View Full Version : Help, I am scaring myself
I suffer from depression and GAD and have not had any thought of harming my daughter but I really scared myself yesterday.
She had been screaming and wouldn't sleep even though she was really tired (she doesn't like going to bed). I stopped myself from yelling at her but I put my hand over her nose and mouth to make her stop screaming, only for about 2 seconds. I put her in her cot and let her scream for about half an hour- when I went to get her she was crying still but she stopped right away when she saw I was crying too. Eventually I got her to sleep and rang a phone helpline.
I have been seeing a new psychiatrist twice (my old one left to work elsewhere) but haven't found her to be too helpful. At night I find it really hard to sleep lately- my baby might be asleep but i might still b awake at 3am so I have drinking to feel less whcked out and taking sleeping pills (yes, I know I shouldn't do both together). Also I don't like seeming out of control to other people so I behave in a "normal" manner around most people and they woldn't necessarily know there is anything wrong.
I am getting really scared I might hurt my baby. Tomorrow I plan to ring and try to see my psychiatrist- I am on medication but don't think it is the right one for me. Has anyone else been like this? I don't know what to do as I'm getting some help but it doesn't seem to be the right sort or enough. What can I do next?
:hugs: :hugs: to you i dont know what to say that could help but dont be to hard on yourself. i have pnd and i have really bad days as well when the kids are screaming non stop and you just want peace, mabey a chat with your doc might help as well just to review the meds that you are on they might need changing, dont feel like you are alone there are plenty of people here that are willing to help you and im one of them so if you ever need to chat just let me know anytime, :hugs:
Are you alone? Do you have a friend or family member you can call and get to come over? You really need to have someone with you right now.
I know you are ringing your psych tomorrow, but if you are feeling so out of control, you can go to your nearest hospital, or ring another helpline and seek their advice.
You're an incredibly brave person to be recognising that you need help - your daughter is lucky to have you as her mummy.
Let me know how you get on....here is a link to some numbers you need to call
Do you have a family member or friend that you could talk to about it? Maybe they could give you a break from your baby for a few hours. You did the right thing by putting bubs in the cot. Maybe try doing that earlier if you feel yourself not coping. Put on some soothing music and a half a break.
When you have those moments put bubs in the cot even if they are screaming & walk out the front door & outside.
Take a few good moments & some deep breaths then when you feel better go back in & try again.
As everyone else has said if you have family members or friends who can help get them round !
If possible put bubs in her pram & take a walk when you can also as this will help stop the cabin fever you may also be experiencing. I find this overwhelms me when Squeak or Boof are stressing me out so a walk helps everyone of us !
If you find the psych isnt helping then yep find yourself a new one because sometimes you just wont 'match' with them.
Good on you for speaking out & not being afraid to ask for help :yelclap::hugs:
We are all here anytime you need us !
[quote=taurusmum;2462343] I stopped myself from yelling at her but I put my hand over her nose and mouth to make her stop screaming, only for about 2 seconds. I put her in her cot and let her scream for about half an hour- quote]
I have done this. Terrified me as well and it doesn't work!!:no: Look, If you read my post beloe you will see I am in no great position to be offering advice :rolleyes: but I agree with the others who say the best thing you can do is walk out of the room. No harm will come to her by screaming while you calm yourself down. hang in there, I know how hard it is believe me.:hugs:
Take care of yourself and immediatly allow someone to help you. Even if it is a neighbour that can sit with you.
My Pead always said a baby will never die from crying so if it means you have to walk away outside, take a breath, call a friend etc.
Hang in there, it seems you know the help you need.
The biggest steps are always the hardest and you seem to have done that.
Thanks girls for all your replies amd support. :hugs::hugs:
I called my psych this morning- she is getting a CAT team to do an assessment at home and we will go from there. I'll let you know how i go. The frustrating thing is i feel quite normal alot of the time but jut have these crazy oments. I'll let you know how i go
Oh thats so awesome :hugs:
Im often like this too ... Have great times & can be all smiles when i need to be but then those moments where i just completely snap just hit.
Struggling through all these feelings can be such hard going so im glad you have started getting the right support & that you are coming on here to talk.
Let us know how you are going etc because even on the good days we will support you :hugs:
Hi, thanks HEAPS for your pms and posts, it has meant a lot to me. I saw the CAT team psych and he put me in a mother-baby unit the next day so I've been here a couple of weeks now. My daughter is doing really well but unfortunately I iwll be here for a while yet. I hope things are going better for you all too.:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Hi TM - I'm so glad to hear that you are in a mother-baby unit! May I ask what unit you are at?
I have spent a fair bit of time myself in the Albert Road Clinic in Albert Park - it was very helpful. The ARC also had an after-care program that I went to once a week - that was great as well.
When you get to the point that you have, there really is only one place to be. I'm glad that you got the help that you needed and that you can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I look forward to hearing how you are going. :hugs:
I've jumped into this thread way too late to make much of a comment but I just wanted to say that I think you are really brave taurusmum for talking about your issues and for reaching out for the help you needed.
I hope things are getting better for you. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I really feel for you:kiss:, I had severe PND and I seriously thought about harming my self and the baby, one time I even considered shaking even though I knew it could kill him:gloomy:, instead I grabbed the phone called Karitane and told them what I almost did, they were at my home to help me in an hour, there are people you can call, sometimes its better when its a stranger helping you settle a screaming baby. I was put on anti dep and felt like a new person, there is a light at the end of the tunnel , even if you cant see it now.
My son as it happens was later diagnosed with Gastric reflux which exp most of the crying, and all the time I thought it ws me......
Seek help, early child hood nurse, Tricillian, Karitane or even your GP. :kiss:
Thanks for all your support. :goodvibes::goodvibes:
We have been home for almost a couple of weeks now. They made sure we have plenty to do throughout the week- psychiatrist and psychologist appointments, mothers group, a music and dance therapy group for the babies- so that all helps fill in the time.
I am on a lot of medication but if it makes me not want to commit suicide, then it's obviously worth it and doing the job. :hugs::hugs:to you all.
Well done Taurusmum, you are truly a wonderful mum :hugs::hugs::hugs:
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