-slept with me I was more relaxed and comfortable this way. And so were they. I never had a problem transitioning them to there own bed when the time came they made the move.

A lot of people have criticised me for the way I am raising my children. Whats wrong with having a bit of fun with the stuff on your plate. We make faces with the veges and meat. :D Each to there own but I'm enjoying raising my kids this way! :)

[mattias'mom]

I don't think you should listen to other people's opinions on how to raise your children. You know your children best and the needs that they have. I don't like how there are certain "ways" you should raise your children according to society. If your kids are healthy, happy and well behaved I think you are doing a wonderful job. If it's natural/attachment parenting, if it's restraint parenting, it's up to you the parent. I raise my child, I have found, natural/attachment, not conscientiously but by chance. I found that this is how my sons needs are met and what he needs to feel safe and secure. It may not work for everyone but it works for us. I don't think we should criticize each other I think we need to learn to help one another and support everyones individual choices. Not all are going to be the same but many different approaches work.

[lefty]

I have just found this website and have read this thread with interest.
I was interested in the posts about differences in parenting between spouses which is what I am going through at the moment. I don't believe in smacking and I don't (or try not to anyway!) yell. My husband thinks that because I don't smack etc, that I am not disciplining them and that I am "too soft" and they "walk all over me" This upsets me greatly and dents my confidence in my parenting ability.
I believe I am teaching our children boundaries and acceptable behaviour etc etc but just not in the way that he is doing it.
He has always been in sync with me in regards to bf, slings, cosleeping etc, but I suppose now they are getting beyond the baby stage and into toddler/preschool age we are conflicting on discipline. I feel like it is undermining me when he says comments to our 3 year old such as "Your lucky you didn't try that with me or I wouldn't have let you get away with it..."

He is very set in his ways, how can I get him to support me?

[JJsMamma]

Hi All, This is a great thread. Me too I didnt feel like I was welcome on some 'classic' AP websites, for one didnt know the lingo early on and secondly we use a dummy...shock horror I know :p . Then I didnt fit into the "mainsteam" parenting groups (I avoided them actually) so was a little out in the cold "stuggling against the tide" as one wise women once said to me recently. Anyway then I found a site of other like minded mummies and until now havent had the inclination to search for other forums and then I found this one...and tonight this thread. You all sound great! Its nice to meet you and read about your stories. I think one Mum said "its just for a short time" and this is my daily mantra lol... Anyway I just wanted to join you all and say hi and Ill check back soon. If you want to chat anytime my email is ana@wizbang.com.au. Amanda :)

[Maghan]

Just wanted to say halleluiah for this thread. Have been at odds with friends and family for years about the way we parent, apparently we do it all wrong, breastfeed, co-sleep, time out instead of smacks... Just nice to meet like minded people, thank you. And Coopsntilly, my hubby struggles a little bit with it as well, but he has learnt heaps and really tries and sometimes just stands back in awe at how I can turn something into a game to get it done when he would've just threatened or yelled!

[MoushiMoushi]

I have never labelled my parenting style-I just do what feels right for me and my family.

That said there are some things that I do that could be classified as "attachment parenting" and others that arent. But after reading the thread "smacking" in the discipline section (which I couldnt even post a reply on as I was so saddened (sp) by some of the comments on there :( ) I have to say I'm all for this natural attachment stuff, I cant imagine ever wanting to smack my son, inflict on him pain just because his exploring his environment and trying to learn about his world!

I mean no offence to those parents who do smack but I just feel really sad about it, that they cant find a better solution to their childrens challenging behaviours.
These are our little babies, they look to us for love, guidance and support they surely dont expect to be physically harmed by the two people they love the most :(

[mimi]

I have to agree MoushiMoushi!

Punishment does NOT work! Smacking is just violent punishment ...and even if for no other reason than the fact that violence begets violence, I think it should be 'frowned upon'... sadly this form of 'solution' seems quite well ingrained, doesn't it?
[I haven't read the thread you mention - but I don't think I want to!!!]
:)

[Benandrewsmum]

I too am really interested in reading this thread? To tell you the truth, I am not sure what parenting style I am, but my husband and I developed a moto very early on "whatever feels right and works"......

Here is a little story that may make your blood boil.....

My mother in-law was staying with us over the week-end and I walked in on her in my kitchen, holding my 4 month old baby, telling him that he was naughty in a very stern voice....I almost fell over backwards with fright!!

I leaned over and took him from her arms and told him quietly that he was a beautiful little boy and informed her not to ever tell him he is naughty again. she then continued to talk to my son and tell him that he will have to come and stay with her if he is naughty!!! I reassured him that he was beautiful and that he would never have to stay with her.....then told her that if she ever spoke to him in that manner again that he would not ever be visiting her again.

