confused...am i ready or am i past it?..

[almost 40]

i have a partner 9 yrs younger- he treats me like a goddess- we hav been 2getha almost 2 yrs. I have an 18yo- he has no children at all & desperately wants one..
I think about it ( we m/c last yr after i was hospitaled with chronic nauseau dehydration etc) but am worried about my freedom...(doing all that baby- school days thing again etc)...i get so confused & somedays it brings me down. I know what its a bout raising a child (did it all on my own with my 18y/o) & im not sure if i would regret s/one relying on me 24/7 etc...

Am i just a selfish cow?...i need to make a decision as time is running out...i will b 40 at the birth if i do it now...but that means i will almost b 60 when its 18!!!

Can s/one please help...I am full of fear & torment...:confused:

[polony]

If you aren't ready or prepared then don't.

It isn't being selfish. It is being honest and you would not be giving your child all that it needs if you aren't sure IYKWIM.

Don't feel you have to do anything.

Good luck :hugs:

[almost 40]

thanks so much for ur time...i should b old enuff 2 know betta...but i am pulled between both worlds...all the best to u on ur own...the rewards r even greata when ur baby is still ur baby @ 18 because ur best friends!

[M O P]

I don't want to sound like a cliche but the only person who truly knows the answer is you.

My Dad's mother was 42 when he was born, his only sister is 18 years older, apparently my Nanna's tubes had been tied so he really was a miracle baby.
And my Mum's Mum had my uncle 9 years after my Mum at 39. They both got to see their grandchildren grow up too!

[almost 40]

wow! that is just amazing! what a gr8 story!...and yes i could do with a cocktail--RIGHT NOW!!

[M O P]

My Dad was very lucky that when his sister got married she lived next door and her son was 2 years younger than my Dad so his nephew was like his brother and they were best of friends.

Those cocktails we had after our wedding are actually non alcoholic. They looked so great we couldn't resist and we were out in symphathy with our preg sil!

[polony]

That's so great to hear that you and your daughter are best buds. I hope me and Layla are like that, and not fighting and me being too hard on her.

So nice to hear....

[MumsieMel]

This is obviously some thing you need to do together and AGREE on. :thumbsup:
Maybe sit down and have a serious talk with your DP and go from there, but ultimately its your choice :hugs:

[SixtiesChild]

You sound a lot like me in many ways, so I hope I can be of some encouragement to you. I do not think you are too old.
I am 40 & My dh is also nine years younger. The age gap is there but it makes no difference because we love each other.
Our first baby was m/c and we have a six year old dd and last year we decided to try for baby #2 and conceived.
The result was a beautiful healthy baby girl born in March this year.
The only thing that was different this time was that I had a complicated pregnancy which may or may not have been age related. It's hard to tell because every pregnancy is different anyway.
Having a baby whilst you are in a committed relationship is very different from doing it alone and it would certainly be very different at age 40.
But as 40 year olds we generally know a lot more about life than we did when we were in our 20's and this can equip us with a savvy new attitude.
Treat it as a brand new start with someone who loves you.- you won't be dissapointed.
As my six year old says "Mummy, never say never!"

If you love each other and are commited to each other that is what counts more than anything, the rest will just flow from there.
Hope this helps. :)

[Elijahsmama]

My mum is married to her 2nd husband whos 13yrs younger (they are so happy) my mum had 4 children with me being her 'best mistake' 8yrs after the first and that was great for us but my stepfather hadnt any children and wanted one so they did (my mum was 35 at the time) and then stopped after the 4th m/c. so they had to accept that and now it was right that they didnt (for them) and now they love being grandparents without the parenthood obligations.
Hope whatever you choose is the happiest. Good luck