Is it a male thing to try and dominate me?

[Chookie84]

My DS has recently begun to tell me what to do when I am trying to ask him to do something and dominate me for eg. When I am telling him that he needs to come and have a shower or it’s time to get dressed, he tells me to “wait” and will not do as he is told right away. I am fully aware that he is in the terrible two stage, has been for quite a while, but I have no idea how to deal with this, I can’t keep letting him get away with this.
It is especially hard because his Father lives on the opposite side of Australia and only comes to see his son a couple of times a year so my DS is not getting the male interaction he needs. Also I don't have any geoghraphically close male relatives or friends to help with this, he only gets mine and my female family members that play a huge role in his upbringing.
When he is naughty I use to make him sit on a special mat I bought, and he has to sit on it for 2 minutes (minutes according to age) I got this idea from The Super Nanny but this does not work, after a year of doing this there is no improvement so recently I have been shutting him in the laundry room as in our new house he cannot reach the handles. This seems to have an effect as he really hates this, I am just going to play the waiting game again to see if this makes a difference but I was just wondering if there is anyone out there who do things differently or have any advice on the subject?

[the_queen]

It's normal behaviour, he's testing boundaries and seeing how far his independance reaches.

I personally wouldn't lock a kid in a room by themselves :no: I think that's cruel. Check out www.askdrsears.com for gentle discipline ideas.

[Chookie84]

Well thank you the_queen for helping me clear up that it is normal behaviour and for the link, but I can't say I thank you for telling me that I am cruel.

Firstly, I do not just “lock” him in a room, go off and forget about him.
He is placed in a well lit Laundry room for no more than 2 minutes and sits on his time out mat, I walk away, stand and wait for those two minutes to be over and then I let him out, I get down to his level and then explain why he had time out and is to apologise.
(It would be rather cruel to belt a child across the bottom and legs numerous times (sometimes with a hair brush or wooden spoon, and sometimes that hard it would cause these items to break across my legs) then shut in a room and left sometimes for an hour or two as I endured as a child, but that’s quite mild compared to what allot of children suffer)
Due to this, I am going to be offended if I am told that I am a bad parent or I am being “cruel”.

I came on here to ask other parents for their advice and read their experiences; I certainly did not come on here to be told I am a cruel parent.

I respect the fact that different people have their different opinions but telling another parent they are being cruel is a little uncalled for. (Obviously there are exceptions when a child is being abused or beaten)

Wouldn’t you feel the same if you were told you are being cruel to your children?

[the_queen]

Um, I just said that I think it's cruel, and I wouldn't do it. If you are fine with it, then why are you so defensive? :hugs: JMO love :hugs:

[onemummmy]

have u tried naughty corner/step/chair? I wouldnt put him in a laundry with chemicals etc & I would definately not close the door on any 2 year old LOL u know how sneaky they are! 2 is still pretty young 2 even understand the naughty area concept, so just keep trying! good luck :)

[punkbaby]

All kids test you at this age, i wont lock my children in a room either thats JMO though but i find the best way is to distract them or basically say your doing it now etc. Its natural at his age to not want to do things but you have to just let him know whos boss :)

Example (talking when dd was 2 plus my other kids too) dd will be playing with her dolls etc and i tell her its bath time, she sais Wait a minute, i say Nope we have to do it now quick you can put the magic stuff in (we use one or two drops of food dye its the only way she will have a bath LOL) i will then help her pack things up and then she will have her bath, if she doesnt get dressed when i ask her then i just walk over and get her dressed, yes she will throw a tantrum but she has to learn that she has to do what i ask of her, simple as that :)

We have a time out spot at home but its in the lounge, but i sit with them too, its what works for us though. I will sit with them though but we rarely use it generally though if they have done something naughty etc we will talk about what we have done wrong etc and why we dont do it :ecomcity: seems to work for us. Then we have a cuddle and we go and do something else.

Distraction and a little reverse psychology works a treat :) but make sure you give loads of praise when he does the right thing.

[WorkingClassMum]

I made a similar mistake - I'd ask DS or DD to have a bath - so they'd say "No" or "In a minute" lol

Now I give them a warning that bath time is about to happen, and then when that time is up I tell them it's bath time. I also don't ask "Would you like to get ready for the bath now please, ("NO"), I state - The bath is ready, go and get undressed/toilet and get in the bath please. No room for negotiation - just a bald polite statement.

A two year old is starting to concentrate on things, and finds swapping his attention from what he is doing to do to what you want him to do a difficult concept - so he says "No".

Also - when he asks you for something - how often do you say "Wait a minute, I'm doing blah-blah"? Hmmm - kids have the uncanny knack of giving as good as they get when they want lol

This is perfectly normal child behaviour - it's just bl()()dy frustrating at the best of times.:hair:

[Chookie84]

[quote=KayteO;2484920]

Also - when he asks you for something - how often do you say "Wait a minute, I'm doing blah-blah"? Hmmm - kids have the uncanny knack of giving as good as they get when they want lol

quote]

That is so true, I do try to remind myself that.

the_queen - so sorry for snapping like that, god I feel like a real jerk, I understand your trying to help :hugs:Just didn't like the thought of coming across as a being cruel.

I don't leave nasty chemicals within reach anyway, I got into the habit of keeping that stuff well out of reach as soon as he could crawl, and god knows he gets into absolutely everything!!! :hair:

I like your idea punkbaby of sitting with him during time out and talk about what he did that was naughty.
I guess closing the door and walking away for those 2 minutes seemed to help me to be able to take the time to compose myself when I am frustrated with him for his behaviour and it helps to keep him on his mat other wise I would be spending the entire day putting him back, as he will not stay and we get no where that way.
But I will try sitting with him and see how we go.

Thank you all for your replies :)

[the_queen]

Don't worry about it :hugs:

Parenting is a bloody minefield, damned if you do and damned if you don't, and whatever you do, someone will disagree with it. It's great to get other people's idea's of what they do, and then you just have to ask your own instinct what is the right thing for you and your son.

In answer to your original question, it is not a male thing to try to dominate you, he's just being a normal toddler :yes: It's bloody frustrating but very normal. Someone said to me recently "Their cuteness is a survival mechanism" which is very true, if mine wasn't so cute I would have throttled him by now I think ;)

There's a great discipline section here on bubhub, heaps of idea's and experiences in there.

[Chookie84]

Tell me about it, it is one thing after another at the moment, and just when I solve one problem another one surfaces!!!

"Their cuteness is a survival mechanism" That is soooo true, when he looks at me and smiles I just want to smile back and give in and it makes it so much harder. Or when he does something that is naughty and not too serious, but funny at the same time, it takes all my strength to not laugh, because I think back and remember when I was a kid and remember what it is like, I do know he is just being a normal kid, pushing the limits, having fun and learning all at the same time.
It's still very frustrating hehe.