I hate having to say things like that, but my heart broke when I heard her tell my 4 month old that he was naughty!!! PLEASE!!

Cheers

[mimi]

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Much hair pulling here, for you - but I too have to contend with parents and Parents-in-law who continue to say the MOST inappropriate things to our kids!!! there is always alot of debriefing after visits!! LOL

I have often discussed this with DH - I wonder if WE could ever be as bad as our parents, when we are grandparents!! I really don't think so ... but I suppose there will be plently of things we will do that will irk the children/in-laws, when the time comes! I just hope we are much better grandparents than my kids have to contend with!
:)

[razzle]

I'm continually pulling up my mum for saying inappropriate things. The other day my DD had managed to grab a wooden spoon off the bench and was chewing on it, Nanna picked her up and said "What have you got there? Wooden spoons are for smacking your bottom when you're naughty!" in a cutesy patronising tone (which I HATE! :mad: ).

I frowned at her said said "Nooooo, wooden spoons are for licking cake mixture off of. We don't smack in this house, we're not naughty, we're just exploring and communicating as best we can." Mum just rolled her eyes at me. :rolleyes:

I guess it's the day and age - I remember my mum SNAPPING a wooden spoon on my bum when I was about 5 or 6. I don't remember what I did, but I sure as hell remember the smack!

[MoushiMoushi]

I know exactly how you feel. When our son was teething he bit my mum just a tiny little one (which he had never done before) but you could tell the little fella was in pain. My mum jumped out of her skin, she lent over and declared that she was going to bite him back "that'll teach him!"
I grabbed my boy in disbelief-he was only 10 months old for goodness sake!
I have alot of respect for both my parents, and inlaws even if I do disagree with their views on parenting, I just wish they showed me and DH the same respect :mad:

[debz]

I am due in Nov and like the idea of carrying bub in sling. I saw some Natural Parenting mothers on a morning program and thought the slings looked like a good idea.

I have tried to find some slings on the net, but they all look complicated. Can anyone suggest an easy to use sling?

[Malin]

Hello!

There are so many slings out there isn't it and that is wonderful news!!! Only problem which one should you buy....
The chepest and easiest is a square cloth, tie it on the back opposite corners make a cross...I tried this very late in sling wearing, 3 year old on my back for a brife minute, it really work and I wish I knew this in early days...
We used baby bjorn for about 9 months, then we bought a baba sling, for us this has been great. I used the baba sling until my son was about 2 years of age..
I have see a mum wearing hug a bub (I think it's called) and the baby and mum looked very happy and comfy..

Some baby shops sell slings these day I guess the best would be to go there and try them out ...
Best of luck to you!!
Cheers Malin...

P.s it has been wonderful to read the answeres to this tread you all sound like wonderful mums!!!

[mimi]

Hi Debz

Congratulations! Hope pregnancy is treating you well!

There are so many slings available I think it might be difficult to suggest a particular one for you! It is best to try as many on as you can to get a feel for them and how hard/difficult they are to use. Many things to consider too - like, do you want to be able to breastfeed in the sling, is the weather warm/cold etc etc. I bet you will want/need more than one type too !

If you have already had a look at the net you probably have already seen the American site http://www.wearsthebaby.com/babywearing/babywearing.htm ? which would have a lot of information for you. If you have alook at the NP forums, and do a search for slings, I am sure you will come up with heaps of info too. An old thread there has lots of pictures of different ones in use - http://forums.naturalparenting.com.au/showthread.php?t=4438&highlight=slings

Hope all goes well for the birth AND the sling wearing!

:)

PS Malin has just beat me to it and has posted similar information!! ... must be right then, eh? :D

[H&B'sMum]

Debz I have sent you a pm with lots of website selling slings.
I had an incident with MIL a couple of months ago. Without going into the whole thing I talked her about our parenting style. I explained the reasons behind our parenting style and why we do it and why we believe it is important. She was great and understood my reasons. She told me she didn't think about what she did before doing it. I asked her to please think about it before she did anything. I'm lucky that she respects mine and DH's parenting style and is willing to go by what we want with our child. If only all grandmother and MIL's were so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WeThree]

Just getting back to the post about the biting for a sec, I was once chatting to the nurse at the doctors surgery when the topic of coops testing out his new chompers (on my breast lol) came up, I said that with those gorgeous curls and big blue eyes, even if it was really intentional how could you ever get mad at him, her response 'cut off the curls and bite him back' what is wrong with some people???!!
ps deb i have an original comfy carry sling for sale if your interested (oh is that free advertising? im not sure, i hope not!) pm me if your interested and i'll send pics :) )