Really need advice on how to stop dd from running away from me!

[Lin]

I need some advice on how to stop dd from running away from me - particularly near busy roads! I'm getting really scared for her safety
as I'm 20wks pregnant and am starting to slow down when running after her!

I should first explain, she's a real little miss independance! Wants to do everything herself, like (in this situation) walk by herself to the car and climb in her seat by herself etc. She flat out refuses to hold my hand, finger or anything. So I'll say to her, 'if you don't hold onto my hand I'll have to pick you up!' I'll warn her about the dangers of cars around and that she must hold my hand. She replies 'no! by self!' But then she takes the opportunity and runs away laughing! I get particularly worried at mums house as she'll run down the driveway towards the busy street! Of course I chase after her and catch her but this has become a big game for her now because it's like playing chasey's. I tell her off extremely sternly everytime I catch her but it doesn't do anything! I say to her 'right! mummy has to pick you up and take you to the car herself because you can't be a good girl and show me how good you are at walking to the car!' She'll start screaming and biting me (you should see the bite welts on my arms!!) until I put her down again - which I don't do because I don't want her running off again!

I've taken her down near the road to show how busy the traffic is and that she could get hurt but she doesn't understand!

I've even spanked her :( but that doesn't stop her either!
What do I do? Or what can I say that will make her understand - or at least do as she's told??

I know some of you will probably say don't let her walk and carry her - which I try to, but as soon as we head out the door she'll bite me, hit me, scratch me, you name it until it gets so painful I have no choice! I honestly look like I've been battered if you could see my arms! (disiplining her for biting is another matter!)
Also, I do want to encourage her to walk by my side like everyone elses' kids but how??? I'm even trying bribery with stickers at the moment and having no luck!

She does this to me down the shop as well (refuses to sit in the pram etc!) but at least I'm not as scared for her safety in the shop as I am in the street!

I need to learn how to teach her to do the right thing before I get too big and slow to catch her! Please help me! Sorry it's long winded, thanks for listening!

[mumofcuties]

hey

when my ds started running away from me i started to hold his hand at home and just walk along with him then stop and say stop to him then start walking again and just do that a few times a day then he soon started to do that in shops and things to i hope that helps abit

[punkbaby]

Make her hold your hand, if she refuses put her in the pram, trolley, whatever you have. DS was 23 months when i had dd3 and he was a nightmare. After a few tantums and a few lets scream our head off coz i am back in the pram :( It did work eventualy i just did the lets walk to the corner etc at first or quick trips. He soon learnt he had to hold my hand otherwise he had to sit in the pram. When dd3 started walking i tought her from day one hand or pram. She would automatically hold it in the end and still does now.

Your other option is one of those wrist things where you have one on hers and one on you or those backpack style harnesses, i think you have to look at the safety side of things, try be firm and consistant with her, she is still young but make holding your hands one of the rules and praise her with something special (bribery is a better word lol ) after she does it a few times, things like we can go to the park, we can do paiting at home etc or just make it a huge thing that shes done so well

Good luck :)

[Issey]

have you considered buying reins, you can get cool doggy or bear back pack ones where the tail is 1m long with the handle available on ebay or k-mart $29. i made it a game for my son ( i was particulary worried when travelling alone with him with baggage in sydney airport) when i am going somewhere dangerous i tell him he has to put his doggy on. i don't care what anyone's opinion is if they think it is wrong to use them because safety is the most important.

i have also started making him put his hand on the car and not move while i'm putting stuff in etc, he too doesn't want to hold my hand and gets stropy.

[Lastcenturymum]

I'd be keeping her in a pusher for her safety and your sanity. You can't teach a child that young about road safety. They have no concept. My kids would happily sit in the pram till about 3.

If a child doesn't 'want' to go in a pusher, don't make it an option.

[Ava&Jacksons_Mumma]

hey

when my ds started running away from me i started to hold his hand at home and just walk along with him then stop and say stop to him then start walking again and just do that a few times a day then he soon started to do that in shops and things to i hope that helps abit

We do this too, but everywhere we walk in the house i tell DD to "hold hands" she thinks its great and now will reach for our hands when we go out.

