He doesn't realise how this affects my feelings toward this baby.

[RomanandMum]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant (give or take) and I have the most gorgeous 2 1/2yr old boy.

Now this is a long story.. I have been with my partner for 1 1/2yrs and we've been great mates... best friends even... for almost 8 years. He is not the biological father of my son but he loves him as his own.
My son's real father has little to do with him at his choice.
I truly thought we were meant to be together forever and live happily ever after. I had a miscarriage 9months ago and it was pretty tough cos we really wanted to have a family together and settle down.... HA! Actions speak louder than words...
Now that I'm well into the pregnancy he barely has anyhting to do with me. Aparently he says special things to his mates like... "No I don't want to feel your baby kick yet. I want mine to be the first baby" (to his mates fiance) but I struggle to get anything from him!
I cry myself to sleep every night thinking I've lost him and I'm going to be a single mother of 2. He still lives at home with Mummy-he just turned 24, and I live on my own with my son struggling as a sole parent. He has no remorse or is even empathetic when I confide in him and I know the majority of men lack that gene but I thought he would care because this is his baby.
He blames our relationship problems on a close friend of mine who is 15yrs older than us. She so wonderful to me, frustrating sometimes but she's got me out of alot of tight spots. He says she influences my decisions and calls her nasty names saying shes immoral and thinks only of herself and when I try and defend us both he says I'm selfish and narrow minded and other nasty things I can't post here.
I was drawn to punching my belly in the hopes of disposing of this baby because he hurt me so much. I told my midwife and she's referred me to a social worker through the hospital and our first appointment is tomorrow. But while waiting for this appt to come up, I struggle to hold myself back from doing it again and from driving onto the wrong side of the road on the highway and from packing my things and moving interstate and the only hting that stops me is my son. I had a otugh time with his father too but not like this. not so emotionally wrecked. I'm so tired of driving 20mins to his place to be with him when I feel in my heart I'm not wanted there.
I have told him all I want is for him just to be there for me and tell me it's going to be ok. But he can't even do that because I have a friend he doesnt like. I have asked him what will makehim happy and he stays silent. can.t even answer that one simple question.
Am I wasting my time being in love with someone who doesnt appreciates me? Is it normal to feel so emotional during pregnancy? I looked into adoption but to be told at 14yrs old that I will never have children because of the intense chemotherapy I indured to now having 2.... I'm lost... I truly am. I'm so emotionally exhausted from crying every night and my son kissing my tears away. What do i do?

[KapowSchazam]

OMG you poor soul :hugs:

I'm so sorry, but I don't have any helpful advice or answers for you, but know that as a woman, you ARE emotionally strong enough to make the right decision for you, your son and unborn child. Hard as a decision it will be to make, please know within yourself that you are strong enough to get through it all.

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

[RomanandMum]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I know I have problems and I only recognise this because with my first pregnancy I was willing to do anyhting to protect this baby and do everything in my power to have a healthy baby. I knew from day one it was different and as my relationship worsened, my feelings became deeper and stronger until that one day when it just over took me.
He doesnt understand how serious it is so hopefully the social worker will be able to give him some insight.
He has a good heart. I've seen it and experienced it for myself. That's why it's so much harder I guess.
I just wonder why he is being so reserved and using my girlfriend as an excuse for his anger resentment and frustrations.
There's alot more to all of this so do take this as a summary.

Thanks again for your time. It does feel better getting this off my chest so thankyou.

[*munchkin*]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:(and many many more for you)

I don't really know what to say to you, except that it sounds like your partner is scared. REally really scared. Is there anyway that you can get both of you to counselling?

Meanwhile, hang in there. You HAVE been a single mother, you CAN do it, no matter what happens. You have already proven that. You are a strong person because as a single mum I know that you HAVE to be/become strong to do this alone.

I'm so glad you're seeing a social worker. I don't know what else to say, except I really feel for you, and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you a real hug!