2Pink4Me
12-03-2008, 15:04
Hi.
I wrote in twogirls thread yesterday about post partum hemorrhage (PPH) and since then i cant really stop thinking about my experience. I got quite shaken about it all over agian and thought that maybe if i can write it down it might help. (I know i will get over it but sometimes things just bring up bad feelings all over again). So here goes...
My DD was born 9 days late after 2 goes of a stretch and sweep which accomplished nothing but really strong contractions every 10 - 15 minutes for 5 days. I couldnt sleep and was so tired by the time my waters broke i was dozing in between contractions and almost completely out of it. I had about 11 hours of full on labour. The midwife told me how important it was to not push during some point (all a bit of a blur) but i couldnt help it and with one huge contraction i pushed and felt a huge big rip and she was born at 4:45 am.
They thought i might have a 3rd degree tear but while stitching me up said it was only a 2d degree but it was really wide (and only a couple of mm off being 3rd degree) so i had so many stitches!
Anyway at about 6:30 am my DF (who is super smart but seriously lacks in the emotional department) went to check the soccer world cup Australia game score and he took DD and left me alone in the room. He also forgot to give me the buzzer and i was still in stirrups after being stitched. Suddenly with one HUGE contraction i pushed aout a massive blood clot (like dinner plate size). I had never seen anything like it before was so terrified. I yelled but no one could hear and all i could do was hope DF would come back while i lay there crying not knowing what was going on.
Over the course of 2 hours i was reassured that it was just a clot, all was ok and DF left and my mum came in and all was sweet. Until all of a sudden it happened again and again and again. I had so many drs and nurses in giving me drugs, talking, pushing on my tummy etc. The whole time i couldnt hold my baby and i watched my mum just look more scared and try to hold back her tears. Then i started to feel really faint and sleepy and my bp and heart rate and whatever other machine i was hooked to started going weird. I got rushed to surgery. Like i said in my other post, i kissed mum and DD bye and thought i really was never going to see them again. I turned around and saw my strong mum break down as they wheeled me out. I remember hearing the drs say "we have to hurry" "we have to get her in" and stuff like that. It was awful. It was 9:15am when i went in to theatre and ill never forget looking at the clock at having "time of death..." go round my head. (It sounds all a bit dramatic but its all true) like i said I had no idea what was going on.
So anyway, i lost around 2 litres of blood probably due to a high tear but they arent sure. My stiches needed to be cut out and then re-stiched. I got a super bad infection after i came home from the hospital (shaking and dizzy and feeling really faint) and had to go back in with a ten day old baby for another 4 days of IV antis.
My sticthes didnt come out so 6 weeks and 9 visits to the hospital later i took them out myself in the bath and as a result have some spots that are so sensitive sometimes it still hurts to sit down. My pubic bone didnt quite fuse back properly so now i get sharp pains, but only sometimes.
And while im on the subject of bad luck (this isnt to do with my birth experience but i may as well get it out) i have endometriosis which has come back but i had my 2nd laparoscopy last month so it should be ok. AND at my 6 week post birth check i had CINIII which required a LLETZ when DD was 5 months old which went away but came back last year (only CINII this time tho) so that is still going.
So thats my story. I saw a psychologist for a while because i had PND which i am sure was because of all the above but i am great now. Sorry it might sound like a poor-me story but its not. Sometimes things remind me of it all and its a bit tough and the thought of having my next baby is terrifying BUT what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.
If youre still around after reading this EPIC then thanks. (Already i feel better now that its all down and gone).
I wrote in twogirls thread yesterday about post partum hemorrhage (PPH) and since then i cant really stop thinking about my experience. I got quite shaken about it all over agian and thought that maybe if i can write it down it might help. (I know i will get over it but sometimes things just bring up bad feelings all over again). So here goes...
My DD was born 9 days late after 2 goes of a stretch and sweep which accomplished nothing but really strong contractions every 10 - 15 minutes for 5 days. I couldnt sleep and was so tired by the time my waters broke i was dozing in between contractions and almost completely out of it. I had about 11 hours of full on labour. The midwife told me how important it was to not push during some point (all a bit of a blur) but i couldnt help it and with one huge contraction i pushed and felt a huge big rip and she was born at 4:45 am.
They thought i might have a 3rd degree tear but while stitching me up said it was only a 2d degree but it was really wide (and only a couple of mm off being 3rd degree) so i had so many stitches!
Anyway at about 6:30 am my DF (who is super smart but seriously lacks in the emotional department) went to check the soccer world cup Australia game score and he took DD and left me alone in the room. He also forgot to give me the buzzer and i was still in stirrups after being stitched. Suddenly with one HUGE contraction i pushed aout a massive blood clot (like dinner plate size). I had never seen anything like it before was so terrified. I yelled but no one could hear and all i could do was hope DF would come back while i lay there crying not knowing what was going on.
Over the course of 2 hours i was reassured that it was just a clot, all was ok and DF left and my mum came in and all was sweet. Until all of a sudden it happened again and again and again. I had so many drs and nurses in giving me drugs, talking, pushing on my tummy etc. The whole time i couldnt hold my baby and i watched my mum just look more scared and try to hold back her tears. Then i started to feel really faint and sleepy and my bp and heart rate and whatever other machine i was hooked to started going weird. I got rushed to surgery. Like i said in my other post, i kissed mum and DD bye and thought i really was never going to see them again. I turned around and saw my strong mum break down as they wheeled me out. I remember hearing the drs say "we have to hurry" "we have to get her in" and stuff like that. It was awful. It was 9:15am when i went in to theatre and ill never forget looking at the clock at having "time of death..." go round my head. (It sounds all a bit dramatic but its all true) like i said I had no idea what was going on.
So anyway, i lost around 2 litres of blood probably due to a high tear but they arent sure. My stiches needed to be cut out and then re-stiched. I got a super bad infection after i came home from the hospital (shaking and dizzy and feeling really faint) and had to go back in with a ten day old baby for another 4 days of IV antis.
My sticthes didnt come out so 6 weeks and 9 visits to the hospital later i took them out myself in the bath and as a result have some spots that are so sensitive sometimes it still hurts to sit down. My pubic bone didnt quite fuse back properly so now i get sharp pains, but only sometimes.
And while im on the subject of bad luck (this isnt to do with my birth experience but i may as well get it out) i have endometriosis which has come back but i had my 2nd laparoscopy last month so it should be ok. AND at my 6 week post birth check i had CINIII which required a LLETZ when DD was 5 months old which went away but came back last year (only CINII this time tho) so that is still going.
So thats my story. I saw a psychologist for a while because i had PND which i am sure was because of all the above but i am great now. Sorry it might sound like a poor-me story but its not. Sometimes things remind me of it all and its a bit tough and the thought of having my next baby is terrifying BUT what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.
If youre still around after reading this EPIC then thanks. (Already i feel better now that its all down and gone).