All kids are different though and i'm sure your DD will get the hang of it :thumbsup:

[chicky2lala]

have you considered buying reins, you can get cool doggy or bear back pack ones where the tail is 1m long with the handle available on ebay or k-mart $29. i made it a game for my son ( i was particulary worried when travelling alone with him with baggage in sydney airport) when i am going somewhere dangerous i tell him he has to put his doggy on. i don't care what anyone's opinion is if they think it is wrong to use them because safety is the most important.

.
I bought these too, best thing i ever bought.:yes:Why would people think it's wrong to use them?????

[Seekrit]

You really do need to just grip her hand or put her in the stroller. My son has 'choices' "You either sit in the stroller or you hold mummy's hand." and I hold his whole hand, if he protests I keep holding it while he sits on the floor and tell him his choice once more, then count to three and if he's still not doing it, he goes in the stroller. It's worked for us, he's quite independent himself but I have to remember that I'm the mummy and I'm in charge of his safety.

[susmamma]

My DD1 was 20 months old when my DD2 was born and I had exactly the same problem.
Drove me crazy! And she was so independant.

Ok so I'll tell you what I did step by step and it worked... still does, have never had a problem again with her holding my hand and she's 3 now!

Ok so here's how it works.
DD runs off.
You say, "Please hold mummy's hand DD. If you dont hold my hand I have to carry you/put you in the pram."

DD continues to run off completely ignorning you.

You say, "Please hold mummy's hand DD. This is your final warning, if you don't hold my hand I will have to carry you/put you in the pram."
DD runs off and completely ignores you.

This is where you pick her up and carry her or you put her in the pram.
She will obviously kick and scream and object and you say.
"Well you had the choice DD to hold my hand and you chose not to. Now you will be carried/put in the pram."

Ok so you repeat this excercise every single time that she runs off and wont hold your hand. The first day I did this I was seven months pregnant and had a huge tummy but I picked her up each time figuring it was going to be easier to do this pregnant than trying to run after her with a newborn.

You must always give them a chance to change their behaviour first. That's why you give them notice that this is "final warning", this gives them time to rectify their behaviour.
When they dont hold your hand that's when you go into carry/pram mode. You see you're taking away from them what they want the most, their independance. She wants to walk. She wants to be free. Being held by you or constrained in the pram is the last thing she wants. Soon if you are consistent she'll work out that holding your hand is a much better offer than being held by you or strapped in the pram as she can still walk holding your hand.

The first day I did this with DD1 it took seven attempts. I almost dispaired that it would work. We left the house three times that day and she would not hold my hand and kept running away. I had to carry her each time.

Then on the final trip out of the house. I told her to hold my hand as she ripped her hand out of mine I said to her, "Ella this is your final warning if you dont hold my hand I'm picking you up."
And i felt this little hand reach up and grab mine! Yaaaaaaaaaaay!
And she's done it ever since!

Good luck and sorry for the long post. Just wanted to write it out so it was really clear for you.

[maddysmama]

I had the same issue with my dd at that age and sometimes now, no biting or scratching but high pitched screaming and struggling when i picked her up...

I just persisted with the 'if you don't hold mummys hand i have to pick you up' and eventually she just got the message or grew out of that stage :D

Maybe you could wear a cardie or jumper so that if she scratches/bites you don't instinctively react or have to put her down?

[tyler's mum]

Tyler likes to do this when its just me and her at the shops. The thing that i find works best for us is ive made a game out of it. She is allow to run so far then i say stop and she does every time (well so far) then i say go and she is never a few feet infront of me at a time.

Trying to hold her hand, put her in the pram or trolly. End up with me walking around the shops with a screaming child that everyone looks at. I dont like the reins because my child is not a dog but hey if you wanna use them thats up to you i just dont like them

[jakeanteleahsmum]

my ds is 20mths old and im 22wk pregnant so i can completely understand where you are coming from.we brought him one of those harness that you can get either a dog,bear,monkey.we got him the monkey and everytime he gets out of the car he has to have the monkey on.he loves it.the other thing i got him to start doing in the shops ready for when bub is born is if he wants to walk then its either my hand or he holds the side of the stroller.he still sometimes tries to get away but the minute i say pram he is back next to me

[Lin]

Thankyou everyone for your advice!

