Do you think Im being unfair?

[Kaileysmum]

Hi everyone,
Im not sure if we are being over protective or unfair but I really dont want my inlaws to look after my dd at all. They have just got out of their family business which means that they have a heap of time, and they keep talking about having dd for the day and they keep saying about having her overnight, they are even going and buying a car seat (booster) for their car even though I said I dont want her in a booster (they bagged me about how I dont want DD in a booster seat, she is only 13kg).

I know a lot of people would be happy that the grandparents wanted to help, but I dont trust them, and dp doesnt either. DD has only ever been baby sat for a couple of hours by my sister, or my dad and stepmum (who have a 3yr old for her to play with) and she goes to child care once a week. But has never stayed the night anywhere.

We have not told them that they cant yet, as we usually just ignore it when they mention it, but seeming Im pregnant, I just think that they are going to ask to have her while im in hospital. I feel like we are being unfair but I really dont trust them. They are the kind of people that dont pay attention to things, they drink a bit, and they ignore what we have to say as parents cause they think they know better. Plus their house isnt child proof, and their car.....well I dont like going in it myself.

Do you think we are being silly? How do you tell the grandparents that you dont want them to babysit?

[HunterzMummy]

:hugs::hugs: I woulkd NEVER let my MIL babysit but thats only because she has displayed how irresponsilble she is with her own kids..

Have they ever done anything that makes you not trust them? I can understand the hesitation esp if you feel really uneasy about it.

Hunter stays with my mum all the time and he is not even 1 yet.. He loves her to death (even more then me i think sometimes :( lol) they even hve him a whole nursery room with cot and everything.. But these ppl i trust with my life they are the best parents in the world...

My advice is trust your gut :yes: maybe trial it for 2 hrs or something and see if she enjoys it..she is old enough to tell you if she liked it or not :D

[MrsP]

Hi everyone,
Im not sure if we are being over protective or unfair but I really dont want my inlaws to look after my dd at all. They have just got out of their family business which means that they have a heap of time, and they keep talking about having dd for the day and they keep saying about having her overnight, they are even going and buying a car seat (booster) for their car even though I said I dont want her in a booster (they bagged me about how I dont want DD in a booster seat, she is only 13kg).

I know a lot of people would be happy that the grandparents wanted to help, but I dont trust them, and dp doesnt either. DD has only ever been baby sat for a couple of hours by my sister, or my dad and stepmum (who have a 3yr old for her to play with) and she goes to child care once a week. But has never stayed the night anywhere.

We have not told them that they cant yet, as we usually just ignore it when they mention it, but seeming Im pregnant, I just think that they are going to ask to have her while im in hospital. I feel like we are being unfair but I really dont trust them. They are the kind of people that dont pay attention to things, they drink a bit, and they ignore what we have to say as parents cause they think they know better. Plus their house isnt child proof, and their car.....well I dont like going in it myself.

Do you think we are being silly? How do you tell the grandparents that you dont want them to babysit?

I don't think you are being silly at all. You have your reason's, so please don't double check yourself. I understand that you don't want to hurt them, but she is your child & what you two say goes.

What sort of relationship do they have with your daughter? Do they see her often, etc? Have you thought about a 2hr stint here & there to see how it goes?? I'm just thinking that even though you feel this way now, is it possible that you may change your mind further down the track?

There is nothing worse than not having anyone around to look after the kids when you need them. We were lucky enough to find a great babysitter when we do need one, but that took me nearly 2 years.

[Kaileysmum]

Have they ever done anything that makes you not trust them?

Only the fact that they dont care what we say, my MIL gave DD a lolly pop when she was 6mths old, she gave her honey when she was 4mths old even though I told her not to do these things. DP will tell dd not to do something like eat off the floor, hitting a object on a glass door for example and FIL will just go "she'll be right, let her go shes a kid". Just stuff like that. They are big drinkers too, so I definately would never let her stay overnight.

[Kaileysmum]

What sort of relationship do they have with your daughter? Do they see her often, etc?


They have a ok relationship with her now they arent working as they see her a bit more than before. She spent the first 18mths hating them though, she would never go to them, and if they tried to hold her she would scream, she pretty much did that from 1mth old to 18mths. She is ok with them now though.

[tobmac]

only my dd1 who is 8 spends the night at grandmas and that has only been since she was 5 and old enough to say she wants to go home. Ds (3) spent 1 night there with dd1 when i was in hospital having dd2 as dh was with me and i fretted all night. But there is no way they(ds and dd2) will spend the night away from me. Unless you need to have her looked after overnight whilst you are having the baby then ask your mum as your dh should be there others times. And if you feel that uncomfortable with them asking to look after her just say oh no its right mum and dad are having her and she is going to daycare you should only be in hops 3 days or so.

Stand your ground she is your child they have had there chance to have kids and now protect your never leave your kids with anyone you are not happy with or dont trust

[jag5000]

I have let my MIL babysit my DD overnight ONCE! she was 8 at the time.... the night was such a fiasco that I vowed never EVER again! not that anything really unsafe happed, but.. well, lets just say it didn't go well... long story

I'd be happy that your DP feels the same way - my DH kind of sees my point but he still someones says 'why don't we ask mum?" when we are looking for a babysitter... I don't feel like I can tell him what I really think of his mum (although I think he knows deep down)

trust your instincts and try the ignoring it thing for as long as you can... and come up with a few 'excuses' to use for when you can't just ignore! :)

[jayisa02]

If your DP doesnt trust them (and he should know) then i wouldnt let them have her.

YOu would just worry the whole time she was there and it would be no benefit to you at all.

We dont let our DS or DD stay with my inlaws either due to a few of the factors you have mentioned. You are the parent so its your decision. :)

[Cordelia]

IMO They're the grandparents so they have some rights to spend time with her and your daughter has the right to spend time with them. However you have to know that she's going to be well looked after.

Can you just do short trips? Like, "I'm going grocery shopping. be back in a few hours.. she is not to eat anything other than the snack i've prepared at 10:30"

Maybe you can't even trust them with this...

[ziggie]

I don't think you're being unfair. There are only a few people I would trust to look after my boys overnight.



Can you just do short trips? Like, "I'm going grocery shopping. be back in a few hours.. she is not to eat anything other than the snack i've prepared at 10:30"


This may be an idea...

[MountainGirl]

I would never let my MIL babysit any of my kids,..... I dont even like having her in the house,.....

[Crazyfamily]

just trust your instincts. You have them for a good reason. I won't leave my children with my mil and they don't want to go to my mum either. I didn't have a problem with my mum doing it but if the kids do then its not going to happen.

[Coffee]

I feel for you, I have the same issue with my inlaws but since they are the only ones who are willing to look after the kids, I don't have much options. :no:



Can you just do short trips? Like, "I'm going grocery shopping. be back in a few hours.. she is not to eat anything other than the snack i've prepared at 10:30"

That sounds like such a good idea and so easy to follow. But my inlaws won't do as I tell them either.
When DS2 was younger, he was bottlefed, and I've told her, he doesn't need a bottle but left powder there, just in case. Well, when I came back after 1 hour or so, he had the whole bottle :eek:

When he started solids, I told them, what not to give, even brought my own food with me for him, they just ignored it and gave him somethig complete different. Or he's only having water or on occassion watered down juice. They would allow him to drink pure OJ, which caused him stomach trouble, cordial and all other cr@p.

Sorry to hijack your thread :o

Just go with your instinct, if you don't want them to look after your DD then don't let them. Just tell them, you found someone else or you're ok, you don't need her to be babysat.

It's not easy but you have to do, what you're comfortable with.

[Bibs]

If you don't trust them don't leave your child with them. I don't think you're being unfair at all. If your DP also doesn't trust them, then that makes your decision much easier too.

I will never leave my DD with my MIL and have made that clear to DH and he has agreed. His mother is a bit unstable and I wouldn't feel safe leaving DD with her.

[Kaileysmum]

Thanks for the replies. Oh my god its nice to see there are other people who have the same problem. I feel heaps better about it now, I think I was just starting to feel guilty for not trusting them, but I have to go with my gut feeling. Oh and I am very happy that my dp agrees makes life easier.