I have got one of those doggy backpack thingies but I find when she wears it, she'll try and run off but of course can't. So then she decides to just lay down on the ground! :hair: And unless I drag her (lol) I can't get anywhere with it.

I usually give her a couple of chances everytime we walk from the house to the car but it ALWAYS results in the same thing! I tell her I'll have to pick her up if she doesn't walk but she purposely starts running off because she knows I'll chase her! All part of her game!

Down at the shop I usually do shove her in the pram and am one of those that everybody looks at with a tantruming child!

At childcare they go for little walks and they have to hold on to a little ring tied to a rope. And there's no problem with her doing that! (I suppose the other kids doing the same thing helps her too!) But I try this at home, and there's no way she'll do it for me!

I'll keep trying just around the house holding hands and see if she gets the gist of it!
It's just that she's so damn pig headed and stubborn (damn those genes!) that there's a tantrum even if I try to explain choices!

[Seekrit]

Don't let her run away. Hold her hand. let her kick, scream and cry! I'd rather see that than see a child run in front of a car.

[jaq]

We went through this too, between 18 months and 2yo. Not sure if DD1 grew out of it or the message actually got across ...

We bought a little backpack (with reins!) and it came with us everywhere. If she got out of the pram, backpack went straight on, no quarter given. Near the road she had to hold my hand AS WELL because she was still inclined to try and bolt ...

If she refused the backpack (rarely, she loved it), she had to sit in the pram, harness done up tight. I would physically manhandle her into it if I had to. Carrying her wasn't an option because I was also pregnant with DD2 at the time.

Now (a year later) she has learnt to walk "nicely" and actually stops when she's told. But anywhere near a busy road she still wears the backpack.

I think you just have to insist, insist again, and insist once more. There will be tantrums, but the alternative is far scarier.

Good luck!

[QTB]

I could have written your post word for word a couple of months ago (except swap the DD for DS lol)

i tried everything, the harness - he would lie down on the ground and scream... bribery didnt work, he was too strong for me to keep grip of without hurting him, will climb out of the pram or trolley and jump to the ground and run (even with the harness on!!) etc

in the end (about a month ago) i found a solution, if he runs off now, i yell out "Bye Brayden, mummy is going" and i walk the other way... without fail, he runs to me yelling "i coming i coming" and we have a 'talk' i tell him he has to hold my hand or we will go home. he holds my hand... the first week or so we had to do it repeatedly, and once i even took him home to prove a point... and the first time he didnt run from me at all he got a milky way... so now he knows he gets a treat if he stays holding my hand... (although now its a stamp not a milky way lol)

good luck, i can completely sympothise!! :hugs:

[Lastcenturymum]

Susmamma, excellent advice. And the point you make about being consistent is the key. Kids HAVE to know the ground rules and not enough parents stick to their guns, and give up. Good to know it took seven goes and you kept at it. Worth it now in the long run, isn't it

[Lin]

Well, I can certainly tell I've been repeating myself! This morning's effort to get her into the car, the first thing she says is "don't run away"! lol!! But, she did! Although quickly came back when she saw I had smarties in my hand!! For once the bribery worked!!

This afternoon walking to the car from childcare, I took her hand firmly and didn't let go and told her she either holds my hand or I pick her up! She went like a rag doll :rolleyes: on me and flopped to the ground! So I said, 'well, mummy has to pick you up then!' She starts howling, 'no walking!' but still wants to let go of my hand! The smarties didn't work this time and I had to put up with her absolutely balling once I got her into her seat which I hate doing especially after not seeing her all day! :no: But hopefully she'll get the gist of it soon so I don't feel like a mean old witch all the time!

But as you all say, it's better than the concequences!

[bindiloo]

Well if she was my daughter she'd be put straight into the pram and can scream al lshe'd like cause at least she cant run anywhere and with the biting well if my daughter bit me id bite her right back.:p

[mummeeto2]

I had the same troubles with DS. He was running to the rides in shopping centres, knew where they all were. Once I figured this I started bribing him with a ride at the end of our shopping and keep reminding him of it whenever we go near the rides. He's generally pretty good & now DD can sit in the trolley I put him in too. He likes it cos he can help with the shopping, getting things from the shelf & putting them on the counter.